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| Politically Incorrect Eating Disorder Joke; Sure to offend. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 9 2008, 08:13 PM (375 Views) | |
| George K | Jan 9 2008, 08:13 PM Post #1 |
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Finally
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(you've been warned - and you looked anyway, didn't you?) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulemic bachelor party? A: The cake jumps out of the girl. |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| David Burton | Jan 9 2008, 10:12 PM Post #2 |
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Senior Carp
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OH NO!!! |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:30 PM Post #3 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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JOKE THREAD!!!!!!!!! ![]() What's the difference in a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? The northern fairy tale starts out with: "Once upon a time....." The southern fairy tale starts out with: "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh!t....." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:31 PM Post #4 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? Six. Why? ........It just DOES, okay??...... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:33 PM Post #5 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought probably she meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify her request. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I am going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "You want it pasteurized? The blonde replied, "No, just up to my nipples." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:34 PM Post #6 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Why do men always get their best ideas during sex ???? Because they're plugged into a f***ing genius. |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| David Burton | Jan 9 2008, 10:41 PM Post #7 |
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Senior Carp
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LOL! Thanks Larry. |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:44 PM Post #8 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in a closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she hides her lover in the closet, with the little boy. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$175.00" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are placed into the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball mitt." The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$375.00" Man - "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball around." The boy says, "I can't, I sold them." His father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy - "$550.00" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge someone like that, that's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that **** again." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:47 PM Post #9 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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These two fleas, Hal and Sam, were sitting on the beach in Miami, soaking up the sun. Hal was enjoying himself tremendously, while Sam was suffering terribly from a cold. Hal asked Sam why he was so sick. "Well," said Sam, "I got to Miami by climbing into some fellow's mustache, and he rode down on a motorcycle." "Next year," Hal advised, " you should use my method. You go to a bridge club meeting and wait until one of the ladies mentions a trip to Miami, then you climb up her leg until you find a warm moist spot, and you travel there." The next year Hal happened to run into Sam on the beach, and Sam was sick again. "Well I tried your method," he explained," I went to a bridge club meeting, found a lady going to Miami, climbed up her leg until I found a warm moist spot. On the way to Miami she stopped in Washington D.C., I fell asleep, and when I woke up I was in some fellow's mustache, riding to Miami on a motorcycle." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:50 PM Post #10 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "We ll, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Sandra, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Reva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Jan 9 2008, 10:52 PM Post #11 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also as she demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked,"I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| George K | Jan 10 2008, 04:12 AM Post #12 |
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Finally
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to get on the ladder, and two to say "I don't think you're capable of going much higher." |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Frank_W | Jan 10 2008, 06:17 AM Post #13 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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I love this one...
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| David Burton | Jan 10 2008, 07:38 PM Post #14 |
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Senior Carp
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LOL, where do you get these jokes, Larry? |
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| PhJ | Jan 11 2008, 03:38 PM Post #15 |
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Senior Carp
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Wife: Honey, if I die would you get remarried? Husband: (In a groggy state just falling asleep next to her) no , I don't think so sweety. W: It's allright if you do, I'd understand. H: Allright then, whatever you say honey W: Would you use the same bed we slept in though, not that it would matter or anything H: I don't know, sure I guess, it really doesn't matter W: Would you let her wear my clothes, I mean if I'm dead I really wouldn't need them she can if she wants H: (tired of the conversation and drifting off to sleep) Sure if she wanted them and you wouldn't mind but thats a little wierd W: Would you let her use my golf clubs? H: Absolutly not, she's left handed |
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| Frank_W | Jan 11 2008, 05:40 PM Post #16 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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For twenty-five years, a married couple had made love in the dark. Finally fed up with it, the woman turns on the light to find her husband using a toy on her. She screams, "I knew it, you flaccid, impotent worm!!! Just you wait!! I'm telling EVERYONE!!!" He shrugged and said, "Fine. You do that, but while you're at it, make sure you explain our three children." |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| pianojerome | Jan 11 2008, 05:58 PM Post #17 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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A famous scientist is giving a lecture on a relatively new medical technology, called the "Bernstein Formula." At the end of the lecture, a man from the back of the room raises his hand and says: "You know, that was a wonderful lecture, but you're mispronouncing the guy's name. It's the Bern-STINE forumla, not the Bern-STEEN formula." "Really?" retorts the lecturer. "Sir, I am one of our nation's leading scientists -- nay, one of the top scientists in the world. I have authored 7 books, including one on this very subject. I've been invited to lecture in all of the major universities world-wide, have appeared on television interviews and educational programs... I am revered by the global medical community!" "That's very nice," replies the old man in the back of the room. "I'm Dr. Bernstein." |
| Sam | |
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I love this one...
4:33 PM Jul 10