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Help Desk In Israel
Topic Started: May 17 2007, 01:11 PM (143 Views)
George K
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Finally
ISRAELI GOVERNMENT

Hello. You have reached the offices of the Israeli government.
If you are calling for the Likud Party, press 1-9-7-7.

If you are calling for the Labor Party, press 1-9-9-3.

If you are calling for one of the religious parties,
remember they do not answer on the Sabbath.

If you are in favor of territorial compromise, press 1-9-6-7.

If you are in favor of retaining all of the territories,
press 1000 B-C-E.

If you wish to speak to a civil servant, don't get your hopes up.


BOARD OF RABBIS

"Hello ... You have reached the office of the Board of Rabbis.
If you are Orthodox, press 1.

If you are conservative, press 1 or 2.

If you are Reform, press any button you like.

If you are Reconstructionist, press all the buttons.

Please hold while I transfer your call.


(1) Hello. You have reached the Orthodox rabbi.
The answer to your question is that it is forbidden
by the Torah.

(2) Hello. You have reached the Conservative rabbi.
The answer to your question is that we have ruled that
either answer is acceptable to some of us and neither
answer is acceptable to all of us. We hope this has
been helpful.

(3) Hello. You have reached the Reform rabbi.
The answer to your question is: if you want to, sure,
why not? Who are we to say?

(4) Hello. You have reached the Reconstructionist rabbi.
The answer to your question presumes there is an answer
to your question. However, my role is to empower you to
answer your own question. To answer your own question,
please hang up now.


A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
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Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Klotz
Middle Aged Carp
George K
May 17 2007, 11:11 PM
If you are calling for one of the religious parties,
remember they do not answer on the Sabbath.

The Dilemma:
The internet gives perpetual, year-round access to web sites 24 hours a day, 365 days a year including Sabbaths and Jewish holidays. Man is not commanded to lay down his tools on the Sabbath, so clearly, internet site owners are not obliged by Halacha (Jewish religious law) to shut them down on the Sabbath. Once switched on computers run independently of human contact. This means internet site owners face the dilemma of actually assisting Jewish surfers and PianoJeromeshalle to violate the Sabbath whenever they visit their site on the Sabbath or on a Jewish holiday


Prohibitions:
A surfer who visits a website on the Sabbath causes its owner to breach the following prohibitions:

1. "Placing obstacles in front of a blind person" and thus assisting surfers to transgress and violate the Sabbath.

2. Enjoying work on the Sabbath so that website owners benefit from surfers visiting their site which they created for this purpose.

3. Trading on the Sabbath, to the point of making a purchase or giving a donation on the site.

4. Proscribing all secular content on the Sabbath including publicity materials on a religious site.

Our solution: Shomer Shabes
Our programmed internet system, www.ShomerShabes.com shuts down sites for the Sabbath and on Jewish holidays according to the surfer's location in any part of the world. It offers a full Halachic solution to Sabbath violation on the internet without changing the site's Google rating because Google does not know how to distinguish sites that have been closed for the Sabbath, a facility which until now has not existed

---------

...ehhh, it's a living
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bachophile
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
Our solution: Shomer Shabes


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SHOMER SHABES! SHOMER F*CKING SHABES!
"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
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