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| Can you fart silently? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 11 2007, 09:35 AM (565 Views) | |
| kenny | May 11 2007, 09:35 AM Post #1 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Can you fart silently? |
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| John D'Oh | May 11 2007, 09:39 AM Post #2 |
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MAMIL
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Presumably 'other' refers to silent, but with a risk of follow-through occurring. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| CrashTest | May 11 2007, 09:39 AM Post #3 |
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Pisa-Carp
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Yeah. But those can be dangerous. |
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| kenny | May 11 2007, 09:39 AM Post #4 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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follow-through? You mean sharting? |
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| Frank_W | May 11 2007, 09:43 AM Post #5 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Sometimes.... Sometimes, it's a turd signaling for clearance. Other times, it's just "off-gassing." You should never try to hold in a fart though, because it'll travel up your spinal column and lodge in your brain, and that's where sh!tty ideas come from! As a wee lad in church, I had to do some serious off-gassing during the silent prayer. I was able to silently let 'er rip, and OMG... It was horrid!! In front of me were an elderly couple. The woman sat up, looked pissed, and jammed her elbow into her husband's ribs. He jerked his head up and looked mystified. (and then offended at the odor creeping up on him!) When my wife was in the hospital, just starting labor, I had to run down to the car and get something... (I don't remember what....) All through the pregnancy, people had been kidding me about "sympathetic labor," and I blew them off... As I boarded the elevator to go back to the OB ward, I was suddenly doubled over with the worst abdominal pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. I was biting my lower lip and groaning aloud... As the elevator crested the second floor, I "gave birth to Casper," and whoa, was he ever GROUCHY!! It was the mother of all farts... I exited the elevator mopping beads of sweat from my upper lip and forehead. Sympathetic labor, indeed!
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Nobody's Sock | May 11 2007, 09:53 AM Post #6 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Just cuz you have the edge on us doesn't mean you have to brag about it!
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| "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." | |
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| kenny | May 11 2007, 09:54 AM Post #7 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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:lol: |
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| LadyElton | May 11 2007, 09:59 AM Post #8 |
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Fulla-Carp
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About 10 or so years ago, my best friend and I were walking through the mall. We were in a collectables store, looking at the Beanie Babies. We were in the back of the store where there are glass display cases and shelves. They had things like Hummels. Anyway, we were the only ones in the store besides the clerk at the checkout counter. My friend lets out this loud fart that practically rattled the display cases. We started cracking up. I then, jokingly, tried to fart and one slipped out. It was not as loud as my friend's, but loud enough to be heard. We left the store pretty quickly while the clerk gave us dirty looks.
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| Hilary aka LadyElton | |
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| kenny | May 11 2007, 10:00 AM Post #9 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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A women I work with once told me that women don't fart, they make fluffies. |
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| LadyElton | May 11 2007, 10:02 AM Post #10 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Well, I am a dyke afterall.
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| Hilary aka LadyElton | |
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| Frank_W | May 11 2007, 10:18 AM Post #11 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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LMAO!!!
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| bachophile | May 11 2007, 10:31 AM Post #12 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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you mean...can u...![]() instead of... ![]() and avoid at all costs... ![]()
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| "I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen | |
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| kenny | May 11 2007, 10:39 AM Post #13 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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sfartzando? |
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| apple | May 11 2007, 01:26 PM Post #14 |
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one of the angels
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just between you and me Kenny, i fart once a day.. the first thing when i wake up. every morning i try to make the pitch higher kind of fun (if you ever fart in public, quickly turn toward the nearest person with a look of horror and shock on your face - it's so funny) |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| kenny | May 11 2007, 01:27 PM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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It's our secret. Are you up to high C yet? |
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| Mikhailoh | May 11 2007, 01:29 PM Post #16 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Kenny does sphincter kegels. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| George K | May 11 2007, 01:38 PM Post #17 |
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Finally
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There was a young fellow from Sparta, A really magnificent farter, On the strength of one bean He'd fart God Save the Queen, And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. He could vary, with proper persuasion, His fart to suit any occasion. He could fart like a flute, Like a lark, like a lute, This highly fartistic Caucasian. This sparkling young farter from Sparta, His fart for no money would barter. He could roar from his rear Any scene from Shakespeare, Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado. He'd fart a gavotte for a starter, And fizzle a fine serenata. He could play on his anus The Coriolanus: Oof, boom, er-tum, tootle, yum tah-dah! He was great in the Christmas Cantata, He could double-stop fart the Toccata, He'd boom from his ass Bach's B-minor Mass, And in counterpoint, La Traviata. Spurred on by a very high wager With an envious German named Bager, He proceeded to fart The complete oboe part Of a Haydn Octet in B-major. His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz, He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas. With a good dose of salts He could whistle a waltz Or swing it in razzamatazz. Hi basso, with timbre so rare He rendered with power to spare. But his great work of art, His fortissimo fart, He saved for the Marche Militaire. One day he was dared to perform, The William Tell Overture Storm, But naught could dishearten Our spirited Spartan, For his fart was in wonderful form. It went off in capital style, And he farted it through with a smile, Then, feeling quite jolly, He tried the finale, Blowing double-stopped farts all the while. The selection was tough, I admit. But it did not dismay him one bit, Then, with ass thrown aloft He suddenly coughed... And collapsed in a shower of ****. His bunghole was blown back to Sparta, Where they buried the rest of our farter, With a gravestone of turds Inscribed with the words: "To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr." |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Sparky | May 11 2007, 06:05 PM Post #18 |
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Junior Carp
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Everyone in the gay bar was sitting around drinking beer and eating peanuts. Every once in awhile you could hear "whhhooooooooooohhhhhhh". Then, amongst the "whhoooooooooohhhhh's" was heard "PrrrrrrrrRRRRRRP!". Someone in the back of the bar said "Oh listen - a virgin!" |
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It's easy, with Tweezie!! Ok, I confess - I'm gray. | |
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| Dewey | May 11 2007, 06:08 PM Post #19 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Can I fart silently? Sure, but what fun is there in that?
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| kenny | May 11 2007, 06:09 PM Post #20 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Dewey, you obviously have never walked through a cubicleland. |
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| kenny | May 11 2007, 06:10 PM Post #21 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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![]() I heard that one but it was set in a prison and ended: . . . "Oh, Listen! A new inmate!" |
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| Dewey | May 11 2007, 06:10 PM Post #22 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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You know architects, we always want recognition for our masterpieces. |
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| Phlebas | May 11 2007, 07:28 PM Post #23 |
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Bull-Carp
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Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D | |
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| Axtremus | May 11 2007, 11:23 PM Post #24 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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George, You got mp3 of those masterpieces cited? Like, Example. ![]() (WARNING: NOT WORK SAFE.) |
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| George K | May 12 2007, 03:35 AM Post #25 |
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Finally
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I love Canadian Musicals!
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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6:40 AM Jul 11