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Can you fart silently?
Yes, reliably, and I do enjoy this talent 10 (66.7%)
No, I can't risk trying in public 4 (26.7%)
Other 1 (6.7%)
Total Votes: 15
Can you fart silently?
Topic Started: May 11 2007, 09:35 AM (565 Views)
kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Can you fart silently?
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John D'Oh
Member Avatar
MAMIL
Presumably 'other' refers to silent, but with a risk of follow-through occurring.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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CrashTest
Pisa-Carp
Yeah. But those can be dangerous.
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
follow-through?

You mean sharting?
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Frank_W
Member Avatar
Resident Misanthrope
Sometimes....

Sometimes, it's a turd signaling for clearance. Other times, it's just "off-gassing."

You should never try to hold in a fart though, because it'll travel up your spinal column and lodge in your brain, and that's where sh!tty ideas come from!


As a wee lad in church, I had to do some serious off-gassing during the silent prayer. I was able to silently let 'er rip, and OMG... It was horrid!! In front of me were an elderly couple. The woman sat up, looked pissed, and jammed her elbow into her husband's ribs. He jerked his head up and looked mystified. (and then offended at the odor creeping up on him!)

When my wife was in the hospital, just starting labor, I had to run down to the car and get something... (I don't remember what....) All through the pregnancy, people had been kidding me about "sympathetic labor," and I blew them off... As I boarded the elevator to go back to the OB ward, I was suddenly doubled over with the worst abdominal pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. I was biting my lower lip and groaning aloud... As the elevator crested the second floor, I "gave birth to Casper," and whoa, was he ever GROUCHY!! It was the mother of all farts... I exited the elevator mopping beads of sweat from my upper lip and forehead. Sympathetic labor, indeed! :devilgrin:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Nobody's Sock
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Fulla-Carp
kenny
May 11 2007, 09:35 AM
Can you fart silently?

Just cuz you have the edge on us doesn't mean you have to brag about it!


:hair:
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
:lol:
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LadyElton
Fulla-Carp
About 10 or so years ago, my best friend and I were walking through the mall. We were in a collectables store, looking at the Beanie Babies. We were in the back of the store where there are glass display cases and shelves. They had things like Hummels. Anyway, we were the only ones in the store besides the clerk at the checkout counter. My friend lets out this loud fart that practically rattled the display cases. We started cracking up. I then, jokingly, tried to fart and one slipped out. It was not as loud as my friend's, but loud enough to be heard. We left the store pretty quickly while the clerk gave us dirty looks. :blink: :leaving:
Hilary aka LadyElton
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
A women I work with once told me that women don't fart, they make fluffies.
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LadyElton
Fulla-Carp
kenny
May 11 2007, 01:00 PM
A women I work with once told me that women don't fart, they make fluffies.

Well, I am a dyke afterall. :whome:
Hilary aka LadyElton
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
LadyElton
May 11 2007, 09:59 AM
About 10 or so years ago, my best friend and I were walking through the mall. We were in a collectables store, looking at the Beanie Babies. We were in the back of the store where there are glass display cases and shelves. They had things like Hummels. Anyway, we were the only ones in the store besides the clerk at the checkout counter. My friend lets out this loud fart that practically rattled the display cases. We started cracking up. I then, jokingly, tried to fart and one slipped out. It was not as loud as my friend's, but loud enough to be heard. We left the store pretty quickly while the clerk gave us dirty looks. :blink: :leaving:

LMAO!!! :lol2: :thumb: :clap:
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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bachophile
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
you mean...can u...

Posted Image

instead of...

Posted Image

and avoid at all costs...

Posted ImagePosted Image
"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
bachophile
May 11 2007, 10:31 AM
you mean...can u...

Posted Image

instead of...

Posted Image

and avoid at all costs...

Posted ImagePosted Image

sfartzando?
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apple
one of the angels
just between you and me Kenny, i fart once a day.. the first thing when i wake up.

every morning i try to make the pitch higher

kind of fun

(if you ever fart in public, quickly turn toward the nearest person with a look of horror and shock on your face - it's so funny)
it behooves me to behold
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
It's our secret.

Are you up to high C yet?
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Nobody's Sock
May 11 2007, 01:53 PM
kenny
May 11 2007, 09:35 AM
Can you fart silently?

Just cuz you have the edge on us doesn't mean you have to brag about it!


:hair:

Kenny does sphincter kegels.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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George K
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Finally
kenny
May 11 2007, 04:27 PM
It's our secret.

Are you up to high C yet?

There was a young fellow from Sparta,
A really magnificent farter,
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart God Save the Queen,
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom, er-tum, tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

Hi basso, with timbre so rare
He rendered with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform,
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit.
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of ****.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Sparky
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Junior Carp
Everyone in the gay bar was sitting around drinking beer and eating peanuts. Every once in awhile you could hear "whhhooooooooooohhhhhhh". Then, amongst the "whhoooooooooohhhhh's" was heard "PrrrrrrrrRRRRRRP!". Someone in the back of the bar said "Oh listen - a virgin!"
It's easy, with Tweezie!!

Ok, I confess - I'm gray.
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Dewey
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Can I fart silently? Sure, but what fun is there in that? ^_^
"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685.

"Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous

"Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011

I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Dewey
May 11 2007, 06:08 PM
Can I fart silently? Sure, but what fun is there in that?  ^_^

Dewey, you obviously have never walked through a cubicleland.
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Sparky
May 11 2007, 06:05 PM
Everyone in the gay bar was sitting around drinking beer and eating peanuts. Every once in awhile you could hear "whhhooooooooooohhhhhhh". Then, amongst the "whhoooooooooohhhhh's" was heard "PrrrrrrrrRRRRRRP!". Someone in the back of the bar said "Oh listen - a virgin!"

:lol2:

I heard that one but it was set in a prison and ended: . . . "Oh, Listen! A new inmate!"
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Dewey
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
You know architects, we always want recognition for our masterpieces.
"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685.

"Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous

"Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011

I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14
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Phlebas
Member Avatar
Bull-Carp
Posted Image
Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML

The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D


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Axtremus
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
George K
May 11 2007, 05:38 PM
kenny
May 11 2007, 04:27 PM
It's our secret.

Are you up to high C yet?

There was a young fellow from Sparta,
A really magnificent farter,
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart God Save the Queen,
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom, er-tum, tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His repertoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

Hi basso, with timbre so rare
He rendered with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform,
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit.
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of ****.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."

George,

You got mp3 of those masterpieces cited?

Like, Example. :D

(WARNING: NOT WORK SAFE.)
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George K
Member Avatar
Finally
Axtremus
May 12 2007, 02:23 AM
George,

You got mp3 of those masterpieces cited?

I love Canadian Musicals! :popcorn:
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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