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| Curtain rods; (hilarious) | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 9 2007, 02:43 PM (300 Views) | |
| jon-nyc | May 9 2007, 02:43 PM Post #1 |
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Cheers
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She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......... And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!! |
| In my defense, I was left unsupervised. | |
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| Frank_W | May 9 2007, 02:45 PM Post #2 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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*snort... snicker.... pppprrpppt...* I like it! I like it!
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| George K | May 9 2007, 02:52 PM Post #3 |
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Finally
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Revenge is a dish that is best served cold. --Khan |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Mikhailoh | May 9 2007, 03:03 PM Post #4 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| George K | May 9 2007, 03:10 PM Post #5 |
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Finally
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Amateur.... |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| ivorythumper | May 9 2007, 05:10 PM Post #6 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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:lol: Great story! |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| JBryan | May 9 2007, 05:13 PM Post #7 |
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I am the grey one
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I guess they showed her. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| LadyElton | May 10 2007, 05:22 AM Post #8 |
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Fulla-Carp
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| Hilary aka LadyElton | |
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| Phlebas | May 10 2007, 06:24 AM Post #9 |
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Bull-Carp
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I've heard of disgruntled tennants unscrewing the electric outlet plates, and dropping peeled hardboiled eggs behind the walls for a 6 month time bomb. I guess shrimp in the curtain rods works pretty good too. |
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Random FML: Today, I was fired by my boss in front of my coworkers. It would have been nice if I could have left the building before they started celebrating. FML The founding of the bulk of the world's nation states post 1914 is based on self-defined nationalisms. The bulk of those national movements involve territory that was ethnically mixed. The foundation of many of those nation states involved population movements in the aftermath. When the only one that is repeatedly held up as unjust and unjustifiable is the Zionist project, the term anti-semitism may very well be appropriate. - P*D | |
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| Frank_W | May 10 2007, 06:54 AM Post #10 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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I had a neighbor, when I lived in Army housing, who would roll up at 2 a.m. every night, stereo THUMPIN, haul his drunk ass in the house, and then proceed to have screaming matches with his ghetto gutter-rat of a wife for the next hour. Several of us tried asking him to be more considerate, to no avail. In early spring, every cat in the housing area went into heat. The competition amongst the males was especially fierce. Asshat comes home, per usual, bass thumping, stumbles in, screams at his old lady, and then everything settles down. At that moment, I crept downstairs to the kitchen and opened a can of tuna. I crept out to his car and opened the driver's door, and placed the can of tuna on the passenger seat. I waited for two scraggly looking toms to leap in and investigate, and then I slammed the door shut. The noise was truly something!! He had to get rid of that car, and after that, he was a vastly more considerate neighbor! ![]() I'm a sucker for a happy ending.....
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| LadyElton | May 10 2007, 07:19 AM Post #11 |
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Fulla-Carp
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LOL!!!!
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| Hilary aka LadyElton | |
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| katie | May 10 2007, 07:36 AM Post #12 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Hilarious ... there needs to be a thread on the subtle things some of us do to our neighbors, coworkers, teachers, employers, etc. i'm betting plenty more would fess up.
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| Frank_W | May 10 2007, 07:51 AM Post #13 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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I have more... *snicker*
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| katie | May 10 2007, 08:38 AM Post #14 |
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Fulla-Carp
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I'll admit depositing our cats' presents on a neighbor's driveway .. on a real hot summer day .. using an empty plastic bag of lawn fertilizer for that ... setting my gift down next to their same-brand bag of lawn fertilizer .. and then removing their bag of lawn fertilizer to my own driveway. I'm normally quite a nice neighbor, ...but sometimes these things need to be done. |
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| Frank_W | May 10 2007, 08:40 AM Post #15 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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LOL! Yeah.... I'm the nicest guy in the world, until someone tries to screw me over, or interferes with my quality of life. Then it's GAME ON!!!! |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| dolmansaxlil | May 10 2007, 02:13 PM Post #16 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Ok, not so subtle, but... A friend of mine went on a date with the star hockey player of our university team. He was, lets say, rather upset that she wasn't willing to entertain certain requests, and was quite forceful in trying to get what he wanted. Being the good little techies we were, we had figured out how to pick the dorm room locks. He went away for a weekend, and we took every piece of clothing he owned, from underwear to hocky uniform, and dyed it all pink. As the students of other programs at Ryerson used to say: Don't piss off the techies. They all carry knives. But us costumers sometimes had better weapons.
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"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson My Flickr Photostream | |
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| Frank_W | May 11 2007, 03:36 AM Post #17 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Hahahaha.... He got what he deserved. Good!!
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| QuirtEvans | May 11 2007, 03:41 AM Post #18 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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You think Frank's story was subtle? Remind me not to piss YOU off ..... |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| Frank_W | May 11 2007, 03:53 AM Post #19 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| katie | May 11 2007, 07:19 AM Post #20 |
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Fulla-Carp
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I'd like to know if Ivory, Quirt, or 89th have done any of these things? |
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| QuirtEvans | May 12 2007, 04:14 AM Post #21 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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Nope. I fantasize about things like that sometimes ... but, in those sorts of circumstances, I tend to confront someone directly, or not at all. |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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I like it! I like it!



Good!!

6:41 AM Jul 11