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Funny - worth a read; some "fine Prose" for you...
Topic Started: Jan 8 2007, 06:09 AM (179 Views)
Jamie
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Junior Carp
Received these on e-mail this morning. You budding writers out there would appreciate these.

Happy New Year, all...

Jamie

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of Ecoli and he was room-temperature Canadian Ham.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Rudy - September 1, 1998 - April 8, 2009... One awesome dog
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LadyElton
Fulla-Carp
:lol2:
Hilary aka LadyElton
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Quote:
 
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.


I love it.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
:spit: I love these.... LOL!
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
:lol: :lol:

Hi Jamie, glad to see you're still around. How's it going out there on the east coast? :wave:
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Jamie
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Junior Carp
sue
Jan 8 2007, 08:07 AM
Quote:
 
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
:lol: :lol:

Hi Jamie, glad to see you're still around. How's it going out there on the east coast? :wave:

Sue,

Been very busy with work and family. Haven't had much free time to spend in the forums of late. Things are OK, though - slugging through it. You?
Rudy - September 1, 1998 - April 8, 2009... One awesome dog
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Jamie
Jan 8 2007, 09:53 AM
sue
Jan 8 2007, 08:07 AM
Quote:
 
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
:lol: :lol:

Hi Jamie, glad to see you're still around. How's it going out there on the east coast? :wave:

Sue,

Been very busy with work and family. Haven't had much free time to spend in the forums of late. Things are OK, though - slugging through it. You?

Pretty much the same. We've been having a strange winter here; powerful windstorms, lots of trees down....I've lost count of how many power outages we've had in the last couple of months. Power was out most of this weekend. The candle lit dinners are losing their appeal. <_<
Probably nothing like east coast winds, though.
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Jamie
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Junior Carp
Strange winter here as well, it's the 2nd week of January, and there's no snow. Above zero temps. Wind and hurricane force winds yesterday - I wnt out to take down my Christmas lights, but soon hightailed it back inside!

We're quickly approaching the heart of snowstorm season - so if winter doesn't happen soon, alot of snowmobilers and skiers are going to be very disappointed.
Rudy - September 1, 1998 - April 8, 2009... One awesome dog
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***musical princess***
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.



:spit: :lol2: Those are brilliant!!!! :lol2:

x
x Caroline x
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Frank_W
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Resident Misanthrope
Quote:
 
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.


THIS one deserves an award. How amazingly descriptive!! LOL!
Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin."
Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!"
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Yeah, I've read this list before but lost it, thanks for posting it again!

#2 is by far my favorite. :lol:
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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