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| Some jokes | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 23 2006, 05:01 PM (334 Views) | |
| Larry | Dec 23 2006, 05:01 PM Post #1 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "I've got bad news, and good news. You've got to have a heart transplant - but we've got 3 fresh donor hearts that will work." The old man says "Tell me about them." The doctor says "One is from a mountain climber, about 25 years old, in perfect health. He fell off a cliff and died. The second one is from another young man of about 28, a health nut who died in a car wreck. The third one is from an 80 year old lawyer." The old man said "Give me the one from the lawyer. I want one that hasn't been used......" |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| George K | Dec 23 2006, 05:05 PM Post #2 |
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Finally
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Guy goes to the doctor and the doctor says, "I've got bad news and worse news." "Lord, what's the bad news!" says the patient. "You have less than 24 hours to live." "Oh goodness! What's the worse news???" Doctor says, "I tried to call you yesterday." |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Larry | Dec 23 2006, 05:05 PM Post #3 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A guy in a bar walks over to a good looking woman and says "I couldn't help notice you from across the room. Is your name as beautiful as you are?" The woman says "My name is Carmen." The guy says "What an exotic name! Is that your given name, or did you change it?" The woman says "I chose to call myself Carmen because it embodies the two things in life I love the most - cars, and men... and what is your name?" The guy hesitates for a moment, and replies... "Beertits......" |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| George K | Dec 23 2006, 05:13 PM Post #4 |
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Finally
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Guy walks into a doctor's office, doctor says, "I've got some bad news and some good news." "Oh goodness, what's the bad news?" says the patient. "You have an extremenly aggressive type of cancer. It's eating into your lung, and you'll probably be dead within the month." "Lord, is there good news?" "Sure," says the doctor. "What???" "You know that receptionist in the front? The blonde with the big...eyes?" "Yeah" "Well, I'm *****'ing her!"
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Larry | Dec 23 2006, 05:21 PM Post #5 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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You watched it too, didn't you?..... ![]() So - does a hummingbird fly faster when it farts?... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| George K | Dec 23 2006, 05:27 PM Post #6 |
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Finally
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Secretary walks into the psychiatrist's office. "Doctor, the man who thinks he's invisibile is here." "Tell him I can't see him now."
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| kenny | Dec 23 2006, 05:57 PM Post #7 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Larry you're a riot! Go ahead, quit your day job.
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| taiwan_girl | Dec 23 2006, 08:38 PM Post #8 |
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Fulla-Carp
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A lady is in her doctors office, and the doctor recommends some major surgery. The lady says, "I'd like a second opinion." The doctor replies, "You're ugly too!" |
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| Larry | Dec 23 2006, 09:16 PM Post #9 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| Larry | Dec 23 2006, 09:20 PM Post #10 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A guy with a glass eyeball has a habit of putting it in his mouth and rolling it around to wash it. One day he swallows it. He figures the only thing he can do is wait for it to come out the other end, but ends up constipated so badly he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him he needs to check his rear end, so the guy drops his pants and bends over. The doctor spreads his cheeks, takes a look, and sees the eyeball poking out. Not knowing the guy had swallowed it, the doctor looks up at him and says "I need to tell you, if you want me to help you the first thing you're gonna have to do is trust me a little...... |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| bachophile | Dec 23 2006, 09:23 PM Post #11 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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a guy walks into the doctor. yes same thing, good news bad news story. guy says, well, tell me the bad news... doc says, im sorry but u only have 6 months to live. oh my god, thats terrible, but please, at least now tell me the good news... the good news? u see that nurse out there with the huge boobs? im banging her tonight. |
| "I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen | |
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| Larry | Dec 23 2006, 09:31 PM Post #12 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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A guy goes to a doctor. "Doctor, Doctor - I broke my arm in seven places! What should I do??" Doctor: "Stay out of those places!" A guy goes to a doctor. "Doctor, Doctor - it hurts when I do this. What should I do??" Doctor: "Don't do that." The phone rings. "Mrs. Jones, this is the doctor's office. We have made an unfortunate mistake in the lab. We got your husband's recent bloodwork results mixed up with someone else's, and we can't figure out which results are his. All we know is he either has aids, or alzheimers." Woman: "Goodness - what should I do?" Nurse: "Well, if it were me, I'd drive him into the middle of town and put him out of the car. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him." |
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| George K | Dec 24 2006, 07:57 AM Post #13 |
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Finally
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A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you." The drunk replies, "T*ts"
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| George K | Dec 24 2006, 07:57 AM Post #14 |
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Finally
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Ole was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty dollars . ."she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes. They're going "at it" for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them...it's a police officer. "What's going on here people?" asks the officer. "I'm making love to my vife! ," Ole answers indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Vell," Ole says, "neider did I, 'til you shined dat dang light in her face!" |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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