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| Guys, listen up! This is what women want! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 7 2006, 12:10 PM (537 Views) | |
| plays88keys | Dec 7 2006, 12:10 PM Post #1 |
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Pisa-Carp
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From a column I read recently: We want to make the same money men make when we do the same job. We want people to either quit telling us how essential it is that we breastfeed or start providing places where we can pump milk without fear of bumping into that guy who's making 30 percent more than we are for doing the same job. We want high heels that do not leave us praying for the sweet release of death. We want foreplay. We want a LOT of foreplay. We want safe, healthy, fun, warm-hearted day care for kids. But here's the thing: we don't want to have to sell off a kidney to pay for it. We want peace, love and understanding, but we also want red wine, compassionate lighting and the occasional cheap thrill. We want all rock stars over 60 years of age (talkin' 'bout you, Rod Stewart, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney) to date women over 60. Gentlemen, the day will come when you'll be needing a hip replacement. And...mark me...the moment your little friend can't be there for you because she's got Pilates, my aunt Selma will seem like a slice of heaven. We want to stop being forced to watch The Godfather every single time it airs. The movie is a masterpiece. "Leave the gun, take the cannoli, blah, blah, blah." We get it. Move on. Every now and again, we want somebody else to pick the restaurant, arrange the playdate, plan the seating, buy the tickets, do the laundry, schedule the appointment, pack the bags, balance the books, send the gift, walk the dog, fill out the forms, break the silences, lift the ban, make the payment, count the calories, hold the phone, explain the joke, beat the odds, hit the ground running, win the race, and save the day while we sleep past noon in high-thread-count sheets and a cashmere blanket. In other words, we want time off for good behavior. Did I mention that whole foreplay thing? |
| You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy. | |
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| John D'Oh | Dec 7 2006, 12:15 PM Post #2 |
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MAMIL
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Foreplay? Is that some kind of golfing reference? |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Frank_W | Dec 7 2006, 12:16 PM Post #3 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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For godssakes, we already put the toilet seat down! .... WHAT!? LOL!! |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| Nobody's Sock | Dec 7 2006, 12:18 PM Post #4 |
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Fulla-Carp
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What a guy wants: more threeways and less foreplays
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| "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." | |
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| JBryan | Dec 7 2006, 12:24 PM Post #5 |
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I am the grey one
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Isn't foreplay a lot like a long line at an amusement park? |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| ivorythumper | Dec 7 2006, 12:24 PM Post #6 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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Damn, Improv -- you got a high maintenance woman (who is I am sure worth every bit of the trouble). |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| Dewey | Dec 7 2006, 12:29 PM Post #7 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Sorry, that's asking for way too much. Mrs. Dewey's just gonna have to settle for another ugly sweater. |
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| mmmaestro007 | Dec 7 2006, 12:39 PM Post #8 |
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Middle Aged Carp
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in yer dreams! :lol: |
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"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!" Sir Thomas Beechem, conductor | |
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| QuirtEvans | Dec 7 2006, 12:56 PM Post #9 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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Has anyone ever noticed that women spend a LOT more time talking about what women want than men spend talking about what men want? |
| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 7 2006, 12:59 PM Post #10 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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The list is much shorter. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| John D'Oh | Dec 7 2006, 01:00 PM Post #11 |
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MAMIL
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I've noticed that women spend a lot more time talking. To be honest, I'm not really sure of the details. I'm not really a details kind of person. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 7 2006, 01:01 PM Post #12 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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And by the way, we like foreplay a lot.. but you have to play too. So many women I have known thought foreplay was something the guy was supposed to do while they lay there waiting to be ready... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| John D'Oh | Dec 7 2006, 01:03 PM Post #13 |
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MAMIL
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Does a computer games console in the bedroom count as foreplay? |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 7 2006, 01:04 PM Post #14 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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That depends.. does it have a joystick? |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| Improviso | Dec 7 2006, 01:06 PM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I've been saying it for months. But I don't think anyone believed me. It's a cross I alone must bear. Yea...right. She's worth every nag and demand. |
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Identifying narcissists isn't difficult. Just look for the person who is constantly fishing for compliments and admiration while breaking down over even the slightest bit of criticism. We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. | |
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| plays88keys | Dec 7 2006, 01:06 PM Post #16 |
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Pisa-Carp
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:lol: [size=7]NO.[/size] |
| You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy. | |
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| David Burton | Dec 7 2006, 01:09 PM Post #17 |
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Senior Carp
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"Every now and again, we want somebody else to pick the restaurant, arrange the playdate, plan the seating, buy the tickets, do the laundry, schedule the appointment, pack the bags, balance the books, send the gift, walk the dog, fill out the forms, break the silences, lift the ban, make the payment, count the calories, hold the phone, explain the joke, beat the odds, hit the ground running, win the race, and save the day while we sleep past noon in high-thread-count sheets and a cashmere blanket. In other words, we want time off for good behavior." Let's parse this: "pick the restaurant," I usually do but am flexible upon suggestion. "arrange the playdate," I actually have, as I understand it part of child management. "plan the seating," For a dinner party? Your dinner party? A little tricky. "buy the tickets," Sure no problem, and I like planning in advance when possible. You can save money that way, and that matters to me. "do the laundry," I do my own, I'll do yours at your own risk. I taught mine how to use the washing machine and dryer. "schedule the appointment," Fine as long as I have control over the transportation, if not it may not get scheduled. "pack the bags," What? And forget something you'd want? And I'm supposed to know? No, no. You pack yours and I'll pack mine. My kids know how to pack theirs. "balance the books," With pleasure and always and we don't share checking accounts, ok? "send the gift," Nope "walk the dog," Maybe "fill out the forms," Yes, that way I know they were filled out correctly and I can always read what I wrote. "break the silences," LOL, there wont be that many around me. "lift the ban," On what? I'm not likely to "ban" anything. "make the payment," Absolutely and always. "count the calories," Not only hell no but f*** no! "hold the phone," Ah, no. "explain the joke," Um, yeah sure. "beat the odds," LOL, have so far. "hit the ground running," Have scars from years of doing it. "win the race," Can't tell yet, as I'm not yet dead. "save the day" Do all the time. "sleep past noon in high-thread-count sheets and a cashmere blanket." That's absolutely fine, my late wife got plenty of this, but then I guess she needed it. Anyway it does seem to me that women frequently just require more rest to be at their best.
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| QuirtEvans | Dec 7 2006, 01:17 PM Post #18 |
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
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That would depend on whether the joystick has a vibration feedback mechanism.
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| It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010. | |
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| John D'Oh | Dec 7 2006, 01:19 PM Post #19 |
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MAMIL
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They don't call it an ex-box for nothing. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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| Mark | Dec 7 2006, 02:10 PM Post #20 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I don't know Improv, it sounds blatantly obvious that you need some practice in the foreplay department! ![]() ![]() |
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___.___ (_]===* o 0 When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells | |
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| ***musical princess*** | Dec 7 2006, 02:14 PM Post #21 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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x |
| x Caroline x | |
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| kluurs | Dec 7 2006, 02:17 PM Post #22 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Women send their messages in the most subtle of ways... At least it wasn't a column 1 story in the Wall Street Journal... just several hundred people on the internet... |
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| Improviso | Dec 7 2006, 02:42 PM Post #23 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Identifying narcissists isn't difficult. Just look for the person who is constantly fishing for compliments and admiration while breaking down over even the slightest bit of criticism. We have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. | |
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| Mikhailoh | Dec 7 2006, 02:59 PM Post #24 |
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
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YOu must be joking... if she meant that about Improv, she never would have put it out there like that. It is against the woman laws to directly state what a woman wants. That would be contrary to their ongoing program to develop telepathy skills in men. |
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball | |
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| The 89th Key | Dec 7 2006, 03:01 PM Post #25 |
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Reminds me of this great animation: http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf |
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4:35 PM Jul 10