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| 40 things that happen only in movies.; From Nostalgia central... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 26 2006, 06:37 PM (522 Views) | |
| Jolly | Nov 26 2006, 06:37 PM Post #1 |
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Geaux Tigers!
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40 Things That Only Happen In Movies 1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting. 2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired. 4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated. 5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside. 6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. 7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode. 8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other. 9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving. 10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. 11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty). 12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene). 13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear. 14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . . 15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out). 16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit). 17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor. 18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback. 19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one. 20. All single women have a cat. 21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet. 22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged. 23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. 24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected. 25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living. 27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium. 28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly. 29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law). 30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish. 31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair. 32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks. 33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her. 34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. 36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. 37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers. 38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets. 39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties). 40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!). |
| The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros | |
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| Riley | Nov 26 2006, 06:45 PM Post #2 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Those are great.
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| George K | Nov 27 2006, 03:01 PM Post #3 |
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Finally
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Laws: Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Works every time). Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| Optimistic | Nov 27 2006, 03:31 PM Post #4 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I've found this happens a lot with potato chip flavors. |
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PHOTOS I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up. - Mark Twain We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. -T. S. Eliot | |
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| Kincaid | Nov 27 2006, 05:05 PM Post #5 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode. And they always are disabled at 3 seconds or less. 8. ... when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other. Actually, this only applies to German officers with something important to say. German soldiers always speak German. 21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet. And all cars will explode when driving off a cliff, often before they have even hit anything on the way down. And police cars will always fly up in the air and roll when ever they hit another police car during a chase. 24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected. And they are always spotlessly clean! 31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair. Although the chick in My Big Fat Greek Wedding had to work extra hard to look good. 36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. But go for the samurai sword when you get the choice (Pulp Fiction). |
| Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006. | |
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| Kincaid | Nov 27 2006, 05:06 PM Post #6 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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And with underarm deodorants (but Suave brought back Aloe. Yay!). |
| Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006. | |
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| Frank_W | Nov 27 2006, 06:44 PM Post #7 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Another movie rule: It's possible to hack any computer system, EVEN THE FRICKIN' PENTAGON, by typing furiously and looking at the screen with a sufficiently intense look on your face. |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| ny1911 | Nov 27 2006, 06:58 PM Post #8 |
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Senior Carp
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Here's one from my college roommate's brother, who works in production in LA: the streets are always wet when filming scenes at night. |
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So live your life and live it well. There's not much left of me to tell. I just got back up each time I fell. | |
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| JBryan | Nov 27 2006, 07:58 PM Post #9 |
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I am the grey one
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Did anyone else have to suspend belief beyond the breaking point when Jeff Goldblum's character in Independence Day hacked into the alien computers to give them a virus? |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| Frank_W | Nov 27 2006, 07:59 PM Post #10 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Yeah.... That was pretty silly. LOL |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| JBryan | Nov 27 2006, 08:02 PM Post #11 |
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I am the grey one
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He even did it over night while he was draining bottles of whiskey and flinging them across the room. "Dad, you're a genius"! Sorry. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| greg | Nov 27 2006, 10:06 PM Post #12 |
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Middle Aged Carp
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well, if you're going to accept that movie's premise you have already suspended belief considerably... |
| "What do you think it is, stupid? It's a string for my lute." | |
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| ivorythumper | Nov 27 2006, 10:22 PM Post #13 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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In Goldfinger, the timer stops at 007. |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| Bond, James Bond | Nov 27 2006, 10:40 PM Post #14 |
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Middle Aged Carp
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Anything else would be contrived. |
| Like Austin Powers, only more mature. | |
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| dolmansaxlil | Nov 28 2006, 03:35 AM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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There's a reason for this though. The film lights shining off the water on the street reflect and make it look better. They're not always wet - but the scene will look more dull if they are dry streets. |
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"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson My Flickr Photostream | |
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| mrenaud | Nov 28 2006, 05:28 AM Post #16 |
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Middle Aged Carp
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Also: - At all times, the space bar is used to enter commands instead of the enter key. - One single computer screen can light up the whole room, even if it's displaying a mostly black DOS command screen. - All important files always fit on one single 3.5" floppy disk. - Just by inserting said disk into the disk drive (and optionally hitting the space bar), the computer automatically copies the correct files while displaying exactly how many percents have already been copied. |
| Why is it that the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern Schplenden Schlitter Crasscrenbon Fried Digger Dingle Dangle Dongle Dungle Burstein von Knacker Thrasher Apple Banger Horowitz Ticolensic Grander Knotty Spelltinkle Grandlich Grumblemeyer Spelterwasser Kurstlich Himbleeisen Bahnwagen Gutenabend Bitte ein Nürnburger Bratwurstle Gerspurten Mitz Weimache Luber Hundsfut Gumberaber Shönedanker Kalbsfleisch Mittler Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm? | |
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| Frank_W | Nov 28 2006, 05:42 AM Post #17 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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LOL! EXACTLY! |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| ny1911 | Nov 28 2006, 05:45 AM Post #18 |
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Senior Carp
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Yes, I know. Sorry...I meant to imply that was the reason. |
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So live your life and live it well. There's not much left of me to tell. I just got back up each time I fell. | |
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| Frank_W | Nov 28 2006, 05:57 AM Post #19 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Hackers are always geeky young kids who rattle the keys and commands like wizards, while dumbfounded and clueless adults look on. Another movie rule: Soldiers are always mindless automotons who obey every single order like mindless drones, and are always the executive branch of government-sponsored evil, but end up being clueless ninnies when faced with brilliant and sly teenagers.
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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| kentcouncil | Nov 28 2006, 08:11 AM Post #20 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Star Trek (The Original Series) rules: Unless you're Scotty, if you're wearing a red shirt your expected life-span is measured in minutes. No matter how far from Earth your planet is, if you're an alien female, you look like an incredibly hot human babe. And Captain Kirk is gonna bang you. |
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It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn't. - P.G. Wodehouse | |
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| Kincaid | Nov 28 2006, 09:12 AM Post #21 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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And they rarely use a mouse. Why is that? Sure would look better than the furious typing. |
| Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006. | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Nov 28 2006, 09:24 AM Post #22 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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Hack The Gibson!! :lol: These are my personal pet peeves. The prompt on the hacker's screen is FILLED with super-cool graphics, and he's using a seizure-inducing GUI to do his cool hackin' stuff. It's never a black screen with colored text. UNLESS you're on a submarine, or at the Pentagon, or any other place run by the army/navy/etc. Then, the black background and colored text gets magically reflected onto the face of the person doing the typing, and we can read backwards what he's doing by looking at his cheekbones. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| Aqua Letifer | Nov 28 2006, 09:28 AM Post #23 |
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ZOOOOOM!
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Actually, when I'm doing programming stuff, I rarely use a mouse. I make it a point to learn all the keyboard shortcuts, because after awhile you're saving a TON of time typing, rather than using the mouse. For example, hitting Ctrl+S is a lot faster than using your mouse to hit File -> Save. That's just me, though, and you can't do that with everything. |
| I cite irreconcilable differences. | |
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| The 89th Key | Nov 28 2006, 09:42 AM Post #24 |
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Yes, but does the screen emit a mirrored (often green) projected image of the code you're typing...onto your face in a dark room? A bad example:
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| Frank_W | Nov 28 2006, 09:52 AM Post #25 |
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Resident Misanthrope
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Ditto, Aqua. I am not a programmer, but I use keyboard shortcuts a LOT. Saves a ton of time. |
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Anatomy Prof: "The human body has about 20 sq. meters of skin." Me: "Man, that's a lot of lampshades!" | |
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4:41 PM Jul 10