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| *a-CHOO!*; staying healthy | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 9 2006, 09:08 PM (56 Views) | |
| Optimistic | Nov 9 2006, 09:08 PM Post #1 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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(I posted this last year, but I'd say it's due for a re-post!) COLD AND FLU PREVENTION TIPS Here are some tips to help keep you healthy and germ-free during these cold winter months. *Sneezing into a handkerchief just redirects germs back at you. Always sneeze outward so as to shoot germs as far across the room as possible. *Pack your sinus cavities with Vicks Vap-O-Rub to fully mentholate your respiratory system. *Do not blow your stuffed nose into tissues—this is a myth! Always suck your phlegm into the back of your throat and swallow it in great, goblike mouthfuls. *You don't have to subject yourself to other people's germs. If you see someone who appears to have a cold or fever, contact your local police department. *To prevent infections, have sick people cough into your food. This light "inoculative" dose of germs will boost your body's defenses against a full-blown infection later. *If you are a sickly, anemic, weak person, you have a higher susceptibility to colds and flu. Try not to be such a pansy-ass. *Sometimes, a severe respiratory infection will cause the lungs to fill with fluid. If this occurs, flush your lungs repeatedly with boiling hot water to clear them. A hose down your windpipe will help get around the gag reflex. *Make sure your HMO package covers visits to the Halls Of Medicine. *The flu is an extremely contagious, life-threatening disease. Flu sufferers should be either shot with a silver bullet or tortured to death by a professionally shriven, church-appointed excruciator. *To keep warm in the winter, replace your blood with mom's homemade chicken soup. Noodles should be no greater than one millimeter thick to prevent coronary blockage. *Remember: Your body produces phlegm for a reason. Always save your mucous, and keep it near you in jars at all times. *Germs generally enter the body through the skin. To protect you from infection, shave yours off. *Zinc and Vitamin C help fight colds. Vitamin C can be found in oranges, but zinc is a semi-precious metal found only in Africa. If symptoms persist, organize a jungle safari to seek out the fabled Zinc Mines of Sugolahara. |
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PHOTOS I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up. - Mark Twain We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. -T. S. Eliot | |
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| DivaDeb | Nov 9 2006, 09:20 PM Post #2 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I think they're planning on making this procedure a law in Omaha |
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4:32 PM Jul 10