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Steven Wright; Funniest man on the planet
Topic Started: Oct 21 2006, 08:01 PM (786 Views)
George K
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Finally
Wright had a show on Comedy Central Tonight. Some of the ones I remember:

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-

You never see advertisements for string.

If I were born a day earlier, I wonder if anything would be different, except that I'd be thinking this yesterday.

I returned a movie yesterday, the people in the theater were pissed.

I'm going to have an MRI to see if I'm claustrophobic.

I like to go into the waiting room and just sit and wait.

When I was in 3rd grade, I had a 70 year old teacher who couldn't hear anything. She turned the thermostat down to 16 degrees so she could see the breath coming out of our mouths if anyone was speaking.

My grandfather had a special rocking chair that would lean forward so that he could fake interest in any conversation. He asked me how old I was. When I said "five," he said that when he was my age, he was six.

Sometimes, when you lose, you really win, like when you're playing electric musical chairs.

I got a paper cut from my suicide note. It's a start.

I tried to buy that thing that goes between your orders on the conveyor in the grocery store.

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

If worst comes to worse, we're screwed.

Wind chimes are for stupid people who don't know when there's a breeze.

A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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lb1
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Fulla-Carp
I watched that too George, I was laughing my butt off.

Mrs. lb kept saying "I don't get it"

I wish I had taped it.

lb
My position is simple: you jumped to an unwarranted conclusion and slung mud on an issue where none was deserved. Quirt 03/08/09
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mmmaestro007
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Middle Aged Carp
he is a very funny guy!
"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!"

Sir Thomas Beechem, conductor
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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
When I was in 3rd grade, I had a 70 year old teacher who couldn't hear anything. She turned the thermostat down to 16 degrees so she could see the breath coming out of our mouths if anyone was speaking.

I'll have to remember that method :lol:
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
He is tooo funny.

'I don't understand people who want everything. Where would you put it?'
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
I love him

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
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CTPianotech
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Fulla-Carp
Saw him live a couple years ago at Foxwoods. AWESOME!!!!!


"I bought some powdered water, but didn't know what to add"


"I saw a sign that said 'REST STOP 50 miles' I thought 'Wow, that's... pretty big"

"I have trouble buying clothes because I'm not my size. I take Extra-Medium"
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George K
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Finally
"I went to the General Store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
Online Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
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