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| review of email warnings; spamish but cute | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 10 2006, 10:52 AM (136 Views) | |
| apple | Sep 10 2006, 10:52 AM Post #1 |
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one of the angels
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I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl named Penny Brown who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if& nbsp;I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave bec ause it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number, for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan . I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my behind. Thank you too for all the endless advice from Andy Rooney. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting under my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies and they are the only ones around! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 15 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day.... PS. New Study -------------------------------------------------------------------- A South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| ***musical princess*** | Sep 10 2006, 10:57 AM Post #2 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Heh... it's true! x |
| x Caroline x | |
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| CTPianotech | Sep 10 2006, 11:14 AM Post #3 |
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Fulla-Carp
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Sooo, if you drank enough Coke, theoretically you wouldn't have to clean your toilet......COOL
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| Falstaff | Sep 10 2006, 11:19 AM Post #4 |
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Junior Carp
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Apple How can you continue to play the piano in good conscience knowing the damage it is doing to your hearing? |
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| pianojerome | Sep 10 2006, 11:20 AM Post #5 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Not to mention the damage it is doing to your fingertips. |
| Sam | |
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12:52 AM Jul 11