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review of email warnings; spamish but cute
Topic Started: Sep 10 2006, 10:52 AM (136 Views)
apple
one of the angels
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl named
Penny Brown who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the

$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if& nbsp;I forward

an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave bec ause it causes
cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me
for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number, for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,
Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my behind.

Thank you too for all the endless advice from Andy Rooney. I
can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 I dropped
in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting under my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either!
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies and they are the only ones around!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 15
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this

afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to

grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend

of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....


PS. New Study
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
it behooves me to behold
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***musical princess***
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HOLY CARP!!!
apple
Sep 10 2006, 07:52 PM
South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Heh... it's true! :tongue:

x
x Caroline x
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CTPianotech
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Fulla-Carp
Quote:
 
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.


Sooo, if you drank enough Coke, theoretically you wouldn't have to clean your toilet......COOL :P
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Falstaff
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Junior Carp
Apple

How can you continue to play the piano in good conscience knowing the damage it is doing to your hearing?
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pianojerome
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HOLY CARP!!!
Falstaff
Sep 10 2006, 03:19 PM
Apple

How can you continue to play the piano in good conscience knowing the damage it is doing to your hearing?

Not to mention the damage it is doing to your fingertips.
Sam
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