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Advice for Dads to be....
Topic Started: Jun 15 2006, 02:42 PM (324 Views)
John D'Oh
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MAMIL
I could have written this article myself. I hardly recognize the person I was five short years ago. Becoming a father was both the most ill-informed and by far the best thing I've ever done.

Fatherly help

'Will a new information pack for expectant fathers be any help? A father of two, who has been through it all, offers his own advice.

I realised I needed some advice on becoming a dad just a few seconds too late at the pregnancy classes.

As the tutor asked us "birth partners" what we were doing to prepare, I rather stupidly told the truth.

"I'm on the Playstation every night because it's the last chance I'll ever have." Credibility exits along with the tumbleweed.

Three years on, a father to a girl and a boy, what have I learned? And would I have benefited from some kind of Dad Pack with quick tips on dealing with poo running down my nice trousers?

Rewired

I bought the books at the time, and then didn't really read them. It wasn't that I thought I knew it all, it was just there was so much going on that nature appears to have programmed us to learn on the job. So here is what I learned all-by-myself, to quote my three-year-old daughter.

Life changes. Completely, utterly, forever. Everything that you knew before, forget it. Your brain gets rewired. Your alcohol tolerance level collapses. You need more sleep and you lose track of everything else in the world, other than what your wife thinks about you.

I have learned that the only person who can tell you how to be a parent is yourself. By all means seek advice and listen to it. But unless you are prepared to take on the big decisions (bribery tactics for toddlers) and the complex emotional ones, you are going to struggle.

No amount of self-help manuals, government-backed schemes or cod-psychology on daytime TV will help you negotiate the paths you need to take.

The hardest thing for some men to deal with is the (false) belief that they are forever free agents with their own time jealously guarded. Well get over it, that isn't the way of the world. If the Dad Pack goes anywhere towards making men confront the reality, then it's a good thing.

Exploring

Nobody told me that three years on I would only get to watch DVDs rather than go to the cinema. The only gadget I now marvel at is the breast pump (although it really is an extraordinary thing).

But hey, I'm relaxed because none of this stuff matters when measured against going beetle and caterpillar hunting with my daughter.

And I'm entirely relaxed that I am rapidly heading towards a day when I will be doing my embarrassing Dad dance at school discos.

I say embrace the change because you're not living your life to the full if you fight against the direction you have taken it. So wave bye-bye to everything you knew and set out as you would for a good holiday. You're going exploring. Take some nice pictures on the way.'
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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iainhp
Middle Aged Carp

Quote:
 

The only gadget I now marvel at is the breast pump (although it really is an extraordinary thing).


Which is the extraordinary thing - the breast or the pump? :D



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Axtremus
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HOLY CARP!!!
Mr. D'Oh, are you an expectant father or something? :huh:
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The 89th Key
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Axtremus
Jun 16 2006, 12:02 AM
Mr. D'Oh, are you an expectant father or something? :huh:

If he is, he's probably trying to make up for last time... :rightarrow: Posted Image
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Nina
Senior Carp
Great article, but I'm still a little confused.

What's 'cod-psychology'?

Posted Image

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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Axtremus
Jun 16 2006, 12:02 AM
Mr. D'Oh, are you an expectant father or something? :huh:

No, just a relatively new one. They're 2 and 4.



Somebody help me.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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The 89th Key
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Don't you mean they're 24? :whome: :basketball: :rimshot:
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Nina
Senior Carp
Oh, 2 and 4! What a, um, exaspera..., no, frustrat... no, hair-pull....no, interesting age!!

Hang in there. You only have 16 more years! :)
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Nina
Jun 16 2006, 11:24 AM
Oh, 2 and 4! What a, um, exaspera..., no, frustrat... no, hair-pull....no, interesting age!!

Hang in there. You only have 16 more years! :)

16 years to go, or 16 years to live?
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Nina
Senior Carp
Oh, to go but I'm guessing that by around year 8 your brain will be so shot it really doesn't matter. You'll look over at the lovely Mrs. D'Oh and ask yourself, "who is this woman who's been hanging around my house?" When your kids walk into the room you will reflexively grab the TV remote and your wallet. You will convince yourself that dents and crayon markings on your walls and furniture that end 4 feet off the ground are actually interesting interior design. And even more deviously, you will be forced to learn the names of every dinosaur and friggin' Pokeman character that ever existed.

At least that's what "a friend" told me. :D
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John D'Oh
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Nina
Jun 16 2006, 11:34 AM
Oh, to go but I'm guessing that by around year 8 your brain will be so shot it really doesn't matter. You'll look over at the lovely Mrs. D'Oh and ask yourself, "who is this woman who's been hanging around my house?" When your kids walk into the room you will reflexively grab the TV remote and your wallet. You will convince yourself that dents and crayon markings on your walls and furniture that end 4 feet off the ground are actually interesting interior design. And even more deviously, you will be forced to learn the names of every dinosaur and friggin' Pokeman character that ever existed.

At least that's what "a friend" told me. :D

My kids must be exceptionally gifted, as I'm already there, if you replace Pokemon with Transformers (robots in disguise), and Thomas the Tank Engine.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Nina
Senior Carp
More than meets the eye... :D :D

Of all the little plastic doodads that my kids and nephews were into, Transformers were my favorites. Least favorite: "Masters of the Universe." (I don't think they make them any more... too much flak from the far right. ;) )
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
:o

I used to play with my brother's He-Man and Tigercat ALL the time. I loved it!

And transformers were fun, too.
And how are you today?
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
My two year old is besotted with Darth Vader, which I'm very proud of. She calls herself Katie Vader.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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M&M's
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Fulla-Carp
Nina
Jun 16 2006, 07:54 AM
More than meets the eye... :D :D

Of all the little plastic doodads that my kids and nephews were into, Transformers were my favorites. Least favorite: "Masters of the Universe." (I don't think they make them any more... too much flak from the far right. ;) )

Not true, they still make them. I loved He-man and his cat (can't remember the name). And the little ghost floating thing that always messed up. :smile:
My child shows GOOD CHARACTERIZATION in an ongoing game of D&D
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M&M's
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Fulla-Carp
John D'Oh
Jun 16 2006, 07:42 AM
Thomas the Tank Engine.

Evil trains with faces on them. They give me nightmares!!! Especially James.
My child shows GOOD CHARACTERIZATION in an ongoing game of D&D
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
M&M's
Jun 16 2006, 01:24 PM
Nina
Jun 16 2006, 07:54 AM
More than meets the eye... :D :D

Of all the little plastic doodads that my kids and nephews were into, Transformers were my favorites.  Least favorite: "Masters of the Universe."  (I don't think they make them any more... too much flak from the far right. ;) )

Not true, they still make them. I loved He-man and his cat (can't remember the name). And the little ghost floating thing that always messed up. :smile:

Tigercat was his name. I still have my brother's Tigercat plastic toy around somewhere. I played with it more than a lot of my toys, actually.
And how are you today?
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