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Teen Suicide Notes Reveal Massive National Crisis
Topic Started: May 14 2006, 12:12 AM (345 Views)
ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
WASHINGTON, DC--At the group's
annual convention Sunday, members of the
National Education Association called for
the formation of a nationwide coalition of
parents, teachers and political leaders to
address a rapidly growing problem: the
alarmingly low quality of teenage suicide
notes across the U.S.

In the convention's keynote address, U.S. Secretary of Education
Richard Riley said America must renew its commitment to grammar, spelling
and writing skills, calling the marked improvement of teen suicide prose
"the nation's number one educational priority."

"Not three days ago I met with the parents of a young man who chose
to take his own life," Riley said. "I was shocked by what I saw: a note
that read simply, 'Im gonna blo my head of.' This sort of syntax is
understandable coming from a first- or second-grader, but from a
17-year-old it is downright appalling," Riley said. "What do you tell the
parents in a situation like that? By all outward appearances, this seemed
like a normal child. The poor parents had no idea their son's writing
skills were that poor."

Addressing the assemblage of teachers, NEA president Cheryl Brodhagen
described an "alarming erosion of grammar skills" among America's teens, in
whose suicide notes can be found double negatives, split infinitives,
improper word usage and--in the worst cases--unnecessary use of the passive
voice.

Calling the decision to take one's life
"one of the most important decisions a young
student has to face," Brodhagen said that to
leave behind poorly written and misspelled
suicide notes of the type found recently is
"tragic beyond words" for the loved ones left
behind to pick up the pieces.

"This one, for example," said
Brodhagen, holding up a suicide note from a
16-year-old Pawtucket, RI, girl, "is written
in such shaky, uneven handwriting and is so
badly blurred with some sort of wet stains and splotches that it's
virtually unreadable. In any decent classroom it would be considered
entirely unacceptable."

Brodhagen then related the story of another tragic suicide note,
discovered at the feet of a 15-year-old St. Louis boy who had hanged
himself.

"The boy's mother opened the door to his room one morning to wake him
up for school," Brodhagen said, "and she screamed in horror at what she
saw: Dangling, right there in front of her, was a participle."

Also cause for concern among educators is the excessively "purple"
prose of many teen suicide notes. Said Savannah, GA, ninth grade
creative-writing teacher Ed Salmons: "I'm seeing overwrought, melodramatic,
bathetic writing that demonstrates no grasp of subtlety or style. It's
really hard for me to take pretentious, self-indulgent suicide notes like
these seriously as pieces of writing. It's as if the author was just in
love with the sound of his or her own voice."

According to leading child psychologists, a suicidal teen's failure
to meet even the most basic standards of high-school-level composition may
indicate the child has given up hope of ever having his or her written
prose understood.

"These teens are desperately trying to express themselves, but all
they can manage are sloppy, barely coherent phrases like 'Im usles' and 'I
hat myself,'" noted therapist Eli Wasserbaum said. "One Florida boy who
recently shot himself in the head wrote, 'I cant talk to anyone about my
problems.' 'Cant'? Is he referring to the noun defined as 'the whining,
singsong speech of beggars and thieves'? Somehow, I don't think so. We're
talking about a serious inability to communicate here."

Wasserbaum said that early detection and intervention is crucial. "My
advice is this: If you know a teen who seems to be exhibiting the sort of
low self-esteem and withdrawn alienation that often precedes suicidal
behaviors, for God's sake, get them into a one-on-one writing tutorial
immediately. They've got to improve their communication skills now, before
it's too late," he said.

The NEA is currently developing a 12-step plan to improve suicidal
teens' reading and writing skills, including extra homework for students
deemed "at-risk" by counselors and tougher grading standards for teens who
have attempted suicide on one or more occasions.

The proposal also calls for the creation of special 'suicidal-only'
after-school study halls to prevent depressed teens from engaging in
extracurricular social activities with their peers, activities which may
interfere with their studies and lead to greater erosion of basic grammar
and spelling down the road.

"There seems to be an almost direct link between the rise in suicidal
behavior and the decline in students' overall command of the English
language," said Bangor, ME, junior-high vice-principal Bob Drake. "If this
lack of attention paid to developing writing skills continues among teens,
we may need to start thinking about revoking their suicide privileges
altogether."
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Sicko :lol:
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Jolly
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Geaux Tigers!
Actually, it's velly, velly funny.

Very biting, with a social statement. It bees gud satire.
The main obstacle to a stable and just world order is the United States.- George Soros
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
This is so obviously another phony Liberal ply to load the electorate with unsophisticated, dependent constituents who can be easily lead, thus circumventing the Darwinist approach of good Conservatives everywhere.

If they REALLY wanted to help these unfortunates they would not teach them to write, but teach them self-demise skills so they might learn to achieve their goals. A kid trained in firearms will not miss, surviving the attempt but now a huge burden on our already reeling healthcare system. You know what they say about gving a man a fish versus teaching him to fish! Well.. wait.. that might not apply all that well...

Oh yeah.. I forgot.. there's website to help them do that. Never mind.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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jon-nyc
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Cheers
That's hilarious, IT.

(maybe MySpace should offer suicide note templates?)
In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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Jeffrey
Senior Carp
IT - I didn't think you had it in you!! Good job.

Where is that list of favorite children's books - you know classics like "Fun with Scissors!" "All about light sockets." "The Boy who was Different so nobody played with him" and "You were bad so Mommy doesn't love you anymore"?
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George K
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Finally
You forgot "You're Different, and that's Bad."
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Mark
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HOLY CARP!!!
This is the sickest thing I have read here in a long long time.

It is not funny at all.

___.___
(_]===*
o 0
When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
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jazzyd
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Junior Carp
:lol2:

:leaving:
One has a stronger hand when there's more people playing your same cards.
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