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| Limericks! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 5 2006, 08:24 PM (757 Views) | |
| George K | May 5 2006, 08:24 PM Post #1 |
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Finally
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How 'bout a limerick thread. Dirty is probably OK (a limerick, almost by definition is dirty, or at least saucy!), but let's edit the actual words, so as not to offend the more sensitive among us. I'll start (hopefully they're not all THIS long), with a musical limerick: THE FARTA' FROM SPARTA There was a young fellow from Sparta. A really magnificent farter. On the strength of one bean He'd fart "God Save the Queen," And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. He could vary, with proper persuasion, His fart to suit any occasion. He could fart like a flute, Like a lark, like a lute, This highly fartistic Caucasian. This sparkling young farter from Sparta, His fart for no money would barter. He could roar from his rear Any scene from Shakespeare, Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado. Nobody could play the classics finer, As he showed me one day in the diner. I had a bagel with lox while played from his buttocks: Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor. He'd fart a gavotte for a starter, And fizzle a fine serenata. He could play on his anus The Coriolanus: Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah! He was great in the Christmas Cantata, He could double-stop fart the Toccata, He'd boom from his ass Bach's B-Minor Mass, And in counterpoint, La Traviata. Spurred on by a very high wager With an envious German named Bager, He'd proceeded to fart The complete oboe part Of a Haydn Octet in B-major. His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz, He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas. With a good dose of salts He could whistle a waltz Or swing it in razzamatazz. His basso profundo with timbre so rare He rendered quite often, with power to spare. But his great work of art, His fortissimo fart, He saved for the Marche Militaire. One day he was dared to perform The William Tell Overture Storm, But naught could dishearten Our spirited Spartan, For his fart was in wonderful form. It went off in capital style, And he farted it through with a smile, Then, feeling quite jolly, He tried the finale, Blowing double-stopped farts all the while. The selection was tough, I admit, But it did not dismay him one bit, Then, with his ass thrown aloft He suddenly coughed... And collapsed in a shower of ****. His bunghole was blown back to Sparta, Where they buried the rest of our farter, With a gravestone of turds Inscribed with the words: "To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr." |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| JBryan | May 5 2006, 09:14 PM Post #2 |
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I am the grey one
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There once was a man from calabas' Whose balls were made of brass In stormy weather They'd bang together And lightning would shoot out his ass. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| Larry | May 5 2006, 09:20 PM Post #3 |
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
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Of the Pokatwat Tribe | |
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| JBryan | May 5 2006, 09:21 PM Post #4 |
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I am the grey one
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There once was a man from Nantucket... Uh, let's not go there.
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| big al | May 6 2006, 04:59 AM Post #5 |
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Bull-Carp
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There was a young lady from Norway, Who hung by her heels in the doorway. She said to her man, Get off the divan. I think I've discovered one more way. There was a young man from Boston, Who had a cute little Austin. He had room for his a$$ And a gallon of gas, But his balls hung out and he lost 'em. A gay young boy from Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room, And they argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, and to whom. Big Al |
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Location: Western PA "jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen." -bachophile | |
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| George K | May 6 2006, 05:27 AM Post #6 |
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Finally
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I will! There once was a man from Nantucket Whose daughter ran off with a bucket She met with a sailor Who soundly regaled 'er And as for the bucket, Paw tuck it. (not what you were expectin...) |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| JBryan | May 6 2006, 05:30 AM Post #7 |
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I am the grey one
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Different man from Nantucket. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| apple | May 6 2006, 06:17 AM Post #8 |
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one of the angels
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i sometimes think Bach is mean he wants me to be a machine 'honey play faster cause i am the master' - his organ is really obscene i'd much rather play on the clavichord in practice i really go overboard it's easier to play it makes me so gay and sometimes i get a reward he'll let me play what i want to if first i dutifully get through all the fugues and preludes and his teaching etudes on the organ like i'm supposed to
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| it behooves me to behold | |
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| pianojerome | May 6 2006, 06:24 AM Post #9 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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She was peeved and she kicked the Mr. Not because he had Kr; But because just before, When she opened the door, The same Mr. Kr. Sr. |
| Sam | |
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| George K | May 6 2006, 06:35 AM Post #10 |
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Finally
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There was a young dentist named Sloan who catered to women alone. In an act of depravity, he filled the wrong cavity, and said, "My, how my business has grown!" |
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A guide to GKSR: Click "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08 Nothing is as effective as homeopathy. I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles. - Klaus, 4/29/18 | |
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| LWpianistin | May 6 2006, 06:40 AM Post #11 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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but that's my favorite one! |
| And how are you today? | |
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| pianojerome | May 6 2006, 06:52 AM Post #12 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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I will now eat a roll, if I may. But a toll, I would not like to pay. "A roll is a roll, A toll is a toll, No tolls, no rolls," did Little John say. |
| Sam | |
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| dolmansaxlil | May 7 2006, 05:18 AM Post #13 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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A lecherous Bishop of Peoria, In a state of constant euphoria, Enjoyed having fun With a whore or a nun While chanting the Sanctus and Gloria. |
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"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson My Flickr Photostream | |
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| Chris Aher | May 7 2006, 05:38 AM Post #14 |
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Middle Aged Carp
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From Brother Augustine (AKA "Augie Doggie", 9th grade (Yikes , was it really 42 years ago?) religion class: There once was a monk from Siberia Who's morals were rather inferior He did to a nun What he shouldn't have done Now she a mother superior Regards, Chris |
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Regards, Chris | |
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| ***musical princess*** | May 7 2006, 10:48 AM Post #15 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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There once was a woman from Ealing, Who had a perculiar feeling She lay on her back And opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling ![]() x |
| x Caroline x | |
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| big al | May 7 2006, 06:48 PM Post #16 |
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Bull-Carp
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In the U.S. version, the woman's from Wheeling. There once was a girl from Mobile With a c8nt made of chromium steel. To give her a thrill Took a carbide-tipped drill Or an off-center emery wheel. Big Al |
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Location: Western PA "jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen." -bachophile | |
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10:48 AM Jul 11