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Limericks!
Topic Started: May 5 2006, 08:24 PM (757 Views)
George K
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Finally
How 'bout a limerick thread. Dirty is probably OK (a limerick, almost by definition is dirty, or at least saucy!), but let's edit the actual words, so as not to offend the more sensitive among us.

I'll start (hopefully they're not all THIS long), with a musical limerick:

THE FARTA' FROM SPARTA

There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
while played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of ****.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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JBryan
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I am the grey one
There once was a man from calabas'
Whose balls were made of brass
In stormy weather
They'd bang together
And lightning would shoot out his ass.
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
:D
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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JBryan
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I am the grey one
There once was a man from Nantucket...

Uh, let's not go there. :)
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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big al
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Bull-Carp
There was a young lady from Norway,
Who hung by her heels in the doorway.
She said to her man,
Get off the divan.
I think I've discovered one more way.

There was a young man from Boston,
Who had a cute little Austin.
He had room for his a$$
And a gallon of gas,
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em.

A gay young boy from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.


Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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George K
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Finally
JBryan
May 6 2006, 12:21 AM
There once was a man from Nantucket...

Uh, let's not go there. :)

I will! :devilgrin:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose daughter ran off with a bucket
She met with a sailor
Who soundly regaled 'er
And as for the bucket, Paw tuck it.

(not what you were expectin...)
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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JBryan
Member Avatar
I am the grey one
Different man from Nantucket.
"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne


There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it".


Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.

Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore.

From The Lion in Winter.
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apple
one of the angels
i sometimes think Bach is mean
he wants me to be a machine
'honey play faster
cause i am the master' -
his organ is really obscene

i'd much rather play on the clavichord
in practice i really go overboard
it's easier to play
it makes me so gay
and sometimes i get a reward

he'll let me play what i want to
if first i dutifully get through
all the fugues and preludes
and his teaching etudes
on the organ like i'm supposed to

:)
it behooves me to behold
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pianojerome
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HOLY CARP!!!
She was peeved and she kicked the Mr.
Not because he had Kr;
But because just before,
When she opened the door,
The same Mr. Kr. Sr.
Sam
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George K
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Finally
There was a young dentist named Sloan
who catered to women alone.
In an act of depravity,
he filled the wrong cavity,
and said, "My, how my business has grown!"
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
JBryan
May 5 2006, 09:21 PM
There once was a man from Nantucket...

Uh, let's not go there. :)

but that's my favorite one!
And how are you today?
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pianojerome
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HOLY CARP!!!
I will now eat a roll, if I may.
But a toll, I would not like to pay.
"A roll is a roll,
A toll is a toll,
No tolls, no rolls," did Little John say.
Sam
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dolmansaxlil
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HOLY CARP!!!
A lecherous Bishop of Peoria,
In a state of constant euphoria,
Enjoyed having fun
With a whore or a nun
While chanting the Sanctus and Gloria.
"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson

My Flickr Photostream


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Chris Aher
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Middle Aged Carp
From Brother Augustine (AKA "Augie Doggie", 9th grade (Yikes , was it really 42 years ago?) religion class:

There once was a monk from Siberia
Who's morals were rather inferior
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
Now she a mother superior

Regards,
Chris
Regards,
Chris
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***musical princess***
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HOLY CARP!!!
There once was a woman from Ealing,
Who had a perculiar feeling
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

:P

x
x Caroline x
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big al
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Bull-Carp
***musical princess***
May 7 2006, 10:48 AM
There once was a woman from Ealing,
Who had a perculiar feeling
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

:P

x

In the U.S. version, the woman's from Wheeling.

There once was a girl from Mobile
With a c8nt made of chromium steel.
To give her a thrill
Took a carbide-tipped drill
Or an off-center emery wheel.


Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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