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| Is there a doctor in the house?; Warning - Slightly Risque Medical Humour | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 4 2006, 04:38 AM (206 Views) | |
| Jamie | Apr 4 2006, 04:38 AM Post #1 |
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Junior Carp
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Got these on e-mail this morning. They're a riot! Medical Examinations > > > > >1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in >the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's >dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there >were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one. > >Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX. > >2. At the >beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly >deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. >"Yes, they used to be," replied the patient. > >Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA > >3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her >husband had died of a >massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her >reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal >fart." > >Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada > >4. During a patient's two week follow-up >appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was >having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The >patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm >running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered >whatI hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his >body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before >applying a new one. > >Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, > > >5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long >have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she >answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive." > >Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR > > >6.. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this >morning?" >"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to >the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman >produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." > >Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI > > >7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with >purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of >tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined >that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate >surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff >noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a >tattoo that read, "Keep off the >grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on >the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn.? > >Submitted by RN no name > >8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was >quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my >embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The >middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out >laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and >sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, >but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener". > >Dr. wouldn't submit his name Jamie |
| Rudy - September 1, 1998 - April 8, 2009... One awesome dog | |
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| JBryan | Apr 4 2006, 05:02 AM Post #2 |
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I am the grey one
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Furthermore, the woman did not object. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| apple | Apr 4 2006, 05:04 AM Post #3 |
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one of the angels
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sorry - had to mow the lawn.. |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| Jamie | Apr 4 2006, 06:04 AM Post #4 |
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Junior Carp
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I also circulated this to friends by e-mail, and one of them came back with this additional one. "An attractive young lady was at the clinic for her first PAP smear test. The main exam room was under renovation, so she's directed to the adjecent room after changing into her "Johnny" coat. So she's just lying there on the gurney with her feet propped in the stirrups, and a sheet over her as the nurse instructed, waiting for the GP to commence the exam. The door opens, and a young man in a white overcoat enters, and lifts the blanket, takes a look and stand asides and waits. A second man, similarly apparelled, enters, lifts the sheet, has a look, and then lowers the sheet and stands aside. Subsequently, a third man enters, similarly dressed, and does the same. As he's lowering the sheet, she says to the third man, "So, doctor, what do you think?" "Oh, Miss" replied the young man, "We're not doctors. We're the painters." |
| Rudy - September 1, 1998 - April 8, 2009... One awesome dog | |
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| JBryan | Apr 4 2006, 06:08 AM Post #5 |
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I am the grey one
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As to what we think, magnificent. |
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"Any man who would make an X rated movie should be forced to take his daughter to see it". - John Wayne There is a line we cross when we go from "I will believe it when I see it" to "I will see it when I believe it". Henry II: I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody. Eleanor: At my age there's not much traffic anymore. From The Lion in Winter. | |
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| ivorythumper | Apr 4 2006, 09:42 AM Post #6 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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Bedridden and KY Jelly!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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| LadyElton | Apr 4 2006, 09:49 AM Post #7 |
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Fulla-Carp
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I wonder if it was the KY Warming Jelly? I wouldn't mind getting Angelina Jolie to mow my lawn.
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| Hilary aka LadyElton | |
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