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What is wrong with some people?; ...common courtesy.
Topic Started: Mar 9 2006, 08:04 AM (968 Views)
The 89th Key
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DivaDeb
Mar 9 2006, 04:35 PM
Maybe her shoes hurt. Maybe she had the cramps. Maybe she didn't really want to go through the door at the same time as you did, but when she saw you holding it, she felt obligated enough by your gesture that she broke into a trot to spare you from having to wait on her for very long.

Really minor inconvenience as a result of accomodating another human being should not cause you discomfort. Just relax. You need to learn to do this before you get a wife and have young uns.

Well it's just that compounded by quite a few similar events in the last day or two.

For example, today I was coming through the lobby and this young lady was walking my way. So I opened the door for her, and literally stood there for about 10 seconds holding it for her as she walked slowly through and didn't nod, smile, or say thanks. Like I was holding it for the queen or something.

Just odd how some people don't think ahead or think of others the way they should, and when it happens to you numerous times in a little amount of time...you have to question what's going on.
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The 89th Key
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Aqua Letifer
Mar 9 2006, 04:38 PM
And with that example, 89th, I'd chillax a bit. You're asking quite a lot if you expect someone to keep within 15 feet of you so that both your and her entry into the building goes smoothly. I mean geez, at least she noticed you were holding the door open for her and picked up her pace!

Haha, yeah that would have been pretty bad if she looked up but didn't pick up the pace at all and just walked slowly through the doorway! Kinda like what the other lady did to me this morning. :redface:

I just found it a bit surprising she didn't see it coming, is all.

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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
Hm... seems like you're a bit worked up over nothing...

So she sped up to get in the door, so you wouldn't have to hold the tour too long, and you think the polite thing would be to always time your walk so that you reach the door at the same time? Does anyone really do this?
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The 89th Key
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®1LE¥
Mar 9 2006, 04:43 PM
Hm... seems like you're a bit worked up over nothing...

So she sped up to get in the door, so you wouldn't have to hold the tour too long, and you think the polite thing would be to always time your walk so that you reach the door at the same time? Does anyone really do this?

Maybe I'm the only one that does that...
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Riley
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HOLY CARP!!!
The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 04:44 PM
®1LE¥
Mar 9 2006, 04:43 PM
Hm... seems like you're a bit worked up over nothing...

So she sped up to get in the door, so you wouldn't have to hold the tour too long, and you think the polite thing would be to always time your walk so that you reach the door at the same time? Does anyone really do this?

Maybe I'm the only one that does that...

:lol: seems like it.
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The 89th Key
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:doh:
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 01:40 PM
DivaDeb
Mar 9 2006, 04:35 PM
Maybe her shoes hurt.  Maybe she had the cramps. Maybe she didn't really want to go through the door at the same time as you did, but when she saw you holding it, she felt obligated enough by your gesture that she broke into a trot to spare you from having to wait on her for very long. 

Really minor inconvenience as a result of accomodating another human being should not cause you discomfort.  Just relax.  You need to learn to do this before you get a wife and have young uns.

Well it's just that compounded by quite a few similar events in the last day or two.

For example, today I was coming through the lobby and this young lady was walking my way. So I opened the door for her, and literally stood there for about 10 seconds holding it for her as she walked slowly through and didn't nod, smile, or say thanks. Like I was holding it for the queen or something.

Just odd how some people don't think ahead or think of others the way they should, and when it happens to you numerous times in a little amount of time...you have to question what's going on.

If you can't hold doors open with kindness, instead of resentment, in your heart then stop holding doors open.

You have only yourself to blame for your resentment for your percieved duties.

Stop living in ways that don't work any more.

Change.
Adjust.

The world around you certainly won't.
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The 89th Key
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You're right Kenny. Chivalry is dead. I must move on. :P
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DivaDeb
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uh huh...as a friend of mine says, you have to decide between defending against the charge of the elephant (big problems) or the charge of the mosquito (little annoyances). If you spend all your time in a tizzy, swatting at every mosquito that crosses your path, you're not likely to have the energy to escape, or even notice that you're about to be trampled by an elephant.

Tolerating people in the periphery of your life is very good practice for learning to live with other people. Nobody is never going to get in your way. Nobody is never going to have a bad day or never say something they didn't mean. Nobody will never be late or early. Nobody will always remember what you said, or forget what you wish you hadn't said. People are fallible. Even you and me. We should never forget that if we wish to be cut a little slack once in a while ourselves.
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 01:46 PM
You're right Kenny. Chivalry is dead. I must move on. :P

Pretty much is. Last time I saw folks runnin' around in chain mail and claymores was on an 8th grade field trip to the armaments museum.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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The 89th Key
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Quote:
 
Nobody will always remember what you said, or forget what you wish you hadn't said. People are fallible. Even you and me. We should never forget that if we wish to be cut a little slack once in a while ourselves.


Ok, but if the same woman does this 5 times in a row...she better watch out for a shutting door next time! :sword:
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Riley
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DivaDeb
Mar 9 2006, 04:48 PM
uh huh...as a friend of mine says, you have to decide between defending against the charge of the elephant (big problems) or the charge of the mosquito (little annoyances). If you spend all your time in a tizzy, swatting at every mosquito that crosses your path, you're not likely to have the energy to escape, or even notice that you're about to be trampled by an elephant.

Hey, good analogy. :)
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Nina
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Aqua Letifer
Mar 9 2006, 09:37 AM
Anyway, either with this issue or something else, somebody said something like "don't get offended unless there's intent to offend." Prob'ly applies quite nice here.

I find people who are just naturally offensive to be quite offensive. I'm offended that anyone could think otherwise. :tsktsk:
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DivaDeb
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The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 01:40 PM

Well it's just that compounded by quite a few similar events in the last day or two.

For example, today I was coming through the lobby and this young lady was walking my way. So I opened the door for her, and literally stood there for about 10 seconds holding it for her as she walked slowly through and didn't nod, smile, or say thanks. Like I was holding it for the queen or something.

Just odd how some people don't think ahead or think of others the way they should, and when it happens to you numerous times in a little amount of time...you have to question what's going on.

In this situation...I can tell you, as a woman, you can get some pretty weird vibes from time to time from guys who hold the door for you. She may have been a jerk, she may have felt uncomfortable. If she's shy, or wonders if you had an ulterior motive, or just isn't used to courtesy, she might really have felt awkward.

No excuse, but a possible reason.
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Haha, well she was a 30 or 40 year old African woman, and I'm a young white dude. I'm pretty sure she wasn't thinking any of that...

But I see what you're saying. :P
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DivaDeb
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The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 01:49 PM
Quote:
 
Nobody will always remember what you said, or forget what you wish you hadn't said. People are fallible. Even you and me. We should never forget that if we wish to be cut a little slack once in a while ourselves.


Ok, but if the same woman does this 5 times in a row...she better watch out for a shutting door next time! :sword:

If the same woman does it five times in a row, I can almost assure you, she doesn't want you to hold the steenkin' door open for her. That does happen...some women like to do stuff for themselves to avoid any feelings of obligation to a man they don't know.

Not me though. When the door needs to be opened for me, all you fine gentelmen will be getting that door. And I will smile and thank you kindly.

:P
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Nina
Mar 9 2006, 01:50 PM
Aqua Letifer
Mar 9 2006, 09:37 AM
Anyway, either with this issue or something else, somebody said something like "don't get offended unless there's intent to offend."  Prob'ly applies quite nice here.

I find people who are just naturally offensive to be quite offensive. I'm offended that anyone could think otherwise. :tsktsk:

Really?

I mean, I dunno. It may be frustrating when people are being obnoxious, loud, or well, just plain @$$holish. But if there's no malicious intent and they don't even know what they're doing, it's a lot easier to take than if they know what they're doing.

There's a guy in our building I've run into a couple few times, and man, he swears like a Portugese sailor. I mean, it's pretty nasty stuff (even for me). But when he's talking, he's totally not even thinking about being rude; he's just trying to make conversation! So it may be a bit much, but I won't get much "offended".
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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kenny
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The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 01:46 PM
You're right Kenny. Chivalry is dead. I must move on. :P

Be careful:
"Chivalry is dead." is a much more complex assumption.

I'd limit it to this:
Holding open door the door to your apartment building, and waiting for women entering to act the way you expect them to act isn't working for you.

They were YOUR expectations.
Own them.
Then came from your universe.
Now, since they are yours you can adjust them.

Those women have their own universes they live in.
When you get this you may stop wondering what's "wrong" with these people.
Magically, their power to annoy you will evaporate.

In a way thee things are not a big deal; it was just a passing moment afterall.
But you can adjust *yourself* so these "not big deals" no longer stick in your mind enough to have to vent them on a forum.

Edit - another possibility is learn to say things as you feel them.
Next time I'm holding the door I might say in a nice way, "Hurry up now, I can't wait forever".
It will let off a little steam, right then, right there.

Afterall, It's all about you.
Living in peace is possible.
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
You're becoming quite the Buddha there, Kenny! :thumb:
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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The 89th Key
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Kenny, I'm not going to adjust my expectations if they are reasonable, just to cater to the whims of some selfish jackass. Ok, maybe a bit much...but adjusting your expecations because of inconsiderate people is a downward cycle.
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kenny
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The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 02:37 PM
Kenny, I'm not going to adjust my expectations if they are reasonable, just to cater to the whims of some selfish jackass. Ok, maybe a bit much...but adjusting your expecations because of inconsiderate people is a downward cycle.

Be happy my son.
And give me my pearls back. :P
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 02:37 PM
Kenny, I'm not going to adjust my expectations if they are reasonable, just to cater to the whims of some selfish jackass. Ok, maybe a bit much...but adjusting your expecations because of inconsiderate people is a downward cycle.

Yeah, like that lady who wouldn't have the common courtesy to make sure she stayed 10-15 feet behind you so you wouldn't have to wait 11 seconds to hold the door open for her! What an inconsiderate bitch. VERY selfish indeed.

Cool out, man.

EDIT
And it's not a downward cycle. You shouldn't be holding doors open for people in expectation they'll thank you, you should do it on general principle; their reaction should not matter.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Horace
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kenny
Mar 9 2006, 08:28 AM
The 89th Key
Mar 9 2006, 08:23 AM
Aqua...good call with the "You're Welcome" (with a big smile) as a response to their rude indifference.

Mik, I usually don't care, but the last two days have been bad. I dunno...I guess I am acting righteous or something, but I hold myself to a higher standard. I try to time things out to make sure it's not awkward for the other person, or I'll say thank you......but the last few days I've had a string of people just act like rude jackasses and it makes me not only not want to hold the door for them in the future, but possible release it at just the right time so that when they get to the door, it's uncomfortably shutting in their face!!! :devil: :devil:

Other people suck.

Accept this.

Get used to it, and go play your piano.

You will have a happier life.

Yep. "Hell is other people."

I always run whenever I'm crossing the street and cars are waiting, or even in the situation with the door that you described. I smile, run to catch up and thank them warmly. But it can get complex when I'm the one holding the door for someone else. There is a certain social obligatoin there for them to get to the door ASAP if they see someone holding it open for them. But the extra energy they expend doing that is way more than they would if they had to just open the door for themselves. So it's an imposition on them. Thus I always do my best to pretend not to notice people behind me if they're of sufficient distance that there might be an awkward "jog to the door" if i was holding it open for them.

Politeness can be a real pain. I can't stand the "bless you" crap after sneezing. You're a prick if you don't say it and painfully trite and obvoius and annoying if you do. I've just stopped saying it.

All bets are off if it's a beautiful woman, of course. Then you're as polite as possible in all circumstances just for the chance to interact with them on some level and to guage their reaction to see if they're interested.

That said - cultivate apathy for other people's lack of social graces. And, as Aqua says, "kill them with kindness". Ironically it's much easier to be kind to people if you don't really care how they react.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
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Fizzygirl
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PMS 89? :P

Seriously, I have avoided going in the door with some pretty scary guys I've seen from time to time. Even though they were holding the door, I chose to enter through another door alltogether. Some guys give off some pretty creepy vibes these days and smart gals keep their distance.

Take a Midol and put it to rest. :rolleyes:
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. ~ Garrison Keillor


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dolmansaxlil
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89th - maybe people who don't "pick up their pace" so they walk in for that "seamless transition" in door holding just make the assumption that not everyone would hold the door open. I've had that happen, where I am walking along, someone 15 feet ahead of me, and I assume that they'll just go in and I'll (gasp!) have to open the door myself. When they hold it open, I'm pleasantly surprised, jog to catch up, smile and thank them.
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