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Watch your kids on the internet..; even the good ones...
Topic Started: Jan 23 2006, 12:55 PM (1,207 Views)
Nina
Senior Carp
Mikailoh-- I'm reading this post avidly, because we're always on the lookout as well. My daughter has computer access (very limited). We have a software program called "net nanny" which filters out stuff that your child may inadvertently stumble upon. You can specifically add sites you do NOT want your child to go on... be it computer games, myspace.com, etc., plus it comes with a long list of pre-loaded "do not allow" sites, words it will blank out, etc.

We also use NT, and log out. The kids' accounts are set up so they have very limited access to anything.

We also have the computer out in the family room, so they can't just sit in their room for hours with their friends and look for objectionable stuff.

That said, it's still a pain in the rear, and it sounds like you're handling it well. One other issue that you didn't bring up here (though maybe you did in person with your daughter) is the issue of trust. You specifically asked her not to set up multiple accounts, and she did it anyway. So it seems to me there are two issues here: the first is her safety and not trusting her to make the right choices (yet); the second is her deception.

The first requires education, communication and age/experience, IMO; the second requires punishment! :smokin: :)
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QuirtEvans
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
I don't know about the library.

At our school, though, the kids cannot access the web randomly. They are only allowed to access sites that the teacher has pre-approved. If the teacher doesn't enter the site on an "allowed" list, the kids can't get there.

Seems like a pretty good system to me. If kids want to surf all over the place, that's between them and their parents, at home.

By the way, Mik, Verizon now sells cellphones for kids that have exactly four buttons on them ... one for each of the four numbers you are allowed to call. I would think incoming calls would be similarly restricted, but I don't know that for sure. If you want your daughter to have a cellphone for safety reasons, but want to limit her usage as a punishment, that might be a good alternative. It does give her a way to get in touch with you, when she needs to.
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
God bless you and your family, Mik. No advice from me (other than to completely agree with Quirt's advice about the cell phone). Your decision to put your family first is beyond commendable. Would that everyone did so.
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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The 89th Key
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Nina, good parenting advice and experience. :)
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Thanks, all. I can't tell you what your support, good wishes and shared experiences mean to me.

Nina, believe me.. we have dropped da bomb on her re the trust issue. Losing her cell and Ipod are only part of her punishment. Her workload around the house is about to rise substantially.. including taking over most of the laundry. I also continue to make it clear to her that she is buy NO means out of the woods and in the clear. She needs to get it through the thick skull that she got from her father that her teen years will be no picnic if we cannot trust her.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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TomK
HOLY CARP!!!
Good job Mik!

That's what a being a parent is all about: forming character. The world outside doesn't really matter very much--but our children do.
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Jack Frost
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Bull-Carp
Hey dad, I think you are over-reacting. Give her back the iPod!

Kidding.....MY daughter is only 10 so I don't have these worries. She is just getting into IM and has been a Neopets fan for a bit (MySpace training ground?)

One rule I have made clear is that we need to know who she is chattting with. We also use a filter program called Cybersitter that seems to work really well. you can program it to prevent instant messaging generally as well as porn or violent or any other kind of sites.

By the way, the freedom of information act requires the government to provide you with information it has that you request. It has nothing to do with library censorship. I do believe most of the reluctance to use filters comes from librarians--something I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Since when does a library have to provide access to porn??? Although I did note with some chagrin that the public library in my town has MAXIM among the magazines on its shelves.

Good luck, Mik. It ain't easy having daughters these days is it. You are doing the right thing without doubt, but at the same time I would not overreact, if only because you need to have room to go further if there is another problem. The improtant thing is to get the message across, change their behavior and protect them. Beyond that....?


Good luck

jf

Quote:
 
Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Good job, Mik. She doesn't know it at this moment, but she's a very lucky girl to have a dad like you.

This kind of story absolutely terrifies me. Mine's only two at the moment. God alone knows what kind of crap's going to be available in 12 year's time.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Jack Frost
Jan 24 2006, 05:01 PM

By the way, the freedom of information act requires the government to provide you with information it has that you request.  It has nothing to do with library censorship.  I do believe most of the reluctance to use filters comes from librarians--something I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 

Sorry, my bad. I should have been more careful; I thought maybe Americans just called it that. Intellectual Freedom is the correct term.Intellectual Freedom
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Jack Frost
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Bull-Carp
sue
Jan 24 2006, 09:43 PM
Jack Frost
Jan 24 2006, 05:01 PM

By the way, the freedom of information act requires the government to provide you with information it has that you request.  It has nothing to do with library censorship.  I do believe most of the reluctance to use filters comes from librarians--something I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 

Sorry, my bad. I should have been more careful; I thought maybe Americans just called it that. Intellectual Freedom is the correct term.Intellectual Freedom

Thanks for the correction Sue. Nothing to do with the government. In fact the present admin would probably welcome porn filters. ONE thing W and i have in common. there may be another, but it escapes me at the moment.

jf
Quote:
 
Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
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Rick Zimmer
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Fulla-Carp
Mikhailoh
Jan 24 2006, 03:39 PM
Thanks, all. I can't tell you what your support, good wishes and shared experiences mean to me. 

Nina, believe me.. we have dropped da bomb on her re the trust issue.  Losing her cell and Ipod are only part of her punishment.  Her workload around the house is about to rise substantially.. including taking over most of the laundry.  I also continue to make it clear to her that she is buy NO means out of the woods and in the clear.  She needs to get it through the thick skull that she got from her father that her teen years will be no picnic if we cannot trust her.

That's the real issue -- the trust.

The internet she will get on to somehow if she wants to. You can control it at home; but no where else.

But the children need to understand the importance of parents being able to trust them

My youngest is 18 -- about to move to Pittsburgh for college (hey Big Al!), so I am almost finished wih this. But with all three of them, we made it very clear that if we knew we could trust them, the parameters for them were wide. If, though, they did something and we found we could not trust them, the parameters immediately became very narrow -- and they earned the opening of them very slowly and very incrementally.

We were no fools. Undoubtedly there were things they did we would not have approved of. That's part of being a teenager. But we seldom found them going very far afield -- and we watched closely as one should with teenagers.

We found we had little trouble with any of them. The onus was on them not on us, and they knew it.

Outside of things like maintaining their studies, doing their chores and the like, there were two things we demanded of them. 1. That we could trust them. 2. That they would always treat us with the respect we as their parents deserved -- as we treated them with respect. It seems to have worked.

(And then we picked our battles carefully).
[size=4]Violence is incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul -- Benedict XVI[/size]
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
The last one, Rick... picking the battles.. crucial. I have always told Janet when she would fuss about this or that, that if EVERYTHING is important, NOTHING is important.

As an update, I spoke with the detective yesterday. I will put together the materials I have on this guy and they will wait a bit then set up a sting for him. If he bites, tough luck for him. My sense of this is he's just an idiot as opposed to a predator, but one never knows.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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big al
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Bull-Carp
Good job, Mik. I'm glad in some ways that my youngest child is over 21. I still worry about some things my children do (like when one of my daughters took up kick-boxing for awhile) but I no longer have the responsibility of raising them.

Rick, glad to see the news you planted in the middle of this thread. Maybe we can meet sometime when you're in my neck of the woods.

Big Al
Location: Western PA

"jesu, der simcha fun der man's farlangen."
-bachophile
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FrankM
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Senior Carp
big al
Jan 25 2006, 10:41 AM
Good job, Mik. I'm glad in some ways that my youngest child is over 21. I still worry about some things my children do (like when one of my daughters took up kick-boxing for awhile) but I no longer have the responsibility of raising them.

Big Al

I don’t know, Big Al. My youngest is just beyond 21, but I’m not sure my wife or I will ever feel it’s no longer our responsibility. It’s just that we have to use a helluva lot more finesse since they are now "adults."

Mik, I applaud you. As you can gather, you are far, far from alone in dealing with this kind of pervasive problem. The situation you’ve presented is, to me, one in which the notion of tough love is crucial.
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
The onion has a lot of layers. As I was examining some of the crap at MySpace.com, I discovered that in the thread related to their school many of her calssmates have put not only their pictures, but their real names and where they go to school.

I'm planning to speak with the principal about this to see what we can't get out to the parents.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Good for you Mik. The world needs more parents like you. Go get 'em. :thumb:
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
'I am a pit bull on the pantleg of internet predators' :lol:
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Ben
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Senior Carp
Being a high school student, I'm a bit older than your daughter's age, Mik, but it only gets worse when they get into high school.

I'd bet 70-80% of the kids in my school have a MySpace page. I made one once but didn't really have much I wanted to put on it, so I've never gotten into the whole MySpace thing. I know lots of the kids at my school have put loads of personal information (school, full name, etc.) on theirs, since my mom is always warning my sister and I about the dangers of putting up stuff like that and dealing with the things that are put up that are hurtful to students, etc... (she's the counselor) I know a lot of the kids who used to have this information up have taken it down, and some have even deleted their MySpaces but most haven't. I think it's a great thing for kids to use, as long as it isn't abused. Also, if you're going to be using it, you need to be able to use your brain: "Should I post my full name and where I go to school?"-"No." "Is it safe to post pictures of myself online?"-"Probably... but is it worth the risk?" Unfortunately, this doesn't usually happen.

I would just urge everyone dealing with this sort of thing to be reasonable - I must say taking away internet access for the next seven or eight months seems quite unreasonable to me, but then it's your choice, and yours to enforce (good luck) - and realize that these things (MySpace, IM) are large parts of many kids' lives.

Also, I forget who brought it up, but when you sign up for MySpace you must claim to be at least 14.
- Ben

"Playing 'bop' is like playing Scrabble with all the vowels missing." - Duke Ellington

bennieloohoo@gmail.com
Or you can just PM me. :P
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Ben
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Senior Carp
Nina
Jan 24 2006, 03:19 PM
We have a software program called "net nanny" which filters out stuff that your child may inadvertently stumble upon. You can specifically add sites you do NOT want your child to go on... be it computer games, myspace.com, etc., plus it comes with a long list of pre-loaded "do not allow" sites, words it will blank out, etc.

We also use NT, and log out. The kids' accounts are set up so they have very limited access to anything.

We also have the computer out in the family room, so they can't just sit in their room for hours with their friends and look for objectionable stuff.

All I can say is I am SO glad my parents never did anything like this.
- Ben

"Playing 'bop' is like playing Scrabble with all the vowels missing." - Duke Ellington

bennieloohoo@gmail.com
Or you can just PM me. :P
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ivorythumper
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
Ben
Jan 25 2006, 05:40 PM

All I can say is I am SO glad my parents never did anything like this.

No doubt the owners of SpankMe.com are glad as well. :lol:


(sorry, Ben -- those nice slow pitches deserve to get knocked over the fence!)
The dogma lives loudly within me.
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Ben
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Senior Carp
:leaving:

But seriously though, I'm sure TNCR would be blocked by some of those filters. Y'all ought to check and see. I would hate to think I might be without all that the CR and TNCR have taught me because my parents had a ridiculous filter on the internet.
- Ben

"Playing 'bop' is like playing Scrabble with all the vowels missing." - Duke Ellington

bennieloohoo@gmail.com
Or you can just PM me. :P
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
i'm glad i was/am a good kid. if you take away internet for the rest of the school year, what are you going to do when she is required to have an internet source for a project or paper?
And how are you today?
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
We'll be with her while she works on it.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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maple
Junior Carp
what's wrong with using books?
I don't agree with the "internet as a source" illusion that is forced by teacher on children, even very young ones.
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
maple
Jan 25 2006, 05:51 PM
what's wrong with using books?
I don't agree with the "internet as a source" illusion that is forced by teacher on children, even very young ones.

oh. that makes sense, Mik. ok.

well, i do like using books, and i use them as much as possible, but every major paper i have written in the last 4 years has required an internet source. i think it's a good idea. it gets students to recognize the difference between not-so-reliable sites (most .coms) and good ones (.edu and .gov). it's a technological advancement that you "oldies" have to get used to :P
And how are you today?
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