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Watch your kids on the internet..; even the good ones...
Topic Started: Jan 23 2006, 12:55 PM (1,203 Views)
Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Last week I found that my daughter had set up IM IDs on another instant message board other than what she is authorized to use. Since she fessed up when I confronted her, I did not penalize her other than explaining again the reasons behind why we will not give her total unlimited access, but cautioning that if she repeated this type of behavior the consequences would be severe, as in no internet access until next school year. What it really comes down to is we refuse to give the rest of the world access to her.

Today I happened upon a Yahoo ID she had set up, and lo and behold, there were two NEW ids she set up Sunday other places!!! On one she had posted in her blog about how her parents had found out about her 'secret screen name' and that the funny thing was we did not know that she was still using it! I know I am paying for my wayward youth, but I must say that she gets an F in Successful Sneakiness.

Well, this became quite the onion, peeling away layer after layer of places she had registered, semi-obscene emails these kids are passing back and forth, etc.

One of the more recent ones had already resulted in a 29 year old man inviting her to be an 'online friend'. Within 24 hours or her registration. I don't think she'd be dumb enough to talk to anyone like that, but that's not the point. I responded to his email, explaining that he was contacting a 12 year old, and that since I was able to follow HIS trail back to his name, pictures and place of employment, he could expect a visit from the nice detectives shortly. I don't think this guy is probably a pedophile, and if he is he doesn't cover his tracks very well. But her picture she posted and the comments she made in her profile is enough for any reasonably intelligent adult to determine that this is not a woman of the age of consent.

She has no idea how many priveleges she is about to lose tonight. New cell phone? Gone. Ipod? Gone. Internet IDs? I've changed all the passwords and email redirections so I can still receive whatever she's getting.

Sigh. Other than this she's a good kid, straight As and talented. I guess this addictive internet just got too important for her.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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The 89th Key
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Well good catch then! Wow! :eek:

Parents in general REALLY need to restrict and supervise their children's online behavior and actions. She's lucky to have a dad like you. :)
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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
My students all have created "MySpace" accounts. You're supposed to be 16, or 18, or some other age- but obviously all you have to do to avoid that rule is click a button saying you are of age. I have 4th graders with accounts there. They all link to one another's accounts. The 10 yr olds are just a couple links away from seeing horrible obscenities and nudity. Lots of girls posting pictures of themselves, trying to gain admirers.

The big problem I think is that they are fantastically more advanced than their parents with internet and computers, and the parents have no idea what their children have so easily accesible to them.
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
MySpace.com is exactly where this invitation was from. I intend to have a conversation with the founder.

Thanks, 89th.. she isn't going to feel very lucky tonight.
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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justme
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HOLY CARP!!!
Wow! You go, Michael! Let her know just how LOVED she is!!!!!!!
"Men sway more towards hussies." G-D3
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The 89th Key
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Mik, I've heard of parents finding "bad" stuff on their kid's computer before, and then BUYING them a computer a few months later with even more freedom! :no:
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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
MySpace is a sh!theap, and I know of too many people who waste hours there each day. She's better without it! (Though with probably all of her friends on it, I'm sure she won't feel that way, and you'll lose quite a few "cool dad" points!)
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Not gonna happen in this case. The operative phrase here is 'don't abuse it or you'll lose it'. (With thanks to the J. Geils Band)
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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Kincaid
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HOLY CARP!!!
Mik,

How did you go about finding this stuff out? My daughter has a myspace account and I would certainly like to see what is going out and coming in.
Kincaid - disgusted Republican Partisan since 2006.
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Optimistic
Jan 23 2006, 01:02 PM
The big problem I think is that they are fantastically more advanced than their parents with internet and computers, and the parents have no idea what their children have so easily accesible to them.

You are so right, Opt!

Good for you Mik, for looking out for your daughter. This won't be any easy evening for you. :huh:
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Wow, this has to be difficult Mik.
I can't imagine how I'd feel.
My heart really goes out to you.

Who am I to give parenting advice, but here I go.
Emphasize what CAN happen to her as a result of what she posted.
Her actions may seem harmless to her at her age but there are girls who have been abducted, and worse.

Find some examples to show her.
Emphasize that you love her and want to protect her.

I'd be sure to mention how her betrayal of your trust made you feel.
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***musical princess***
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HOLY CARP!!!
Mik....

... i was not going to admit up to this but i think i should...


I was once in the same position as your daughter...


...and as hard as it was for me to see and admit it at the time... you did the right thing....


x
x Caroline x
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
:clap:

Bravo Mik

You may have a rough evening. Kids who get caught can be pretty unpleasant. It's much easier for them to blame you for busting up their fun than admit they've been deceptive.

Yea for you...yea for her. Someday she'll realize what it means to care enough about a child to let them be mad at you for a while. Real love is being willing to do whatever it takes to ensure what is best for the object of your love. Sometimes it means they make your life miserable for a while. I'll be thinking about you.


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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
Thanks all.. she sensed my mood on the way home and asked if I was mad at her.. I said no, I was very hurt. I explained a little of it but left her dangling until Janet gets home.

It will not be a fun night, but c'est la vie.

Thanks for all the suppport!
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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QuirtEvans
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I Owe It All To John D'Oh
You have my sympathies, Mik. It's going to be hard, but you're doing the right thing.
It would be unwise to underestimate what large groups of ill-informed people acting together can achieve. -- John D'Oh, January 14, 2010.
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Freedom
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Senior Carp
:( poor girl.
The leaving them dangling is the worst! ! !
But I suppose we all need a world where we can escape our parents, no matter how much we love them.

"A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident."

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Shammy
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Middle Aged Carp
I agree with watching your kids on the net!
I have it set up so all their convos get saved to my received files. They can't download or set up anything without the administrator's password. I am usually in the same room playing the piano when they are online.


ON ANOTHER NOTE - KIDS ARE NOT SAFE AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY IN THE CHILDREN'S SECTION!
I was very upset at the library one day. The librarian came up to me and asked if my 6 yr old was allowed on porn sites. I said NO!!! How in the world did he access a porn site on the computers in the CHILDREN'S area??? She told me that since there was a freedom of information act or some crap like that they couldn't restrict the computers in the library. (Our government at work to protect our children)
I asked my son how he got to the site... he said
Well, I was on this cartoon site and it said to put in your email address as xxx@xxx.com so I put that in..... (he's blond)
another one to avoid..... whitehouse.com
I'd rather fall into chocolate.
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The 89th Key
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Mik, how did it go???
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Mikhailoh
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If you want trouble, find yourself a redhead
It went better than I suspected. We kept it very calm and non-accusatory, explaining why we establish these rules, what the potential hazards are, etc. She insists she would never converse with anyone she does not know, to which we countered that predators are very, very clever at gaining your trust by telling you things you want to hear.

The bottom line is she has no cell phone, no Ipod for some time to be determined, and NO internet access until next school year IF we are pleased with how things are going and there are no more behavior issues.

I set the no access period at that length because I want to use the time to redirect her energies, which is going to take more of my energies. It will certainly cut into my time on the forums. Since the internet seems to be the only area we are having trouble in, we did not want to impact her theatre or musical activities, nor the very good circle of friends she has.

Unfortunately it also means I'm not going to be able to accept any out of town work for quite a while. Fortunately Janet's job is being majorly upgraded to the point that it will provide enough additional income that I will not need to be the major breadwinner for a while. Lauren is my most important job, though, and we're in good shape economically.

One of the issues that came up, rather predictably, is that she wants more freedom and feels she is being overprotected. At 12. I post this as I take a break from writing her a letter about the nature of freedom in a society of other people. That freedom is not license to do as you please, but freedom to become who you are and wish to be. I hope writing the letter will cause her to consider what I say more carefully, or at least to remember it.

All of you faith-based folk out there, please say a prayer for my family... :angel: We'll need it!
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead - Lucille Ball
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DivaDeb
HOLY CARP!!!
Got your back, Mik

FWIW...the letter is a *wonderful* thing. Don't be surprised if, when she is packing to go to college, that letter turns up because she's kept it in her things. Girls need their dads to do what you're doing. To care enough to risk making them unhappy with you for a time.

have a hug
:hug:
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Shammy
Jan 24 2006, 06:36 AM
She told me that since there was a freedom of information act or some crap like that they couldn't restrict the computers in the library.  (Our government at work to protect our children) 
I asked my son how he got to the site... he said
Well, I was on this cartoon site and it said to put in your email address as xxx@xxx.com so I put that in.....  (he's blond)
another one to avoid..... whitehouse.com

Public libraries take the freedom of information act very seriously. While I am a bit surprised a terminal in a designated children's area (I assume this is what you are talking about) didn't have any filters, this is a decision every library is struggling with. In smaller libraries, with internet access computers that are open to anyone (which is what public libraries are all about), filters are a form of censoring that goes against a public library's mandate. If you ask to see any library's policy statement, you will see that you, as an adult, are responsible for what your child looks at, takes out, etc. We cannot be babysitters.

Some libraries resort to putting their public access computers in a higher traffic area, thinking that will discourage people looking at porn. But this obviously infringes on one's privacy. Lots of libraries put 'privacy screens' on their monitors, and some put them only on those in the adult section. Believe me, it is a problem, and no has the perfect answer right now.

As someone who works in a very small library, I can tell you that even we have ongoing problems with kids downloading games, that come along with all sorts of goodies that constantly need removing. It is a very tricky dance keeping the carp off our computers, while leaving them available for the next person who may come in do some research on the latest studies concerning prostate cancer, for example.
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justme
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HOLY CARP!!!
DivaDeb
Jan 24 2006, 11:06 AM


have a hug
:hug:

ditto.

I'm sure your daughter's a sweetheart. Give her hugs from me.
"Men sway more towards hussies." G-D3
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Part of your answer is to spend more time with her.

Good dad. :thumb:
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Shammy
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Middle Aged Carp
Yes Sue, it was in the Children's section. I just felt that the computers in the children's section which are at little tables with little chairs (obviously not meant for adults) should have filters and safeguards installed on them. Even the ones at the middle school where I used to work would not let you access many sites due to popups, possible porn links, graphics, etc. I remember not being able to access a site that created crossword puzzles because some of their popup ads had adult related content.
I'd rather fall into chocolate.
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sue
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HOLY CARP!!!
Shammy
Jan 24 2006, 08:45 AM
Yes Sue, it was in the Children's section. I just felt that the computers in the children's section which are at little tables with little chairs (obviously not meant for adults) should have filters and safeguards installed on them. Even the ones at the middle school where I used to work would not let you access many sites due to popups, possible porn links, graphics, etc. I remember not being able to access a site that created crossword puzzles because some of their popup ads had adult related content.

Schools are a very different kettle of fish, and yes, they should have blocks, filters etc.

I am surprised though, in the situation you describe, that those didn't have some filters. Definitely sounds like a children's only section! I guess that library has chosen an across the board policy regarding freedom or information. Lots do.

Those pop up ads...... :cursing: !!!
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