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More Chuck Norrisisms!
Topic Started: Jan 18 2006, 08:47 AM (626 Views)
The 89th Key
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Chuck Norris ate a rubiks cube and pooped it out solved.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

In WWII Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
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Aqua Letifer
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ZOOOOOM!
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks all three in the face.

Rather then drink a cup of coffee for breakfast, Chuck Norris pours the whole pot on his genitals. He laughs because it tickles.

Rainbows are what happens when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick the bedroom light off and get under the covers before the room turns dark.

Chuck Norris defeated Mr. T. at the battle of Little Big Horn.

Chuck Norris can't own pets; they'd always turn into BattleCat or Lion-o.

A single drop of Chuck Norris's blood could cure every disease. However, man has yet to invent a needle sharp enough to puncture his skin.

Chuck Norris listens to Pantera to calm down.

Chuck Norris does not read the terms of agreement, but clicks the "I Agree" button anyway.

The Chuck Norris Diet consists of milk, broken glass, and Germans.

After the early 90's, Captain Planet grew a beard and became who we all know today as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has done approximatly five hundred billion dollars worth of damage just from kicking people out windows.

Chuck Norris invented the internet.

Chuck Norris once used his beard to strangle an entire Vietnamese village.
I cite irreconcilable differences.
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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

In WWII Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"


Quote:
 
Chuck Norris does not read the terms of agreement, but clicks the "I Agree" button anyway.

The Chuck Norris Diet consists of milk, broken glass, and Germans.


:spit:

Wow, these never get old!
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Chuck Norris don't fear the reaper.

Chuck Norris just saved a ton of money on his car insurance. Then he kicked somebody in the face.
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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The 89th Key
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These never get old!!!!!11
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The 89th Key
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Chuck Norris let the dogs out, and then he killed them just by yawning.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep...he waits.

The Grand Canyon was formed when Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse kick an ant.
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Horace
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HOLY CARP!!!
Chuck Norris got bit by a radioactive spider, which made him able to lift 3000 pounds and jump 40 feet in the air. In such a weakened state, it took him almost 10 minutes to become the world's leading scientific pioneer in microbiology, radiology, and toxicology so he could fashion an antidote to get back to his normal self. THen he saw a guy in a spider suit fighting a guy with 8 arms, and he roundhouse kicked them both, which made them stop fighting and start crying.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.


Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
Chuck Norris fought the law, and Chuck Norris won.

Chuck Norris stole the cookies from the cookie jar. What you gonna do about it?
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick the meek and inherit the earth.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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George K
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Finally
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=QP1PuB1R-Xw

Chuck Norris on the Tony Danza show.

"If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you."
A guide to GKSR: Click

"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... "
- Mik, 6/14/08


Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.

I'd rather listen to an hour of Abba than an hour of The Beatles.
- Klaus, 4/29/18
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Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
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Optimistic
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HOLY CARP!!!
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
PHOTOS

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
- Mark Twain


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T. S. Eliot
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Horace
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HOLY CARP!!!
What goes up because of Chuck Norris, never comes down.

There's no such thing as a lunch that's not free to Chuck Norris.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
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Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris made a sex tape once. It was called the Bowflex Instructional Video.
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Horace
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HOLY CARP!!!
Chuck Norris doesn't need to look both ways before crossing, but he does anyway. If he only looks one way, then the way he didn't look gets insanely jealous of the way he did look.
As a good person, I implore you to do as I, a good person, do. Be good. Do NOT be bad. If you see bad, end bad. End it in yourself, and end it in others. By any means necessary, the good must conquer the bad. Good people know this. Do you know this? Are you good?
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Axtremus
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HOLY CARP!!!
Quote:
 
Aqua posted:

Chuck Norris does not read the terms of agreement, but clicks the "I Agree" button anyway.


Chuck Norris can install all the Software Updates without clicking the "I Agree" button.

Chuck Norris needs no stickin' Software Update.
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Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris uses neither Windows nor Mac. He uses CNOS (Chuck Norris Operating System), which is unknown to the public but has actually been running the Matrix without incident for 36,415 years, 213 days, 14 minutes, and 3 roundhouse kicks.

Chuck Norris invented the Internet.
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LWpianistin
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HOLY CARP!!!
seriously. when did he become a "fad"? seems a lot more popular than he was 2 years ago.
And how are you today?
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Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris did not become a fad. Fads become Chuck Norris.
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Larry
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Mmmmmmm, pie!
Chuck Norris is a pussy.
Of the Pokatwat Tribe

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Mark
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HOLY CARP!!!
:sombrero:
___.___
(_]===*
o 0
When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race. H.G. Wells
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Chuck Norris
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Larry
Jan 18 2006, 09:38 PM
Chuck Norris is a pussy.

That's not what Chuck Norris' mom said last night about him when Chuck Norris was having sex with her.
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
Chuck Norris doesn't blow goats. Goats blow Chuck Norris.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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