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An open letter to my pets
Topic Started: Jan 14 2006, 07:51 AM (219 Views)
George K
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Finally
Dear Beloved Pets,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

I cannot stress this enough!




To return the kindness of your obedience, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door so visitors to our home know what the rules are here:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy and walk on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially my cats.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!
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***musical princess***
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HOLY CARP!!!
George K
Jan 14 2006, 03:51 PM
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

:thumb:

x
x Caroline x
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
Being a two-puppy daddy now for a few months I read and enjoyed this with newly found understanding and appreciation.

:thumb:

I am frequently surprised and amazed at how human-like these creatures can be.
I love them dearly but it is still hard to adjust to all the extra dirt, mud, grass, filth that they track into the house and the hair.
It is a lot of work.

Overall having two dogs is a wonderful thing.
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jgoo
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Administrator
:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

:thumb:
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justme
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HOLY CARP!!!
:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:
"Men sway more towards hussies." G-D3
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apple
one of the angels
my dam doggie ate up the foam padding underneath the piano rug :smokin: ... got right under there and tore it up..

it behooves me to behold
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kenny
HOLY CARP!!!
You let a puppy near your piano?

:hair: :hair: :hair:

Mine are not even allowed in that room.
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apple
one of the angels
he rests at my feet as i practice and has adopted the rug as his special property.. that's where he chews up the kid toys we give him. thank goodness he does his business OUTside.
it behooves me to behold
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John D'Oh
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MAMIL
With a few very small changes, this letter could equally well be addressed to my children.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
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Fish
Advanced Member
:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

Quote:
 
he rests at my feet as i practice and has adopted the rug as his special property


Last summer we got to look after a dog for a few days while his owner was on holiday. Seamus (sadly now dead) was an ex-racing greyhound comprising mostly legs, a tiger-coloured coat and a doleful expression.

We put his bed in the hall, so I moved my grandmother's rug out of the hall and into our living room under the piano in an attempt to protect it from hairs and bodily fluids. Seamus immediately assumed that the rug had been placed there expressely for his benefit and proceeded to lie on it, sphinx like.

When I played my piano he came and put his head on my lap so I couldn't play. Then he sniffed the piano, steaming it up and leaving wet nose drips on the keys. Luckily he eventually went away ... making a beeline once more for my grandmother's rug where he fell asleep.

Then on the Sunday morning, when Steve and I were attempting to have a lie in, he started whining! So Steve got up, went downstairs, opened the back door for him, and came back to bed. The whining continued. So I got up, went downstairs, prepared him some breakfast, and went back to bed. The whining continued. So I got up again, fetched his bed, placed it on our bedroom floor and called "Seamus!". He bounded joyfully up the stairs. Did he lie on his bed? No! He launched himself onto our bed, burrowed his way directly between Steve and me, rested his head on Steve's hip and fell asleep!
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