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| Bible Test | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 5 2005, 04:41 PM (149 Views) | |
| bachophile | Dec 5 2005, 04:41 PM Post #1 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Subject: Bible Test > > > Bible Test > > PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE > BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A > CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE > OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE > WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. > INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. > > > > 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF > CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. > > 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN > OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. > > 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE > DURING THE NIGHT. > > 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD > TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. > > 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL > LIKE DELILAH. > > 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES. > > 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD > WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS. > > 8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES > WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. > > 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. > > 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. > > 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE > HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL. > > 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO > STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. > > 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE > FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. > > 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. > > 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA > CARTA. > > 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND > JESUS IN THE MANAGER. > > 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. > > 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. > > 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS > BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY > SWEAT ALONE. > > 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET > THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. > > 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS. > > 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. > > 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. > > 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH > IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. > > 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY. |
| "I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen | |
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| Luke's Dad | Dec 5 2005, 05:08 PM Post #2 |
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Emperor Pengin
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Heh, I've known women like that!
Something us gentiles don't know about, Bach? Ahhhh, this must explain the old snip snip!
Alot of people get that one wrong!
:lol: :lol: :lol: |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| apple | Dec 5 2005, 05:17 PM Post #3 |
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one of the angels
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:rolleyes: |
| it behooves me to behold | |
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| Fizzygirl | Dec 5 2005, 05:27 PM Post #4 |
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Fulla-Carp
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I think some of these children have a better understanding of the Bible than some adults do! We should listen and learn.
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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. ~ Garrison Keillor My latest videos. | |
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| tcmod | Dec 6 2005, 05:16 AM Post #5 |
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Senior Carp
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MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION I bet she did
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| Dead girls don't say no, but you still have to buy them flowers | |
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| John D'Oh | Dec 6 2005, 05:24 AM Post #6 |
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MAMIL
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:lol: :lol: :lol: THat's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Guinessis - that would explain a lot about subsequent events. |
| What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket? | |
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4:51 PM Jul 10