Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The New Coffee Room. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Bible Test
Topic Started: Dec 5 2005, 04:41 PM (149 Views)
bachophile
Member Avatar
HOLY CARP!!!
Subject: Bible Test
>
>
> Bible Test
>
> PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE
> BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A
> CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE
> OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE
> WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
> INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>
>
> 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF
> CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
> 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
> OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
> DURING THE NIGHT.
>
> 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
> TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
> 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
> LIKE DELILAH.
>
> 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD
> WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
>
> 8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
> WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
> 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
>
> 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
>
> 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
> HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
> 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
> STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
> 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
> FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
> 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
> 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA
> CARTA.
>
> 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
> JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
>
> 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
>
> 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
> 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
> BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
> SWEAT ALONE.
>
> 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
> THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
> 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
> 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
> 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH
> IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
> 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." Woody Allen
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Luke's Dad
Member Avatar
Emperor Pengin
Quote:
 
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
> DURING THE NIGHT.


Heh, I've known women like that!

Quote:
 
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
> TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS


Something us gentiles don't know about, Bach? Ahhhh, this must explain the old snip snip!

Quote:
 
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.


Alot of people get that one wrong! :wink:

Quote:
 
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.


:lol: :lol: :lol:
The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
apple
one of the angels
:rolleyes:
it behooves me to behold
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Fizzygirl
Fulla-Carp
I think some of these children have a better understanding of the Bible than some adults do! We should listen and learn. :lol2:
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. ~ Garrison Keillor


My latest videos.

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
tcmod
Member Avatar
Senior Carp
MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION


I bet she did :thumb:
Dead girls don't say no, but you still have to buy them flowers
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
John D'Oh
Member Avatar
MAMIL
:lol: :lol: :lol:

THat's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Guinessis - that would explain a lot about subsequent events.
What do you mean "we", have you got a mouse in your pocket?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
« Previous Topic · The New Coffee Room · Next Topic »
Add Reply