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| Another Titanic Story | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 20 2005, 09:45 AM (244 Views) | |
| Luke's Dad | Jun 20 2005, 09:45 AM Post #1 |
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Emperor Pengin
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A Little Known Fact about the Titanic Many are the stories of New York, many of London, and I suspect that there are a good many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic". Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. One, for example, is that most people don't know that in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The people of Mexico eagerly awaited the first delivery and were very upset at the news of the sinking. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo. |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| Luke's Dad | Jun 20 2005, 09:48 AM Post #2 |
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Subject: Don't let this happen to you A man standing in line at a check-out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when an attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who-are-you?" look and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said, "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store. The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, what the heck is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! Then he got a little panicky. I don't remember her, he thought, but, MAYBE... during one of the wild parties I went to when I was in college... perhaps I DID father her child! He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college, and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?" "No!" the woman said, with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second-grade teacher." |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| NAK-1.0 | Jun 20 2005, 09:54 AM Post #3 |
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Senior Carp
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| Luke's Dad | Jun 20 2005, 09:59 AM Post #4 |
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Subject: Daddy, how was I born? The little boy asked his father - Daddy, how was I born? Dad responds, ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! So here goes. Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. Then we sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got Male |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| Luke's Dad | Jun 20 2005, 10:01 AM Post #5 |
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Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go... But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality, whispering............. "Dave, you're a veterinarian..." |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| Luke's Dad | Jun 20 2005, 10:04 AM Post #6 |
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NEW WORDS FOR 2005 -- Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than by working hard SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust (leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING). MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. (What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.) STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The Anna Nicole show or the Bachelor is a prime example. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message"404 Not Found" (meaning that the requested document, like the person's brain, could not be located.) GENERICA: Features of the North American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks. |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| The 89th Key | Jun 20 2005, 10:57 AM Post #7 |
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:lol: :lol: ...great stuff LD!
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| Luke's Dad | Jun 20 2005, 11:23 AM Post #8 |
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Subject: Evolution in teaching math Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. The evolution in teaching math since the 1950s: Teaching Math In 1950 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1960 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit? Teaching Math In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math In 1990 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he c an make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.) Teaching Math In 2005 Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la produccisn es $80 |
| The problem with having an open mind is that people keep trying to put things in it. | |
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| Dewey | Jun 20 2005, 11:58 AM Post #9 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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Five-year old Billy and his Dad were sitting in the living room one day when Billy asked, "Daddy, what's a penis?" His Dad fumbled around for the right words to explain, but finally, just pulled his pants down and said "Son, THIS is a penis." Then, feeling a little ornery, he added, "In fact, this is a PERFECT penis!" A few days later, Billy was at school and it was time for "show and tell." When it was his turn, Billy stood up in front of the class, tugged down his pants, and said, "THIS is a penis. Not only that, but if it was just an inch shorter, it would be a PERFECT penis!" |
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"By nature, i prefer brevity." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, p. 685. "Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you." - Anonymous "Oh sure, every once in a while a turd floated by, but other than that it was just fine." - Joe A., 2011 I'll answer your other comments later, but my primary priority for the rest of the evening is to get drunk." - Klaus, 12/31/14 | |
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| The 89th Key | Jun 20 2005, 12:18 PM Post #10 |
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:lol: |
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| dolmansaxlil | Jun 20 2005, 06:53 PM Post #11 |
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HOLY CARP!!!
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LMAO!!! Dwain, that one was priceless!! |
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"Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst." ~ Henri Cartier-Bresson My Flickr Photostream | |
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| ivorythumper | Jun 20 2005, 07:03 PM Post #12 |
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I am so adjective that I verb nouns!
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LD: It was a pretty ugly morning -- thanks for making me laugh! Steve |
| The dogma lives loudly within me. | |
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4:17 PM Jul 10