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Drew Woods; Finally here!
Topic Started: Mar 12 2018, 05:50 AM (148 Views)
Primrosette
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Name: Drew Woods
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12th
School: George Hunter High School
Hobbies and Interests: Gardening, roller-skating, volleyball, animals

Appearance: Drew is at the height of 5'8" and he weighs 130Ibs. He is a tall boy with slightly muscular arms and legs due to volleyball and roller-skating. He has a pale complexion and looks like he has a meek demeanour. He has a rounded head and he has a baby-looking face. His nose and lips are small. His eyes are a light blue shade and his black hair is curly and short. His face is always clean-shaven and he doesn't wear any jewellery.

Drew likes to have a mixture of bright and dark colors of clothing and he isn't that fussy about what he wants to wear. His clothes are a mix of short-sleeved T-shirts, long-sleeved T-shirts, jeans, jackets and hoodies. He is normally seen dressed up in a short-sleeved t-shirt with a dark green jacket over it, brown jeans and green sneakers.

Biography: Drew was an only child born to Silas and Yvonne Woods in Chattanooga. Silas works as a mechanic and Yvonne works as a florist and a gardener. They both met each other in college, started to date one another and they got married after college. When Drew came into their life, his parents would try to raise him to be a friendly, well-mannered person and they would make sure to have a close relationship with their son. Silas and Yvonne would have a few money problems and arguments as Drew was growing up, but they had a good marriage together and they are planning to have another child in the family. Yvonne and Silas waited as they felt that they wanted to have Drew more mature and responsible as an older sibling to a possible brother or sister and Drew is looking forward to have a new member of the family.

While Drew was still in elementary school, he started to become intrigued about plants, flowers and how to be a gardener in general. He was more fascinated by the subject because his mother would sometimes make him join her in the garden and she would teach him about how to use the gardening tools and how to grow plants and flowers. He would go to the library to get out books about gardening and he liked to learn about the different types of flowers and plants. He still likes to learn about how to be a gardener and he plans to get a job as one. He is also in the gardening club.

When Drew was twelve, a friend of his introduced him to roller-skating and Drew liked how fun it was and that it made him feel happy as he liked the freedom it gave him. He would continue to practice roller-skating as he was growing up and he has improved greatly at it. He would watch other roller-skaters online to learn more about how to be good at roller-skating but his parents are still a bit worried about him hurting himself. He still continues to enjoy roller-skating with his friends and he also likes to go out on his own to do it as well.

When Drew was fifteen, he started to get interested into volleyball as he watched other classmates playing it and he wanted to join in on the fun. He wasn't that great at it at first, but other the years, he became very good at the sport and he would show a more competitive side of himself. He would get upset when his team would lose but he would never blame his teammates for their losses, instead he would encourage them and himself to do better next time. His parents are proud of him for being an active person and they are very supportive of him for doing something that he loves. He is on the volleyball team and he has the position of middle blocker.

When Drew was in high school, his parents brought him a puppy for his sixteenth birthday and Drew felt a lot of affection for the puppy that he named Wolf. He was put in charge of the puppy by his parents and he loved to take care of Wolf especially when he would take him out for walks. This inspired Drew to become more interested in taking care of animals and he would offer to take other people's dogs out for walks. He then started to look though books about how to be a vet and he decided that he wanted this to be his dream job. He still likes to look after animals and he now has a kitten that is called Gary alongside Wolf.

Drew noticed that he had no interest in girls as he was getting older and that he found himself attracted to the same sex. Drew realized what it meant after a while and he slowly accepted himself as being gay. Drew never really liked to talk to anyone, not even his parents, about his sexuality as he has a fear of getting shunned or bullied because of it and he has kept it a secret for a long time. He still had not opened up to anyone about it to this day.

Drew is a very good student who had decent grades that range around Bs and Cs. His favorite subject is English as he finds it the easiest subject and he likes to learn more about writing skills, literature and languages. His least favorite subject is Maths as he struggles with the questions and equations and he would like to improve on it without getting frustrated with how bad he is at all. His parents offered to get him a tutor and he gladly accepted the idea. He has started to get better at maths after that but he still doesn't really like it that much.

Drew is seen as a friendly, energetic and an out-going guy to his friends and other people that he does not hang out with. He can be there for others in their time of need and he will always offer to listen to their problems that they might be having. There are times where he can be insensitive without meaning to, as he can be a bluntly honest person about some issues the other person has. He has a close relationship with his parents and he doesn't want to do anything to break that bond with them as family is very important to him. He is closer with his mother than his father. He can also be a bit sensitive himself and if there is any conflict that he is involved in, he will cower, go quiet and hopes that the problem will solve itself and be sorted out by someone else.

Drew has already applied to jobs that involve gardening and his parents are proud of him for pursuing this. He had also applied to colleges that offer study towards being a vet and he is waiting to hear from them just in case he doesn't manage to get any jobs as a gardener. He still does dog walking jobs for many people and he enjoys being able to help other people with their pets.

Advantages: Drew is a friendly and an out-going individual who will be able to make allies very easily. He is pretty strong due to keeping fit and he will try to help others out to gain more allies and friends on his side.
Disadvantages: His insensitivity can make others get the wrong impression of him, his cowardly nature can make him an easier target for others and he can be too dependent on others to sort out any conflicts or arguments.
Edited by Primrosette, Mar 28 2018, 07:46 AM.
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Hi Prim! Drew's an alright start, but DENIED pending a fair amount of grammar and spelling work, and a few points that need a bit more elaboration. For ease of reading, I've put grammar comments in yellow and elaboration comments in blue.


Name: Drew Woods
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Grade: 12th
School: George Hunter High School
Hobbies and Interests: Gardening, roller-skating, volleyball, animals

Appearance: Drew is at the height of 5'0” and he weighs 110Ibs. He is a short boy with slightly muscular arms and legs due to volleyball and roller-skating. He has a pale complexion and looks like a meek person. I’m not sure if someone can just inherently look like a meek person. Do you mean he projects a meek demeanour? He has a rounded head and he has a baby-looking face. His nose and lips are small-shaped. His eyes are the color of a light blue shade and his black hair is curly and short. His face is always clean-shaven and he doesn't wear any jewellery.

Drew likes to have a mixture of bright and dark colors of clothing and he isn't that fussy about what he wants to wear. His clothes are a mix of short-sleeved T-shirts, long-sleeved T-shirts, other T-shirts, I think by definition T-shirts are either long sleeved or short sleeved, so I don’t see what other T-Shirts there could be jeans, jackets and hoodies. He is normally seen dressed up in a short-sleeved t-shirt with a dark green jacket over it, brown jeans and green sneakers.

Biography: Drew was an only child born to Silas and Yvonne Woods in Chattanooga. Silas works as a mechanic and Yvonne works as a florist and a gardener. They both met each other in college, started to date one another and they got married after college. When Drew came into their life, his parents would try to raise him to be a friendly, well-mannered person and they would make sure to have a close relationship with their son. Silas and Yvonne would have a few money problems and arguments as Drew was growing up, but they will had a good marriage together and they are planning to have another child in the family. Any reason they waited so long? Does Drew have any feelings about an incoming sibling?

In elementary school, Drew was a very energetic, friendly kid who would like to play with other kids and he liked to have lots of friends. He would find it hard to concentrate in lessons and this seemed to be a concern to his teacher. His teacher had a word with his parents about Drew's distracted behaviour and his parents managed to get him focused on his lessons by telling him that if he listened to his teacher, then they would give him a treat of anything that he wanted. It actually helped Drew become more observant and focused in his classes and he would tell his parents that the lessons are interesting and fun to learn about. Most of this paragraph is a bit trivial: it doesn’t really affect the rest of the profile, and it isn’t really that unusual. I’d reconsider if it’s worth including.

While Drew was still in elementary school, he started to become intrigued to know about plants, flowers and how to be a gardener in general. He was more fascinated by the subject because his mother would sometimes make him join her in the garden and she would teach him about how to use the gardening tools and how to grow plants and flowers. He would go to the library to get out books about gardening and he liked to learn about the different types of flowers and plants. He still likes to learn about how to be a gardener and he plans to get a job as one. He is also in the gardening club.

When Drew was twelve, a friend of his introduced him to roller-skating and Drew liked how fun it was and that it made him feel happy. Why? His parents, mainly his mother, had been worried as he would come home with bruises and cuts when he was not very good at it and they got him a helmet and some other gear to protect him from getting hurt again. Again by itself this is a bit trivial: knowing he uses safety gear isn’t unusual or consequential. He would continue to practice roller-skating as he was growing up and he has improved greatly at it. He would watch other roller-skaters online to learn more about how to be good at roller-skating but his parents are still a bit worried about him hurting himself. He still continues to enjoy roller-skating with his friends and he also likes to go out on his own to do it as well.

When Drew was fifteen, he started to get interested into volleyball as he watched other classmates playing it and he wanted to join in on the fun. He wasn't that great at it at first, but other the years, he became very good at the sport and he would show a more competitive side of himself. He would get upset when his team would lose but he would never blame his teammates for their losses, instead he would encourage them and himself to do better next time. His parents are proud of him for being an active person and they are very supportive of him for doing something that he loves. He is on the volleyball team. What position? Based on his height I’d assume libero, but whilst we’re on that note, is there any reason he went for volleyball which traditionally is played by people who are a lot taller?

When Drew was in high school, his parents brought him a puppy for his sixteenth birthday and Drew felt a lot of affection for the puppy that he named Wolf. He was put in charge of the puppy by his parents and he loved to take care of Wolf especially when he would take him out for walks. This inspired Drew to become more interested in taking care of animals and he would offer to take other people's dogs out for walks. He then started to look though books about how to be a vet and he decided that he wanted this to be his dream job. He still likes to look after animals and he now has a kitten that is called Gary alongside Wolf.

Drew is a very good student who had decent grades that range around Bs and Cs. His favorite subject is English as he finds it the easiest subject and he likes to learn more about anything. I’m not really following this as a justification: English isn’t really learning about everything, it’s learning about the language and literature. His least favorite subject is Maths as he struggles with the questions and equations and he would like to improve on it without getting frustrated with how bad he is at all. His parents offered to get him a tutor and he gladly accepted the idea. He has started to get better at maths after that. Does he still dislike it?

Drew never really liked to talk to anyone about his sexuality as he has a fear of getting shunned or bullied because of it. This first sentence comes out of nowhere without reading the rest of the paragraph, as up until now I’ve had no reason to believe Drew’s sexuality isn’t the norm. I’d suggest moving this sentence a bit further into the paragraph for better readability. He noticed that he had no interest in girls as he was getting older and that he found himself attracted to the same sex. He had no idea what that meant at the time and he searched it up online. Drew as growing up in the new tens where sexuality was a lot more spoken about, and George Hunter has a rather big LGBT population. I’m all for researching on the internet but did he really have no idea what it meant to like other dudes? Drew realized what it meant after a while and he slowly accepted himself as being gay. He, however, did not feel like he would tell anyone about it, not even his parents, and he has put it a secret for a long time. He still had not opened up to anyone about it to this day.

Drew is seen as a friendly, energetic and an out-going guy to his friends and other people that he does not hang out with. He can like be there for others in their time of need and he will always offer to listen to their problems that they might be having. There are times where he can be insensitive without meaning to, as he can be a bluntly honest person about some issues the other person has. He has a close relationship with his parents and he doesn't want to do anything to break that bond with them as family is very important to him. He is closer with his mother than his father. He can also be a bit sensitive himself and if there is any conflict that he is involved in, he will cower, go quiet and hopes that the problem will solve itself and be sorted out by someone else.

Drew has already applied to jobs that involve gardening and his parents are proud of him for pursuing this. He had also applied to colleges that involve being a vet and he is waiting to hear from them. He still does dog walking jobs for many people and he enjoys being able to help other people with their pets.
I’m a bit confused by this paragraph, because Drew seems to have two dream jobs in gardener and vet. Since he’s going after both at the same time, applying for work and college, what’s his justification for this? Which one does he want to do more, or is he not sure yet? And just to nitpick, "colleges that involve being a vet" reads a bit awkwardly. Maybe say he wants to go to college to study towards becoming a vet instead?

Advantages: Drew is a friendly and an out-going individual who will be able to make allies very easily. He is pretty strong due to keeping fit and he will try to help others whenever he can. Wanting to help others whenever he can isn’t necessarily an advantage in a survival of the fittest game. You’ll have to give a justification, such as it can lead to more allies.
Disadvantages: His insensitivity can make others get the wrong impression of him, his cowardly nature can make him an easier target for others and he can be too dependent on others to sort out any conflicts or arguments.


Post here when you've made the changes and I'll give Drew another look. Thanks!
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Edited!
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Mr. Danya
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Better, just a few more points to hit:

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Drew is at the height of 5'8" and he weighs 120Ibs. He is a short boy

At the height you've bumped him up to Drew isn't really short anymore. Also 120 lbs is quite light for his height, especially since you've listed him as being strong as an advantage. I'd recommend adding a few pounds.

Quote:
 
When Drew was twelve, a friend of his introduced him to roller-skating and Drew liked how fun it was and that it made him feel happy as he liked the freedom it gave him.

You've changed tense halfway through this sentence; I've corrected it in yellow.

Quote:
 
He has started to get better at maths after that but he still doesn't really like it that much.

Quote:
 
He had also applied to colleges that offer study towards being a vet

Quote:
 
he will try to help others out in a dire or a difficult situation.

By itself this still isn't actually an advantage. Again, you need a justification for how this helps Drew's survival chances included in the sentence.
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Edited! ^^
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Mr. Danya
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APPROVED

Though just for posterity and final apps, 5'8" isn't really tall either. He's pretty much bang on average height.
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