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Chloe Bruges; I finally got the time and motivation
Topic Started: Feb 17 2018, 11:34 PM (162 Views)
Malloon
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Survivor
[ *  * ]
Name: Chloe Bruges
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Grade: 12
School: George Hunter High School
Hobbies and Interests: Math, chess, reading, playing the clarinet, puzzles

Appearance: Chloe stands at 5'7 tall and weighs 150 lbs, with a slightly pear-shaped upper body and medium to large breasts. She is clearly not an athlete, but is just under the weight where people would call her fat. Her skin is very dark, not quite coal black, though with noticeably lighter skin on her palms and the soles of her feet. Her hair is even darker, being almost matte-black, and is very well cared for. She wears it waist-length and usually in a long braid, fastened by a ribbon. Her face is round and a little plump, with a small mouth, a delicate, upturned nose and soft round eyes with blue pupils. Her usual clothing are jeans or a skirt, a lightly colored blouse and a dark red or blue bolero. For shoes she prefers sneakers or pumps with short heels.

Biography: Chloe Bruges was born on the 23rd of July, 2000, to Frenchman Omar Mohamed Bruges and his American wife, Kelsie Brown. Omar was the grandson and son of Moroccan immigrants to France in the early 1960s and had moved to Chattanooga, the USA, in 1994, following a generous offer from his company and a desire to get away from his parents. He was 24 at the time. At that time Kelsie had been finishing up a Master’s degree in Economics at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. After living in the city for a while and not having much luck socializing, Omar had decided to visit a few student bars in order to make friends, knowing from his own student days that they were a good place to meet new people. It was through some of the friends he made this way that he was introduced to Kelsie. The two were engaged in 1998 and married in late 1999, after which, half a year later, Chloe was born. Omar had insisted that Kelsie pick her name, he himself feeling divorced from his Islamic Moroccan cultural roots due to having become an atheist at quite a young age and not wanting his daughter to be burdened with it either. In honor of what she saw as a sacrifice on his part, Kelsie had decided to do the same, choosing a name derived from Greek mythology, which she was a fan of, instead of a classically American one.

Chloe was born into a happy and nurturing household. Despite both of her parents working they made sure they played an active part in shaping her early development, though they did employ a part-time nanny for the first few years of her life and various babysitters after that, out of necessity. Her family had had an apartment when she was born, though they moved to a house in the suburbs before she learned to walk.

From an early age her defining trait was curiosity, expressed most often through the word "How?". She liked to order things according to categories, often thinking intensely about a subject if she didn’t know how to classify it. This made her a very quiet kid in kindergarten and meant she didn't make friends quickly, but her goofy sense of humor she got from her dad meant that people quickly warmed up to her if they got to know her. Other things she inherited from her dad were patience, caring, practicality, and a smattering of liberal french social norms, though all these were instilled at a later date. From her mom she got thick skin, a drive to achieve and the energy to do it and (as would eventually become clear) a keen analytical mind and a love of mathematics.

In elementary school she excelled, enjoying participating in lessons, though she found history, music and PE to be boring and quietly but deliberately let her grades on those subjects drop. It was around this time that her father lost his job, as his company dropped him after closing their branch in Chattanooga. Searching for a new job gave him more time at home, which let him help Chloe learn to work on the subjects she disliked. He even got her to join a youth team and to start playing the clarinet to improve her grades in PE and music, respectively.

Not finding a job even close to Chattanooga and seeing how good his being at home was for Chloe, he and Kelsie made the unanimous decision that he should take an early retirement and stay home to look after Chloe and any future children they had, though they never did. Kelsie instead applied for a pay raise and got it, which meant that they could live quite comfortably off her salary alone. It was at this point that he really started to instill his and his wife’s values into Chloe, spending as much time with her as he did.

In middle school Chloe really took her father's lessons of working hard to heart and, coupling that with her energy and drive, she succeeded in maintaining a GPA of at least 3.9, though it was usually a 4.0. The one year it dropped was the year she broke her left arm by falling down a small flight of stairs and the ensuing stress from surgery and recovery distracted her from schoolwork. She also participated in the marching band, math club, science club and started babysitting in her spare time. When she had absolutely nothing to do she read books, mostly hard science fiction, did puzzles or played chess with her parents. She had switched out participating in youth soccer for track and field once she started middle school, but quit once she started to develop breasts at age 12, at which point it became too uncomfortable for her. Her parents agreed that she could quit, reasoning that the marching band was intensive enough to keep her healthy. While she had been closest to her father growing up, her change into a teen gave her new ways of bonding with her mother through lessons on her anatomy, sexuality and the new necessity of bras.

Though Chloe was never a social butterfly, she maintained a small but fast group of friends and even tried to keep in contact with her old friends from Elementary. It was when she started to think on her future high school that she realised how soon she would need to start planning for college, and then what life she wanted to lead. That got her thinking and made her realise her wants extended to both an academic career, for which Mathematics was the obvious choice of subject, and a family life like her parents had. She spent most of her 8th grade getting up the nerve to ask out a boy in her homeroom class, and though that ended after one date she had felt she was ready for high school nevertheless.

High school was very similar to middle school, with one key difference: Chloe no longer felt she was just following her interests when choosing subjects, extracurricular activities, advanced courses and work outside of school, but rather that she was preparing herself and her image for the life in academia she wanted. She took extra years of French, the foreign language she figured would be easiest to learn, and science, with advanced placement in science and math. Her electives were finance, peer aide and a course on mathematical logic. She joined the school band, the math club, the science club, the Academic Decathlon team, the yearbook committee and the chess club. She started tutoring her classmates, reckoning it would help her study and make her some money on the side, and kept babysitting. She also joined Bill Dover's jazz band. All the while she managed to keep her GPA at no lower than 3.8, with a solid 4.0 in her last two years.

While Chloe seemingly had unlimited amounts of energy, she didn't have unlimited time, so her friends group was less intimate than it had been before. She did develop a large crush on one of her friends, Kyle Harrison, however, whose intelligence and empathy for other people she found deeply endearing, and had decided to ask him out. Her limited time made her less patient than before, though not less caring, and she grew a hearty disdain of what she called "time-wasting nonsense", which she quickly shortened to "nonsense" in general, by which she meant things that were good for nobody, yet people still kept doing them. This attitude made her more confrontational too, though she still didn't go out of her way to confront people unless they were actively being a nuisance.

Since George Hunter High didn't have a marching band, it had become a grudged day a week's visit to the gym keeping her fit, though her limited time made her decide to skip it far too often. It also made her sleep less as she would work until very late, preparing for school or one of her commitments. Both of these things combined with the fact she had developed quite a sweet tooth during her later teenage years meant she started to put on weight and lost considerable stamina. Her parents tried to counteract this by making their meals at home healthier and encouraging her gym visits, but due to her thinking this was an unavoidable sacrifice in order to achieve her goals, they only succeeded in preventing her from becoming obese.

It is Chloe's dream to become a professor of mathematics at some snug if not prestigious college, so her planning to attend college after high school is clear. The only question that remains to her is which one. She feels a prestigious one is only worth it for the professors, since she doesn't plan on entering the public sector and other colleges will only care about her papers. She has received a number of acceptance letters already and is still deciding which one to choose.

Advantages: Chloe is extremely smart, hard-working, caring and driven, which makes her an excellent potential team player or leader. Her involvement in many extracurricular activities means she has interacted with a lot of people, which in turn means she is more likely to meet people she already knows a little about and who know her too.
Disadvantages: She has yet to have a true outdoor experience and is not very athletic, meaning she may have difficulty keeping up with friends or outlasting enemies. Her only having a small group of friends back home means she does not necessarily have people looking for her or who want her to join them.
Edited by Malloon, Feb 26 2018, 11:43 AM.
V6 Character:
Benjamin "Squirrel" Lichter [ ~ / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / > ] - You'll find him in the clouds.
V7 Characters:
Chloe Bruges [ - ] - You'll find her doing math.
Joseph "Joey" Quintero - You'll find him writing speaches.
Keith Rogers - You'll find him out with his gang.

In the unlikely event you want to use my characters...
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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hello~

Chloe is temporarily denied pending some edits. The list may seem a bit long, but it's mostly small grammar fixes and minor elaborations.

Quote:
 
Anything math related


is a bit informal and can be trimmed to just "Math."

Quote:
 
Her hair is even darker and waist-length, which she usually wears in a long braid fastened by a ribbon.


The lead-in to the second clause makes this an awkward construction. She be something along the lines of "Her hair, which she usually wears in a long braid fastened by a ribbon, is even darker."

Quote:
 
23 of July


Should be 23rd of July.

On the subject of the first biography paragraph, how old was Omar when he came to the US?

Quote:
 
Omar had insisted that Kelsie pick her name, he himself having become an atheist at quite a young age and feeling divorced from his cultural roots. In honor of what she saw as a sacrifice on his part, Kelsie had decided to do the same, choosing a name derived from greek mythology, which she was a fan of.


What exactly does Omar being an atheist have to do with him not naming his child? And as the subject here is not naming the child, what does it mean that Kelsie decided to do the same?

Quote:
 
From an early age her defining trait was curiosity, expressed most often through the word "How?".


The period is unnecessary. Punctuation inside quotation marks can end a sentence.

Quote:
 

In middle school Chloe really took her father's lessons of working hard to heart and, coupling that with her energy and drive, she succeeded in maintaining a GPA of at least 3.9, though the one time it dropped to that was the year she broke her left arm, and it was usually a 4.0.


How did she break her arm, and why did it cause her GPA to drop?

Quote:
 
She also participated in the marching band, math club, science club and started babysitting in her spare time. When she had absolutely nothing to do she read books, mostly hard SF, did puzzles or played chess with her dad.


I assume SF means science fiction? Either way, it should be spelled out.

Track and field is a middle school activity and marching band is highschool, so references to those should be moved appropriately. Also, why was developing breasts a catalyst for her to stop track and field?

Quote:
 
Chloe no longer felt she was just following her interests when choosing subjects, extracurricular activities, advanced courses and work outside of school, but rather that she was preparing herself and her image for the life in Academia she wanted.


"Academia" should be lowercase.

Quote:
 
She took extra years of French (the foreign language she figured would be easiest to learn) and science, with advanced placement in science and math.


The parenthetical aside should be changed to use commas or just removed.

Quote:
 
She did find a (possible) boyfriend in Kyle Harrison


Parentheses should be removed.

Quote:
 
It was Chloe's dream to become a mathematician at some snug, if not prestigious university, and as the end of high school came closer it looked like this fate was not only achievable, but inevitable.


What exactly is meant by becoming a mathemetician—is this as a student of mathematics or a professor? Chloe has great grades and plenty of extracurricular activities, so what's the reason she isn't aiming for a top school? The description of her future as inevitable is a bit informal unless it's explicitly a description of her own viewpoint. Also, this is one paragraph you can use present tense for.

Quote:
 
Chloe is extremely smart, hard-working, caring and driven, which makes her an excellent potential team player or, indeed, leader.
The aside there ("or, indeed,") is informal and can just be cut out.

Quote:
 
She has yet to have a true outdoor experience and is not very athletic, meaning she may have difficulty keeping up with friends or outlasting enemies.


A lot of students don't even reach the level of activity of a weekly gym visit, so fitness isn't a big enough weakness for her to be a proper disadvantage.

Address everything brought up here and I'll give her another look.
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Malloon
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Survivor
[ *  * ]
I've addressed the problems in accordance with your advice and what we've discussed in our PMs. If I'm correct, it should be good to go.
V6 Character:
Benjamin "Squirrel" Lichter [ ~ / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / + / > ] - You'll find him in the clouds.
V7 Characters:
Chloe Bruges [ - ] - You'll find her doing math.
Joseph "Joey" Quintero - You'll find him writing speaches.
Keith Rogers - You'll find him out with his gang.

In the unlikely event you want to use my characters...
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Rattlesnake
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Now you may be wondering, who was wearing the bolo tie? Me or the shark? Answer: YES!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
APPROVED
VeeFive


V4


NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.

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