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Connor Lorenzen; I'm baaaaaaack.
Topic Started: Jan 7 2018, 05:09 PM (252 Views)
I'm a Cactus
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Name: Connor Tobias Lorenzen
Gender: Male
Age: Eighteen [18]
Grade: Senior [12th]
School: George Hunter High School
Hobbies and Interests: Football, golf, statistical theory, stock markets.

Appearance: Connor stands 6'5" and weighs 195 lbs. He is a Caucasian male who has a lean body type, that he is trying to add muscle to in order to properly adapt to what he expects will be the rigors of playing college football. He has thick, almost shaggy brown hair that he keeps just above shoulder-length, and has green eyes.

Connor has a square jaw, and angular features. His face is symmetrical, and by most North American standards, Connor is considered to be handsome. He usually wears a little bit of stubble in his moustache area and lower chin, but the rest of his stubble has yet to fill out. His teeth are impeccably maintained and artificially whitened every six months.

Usually, Connor will be found wearing jeans fitted to a slimmer fit, and a polo shirt with short sleeves. His shirts are usually of softer colours, like a powder blue, a light pink, or a beige, with the top button unbuttoned. His shirts are usually form-fitting, showing off the muscle definition that he's put on in his arms and upper body. All of Connor's clothing is name-brand and is likely among the more expensive items found in stores.

Connor wears a brand new Fitbit Ionic smart-watch that monitors all of his vital stats, from heart-rate to steps walked per day. He is also usually found wearing a thin, silver chain around his neck that while inexpensive, holds sentimental value. It was passed down as a gift from his father when he got into high school and belonged to his late paternal grandfather. Ordinarily, Connor wears top-of-the-line Rockport walking shoes that are dark brown.

Biography: Connor Tobias Lorenzen was born on April 7, 2000 to wealthy Tennessee oil-magnate Steven Lorenzen and his wife Karen, herself on the board of directors of a large pharmaceutical company. Both Steven and Karen were in agreement that they preferred to have a son, and so after Connor was born, the two stopped having children altogether. As such, Connor has never wanted for his parents' attention.

As a child of privilege, Connor was enrolled in the best daycares, was constantly doted on by a staff of housekeepers and babysitters, and never missed out on any event or social functions that his parents went to, eager to be shown off to the various executives, celebrities, or VIPs who happened to be in attendance. From all of those experiences, Connor was instilled with a heavy sense of discipline from a very young age. His father would never tolerate a bratty child at a social event, and the few times Connor acted out, he was disciplined harshly - never physically, but often with a loss of privilege.

As a child, Connor was playful but not rambunctious, his schoolmates were generally children of other well-off families, and acting out was penalized harshly. As he had been socialized early in his life, Connor shied away from the destructive and often silly nature of his classmates and focused on participating in activities at school versus getting to know any of them very well. As a child, he felt more comfortable with adults than he did other children.

As he grew up, this sense of discipline managed to be a boon to his activities and endeavours. Taking to athletics fairly quickly, Connor excelled in both baseball and basketball, but his one true sporting love was always football. As his father was on friendly terms with the owners of the Tennessee Titans NFL football team, Connor got a tour of the locker room facility as a four-year old child, and was entranced by the spectacle of it all. As soon as he was able, he begged his parents to start playing youth football, to which they agreed. While his natural athleticism had his coaches try him at a variety of positions, Connor knew that there was only one place he wanted to play: quarterback. As soon as he found himself with a ball in hand, nobody could ever pry it away. The feeling of having control of the game, making the decisions on the field, and seeing the ball arc through the air energized him in a way that no activity had before.

While focused very much on football, Connor was no slouch in his academics either. His parents were very strict in that if his grades slipped, so would his athletics, and so Connor made sure to stay to a strict routine and regimen for getting his assignments completed. Any subjects that he struggled in, he would let his parents know and they would shell out for a tutor. This was very apparent with mathematics, as Connor lagged behind his peers in elementary school with his comprehension of long division and multiplication. After his first failed math test in grade three, Karen informed Connor that he would now have twice weekly sessions with a math tutor until he was able to keep up with the rest of his class. After four months of sessions, Connor returned home and delivered his mother a test with a perfect score.

Partly a result of his intense focus upon mathematics within his tutoring sessions, Connor actually enjoyed playing around with numbers as he got older. As he grew older and started to understand the game of football a bit more, Connor became very interested in the advanced statistics behind why teams played well, which players were on the upswing, and how you could use statistics to predict what was going to happen. His interest in statistical analysis then expanded to other sports (baseball and hockey being the two big ones), and things like the stock market. With football getting more complex when playbooks began to be introduced, Connor found himself memorizing and understanding them with ease, being able to understand the logistics behind where players needed to be on the field and how to exploit various defensive alignments. As such, his coaches began to see real potential in his future, provided his athletic gifts caught up to his understanding of the game. Fortunately for Connor, growth spurts in grade nine and ten left him an incredibly lanky 6'5". Once he was able to figure out how to be coordinated in his newly large frame, Connor started to excel athletically even more so than he did as a child, spending a lot of time in the gym and trying to put lean muscle onto his lean frame.

High school was an interesting time for Connor, as having been in private school for his entire life, his parents opted to send him to a public high school instead. With George Hunter High being a newer, top-of-the-line school, his parents wanted him to experience a bit more of the melting-pot that public school could be. At this point in his life, Connor was beginning to have some aspirations of taking football to the next level, maybe even playing as a career, and both Steven and Karen believed that exposing Connor to people of different backgrounds, cultures, sexual orientations, and social statuses would help him understand the people around him and allow him to relate more to those around him. Like with most things in his life, Connor was presented with this as a challenge, and has tried to rise to the occasion. Changing schools wasn't a big deal in Connor's mind, as he always felt a little removed from the other kids within his class. One immediate benefit of attending a public school was that several students gravitated towards his wealth and status, never leaving him wanting for friends.

Socially, Connor adapted to a new high school fairly well, as he was fortunate to have several peers that he could ingratiate himself with: friends from the country club that his parents were members of, and some boys that he'd played youth football with proved to be the basis for his social group. While not the most gregarious person in his social groups, Connor is more of the quiet leader type, often sitting around and listening to what other people have to say versus speaking just to be heard. If someone with a more gregarious, A-type personality is around to make the decisions, Connor will back them, but often shuts down anything he believes is uncouth, unacceptable, or dangerous. He takes razzing with a degree of good humour, but perceptions of his character are important to him, and so that can sometimes be a hot-button issue for him. This flips around when he gets on the football field, however: when playing, Connor is constantly talking, encouraging, and almost coaching his teammates. Most of his socializing runs within the popular crowds in George Hunter High, with the athletes, rich kids, and student council comprising his social group. Connor is well-known around school, but does not usually socialize with the outcasts, the misfits, or the purely artistic kids in school. He's not malicious towards them, but tends to look right past them.

Connor has a good relationship with both of his parents, who look at him as being on the path to success. As both Steven and Karen are alpha personalities, Connor has taken on many of those characteristics as well, and has settled into a hierarchy with his family. Each member of the family sees themselves as part of a team, bringing something different to the table. As his father tends to play the bad-cop role, he has a slightly better relationship with his mother. As he's grown up, he understands why his father had to act the way that he did, and he's started to form a legitimate friendship with him. On the weekends, Connor noticed that his father would often go to the country club to golf with his friends, so in the tenth grade, Connor took up golfing as a way to spend more time with his dad. While he still isn't very good at it, he really enjoys the times that he gets to hit the links with his father. In an effort to try and make some money of his own, he has started to take advice from his father on his pursuits in the stock market, which has filled his father with pride. Connor hasn't been entirely successful as of yet and has made some short-sighted decisions, but Steven has appreciated his son's enthusiasm and the two have become closer as a result.

Since Junior year, Connor has been exclusively dating Madison Springer. Connor was enamoured with her while standing on the sideline at a football game that he was redshirting at, made a comment to a teammate that knew her which garnered an introduction, and the rest was history. They're well-known as a couple around school, and their relationship is comfortable, if not fiery at times. They spend a great deal of time together, but at this point they're verging on the territory of being friends that sleep together, versus a true couple in love. Connor enjoys her company, but he knows that as high school approaches its end, the two of them will likely be taking far different paths and the relationship probably won't last. She has already professed her love for him, but he hasn't reciprocated, always believing that you needed to mean the words before you said them, and he isn't sure. Despite this, he does deeply care about Madison, and is even-keeled enough to put up with her occasional instability. Due to this, he's starting to get a reputation as someone with exceptional patience.

Senior year for Connor has been an eventful one. As he's the starting QB for the football team, colleges have started to reach out to recruit him, and he's been trying to decide where he wants his future to take him. Several coaches have told him that he has a legitimate shot at being a high draft were he able to keep on his current progression. He's trying to balance all of the college attention with keeping his grades up, enjoying his social life, and carefully managing his image. Connor is aware that image is key when trying to become a professional, and so he has tried to emulate some of the greats in the way that he carries himself. While a Titans fan through and through, his own personal hero is Tom Brady, and he has tried to pattern the way he acts after him: calm, cool, collected, and in control of his own destiny.

Advantages: Connor is very athletic, and has natural physical talents. He is a very disciplined individual who has worked hard so as not to waste his gifts. Socially intelligent, Connor tries to be inclusive, to mirror what he believes the ideal NFL quarterback should act like. He is very patient and methodical and thinks before he acts.
Disadvantages: If you're not in Connor's social group, you're invisible, and that has been known to rub a lot of people the wrong way. Connor's confidence in his own abilities can be seen as arrogance, and as a child of privilege, he believes that money can be used to solve most problems. Connor has never faced true adversity in his entire life, and takes failure personally.
Edited by I'm a Cactus, Jan 7 2018, 06:55 PM.
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Mr. Danya
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Hi Dodd, welcome to V7! Connor is in a good starting position, but DENIED pending some edits.

Connor is in a decent position overall, but I've just got a few things I'd like you to look at again. My comments below are in blue.

Name: Connor Tobias Lorenzen
Gender: Male
Age: Eighteen [18]
Grade: Senior [12th]
School: George Hunter High School
Hobbies and Interests: Football, golf, statistical theory, stock markets.

Appearance: Connor stands 6'5" and weighs 218 lbs. He is a Caucasian male who has a lean body type, At this height and weight Connor’s on the heavier side rather than lean. that he is trying to add muscle to in order to properly adapt to what he expects will be the rigors of playing college football. He has thick, almost shaggy brown hair that he keeps just above shoulder-length, and has green eyes.

Connor has a square jaw, and angular features. His face is symmetrical, and by most North American standards, Connor is considered to be handsome. He usually wears a little bit of stubble in his moustache area and lower chin, but the rest of his stubble has yet to fill out. His teeth are impeccably maintained and artificially whitened every six months.

Usually, Connor will be found wearing jeans fitted to a slimmer fit, and a polo shirt with short sleeves. His shirts are usually of softer colours, like a powder blue, a light pink, or a beige, with the top button unbuttoned. His shirts are usually form-fitting, showing off the muscle definition in his arms and upper body. Wasn’t he trying to add muscle? Does he already have some and is looking to bulk up? All of Connor's clothing is name-brand and is likely among the more expensive items found in stores.

Connor wears a brand new Fitbit Ionic smart-watch that monitors all of his vital stats, from heart-rate to steps walked per day. He is also usually found wearing a thin, silver chain around his neck that, while inexpensive, holds sentimental value. The profile doesn't actually explain what this value is, so it could do with a mention. Ordinarily, Connor wears top-of-the-line Rockport walking shoes that are dark brown.

Biography: Connor Tobias Lorenzen was born on April 7, 2001 With this date of birth, Connor would be 16 going on 17 in the current school year, and hence would be a junior. You need to roll it back a year to 2000. to wealthy Tennessee oil-magnate Steven Lorenzen and his wife Karen, herself on the board of directors of a large pharmaceutical company. Both Steven and Karen were in agreement that they preferred to have a son, and so after Connor was born, the two stopped having children altogether. As such, Connor has never wanted for his parents' attention.

As a child of privilege, Connor was enrolled in the best daycares, was constantly doted on by a staff of housekeepers and babysitters, and never missed out on any event or social functions that his parents went to, eager to be shown off to the various executives, celebrities, or VIPs who happened to be in attendance. From all of those experiences, Connor was instilled with a heavy sense of discipline from a very young age. His father would never tolerate a bratty child at a social event, and the few times Connor acted out, he was disciplined harshly - never physically, but often with a loss of privilege.

I wouldn't mind some description of Connor's social life as a child, since at the moment it's not really mentioned at all until high school.

As he grew up, this sense of discipline managed to be a boon to his activities and endeavours. Taking to athletics fairly quickly, Connor excelled in both baseball and basketball, but his one true sporting love was always football. As his father was on friendly terms with the owners of the Tennessee Titans NFL football team, Connor got a tour of the locker room facility as a four-year old child, and was entranced by the spectacle of it all. As soon as he was able, he begged his parents to start playing youth football, to which they agreed. While his natural athleticism had his coaches try him at a variety of positions, Connor knew that there was only one place he wanted to play: quarterback. As soon as he found himself with a ball in hand, nobody could ever pry it away. I would actually like some more elaboration on what it is that Connor likes about football: the spectacle of going to see a locker room is one thing, but I'm assuming there's something about playing the game itself that keeps him so involved.

While focused very much on football and other athletics, What other atheletics? Is he on any other teams? Connor was no slouch in his academics either. His parents were very strict in that if his grades slipped, so would his athletics, and so Connor made sure to stay to a strict routine and regimen for getting his assignments completed. Any subjects that he struggled in, he would let his parents know and they would shell out for a tutor. This was very apparent with mathematics, as Connor lagged behind his peers in elementary school with his comprehension of long division and multiplication. After his first failed math test in grade three, Karen informed Connor that he would now have twice weekly sessions with a math tutor until he was able to keep up with the rest of his class. After four months of sessions, Connor returned home and delivered his mother a test with a perfect score.

Partly a result of his intense focus upon mathematics within his tutoring sessions, Connor actually enjoyed playing around with numbers as he got older. As he grew older, he became interested in statistical analysis, and expanded his interests to other sports, and things like the stock market. Could you elaborate a bit more about what it is he likes specifically about statistical analysis? With football getting more complex when playbooks began to be introduced, Connor found himself memorizing and understanding them with ease, being able to understand the logistics behind where players needed to be on the field and how to exploit various defensive alignments. As such, his coaches began to see real potential in his future, provided his athletic gifts caught up to his understanding of the game. Fortunately for Connor, growth spurts in grade nine and ten left him an incredibly lanky 6'5". Once he was able to figure out how to be coordinated in his newly large frame, Connor started to excel athletically even more so than he did as a child, spending a lot of time in the gym and trying to put lean muscle onto his lean frame.

High school was an interesting time for Connor, as having been in private school for his entire life, his parents opted to send him to a public high school instead. With George Hunter High being a newer, top-of-the-line school (that Steven had donated some money towards its construction), I would prefer it if you didn’t include this funding aspect in the profile: it could complicate things via deciding whether or not public funding was an option and also putting Mr Lorenzen in a position of school-related power, and doesn’t actually add anything. his parents wanted him to experience a bit more of the melting-pot that public school could be. At this point in his life, Connor was beginning to have some aspirations of taking football to the next level, maybe even playing as a career, and both Steven and Karen believed that exposing Connor to people of different backgrounds, cultures, sexual orientations, and social statuses would help him understand the people around him and allow him to relate more to those around him. By themselves these two facts aren't actually necessarily related, so it could do with some explicit linking if you're going to bring them both up in the same sentence. Like with most things in his life, Connor was presented with this as a challenge, and has tried to rise to the occasion. Could we get a tad more elaboration about how he feels on the subject? Even if he’s happy to take it on as a challenge, it’s still a fairly big environment change.

Socially, Connor adapted to a new high school fairly well, as he was fortunate to have several peers that he could ingratiate himself with: friends from the country club that his parents were members of, and some boys that he'd played youth football with proved to be the basis for his social group. While not the most gregarious person in his social groups, Connor is more of the quiet leader type, often sitting around and listening to what other people have to say versus speaking just to be heard. How does the leader part come in there? This flips around when he gets on the football field, however: when playing, Connor is constantly talking, encouraging, and almost coaching his teammates. Most of his socializing runs within the popular crowds in George Hunter High, with the athletes, rich kids, and student council comprising his social group. Connor is well-known around school, but does not usually socialize with the outcasts, the misfits, or the purely artistic kids in school. He's not malicious towards them, but tends to look right past them.

Connor has a good relationship with both of his parents, who look at him as being on the path to success. As both Steven and Karen are alpha personalities, Connor has taken on many of those characteristics as well, and has settled into a hierarchy with his family. Each member of the family sees themselves as part of a team, bringing something different to the table. As his father tends to play the bad-cop role, he has a slightly better relationship with his mother, but as he's grown up, he understands why his father had to act the way that he did, and he's started to form a friendship with him. This sentence runs on a bit and could do with being split in two. Connor took up golfing in the tenth grade, Why? and while he still isn't very good at it, he enjoys the times that he gets to hit the links with his father. He has started to take advice from his father on his pursuits in the stock market, which has filled his father with pride. Connor hasn't made a whole lot of money yet, and has made some short-sighted decisions, but Steven has appreciated his son's enthusiasm and the two have become closer. What is Connor's motivation for playing the stock market in the first place? At the moment I'm not sure if he's trying to live up to family expectations, testing out his analysis techniques, or something else entirely.

Since Junior year, Connor has been exclusively dating Madison Springer. Connor was enamoured with her while standing on the sideline at a football game that he was redshirting at, made a comment to a teammate that knew her which garnered an introduction, and the rest was history. They're well-known as a couple around school, and their relationship is comfortable, if not fiery at times. They spend a great deal of time together, but at this point they're verging on the territory of being friends that sleep together, versus a true couple in love. Connor enjoys her company, but he knows that as high school approaches its end, the two of them will likely be taking far different paths and the relationship probably won't last. She has already professed her love for him, but he hasn't reciprocated, always believing that you needed to mean the words before you said them, and he isn't sure. Despite this, he does deeply care about Madison, and is even-keeled enough to put up with her occasional instability. Due to this, he's starting to get a reputation as someone with exceptional patience.

Senior year for Connor has been an eventful one. As he's the starting QB for the football team, colleges have started to reach out to recruit him, and he's been trying to decide where he wants his future to take him. Several coaches have told him that he has a legitimate shot at being a high draft were he able to keep on his current progression. He's trying to balance all of the college attention with keeping his grades up, enjoying his social life, and carefully managing his image. Connor is aware that image is key when trying to become a professional, and so he has tried to emulate some of the greats in the way that he carries himself. While a Titans fan through and through, his own personal hero is Tom Brady, and he has tried to pattern the way he acts after him: calm, cool, collected, and in control of his own destiny.

Advantages: Connor is very athletic, and has natural physical talents. He is a very disciplined individual who has worked hard so as not to waste his gifts. Socially intelligent, Connor likes to ensure that people of different backgrounds are included and not ostracized, partly for image but partly because he believes that to do so is wrong. I don’t really get this explicitly from the biography, so I’d prefer a bit more elaboration to demonstrate it. I know he went to a public school for the melting pot reasons, but you actually state most of his friends at Hunter High were from his rich background anyway. He is very patient and methodical and thinks before he acts.
Disadvantages: If you're not in Connor's social group, you're invisible, and that has been known to rub a lot of people the wrong way. Connor can be arrogant and condescending at times, his confidence sometimes coming off as cockiness. This hasn’t actually come up in the biography anywhere; I’d like to see it do so. Connor has never faced true adversity in his entire life, and takes failure personally. He has never experienced any kind of trauma or loss of any kind. This sentence basically says the same thing as the one before it.


That's it for now, so post here when you've made the edits and I'll take another look. Thanks!
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