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The V1 Read-A-Thon
Topic Started: Sep 28 2017, 07:14 PM (7,341 Views)
Blastinus
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That's Just Crazy Talk
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Lucinda Garnett is a little unusual in terms of characteristics because she starts her game in a oneshot deathpost. Not dying, mind you, but being the one who kills a guy. I think the clue is in the date that she starts, which is three months from the time when Adam Dodd starts culling inactive characters. Based on that, what we can assume is that Lucinda was written in order to add more characters to the island which was rapidly being depopulated. Fortunately, there's another character just nearby called Hannah Juett who she can do the belated starting character talking points with, and as the two of them reflect on that guy who's dead in front of them, they agree to form an alliance, just in time to run into Adam Dodd, who's songposting to himself. And sure enough, she starts joining in the songposting, and my eyes just glaze over immediately.

I'll put it right out there, I can't stand posts that throw in song lyrics to make you identify with the character's feelings. Writing is a visual medium, not an auditory one, and therefore the mood should be set with clever descriptions, actions, and details. The more I have to skim over meaningless filler, the less invested I am with the story. Fortunately, once the introductions are over with, so are the songs, and Lucinda and Adam can reflect on the horrible nature of the game in peace. To Dodd's credit, he's beginning to ask himself if what he's doing is right. This is before he starts shooting people in the head for swinging bags of sawdust at him, but at least the question is there. Lucinda responds as a comforter, but in a really long-winded fashion that's kinda hard to read. To whit:
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Smiling brightly for the first time since she had arrived on this place, Lucinda reached up placing a hand on Adam's shoulder in a comforting manner. "Let me tell you something though, Mama used to always tell me when I was little that I have nothing to fear in life because not only was I protected here, my loved ones that had passed on before me where always around to protect me from harm's way as well. Adam I believe this is true in all of us, if you continue to trust and love your friends even though they're gone, they'll protect you...

You're friends loved you in life, they love you now too I bet. And because they're your friends, they probably understand better than anyone what's going through your head. Though they've passed on, truly though they continue to live on." At this point, her hand dropped, she using a finger to lightly poke at an area of his chest right over his heart. "They continue to live on right there, in meeting those people alone you took a part of them into yourself. Becoming friends made that even stronger, and that little piece of them will always be there.

Be it their laughter, their sorrow, their anger, their love or everything in between, it's all right in your heart now. And unless you let them die in there, they're really not dead at all...

I think I'm going to be sick. I mean, I LIKE positive characters who try to be inspirational, and even I'm bothered by how sugary that is.

Next thread, she's all alone and she just rests and then re-gathers her gear, so let's move on. The next thread adds more than enough details to make up for it. Enough details, in fact, for one post to fill an entire page. If indeed it is true that brevity is the soul of wit, then this delivery is dead on arrival. By the time she's finished thinking about what's going on, taking in the scenery, and all that, I don't even have the ability to process that something important is happening in this post. She discovers the body of a boy named Ryan, one who she'd been looking for all game, and this makes her distraught and determined to win the game at all costs. There's also a conversation with Cody Jenson and Adam Dodd happening nearby, which she spectates but doesn't do anything about until the thread ends. Good stuff.

Her appearance might be hard to find at the warehouse massacre thread, since riseruga never mentioned her arriving in the usual format and she disappears in the same post. Having apparently settled on the murder plan, she's got knives from her first kill and she's ready to start stabbing. Not very successfully, as her attempt to kill another of riseruga's characters gets part of her face blown off, and she delivers a non-fatal throat cut and a non-fatal stab to the back, non-fatal enough for this guy to survive several more pages, in fact. Her transformation from survivor to player doesn't quite work for me, and I can't sympathize with her next thread where she's sobbing over the fact that she got her face shot trying to kill someone. I mean, I get that it hurts, but it's like lamenting the fact that you cut your knuckles punching someone in the face. She meets up with a couple people in a conversation slightly dripping with menace, and nothing happens.

But don't worry, that's just because Lucinda's handler was saving the real excitement for what's coming up next. It starts out normally enough. She enters a house, has a tense standoff with Steven Hyde, and then is interrupted by the arrival of Jeremy Torres. After she casually fires off a shot into his shoulder, Lucinda and Jeremy do what comes naturally in this sort of situation: jump into a couple of nearby parked cars (that nobody noticed before apparently) and have a giant car chase.

Yes, a car chase. Steven is so unprepared for the awesomeness to come that he's standing gormlessly outside and gets promptly steamrolled, Mad Max style. Naturally, neither participant spares any expense in making this sequence (sprawling over several threads) into the most ridiculous display ever. We're talking spontaneous seat adjustments to dodge shotgun blasts, turning donuts, blaring the radio at each other, crashes, mid-chase banter, and a giant flaming wreck at the end. Unable to escape her burning car, and trapped inside a danger zone, Lucinda's neck goes kablooey shortly before Jeremy's, putting them both in the top ten. And to be honest, that death was so much better than Cody's, it's hard to express it. THAT'S what a dramatic denouement looks like. It doesn't even matter that she had a really wordy and kind of "eh" beginning. Everything that happened in that chase made Lucinda one of my absolute favorite characters to read in V1, well deserving of her spot.

I'll take another, please.
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Blastinus : Johnny "Mordread" Lamika
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*insert dance song here*
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I lost all my progress on my post and really don't feel like going back to it, so go ahead and throw Edward Rommel back into the pool.
V5 Characters:

Jack McDonald is a SELF-INSERT YAY.
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Blastinus
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That's Just Crazy Talk
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Johnny "Mordread" Lamika is the Josh Goodman of V1, in that he's a clever child killer in his backstory who somehow escapes detection despite seemingly having the intelligence of cement once you see him in action. I don't even want to go into his backstory too much, other than to say that his first kill was at AGE FREAKIN' SEVEN! Or maybe earlier, because that's the first age mentioned. Riiiight.

I guess I can see the inspiration, because he apparently thinks he's a "shingami". And no, I'm not misspelling that.
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~Pretty little kittens...all waiting for Shingami to show them to the afterlife~

(OOC: Shingami=God of Death)

Nerrrrrrd!

Unfortunately for those reading, his weapon of choice was a set of fishhooks, which he immediately puts to use against Callum Hadley, who you might know as the guy with the imaginary friends. Mordread approaches him with the same stupid "kitty" monologue, in a manner that suggests that we're supposed to take this character seriously.
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Dread silently emerged from his hiding place and approached the figure crouched on the ground, fishhooks hidden in the palm of his hand he silently moved, almost seeming to float across the ground.

That's the entire post, by the way. He throws his fishhooks at Callum, somehow catching him in the eyes, and Callum asks why he's doing this, to which he responds, you guessed it, by saying he's "the Shingami, kitten." Cripes, this guy is a broken record. Every post from him is kitty this, kitty that, and it's really friggin' annoying. Also, he rips out Callum's tongue, I guess, but frankly, I'm two threads in, and I'm already beyond caring about this character.

Then he gets inactive killed by Adam Dodd, and good riddance. But not before Dodd gets almost violated once again. Dodd, if you're reading this, I would really love an explanation for why you liked to write people sexually assaulting your character. It's really odd how often it keeps coming up. It's not like Mordread was such a compelling and lovable character that you needed to add more villainy to him. I think we would have just given you a pass.

Whatever the case, I could really use a palate cleanser after that hot garbage, so please, keep them coming!
V7 Kids
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do you want to go to war, balakay?
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Can we file this under "I wish I knew, and I'd love to go back in time and give 19-20 year-old me a smack upside his stupid head"?

The best I can come up with is that I was going for shock value but, like what the hell. Trust me, I'm as disgusted with it as you are. Perhaps more.
---
The Future

The Past

Meanwhile...
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Blastinus: Ryan Ashmore
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Blastinus
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That's Just Crazy Talk
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Ryan Ashmore's entire bio can be summed up as "He wants to be a doctor". Every single aspect of his appearance, backstory, and personality drills right down to the heart of the matter, and as a result, one would think that what he brings to the table will be some crucial life-saving medical knowledge. A useful skill to have in V1 especially, when people are constantly taking hits when they don't have to. Let's see how that plays out, shall we?

First thread, he flashes back to right before the trip, and it's clear that the guy wants to gain more experiences from life, despite the protestations of his family. I suppose it's intending to be ironic, since the one time he gets to go on a trip is also looking very likely to be his last. The rest of it is a oneshot that establishes the typical SOTF ritual. Check bag, muse about your situation, get scared and panicky, run off to find people to interact with.

Of course, when his initial encounter is with an uzi-wielding Slayer character, it's probably for the best that he chooses to hide in a closet and then make a break for it, all in one post, of course. Doesn't even give Slayer a chance to contrive a reason for why he knew that Ryan was hiding in the closet. All for the better, since that would have just resulted in a million bullets being flung in the closet's direction and Megami having to somehow write a way around that.

Fortunately, in the club of scared kids running for their lives, Ryan has found a soulmate at this point, as Cassie Webber and he bond together over the fact that everything's crazy and nothing makes sense any more. Oddly, rather than taking the moral high ground and saying that playing is wrong, the two of them decide that they're going to have to defend themselves, which might mean killing people. It's a surprisingly mature direction to go in, but it's too bad that he's not going to get much opportunity to put that thought into action, since the next encounter is with an already-wounded Angharad Davies, who puts up such a token fight that he can have a crisis of faith when she's not five feet away. Speaking as a Christian myself, I've often pondered how a proper one would act if thrust into this kind of situation. It seems to me like a lot of characters written to have faith either just have it so they can lose it dramatically (as Ryan is doing here) or exaggerate it to such a degree that it becomes nonsensical. Rachel Gettys from V4 and Uriel Hunter fit into the latter category. I dunno, maybe there are examples of Christian characters who were kind and courageous and the like, but I've never seen any.

Regardless, Ryan and Cassie decide to vacate so Angharad can get her death scene on, and find themselves caught in the middle of Cody Jenson doing his best King Kong impersonation with Lyndi. Disoriented by the flashbang, Ryan loses track of Cassie and instead catches sight of Lyndi, deciding that he's going to free her from Cody. Or at least, that's how the plan starts, but he regrettably leads her right into Cody's booby-trapped lair which he totally set up at some point and then...well, maybe I'll just quote this:
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"The way to defeat the program," he said in a near whisper, "The way to save all of us from it, to liberate ourselves from this prison... it's right here. Don't you see it, Lyndi? It's been right here, all along. I'm going to save you. I'm going to save Cassie and Drew. All of us. I'm going to take us far, far away from this place. I'm going to defeat Danya and this whole god damned system. It's been right here all along. And Lyndi, you'll be the first. You'll be the first person I send to their salvation!"

The last few words of Ryan's speech turned from a quiet utterance into a loud yell as he lunged toward the girl he had been trying to protect only moments ago, knife in hand.

Yeah. Because he gets wounded, Ryan suddenly turns a 180 and decides that he's going to save everyone by killing them. Guess there was always room for Christian Type B after all. In the ensuing struggle, they do the classic knife thing where it gets lodged in Ryan as they're fighting over it, and that's basically all she wrote.

You notice a distinct lack of any medical-related stuff in that whole mishmash of ideas? Yeah, you might have forgotten that his medical aspirations were even a thing, since they sure as heck never came up. I find myself simultaneously pondering what could have been and lamenting what was, and while Ryan was well-written and had some good ideas in the mix, I can't ultimately recommend him, because nothing that was ever written about him ever bore fruit. Truly a tragedy.

How many are left at this point? I feel like we've got to be close to the end.
Edited by Blastinus, Nov 17 2017, 08:14 PM.
V7 Kids
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Mains Shaggy Verde
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Deal me back in fellas.
V7 relationship thread! Say hi to my kids!
Super Spoiler God Super Spoiler
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Blastinus: Umi Martin

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Brackie
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personification of adhd
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Jayne is a beige boring waste of time. Her profile's not terrible, but she has no voice and only hangs around characters as boring and incomprehensible as she is, and then she gets stabbed in the back of the head by her own vodka bottle by one of Slayer's many killbots. I'd do a full write-up summary, but that is time better spent doing something else completely.

Instead I'm going to ask for another character!
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

I can't sing but I wrote you a song

Wrong notes but the melody's so clear

When I'm lost, I'm still close to gold

cause I found my treasure in you
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Brackie: Toby Valerik
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Blastinus
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That's Just Crazy Talk
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Umi Martin's profile would probably ring some alarm bells if she was submitted today, since her primary skills are hunting with rifles, biology, and first aid. Seemingly innocuous hobbies, but oddly specific towards surviving on a murder island. Maybe that wasn't what Lien was going for, but it certainly seems that way. The proof will be in the execution itself.

First thread, she does the Island Starting Post Waltz and leaves, and then I suddenly realize why her name seems familiar. She's the third wheel of the Daisuke and Aiden alliance. Most of what she does was already covered in my Daisuke writeup, so let's cut to the part where she rescues Andrew Lipson from a hole. Here's where she actually gets a bit of time to shine, and I love her anxiety over telling Andrew that they're on the island. The part at the end, where she's almost unable to choke out the true nature of everything, was something I haven't seen too often. It's very rare that characters feel sorry for other characters in this version, and Umi, you can tell, wishes that Andrew was anywhere else but here.

This thread also results in an interesting revelation. Apparently Kichiro Taka, another kid on the island, was actually Umi's brother. This bombshell strikes at the same time as the bolt of lightning that signals Andrew's end, and she just breaks down in tears, crying out angrily at Danya:
Quote:
 
"I am personally going to rip your eyes out so you can watch yourself die! I'm going to use every bone in my body to make you pay for what you've done, and I will--" she cut short.

There was something wrong.

"Hey... guys? Which one of you knows about cameras?"

We never figure out what Umi meant regarding the cameras, since she's immediately distracted by Chi making a grab for her gun and then turning the Wednesday switch to "Go", so whatever she was planning was lost to the mists of time. Instead, she follows the Daisuke alliance to her last thread, where she threatens Heather and the two of them have a petty insult-off. It's a little embarrassing to read. Then after Heather and Co. leave, Peri Barclay arrives, though you wouldn't know it's Peri because...oh wait, I did this one. Anyway, Umi levels her gun on him, and he responds by somehow drawing his weapons in the blink of an eye. Then the rest of the group arrives and we have that exchange with Kiyoko where she distrusts Peri but only Daisuke can understand her.

It's becoming clearer as the scene progresses that Umi has no trust for Peri either, especially since he's done nothing but cause trouble since showing up. Confronting him with a new handler (Lien passed her off to LadyMakaze), she has the drop on him with her gun but he manages to avoid the shots as he drops to the floor, pretending to be dead. She goes to investigate, letting her guard down, and he springs to life, shooting her twice at close range. Her last action before collapsing is to thank him, since her time on the island had been nothing but torment.

It's hard to say what to think of Umi really. She had her moments to show real emotion and stand out, but her alliance was pretty firmly the Daisuke and Aiden show. She mostly provided side commentary on what was going on and she didn't contribute a great deal to the alliance besides being someone with a gun. I was left with a feeling of lukewarmness, which I guess is better than revulsion at least.

One more please?
V7 Kids
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Blastinus: Kichiro Taka
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Kermit : Ian Hargrave
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Kermit
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eEeEEEeEEEeeEeeeee
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Ian Hargrave is fat!

'The first things someone loooking at Ian would notice are him being massively overweight"

Ian Hargrave is fat!

Ian Hargrave was sad because he's fat and then Slayer Baseball boy #5 is like "join baseball" and ian is hapi! : )

"His weight has earned him the somewhat joking nickname of "Meat" among his teammates (though they're the only people he'll allow to call him that)."

Ian Hargrave is fat! Ian Hargrave is fat! Ian Hargrave is adopted by Kaishi!

"Ian Hargrave, baseball player and fat kid(...)"

Like ok, I get it. He's fat. At least he had other character traits in his profile like his self-doubt and sadness. I feel like if Slayer'd held onto him maybe Ian wouldn'tve ended up being FAT!fodder, but alas it wasn't to be. Characters that are fat and sad and riddled with self-doubt are the best characters [WINKING INTENSIFIES], but hey, sometimes you just need a fodder kid.

Ian is walking along a path and then he thinks about how he'll never be able to do anything ever again and he gets sad and cries. (wow just like someone else WINKINGWINKINGWINKING)

Peri comes along so rip Ian, and the Peri just shoots Ian i guess. Italian!SlayerMurderbot is here too even though he doesn't have much relevance upon the scene. Ian gets hit in the shoulder by the boolet, so he falls over and pretends to be dead. also he thinks about killing peri while his back is turned which is kinda jarring and like "ian no not u too".

Peri's like "no ur not dead" and shoots Ian in the spine this time, while saying "Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bacey" which is like heck peri calm down jeez louise guy. Peri's a dick and Ian's like "INTERNAL SCREAMING" and then Peri cuts Ian's head off while saying "You are lucky.God loves fat kids".

peri y u gotta be so rUuuUude? dont u know hes human toOooOo?

Ian dies because he got decapitated but not before Kaishi throws a flashback about how he was doomed from the start because IanIsFat and like

y'know as a reader I do have a memory of longer than 30 seconds. You don't need to state that IAN IS FAT and IAN IS DOOMED over and over again, because we the reader already know that from the first time you said it.

"Ian "Meat" Hargrave was exactly like his shell on the outside. A big, fat cowardly loser doomed from the start."

sighs

CONCLUSION: Ian had potential to be like, not fodder. If this writeup were just based off of his profile, I'd say he could've actually been a fairly complex character, y'know being all sad and stuff but then trying to prove himself and maybe also meeting up with his baseball buddies. Instead he was SAD and FAT and DOOMED and randomly thinking about murdering people and getting fed to Peri, so it's like "well ok then", leaving like no impact upon the reader. Oh well.
"Kermit you are the guy in the horror movie that finds a book bound in human skin and decides to read out loud what is inside for fun" - some mean lady named Ruggahissy

i make art i think????


Sadly kermit looked at a mariavel. It was so sad... such a sad mariavel... like him... he only waned a normal life... was that too much to ask? was it?
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