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The V2 Read-o-thon; Olden days
Topic Started: Aug 24 2017, 06:45 PM (7,536 Views)
MK Kilmarnock
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Give me a stupid whatever, you stupid stupidhead.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Here's what Horace did:

He wakes up and raids Amanda's corpse (spacing on the last name, I'm not going back and you can't make me). He makes his way to the hospital where he runs into several other people, all of whom are more interesting than him. Carmen is an absolute treat when she pops in; she's like Jessica Rabbit off her meds, trying to drown everybody in half-cocked sex appeal. Horace calmly assesses the situation, then totally freaks out for basically no reason, saying he's going to try and run into the terrorists somewhere on the island and kill them.

But first, he naps in the hospital.

He wakes up, hears the announcements and dangerzones, then hoofs it to the Industrial Sector... where, in an example of 'rocks fall, everyone dies' so fantastic it needs to be seen to be believed, all of Nealosi's characters hole up in the same slaughterhouse which then promptly collapses and kills all of them in a hastily-written blurb by Mitsuko.

Fantastic.

NEXT.
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MK Kilmarnock
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So reading Okalani's profile was a fucking treat. Just about died laughing when I checked out her drug binge.

But by the time we get to the island proper, she's actually... she's actually pretty good, and she reads like a real, if somewhat edgy, high school teenager. Lani doesn't do much. She spends the best part of the day learning how to throw her dagger at a tree (why waste her time and energy? Who knows, but she's not keen on actively looking for anybody) before she's happened upon by a boy named Harry. They chat and actually seem to be getting along great... then time passes, announcements roll, the area's declared a dangerzone, and Harry (who has been ousted as a killer by the announcements) runs for the hills.

And, unfortunately, Lani says 'fuck it' and lets the depression part of her character take over, which is apparently stronger than her will to live for no apparent reason despite getting along fine for the past few posts. She wonders about her death and it's pretty cool in the way it's written, especially for V2, before an abrupt and un-noteworthy end.

Another.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Allllright, so, Adam Amato. Written by Adam Dodd. Iktor asked in a tired haze just how many Adams this kid wrote, and I'm assuming it's just the two. Anyway, let's do the checklist:

South Park picture: check.
From Canada (specifically the greater Toronto area): check.
Loves hockey: check.
IS BASED OFF A REAL PERSON OF THE SAME NAME: check.

Also this kid is 17 and has a full, if thin, goatee. I really want his genes because it would've made growing a beard much easier. Most of the profile is fine - Dodd usually did a good job of writing profiles that, for the version, were very well-fitting and nonabrasive. Everything seems to be in working or-


"Disadvantages: Two of his best friends participated in SOTF v1. One was killed in a horrific lightning accident and one ended up winning. Because of that, Adam's mind likely won't react very well to being placed in a similar situation. People who harbour even a slight dislike for him might come in with guns ablazing."

Can we talk about this for a second?

So Adam Amato was besties with Adam Dodd and some schmuck who died in an 'unfortunate lightning accident' in V1. A little research reveals this to be Andrew Lipson. This is somehow a disadvantage, as well as the terrible, crippling disadvantage of 'people may try to kill him'. Wow, Adam (Amato), you certainly really have it rough, other kids have a one-up on you for sure.

Enough of the profile, time to actually read this guy. There are only two threads so this won't take terribly long.

Today I learned, courtesy of an Ali Grayston post, that AT 'Big Four' member Steve Wilson spent a year as principal of one of the V2 schools. Ooookay (Also rest in peace, Wilson). Anyway, Adam plays next to no role in his first thread, which is a veritable who's who of V2 writers: Megami, Mitsuko, Laz, Dodd, Riser... and some guy named Doink, who gives us the most entertaining post with Kasumi White talking to God/Olmec/Dee Bradley Baker, then waking up to see that she's laying in the graveyard of a church beneath an angel statue.

Adam listens at the door, Ali bitches at Kasumi screaming her head off, R. Kelly throws the first racial slur in the history of the internet, Mariavel pops in to be Mariavel. Adam hears threats of violence in a church (gasp!) and pops up with his gun at the ready, threatening everybody not to blaspheme on God's holy ground or he'll bust a cap in your ass like a good Catholic person.

This goes over like a fart in church (heh) as Edgar rightfully points out how hypocritical Adam's being right now. Mariavel does the same thing right after but with a speech that must take like... 20 seconds in real-time, during which presumably everybody just stays put with their thumbs up their asses. It's cool though, because he sheepishly says 'sorry' and Mariavel actually drops all aggression. Just like that. Also R. Kelly's hiding in the confessional. Get it? He's trapped in the closet.

GET IT!?

R. Kelly comes out of the closet confessional and scares Adam, who assess his weapon, for the SECOND TIME, as a 'formidable weapon' and a 'sniper's pistol'. Twice in one thread, this happens. He then name drops Dodd (making it the second time he's mentioned) and capitalizes every other WORD to show us that he means business and randomly shouts like a tweak.

Mariavel does a songpost. I don't even fucking read it. Back to Adam. Back to talking about Dodd and how he was 'the winner of this damn thing and you would have liked him, he killed twelve people'. Somewhere in this narrative is talk of an escape plan with no real idea of how to do it, and he turns down Mariavel's offer to team up since the announcements oust her as a killer. Oh, and Kasumi White is inactive killed at the end of this thread. Boo.

Adam goes to the mountain ranch where he rapidly switches between panicked and sullen when he meets Sera Wingfield. Also this guy named Brandon Cuthbert shows up but he is VERY difficult to read because... well, he's an except from his first post in Silence and Solitude.

This is only two sentences.


Brandon and Adam get aggressive with one another... and then both go inactive, so Megami just takes over and hastily writes the two to their deaths. Brandon kills Adam, Sera kills Brandon. The end. Adam Amato exists for little more than some pointless aggression and as a vehicle to spread the glorious word of Adam Dodd, winner of V1.

V2, EVERYBODY!

Sigh... I'll take another.
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MK Kilmarnock
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Sorry for taking so long, but I'm reading through Jenna now. Here are my, uh... 'thoughts' (man, wish I could turn my brain off for this).

Jenna has a single thread in the 'distant past' section... sorta. It's a single post by Chase and I read it, then instantly forgot it, then went back and re-read it because it's just such a nothing piece of information that tells me absolutely nothing about the character. It's also not truly a piece of Jenna herself because it wasn't written by the author. Moving on to pre-game.

Oh, but before I go too crazy, let's call attention to Jenna's profile, which is a work of art much in the same way Okalani's was. Her interests are 'The Hellbirds, not much else', which is instantly painting a picture of this character in my head. And the picture is a single line, because that's one-dimensional as fuck. The appearance doesn't do any favors either, with lines such as "... the girl has a rather interesting caboose, that if anyone noticed under her baggy cargo capris they would be castrated" and "First to notice Jenna's pointed nose would get decked in a minute". We get it. She's violent. The biography backs this up by turning her into nothing but a thug in one of the billion gangs apparently filling New Jersey. The only service the bio actually does to her is point out that she's nothing more than a teenage stereotype, a "ne'er do well."

Jenna has, for a V2 character, a decent amount of threads with four pre-game threads and four proper game threads. The first is "How many ways can you define the word 'cow'?", which has a whooooole lot of... something going on. Jenna pops in for a two-post drive-by calling Mariavel a whore, then entering the bathroom... which is where 'Bank on this, Bitch' takes us. You know how sometimes kids have profiles that are a complete mismatch to a character's actions? This is NOT one of those. CATFIGHT, CATFIIIIIIIIGHT!

Ahem.

I thought reading Jenna would have to be the most painful thing I do today, and this is the same day I got a huge blister on my index finger during band practice. Unfortunately, I also have to read Mariavel. Two posts into this thread and I honestly want to call it quits, but instead, let's make it fun: let's tally up all the times somebody should have totally died in this fight but didn't, or does something quite unlikely in the realm of possibility.

1. Mariavel is thrown full-tilt into a bathroom stall and crashes head first into the toilet seat. Dead.
2. Jenna slips off her jacket in between the time it takes Mariavel to come rushing out of the stall (she's already on her way out before Jenna even starts) and to meet her mid-charge, then holds it out like a matador, complete with a shout of 'ole'. Yes, she really does this.
3. In the same breath, Jenna grabs Mariavel's hair and stomps on the rear of the girl's knee, but Mariavel completely no-sells it- nae, LAUGHS IT OFF, claiming that her hair has been pulled out so many times (presumably by her abusive father) that it doesn't even faze her. She then sweeps Jenna's legs.
4. While falling to the ground, Jenna somehow kicks Mariavel in the chest, comes up behind her and locks her in a full nelson.
5. Mariavel manages to headbutt Jenna. While in a full nelson.
6. Jenna manages to lift a toilet seat while locking Mariavel in a full nelson. Psychic powers confirmed.
7. Mariavel's arm is twisted behind her back but she goes for a knife anyway, to 'plunge it into Jenna's arm'. Jenna is only scratched.
8. Jenna slams the seat down on Mariavel's head and stomps on her ankle.
9. Mariavel gets up moments later, acknowledging she'll 'have bruises'.

Now, if I have a reputation as SotF's fight scene guru, allow me to dispense my full analysis of that fight scene: it fucking stunk on ice. Mariavel leaves to go back to "Cow" but Jenna enters a thread called "Down the Stairs Your Ride Awaits", which is unfortunately lost on the Invisionfree site but exists in some fragments in the Distant Past section. In this glorious piece of world building, we meet about Alex Stevens, a character central in Jenna's story (in pregame at least) and the leader of the Hellbirds, the gang she's in. We learn through Alex that Denton is apparently sharing a universe with 'The Warriors' as the area is positively riddled with gangs for miles around. They're even themed!

"He'd much rather go north of his turf with some other Hellbirds and bash up some Jackals, or south to tangle with the Prophets (a Christian gang that dressed in priest robes and shaved their heads, they killed anyone who wasn't Christian or did anything they considered "ungodly". They mainly used knives and guns, but the biggest member of the gang-appropriately nicknamed Goliath by his fellow Prophets, as he was over seven feet tall and all muscle- often used a bike chain as a weapon, and it wasn't unheard of for them to agree to a simple fistfight, as had happened about a year prior in a territory dispute."

Holy shit, a gang of preachers, and they're led by the gang version of Big Show!? That sounds badass! The Bloody Fists sound like total pissants compared to any of these hotshots. At least, that's what the narrative here is trying very, very hard to push. Things go on for a long while between Alex, Jenna and John and unfortunately several pieces of the thread are missing. Beyond those initial bits of 'what the everlasting flavor of fuck' world building we get nothing interesting. Last pregame thread.

Jenna skips every class and then skips the trip to the principal's office because she is a badass and going to class is for SQUARES! John, the hanger-on from the previous thread hangs out with a cheery attitude which of course is met with a less-than-enthusiastic response from the dour Jenna. John speaks a whooooole lotta crazy at her, hits on her a little bit, and then the two go their separate ways. Nothing of major interest happens here except hinting at a bit of a relationship between the two, and also it's heavily implied this takes place after the Mariavel fight... so when did all that shit with Alex happen, then? That seemed like it was another day. Whatever. No more time for questions, only the game proper.

Which will be continued later because it is very late.
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Okay, time to continue with Jenna Jameson Cassidy.

The core of the character seems to be intact but the writing is a tad bit more solid than before. Unfortunately, Alex didn't make it to the island himself, so she's doomed never to interact with him and that cuts a fair bit of her story short. She does think about him however, hoping she'll run into him, and gang alliances are sure to come into play. Because everybody, fucking EVERYBODY in V2 is in a goddamn West Side Story script. Anywho, Jenna wakes up on a riverbank and is angry because that's probably one of two ways somebody is going to react in this situation. She has a dartboard and Seth Malvice, the boy nearest to her, just so happens to have been given the darts. Har har har, AT, good one. Also highly coincidental.

Anyway, if you can't figure out what happens next, you've never seen an improbable movie action sequence. Seth surprises Jenna and throws a dart at her, and she raises the dart board to protect herself and then runs like hell. And, of course, the dart hits the board in a perfect bullseye because why the hell not? Anyway, that's thread number one for Jenna. She's only in it for two posts.

Next thread, Jenna's ALSO only in this one for two posts. She runs to the school building and trips in the dirt, looking up to see the half-naked body of Jaime Dibenidetti, who unfortunately has been defiled by Sam Sorenson. Her reaction to this is quite possibly the most realistic thing to ever come out of Jenna, as she reacts with disgust and horror similar to the reader, and we're not even there to see it first-hand. Mary-Ann is also there and tries to talk to her, but Jenna's apparently in a coma or something and doesn't respond. The two girls just... exit the thread after Mary-Ann asks Jenna something, and then Mary-Ann isn't even acknowledged in Jenna's next post. So that's kind of a miss for me. Jenna's next thread is back at the river and is one post long, and the post is written by baby_g instead of Chase. 'Phew, that was close' she thinks, and she already doesn't sound like Jenna AT ALL.

Welp, last thread, so let's see how this closes out.

Oh. In one post, Jenna runs at a group of kids all controlled by (or at least posted by) baby_g and attacks them senseless, only to be pushed to the ground by Matthew and then kicked in the ribs, then subsequently stabbed by Stephanie Crew. Very disappointing and careless end to a character that Chase actually put a lot of time and energy into, but then with two threads after that and two posts between them, baby_g clearly just hastily wrote Jenna into a flavorless kill for one of her own characters.

Honestly a huuuuuge letdown.
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