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Driven And Derided By Vanity; Day 8
Topic Started: Jun 15 2017, 04:10 AM (327 Views)
Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
((Asuka Takahara continued from Rivers of Sadness and Mutual Need))

Cass was warm, warm and awkward, and Asuka would've been happy to fall asleep there. She didn't, of course. She was too much a slave to herself to prolong the awkwardness for that long. They'd sat in silence afterwards; Cass drawing, Asuka observing. She'd wanted so badly to talk to Cass, to make something of the sense of warmth she'd felt while clinging to her, to this reminder that yes, there is at least one thing about this existence that was meaningful. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't want to disturb Cass, and she didn't want to leave her, either, so she'd just sat there until she nodded off.

It was the announcements that woke her up. Jerry was dead.

Huzzah, or something. Thank you for sacrificing your life for the lives of your would-be victims and the sanity of everyone you would've met.

She'd tried to be generous to his memory, she really had, but then again she had trouble conceptualizing him as a real person. Not exactly surprising that she was desensitized towards the death of a kitten-kicker.

She turned to Cass. "Anyone you know who was on there?"

dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"Mmm. Yeah. The guy who took my gun's dead, now, so I guess that's some weight off my conscience."

Jerry wasn't really worth dwelling on--reality was probably better off pretending that he had never existed--but Audrey hurt. Fiyori too, a little; Asuka hadn't ever gotten closer than observing her from a distance, but there was something admirable there, and seeing that something get destroyed hurt.

"Audrey. I was with her in the basement the day before she died, but things got messy. She was still there when I left last night. Like, I know it's not really my fault, but it still sucks that things would've worked out differently if I made her leave with me, y'know?"

Asuka took a deep breath. Or a half-hearted attempt at a deep breath. "Yeah, still don't feel sad, though. Guilty, yeah. A little bit."

Asuka's eyes landed Cass's portrait of her, then glanced away quickly. Funny, that she still couldn't make eye contact with people even after yesterday's tell-all, not with Cass, not with herself.

"Do you think you'll feel sad when I die? Or will you be sad about the idea of my dying?"

Of course, Cass might die first, but let's not consider that possibility.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"...Oh."

A mathematician's answer, given that there had been two questions. Knowing Cass, it was probably intended as a 'yes' to both. Really, what did Asuka expect Cass to say? It's not like she'd tell Asuka that she didn't give a shit about her death, even if it were true.

Don't deny Asuka this, goddammit. Fuck it, she knew she was being emotionally manipulative at this point. But if Asuka's gonna die, she deserves this much. She deserves the only thing she's ever wanted.

Her voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Then talk to me, goddammit. Do-don't let me die feeling like I'm alone, like I've always been alone. Like, I've spent my whole life talking to shadows, and I know there are people casting the shadows, but I can't see them. I can't die like this. Let me die remembering you as a person, and not as a bag of meat with a person inside who I still haven't properly met. I'm tired of knowing that the world is a meaningful place but not being able to see and experience those aspects of the world. Don't let me die a solipsist."

Close your eyes. Hug the air in front of you, squeeze it tight, tight to the point that your fingernails are drawing blood. Really feel that loneliness, intense as you can make it.

"Truth or dare? Scratch that. Truth or truth."

dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Who do you love? But Asuka already knew that Cass had loved ones, and a list of names wasn't gonna mean much anyways. Favorite childhood memory? Least favorite childhood memory? But it's not like those tend to be very meaningful, anyways. Asuka couldn't remember any profoundly beautiful, or profoundly ugly, moments from her childhood. Her mood soared when she got candy; it plummeted when she got scolded.

For fuck's sake.

"Favorite artist? Favorite artwork? Favorite artistic movement?"
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"Hmmm...I like On the Road a lot, but Kerouac was kind of an asshole. It's kind of weird because jazzy-sounding writing, spontaneous prose and whatnot, isn't something I see as all that innovative, especially when you compare it to the postmodern stuff that was coming out at, like, almost the same time. But, like, I dunno. It made me feel things, and that's always good. Same goes for Catcher in the Rye. Fuck the haters, fuck the people who can't look at Holden Caufield without rolling their eyes."

"Um...right. Favorite author. Antoine de Saint Exupery, maybe? I kinda cried while I was reading his wikipedia biography. Oh, and I forgot to mention this, but I love Thomas Ligotti's Conspiracy Against the Human Race. It's about how our existence is basically a cosmic horror story."

That's how the theory works, right?

"Are there any questions that I missed? That you wished I asked?"
Edited by Zetsumodernista, Jul 23 2017, 04:03 AM.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"I guess not. I've told you most everything."

...huh. She had, hadn't she?

"I hope I'll see you again, but...probably not. So just in case..."

Asuka balled up a slice of bread and tossed it to Cass.

"Here's a useless piece of bread. Something to remember me by, or something."
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
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- V6: 1-2
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
So long.

Asuka locked eyes with Cass for the last time, and then she was gone. She couldn't be sure that it'd be the last time, but let's not count on getting to see her again. Let's give this the mournful weight of a last goodbye, in case it really was a last goodbye.

...

...

Please, just give her a little more time before it feels like she's just staring at a wooden door.

((Asuka continued in Creature Comforts))
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
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