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Anemia; Noun. A condition marked by a deficiency of red blood cells in the blood, resulting in pallor and weariness.
Topic Started: Jun 4 2017, 06:04 PM (1,054 Views)
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This report of the behavior of herring gulls is based on extensive field observation at gulleries and on experiments performed in the field. Chapters of Part I describe behavior patterns and sensitivity of the birds. Parts 2 to 5 totaling 20 chapters deal with: Settling down in the colony, fighting, and territory; Pair formation and pairing; Incubation; Family life, i.e. the behavior of chicks. After pairing these birds are monogamous, they protect a nesting territory, and they share the incubation of the eggs. Evidences of "sign stimuli" as basis of recognition are presented. Field experiments of egg recognition by adult birds, and the chicks' reaction to the parents' bill and to imitations are reported. Comparative data for other birds and animals are given. 6-page bibliography. Illustrations.

And then all of a sudden, noise.

Johnny dropped the book, it's sound as it hit the ground adding the barest to the others. He had strayed a bit farther, distracted by the rows and rows of books around and with the light barely straining he had immersed himself into one report.

That was a mistake, and Johnny's heart sank the moment he realized.

Despite the fear laming him, Johnny managed to break free and make a run for it. He dashed towards where Dorothy and Penny and Raina were but when she saw them he stopped again.

He wasn't able to utter a word.

She was scary.

Raina, that is.
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Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Out of all the shit that was happening, had happened, was gonna happen and could happen this was probably the worst shit of them all.

Johnny froze still furthermore. There'd be too much in his brain for him to handle. Not much of input, but still so much to work on, and Johnny's little mind just couldn't handle it. There'd been two forces, pulling Johnny back and forward. One that made him want to rush and help and one that made him want to turn around and run away.

He'd not have thought of himself to become a coward in such a moment, but the sight - oh the sight it was just too much.

Even when Penny called him out, all Johnny could muster was a stammer and a second one, and only then did he take hold of himself and speeded to the nearest chair. It probably wasn't as heavy as it looked, but even then little Johnny could carry it with ease.

He placed it next to Penny, helpless as to what to do next. Helpless, and with desperation he looked at Raina.
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Man, he really wasn't up to any of this. The worst of it, though, was that he knew. Johnny knew that he didn't matter, not in this moment nor in any of the moments to come. All he could do, and all he was doing, was to crouch next to Penny, have his hands buried deep into his pockets and his eyes looking at everything in the room but her.

He still noticed it, of course. Damn he wished he didn't, but he could hear Penny dying in despair just 'cause she's also losing her mind. As for Raina, well she'd be getting worse and worse too and there was nothing Johnny could do. Honestly, he wasn't even daring to look into her eyes, or even at her. He wasn't deserving it.

He started crying. But he made sure he wouldn't be heard.

He tried, at least.
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When little Johnny was an even smaller Johnny, he had learned of this thing called Sola Fide. It's a term the church people he spend his childhood around used, some fancy Latin basically meaning that someone could receive salvation just 'cause his faith was strong enough. Not a literal translation, to be fair. Didn't really know what it meant in English, though he could've sworn he knew it at some point.

Either way, Johnny thought it was pretty cool. The world was full of people so much better than him in all matters important. All these good people, all these powerful people. All these people who grew up to be fruitful and successful and diligent and helpful and then there was him - Johnny McKay, incompetent fool extraordinaire. To know that even he, he and his simple-minded soul would find happiness just by believing was chilling. But in a good kind of way.

For a moment, between soft sobs and the heaves of his friend he pondered. Was it faith that he had lacked so long?

No, no it wasn't. It wasn't faith he was lacking. He looked at Raina, and he knew that he believed in her. Believed in her more than in everything else he had believed in. Even when she left, even when all semblances of plans or hopes died, even in this most dire time did he believe in her.

An irrational kind of faith, one some people would call all religious belief, but one Johnny held regardless.

It wasn't faith he was lacking.

"Raina... I, I am so fucking sorry."

It was ability.

"I...I really am. Raina, please."

It was skill.

"Please, forgive me. This is, I just can't do it."

He had nothing. He was nothing. And now, over Penny's dead body he realized that was all he ever'd amount to be.

"Raina..."

If only, it were not for her.
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"Yeah, me too. Let's leave."

So much for his grand little dreams. Spend a few days lunging around with a pretty girl, waiting for the end and 'though he got his chill and he got his girl all Johnny felt was terrible.

The bunch of bodies around - including Penny's - and the sight and smell of Raina's vomit wasn't exactly doing their best to make this place as appealing as it could be. And now? Well, it got something worse than any corpse or any bodily liquid.

It was a bad memory.

And like most people, he had wished he could just forget it.

Johnny raised from his position near the floor, looking at Raina. It was cold, and though he had noticed it duly, he had not yet experienced until that moment. Weird, his hand wasn't really hurting anymore. And yet it didn't seem like he could move it.

He held it out for Raina.

[[Johnny McKay, continued elsewhere]]
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