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The Ones You Trust
Topic Started: May 21 2017, 12:23 PM (435 Views)
Primrosette
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((Brendan Harte continued from Que Sera, Sera))

Brendan wondered why he had made his way back here with Alba. Maybe he wanted to see Amanda's body. She had saved his life moments before Jonathan had ruthlessly took her down in front of him. He wanted to pay his respects and at least try to carry on for her as well as Alba. Even though, Amanda was gone. He felt responsible for what happened to her. It should have been him lying on the ground dead, not her. Too late for him to turn back time right now.

He glanced at Alba who was walking beside him and he was actually feeling like everything was going to be okay for now. Just for a little while. He was feeling that they should take a break as soon as they reached the docks. They still had time to look for Ty. At least Brendan hoped so.

"Do you think that I....?" Brendan paused as he spoke and he stopped to think about what he would say next to Alba. It was getting harder and harder for him to want to talk. "Do you think that I can really be trusted by you, Alba? What do you think will happen if I just betrayed you just like that?"

Brendan wouldn't stab Alba in the back. That just made him think of Jerry. He knew what he meant. But he wanted to know Alba's honest opinion. He wanted her to make him understand. He wanted things to be different. He wanted....

Brendan felt himself smile a little.

"I know this is the worst time to say it. But if we weren't here and we had gone on that trip. I would have wanted to try to ask you out. I wanted to have you as my girlfriend, Alba." He confessed to her honestly, he rubbed the back of his neck out of awkwardness. "I wanted to tell you this now. Just in case something happens to either of us before I had a chance to say it."
Edited by Primrosette, May 21 2017, 12:25 PM.
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And there was Jon at the worst possible moment for Brendan. Brendan had wanted to find him but not like this. Not at this moment when he was trying so hard to keep himself sane. He just wanted some normality with Alba just for a while. But Jon was just making him feel worse. He didn't feel like he was going to lose his temper with Jon. He just wanted Jon to calm down and talk with him.

"Just.... stop it, Jon. Please, I don't want to fight anymore. You think things have been easy for me...? No, nothing is easy for anyone who is left on this stupid island. I just wanted to keep myself a little bit sane with Alba. Because I am this close to wanting to end it for myself. But I can't do that. I have to find Ty and try to sort things out without it ending in complete shit."

Brendan stared over at Jon with a serious glance. Then he shrugged Jon's bag off his shoulder and held it in his hand. Then he made his way over to Jon. He continued to stare at Jon's face. He was basically towering over Jon. He held the bag out towards Jon.

"Here. Take it back. It belongs to you, Jon." Brendan said to him, sighing tiredly and he blinked slightly. "I wanted you to have this back. I didn't use anything that is in it, I swear."

Brendan bit his lower lip, thinking over what he was going to say next.

"....Jon, please, come with us. I don't want you to be alone again."
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Brendan just stared at Jon in disbelief. He was still holding out the bag towards Jon. He stared down at the rifle that Jon was pointing. At him. Again. Brendan should have guessed that his attempt at trying to make peace with Jon would have not worked at all. Still.... What did Jon mean by playing him? Had Brendan really tried to trick him?

"W-What are you talking about?" He asked, looking generally confused. "I'm not trying to do anything. I just want to give this back to you. And then I'm leaving with Alba to find Ty."

He turned his head to look at Alba and then then back at Jon. He slowly lowered Jon's bag, putting it down on the ground. Then he took a few steps backwards.

"With you or without you, Jon. It's obvious you don't trust me. I get it. But...."

Michael's death wasn't my fault....

Brendan wanted to say that. But what if it only made Jon more mad at him? As if Brendan didn't hate himself enough already, having someone he liked hating him was the worst.

"....I can forgive you for trying to kill me, Jon." Brendan told him honestly, shifting slightly on his feet to stay active and more alert. "But what you did to Amanda was unforgiveable. I thought you were a better person than me. But I was wrong; you took her life like she meant nothing to you just so you could get your so-called revenge on me. It worked. You made me want to die so badly. But I'm still here because I have to try to atone for what I did to Jerry, Bernadette and Jaime. I have to find Ty and I hope that I can sort things out with him. And then I was going to find you, Jon. But I stumbled across you first, I wanted to do something right. But you are not giving me that chance. Because you are not the same person as you were before and I hate seeing you like this. And there is nothing that I can do to help you. All I can do now is just say that I'm sorry for everything that happened to you, Jon."
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Brendan shook his head at Alba as she suggested that they should go. He couldn't just leave Jon like this. He couldn't leave him again. He ran off like a complete coward when they saw Danny's body and last time Jon left him after killing Amanda and breaking him down. He didn't want to be a coward or a crybaby anymore. He wanted to do the right thing.

Brendan just listened as Jon continued to talk and talk. Brendan was feeling his chest tightened as Jon's words were hitting him more and more. He watched as Jon was lowered the rifle. That was a good thing. Was he somehow managing to get through to Jon in a stange way? It could result in no fighting. Or killing....

"....I'm actually scared of myself, Jon. I'm scared that I'm still going to hurt someone because I can't change who I am. I'm trying to. I want to change myself. I want to at least do one thing right even if it resulted in me dying. I can't do it without some help. Which is why Alba is here with me, she's helping me try to be a good person. Even if it is getting too late for that...." He murmured quietly, he was feeling more and more tired. "I guess I really can't convince you to come with us. Right...?"

His voice had cracked a little and he sounded like he was getting more emotional. He didn't want to cry again. What was crying going to accomplish? Absolutely nothing.

"....I didn't mean for Michael to die. I didn't know.... I couldn't.... I can't do anything right. I can't even do things right by you, Jon. I just wanted to be your friend. I wanted to be someone to you. I wanted to be there for you. But I had to go and do something so stupid. And I hated myself for it. I still do. I hate that I'm still alive while people who are so much more deserving of living are now dead because of me."

Brendan choked on a sob. He didn't want to cry. He held back the tears. He couldn't let Jon see him as a weakling again.

"I.... I-I'm sorry...."
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Brendan had to listen to Jon's words. Things weren't going how he hoped that they would. Why did he think that it would be so easy to try to change someone's mind about him? It wasn't. Jon still thought that he was that same person. Maybe he was right. But Brendan was serious about trying to change who he was. He couldn't go back to hurting other people again. He had done enough damage as it is. He didn't want to get that twisted feeling again like he did with Jaime. Never again.

And then Jon wanted him to do something. Something that he never wanted to do once more. He wanted Brendan to shoot him. He wanted Brendan to be a real friend and end things for him.

......

Do you really want to do that, Brendan?

"No. I will not shoot you, Jon. I will not be the same person who selfishly takes someone's life again." Brendan had stopped crying and now he was staring at Jon with a stern look on his face. "How could you ask me to do something like that? I'm not going to be that heartless bastard who does whatever he pleases. Don't you dare try to make me that person again, Jon. P-Please.... I don't want you to die."

He stepped around the rifle and he strolled towards Jon. He couldn't let Jon give up. He didn't want to lose a friend again. He was already broken-hearted about other people. He couldn't let Jon die. Jon was wrong, so, so wrong. Brendan did care about Jon. If he didn't, he would have just point blank shot Jon in the face.

He stopped right in front of Jon, clenching and unclenching his fists. He had to convince Jon one last time. He wanted this to work out somehow.

He wrapped his arms around Jon and he pulled himself into a gentle hug. He was afraid that Jon would push him away. But he had to do something. He couldn't just hurt Jon. He never wanted to.

"Jon, come with us, please. I don't want to lose you too."
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Brendan was relieved when Jon hugged him back and that he was agreeing to go with him and Alba. Brendan didn't think that he could be able to do it. He actually thought he was going to fail and never see Jon again. But maybe it was the hug that caused it to happen. Brendan was not the best fan of hugs, but he took a risk into getting Jon to go with them. At least he finally did something right for once without it turning to violence and everything going wrong afterwards.

"Thank you, Jon, thank you."

Brendan felt like he was going to cry once more. Not tears of sadness. But more positive. More or less happy tears. But he didn't feel any coming. He had sobbed too many times before. So all he could muster up was a small, kind-looking smile as he glanced at Jon's face more clearly. This time he was not afraid to look him in the eye. He wasn't scared anymore.

Jon then mentioned that he had something to do first beforehand and that Brendan and Alba could go on ahead of him to find Ty. Brendan wasn't sure how to respond to that at first. Was it really okay to leave Jon alone for a while? If it is what Jon wanted, then it was the good thing that Brendan could do. If they were to become allies or friends again.... Right?

"I.... Okay. We're go on ahead and wait for you at the bridge. It'll be our meet up point." Brendan said, before pulling out of the hug gently and he give Jon a light nod of his head before turning to face Alba. "L-Let's get going, Alba. Be safe, Jon."

Please show up, Jon, please show up, please don't die....

((Brendan Harte continued elsewhere))
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