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El ángel exterminador; Private, Day 5
Topic Started: Feb 1 2017, 06:23 PM (477 Views)
Primrosette
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((Brendan Harte continued from Think About Your Life))

Brendan hadn't had the heart to talk to Alba at all the other day as he had needed time to grieve over Bernadette. He was glad that Alba had stayed with him through everything. He just wished that things could have been different. He wished that Jerry and Bernadette were still alive. But he couldn't turn back time and undo his mistakes. There were no second chances for him. He just had to deal with what he had done and try to move on. Even if it was hard for him to do so.

He and Alba were at the chapel and he felt strange being back there. He needed to take some breaths as they had run over to there from the danger zone. He was really thirsty and hungry as soon as they got there. He hadn't eaten at all yesterday. As he had wanted to punish himself and he felt that he had no right to eat anything. Then he thought about it this morning and he thought that it had been selfish of him as he didn't want Alba to worry about him or to be all on her own if he had died from being so foolish.

The announcements had made him want to cry again. But he had no tears left and it wasn't over Bernadette this time. His heart was shattered by the loss of Jennifer, Irene and Asha. He even felt sad over Darius. Darius might have been an asshole to Brendan but he hadn't deserved to die like that. Brendan wondered how Jonathan was feeling after losing a friend. Possibly broken. Jennifer had been harsh about his writing skills but even if it hurt a little; he had wanted to improve himself to her. He never even got a chance to find and talk to her. Irene had been taken away by Alvaro. She had been a fun person to talk to as well and Alvaro had.... had.... Did he kill Irene after he and Alba had left in a hurry to get away from him? He hoped not. The one that hurt the most was.... Asha. Asha who he met here and she had been with Jae and Dorothy. The one who had tried to be positive and tried to calm things down. She was dead.

It hurt so much to know that the four of them were now gone.

Alba was talking about them being the only ones in the chapel. He felt relieved about that. He didn't think that he could handle seeing other people just yet. He was too tired to go anywhere.

"Y....Yeah...."

His first word of the day was spoken in a low tone of voice.
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Brendan didn't know how to respond to that. An afterlife.... He wasn't sure. He needed to think about it. It was a question that he hadn't suspected that Alba would ask. Maybe it was because they were in the chapel and Alba wanted to make conversation about it. It was better than the two of them just sitting there in silence. He didn't want to be down in front of Alba. He wanted to keep his spirit up. He didn't want to become an empty shell of a person.

"....I never really thought about it before. So I.... I'm not sure if I can answer that question, Alba...." He moved foward to sit down on a pew that was across from Alba and he had to turn his head to look at her. He noticed that she was looking at the podium and he shifted a little to get more comfortable. "....Do you believe in the afterlife...?"

He wondered if his weapon was still on the cliffs. Possibly not. It didn't matter. He still had the grenades and Jerry's weapon. He didn't care. It wasn't important to him. All he cared about now was....

Alba.
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Brendan listened quietly as Alba was speaking and he hadn't wanted to interrupt her. He wanted to know what she had been thinking. And now he knew how she felt. It felt good to hear her say those words. However he knew that he shouldn't be forgiven by anyone. Not by God. Not by Jerry's or Bernadette's families. Not by his friends who possibly hated his guts right now. Not even by Alba if she has.

He glanced over at the podium as Alba smiled at him and he couldn't look her in the eyes. He felt ashamed. He was never going to live down what he had done. He wanted to tell her.

"Even.... Even if God can forgive me or you can forgive me...." He leaned forward with his arms between his legs; they were trembling a little and he didn't want Alba to see. "I can't ever forgive myself for my actions. It doesn't matter if you think I am a good person or not. I still killed two people and I hate myself for it. I can't blame anyone but myself...."

He let out a small laugh, feeling bitter.

"S-Sorry, Alba. I know that you are trying to make me feel better. I appreciate it, really. I think you're really amazing. You're handling this so much better than I am. I'm glad that you stayed with me."

He was still staring at the podium but he had a small smile on his face and then he stared back at Alba. She had to understand. Right?

"Alba, can I ask you something?"
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Brendan opened up his bag and he got out a loaf of bread. He was starving. He took a bite out of it hungrily and he was just a bit happier to start filling his empty stomach. He licked his lips slightly. He then took a deep breath and thought about the question that he wanted to ask Alba. He needed to know.

He got out one of his water bottle and unscrewed the lid. "Do you think that someone will come to rescue us?" He asked and then he took a sip of his water. That was a little better. His throat had been a bit sore. "....I want to believe that someone will to help us but.... What do you think, Alba?"

That wasn't what he wanted to ask her at all. He could save that question for later. He wanted her honest opinion.
Edited by Primrosette, Feb 3 2017, 11:24 AM.
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Brendan actually felt proud that Alba had that much faith in her. He also felt a slight hint of jealousy as he knew that he couldn't think the same way as she did. There were a lot of 'What ifs?' going through his mind and he couldn't just throw them away just like that. He wasn't sure if there was a chance that they would be saved. Besides he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back home. He wouldn't be able to face his family. How could he?

He was nibbled a piece of his bread and then he started to speak again. "I'm not feeling too confident about a rescue coming for us. What if they won't take any of the murderers, like me, home?" He paused for a few moments as he thought of something and he wondered what Alba would think. "I'm feeling somewhat fifty-fifty about a rescue. Maybe I could have thought more differently if I hadn't killed anyone."

He then stared at Alba with a more serious expression.

"....If a rescue doesn't come.... I want to protect you and make sure that you will get home safely, Alba."
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Brendan smiled more and then he started to laugh a bit as Alba said that she would protect him as well. It was actually making him feel a bit better. Alba was the one person that was deeply important to him right now. He did still care about the others that he wanted to find. But right now, just having one person with him, made him want to live again. For her.

"Thank.... Thank you, Alba. You are just like....like a-a...." He rubbed his chin and then he was slowly brightened up in his mood. He wasn't feeling as low as he was before. "....You're like a strong heroine in a book. Sorry, that might sound silly. But... Yeah."

He laughed again, feeling awkward.

"I hope we can reason with the rescuers if they do come for us. I want to make things right. I have to." He nodded a little and he noticed that Alba had move. Closer.

You should have kissed her at the dance instead of Maxim, you idiot.
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If Alba could not convince them to take him home with her, well.... The only other option would be for him to stay on the island and take his chances. Heck, he could even die trying to survive this horrid mess. If that scenario happened at all. But he doubted it. He wasn't going to tell Alba that as he didn't want her mood to turn negative. He wanted her to still be positive. Even if it was only for a bit longer.

He felt her touch his shoulder and he couldn't breath for a few moments. He felt a bit comforted by it. Even it was a small gesture. He was feeling more warm inside and somewhat more calmer than he was yesterday. Yesterday had been a complete disaster and he had to deal with it. He was just glad to have a friend by his side to keep him company. Otherwise, if he had been on his own.... He would have lost his mind more and then he might have done something more stupid and cowardly.

He smiled sadly and he shook his head, biting his lip a little. "If we do get attacked by anyone, I don't want you to kill anyone. Not even for me, Alba." He said quietly as he turned his body more towards her and his eyes focused more clearly on her face. "I don't ever want you to feel what I feel after what I did to Jerry and Bernadette. It changes you so much. I feel like a part of me is missing and it has been replaced by something else that I don't want."

He put his hand up to touch Alba's hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. Trying to make her understand was really hard for him to do.

"Promise me, Alba. Please don't do anything that you will regret."
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Oh no. He had just messed up. He had not meant to upset her like that. He just wanted her not to feel the guilt, the burden and the sickness that he felt. He couldn't even close his eyes without seeing Jerry and Bernadette's bodies in a pool of their blood. It really scared him. Because if Alba went through it.... No, he couldn't protect her from that. He was not thinking straight. If only he could rest and then he could think more clearly.

"A-Alba. I-I didn't mean.... Uh...."

He was really worried now and he put his hands onto both of her shoulders. He didn't want to die. Of course, he didn't want to. No one wants to die. He had to say no.

"N-No, I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you, Alba. Please don't cry...." He sounded desperate as he was talking to her and he was trying to make things right again. He wasn't sure if it was working or not.
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Brendan was relieved to not see Alba cry as it would have made him feel like a jerk. He wanted Alba to be alright. He wanted her to be strong. He wanted himself to be strong. They had to both manage to get through all of this. Together.

Brendan felt her hand go onto his and he listened to what she had to say to him. She was right. If either of them were in danger, then they would both have to make some difficult choices that could either end up with someone seriously injured or dead. He had to accept that Alba would be willing to save anyone. And he was slowly accepting it.

He nodded a little and then he showed her a small smile.

"Y-Yeah, I understand. We will both have to make some hard choices. I get it, I do. So yes, it does sound good to me."
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"I...."

When Alba suddenly kissed him out of the blue; Brendan wasn't even sure how to respond. He was caught off guard by the suddeness of it and he blinked a few times. What was he supposed to say to that? It had felt soft and quick. And all he could do was stare at her like he never had a kiss from before. Well, not from a girl. He felt something, he did. He was getting a mixture of conflicted feelings. Excitement? Happiness? Confusion? Shock?

Say something, Brendan.

"I, um...."

Or not. He was particularly gaping at her with his mouth wide-open. He was definitely still in the state of shock and surprise. Alba had really kissed him. He needed to think properly. He didn't want to be a bumbling mess over a kiss. But inside he was feeling somewhat happy.

"Alba, I...."

He still couldn't really get any words out. His brain was getting all mushy from what had just happened.
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"Alba, wait-"

He was too late. She was already gone. He would have offered to go with her to make sure that everything was safe. He knew that she was just going to be outside but he hated the idea of splitting up. He needed to go after her. They had just said that they would protect each other. He wanted to make sure he could promise her that.

He stared over at the podium again and he couldn't help but feel more happier. Even though, everyone was in a bad situation right now. Alba was the one person that made him want to survive. So he had to stay close to her.

He glanced at Jerry's sharpened weapon that was sticking out of his bag and he took it out. He traced his fingers over the thick wood. He would possibly have to use this on someone who would be a threat to him and Alba. The thought of it was terrified him. But he had to take the risk if Alba was willing to do it herself.

He thought about the surprise kiss that Alba had planted on him. He blushed out of embarrassment and shyness. And to do it in a place like this? It felt romantic to him for a few seconds. He definitely needed to talk to Alba about it later on.

He waited for a few minutes. He thought that Alba would need some space after that. He needed to calm down as well. And now he wanted to go out there after her. He was started to get a little nervous about her being out there on her own.

He packed his belongings back into his bag and he slung the bag over his shoulder. He got up to his feet, hodling Jerry's weapon firmly in his hands.

And then he left to go after Alba.

((Brendan Harte continued in The Scarlet Garden))
Edited by Primrosette, Feb 7 2017, 08:59 AM.
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