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... we fall short...; via Yahoo! Mail
Topic Started: Jan 30 2017, 09:28 AM (196 Views)
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⠀⠀⠀Hannah Celeste Goodliffe to you⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Mon, May 4, 2015 at 11:42 PM



Well that could be pretty cool I guess Lala? Maybe like something along the lines of one of those beach houses. Who was it like uncle Jefferson who was looking into buying property out on Tahoe? I dunno if Id want to go out and up to those sorts of places where its mega cold though and its not like we know how to ski. Maybe we ould learn though I dunno maybe I think Daddy could teach us.

Hmmmmmmm

Okay yeah so youre coming out here to provo soon aintcha this is gonna be great! Uh like theres definitely a lot of stuff to do around here I can show you around. Theres like festivals and stuff several times a year Mom and Daddy take us out to them. You speak Spanish right? Weve got a festivl for that and EVERYTHING isfree and absolutely everything its pretty amazing and the food is too. I mean I guess youve probably already eaten tacos and burritos and all that but I bet youll like the ones weve got up here too. Like its kinda too spocy for me sometimes it depends on the vendor and like the best ones are these kinda sweet ones made by someone named Mr Ordonyez or thats how he pronounces his own name anyways. Kinda greasy though so we definitely shouldnt eat a lot. At least I shouldnt because you know acne and all that. Like I think Im gonna say it a million times before the year is out especially if you come over but gosh Lala you are absolutely the prettiest and some day you have to give me your secret.

Maybe someday like today even! hehehe

I hear your class is taking a trip this Thrursday I hope its a fun one! Its for science right? Worst class of mine kinda to be honest but you were always crazy good with numbers I remember you can actually do the ones with three numbers in your head. Id be lucky to get two without like a calculator pretty much. Well maybe pencil and paper? Isnt it kinda crazy loco (hah check out my Spanish) that you hvae to do tests without a calculator? I mean Ive always thought so. It seems kind of too hard because like if you think of it isnt it the case that if you can do all that stuff in your head the calculator wont make much difference? So its like if you think about it the calculator helps equalize the class if that makes sense. Though I guess thats kind of copping out in a way. Ugh maybe Ill learn how to do math right someday? Wish me luck though I really really need it!

But yeah we should definitely start talking things to do for sure I think. Because like youre gonna come some time this summer right? We can figure out stuff to do together and with Baby Jamison and Johannes too. They always like going out on the town because they have so much energy its crazy. Or maybe its loco. Oh goodness I really cannot wait until you come here Lala! Its been so so long since weve last met? I think two three years? You went to Salt Lake City that one time last year I think but then we werent able to meet because Daddy and I were staying in New York City at the time. Oh yes! Remind me to tell you about that sometime, assuming Mom hasnt already like given you all the details!

Hope you had a good day, Lala! Bless!
The Dies Before First Rolls Squad

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⠀⠀⠀Latanna Beckstead to Hannah Celeste Goodliffe⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Tues, May 5, 2015, at 5:33 AM



Dearest Hannah,

I’m glad you thoroughly considered my hypotheticals for investing your Fathers bonus. I was, of course, merely musing. Yes. It was Uncle Jefferson who proposed Tahoe, if memory serves. I believe his family knows how to ski, your Father as well. I would not be surprised if either party opts into the purchase… nor I would not be surprised if your father taught us to ski. I have no direct experience, but I’m told learning is slow going.

But yes, that aside. I’m also absolutely looking forward to living with you guys for the summer! Forgive me for taking up space in the home and all, heh. Now, let’s see. The Spanish speakers festival seems like a fun affair! Festival Latinoamericano, at a cursory Wiki glance? I very much like the sound of it, yes. I’ll gladly admit I always enjoy opportunities to practice the Spanish I have cultivated. But, yes. I am also hardly a proponent of spicy cuisine. I daresay it runs in the extended family… Incidentally, I believe the appropriate spelling would be Ordóñez.

Oh dear, the compliment is much appreciated but flattery will only get you so far! Now let’s be fair and honest here… I also suffered from acne around your age. It is all rather problematic, but… Firstly, there is no better time to start disciplining yourself to follow a diet! Well. Best time being yesterday and next best being right now. At a glance, there are… Two well-reviewed day spas in your area. La Belle, and Calm. I’m sure your Mother would love to take you if you asked! There are facial options of course, but I advise you to be careful about the painfulness. It can easily catch you unawares. In brief that’s the extent of my secret, diet and spa. As for the specifics…? I sent this from my phone, unfortunately, copy pasting the links may prove too challenging for me. Sorry, you know how I am with technology. I’ll send you a list of my recommended products as soon as I get home.

You’re almost right, Hannah, around half our class will be taking a field trip this Tuesday with Mrs. Barks. You remember me talking about her, I’m sure? Perhaps it was last October. Mrs. Barks still seems rather indisposed in spirit, poor woman. I’ve managed to narrowly remain in her good graces. And, hm. You know, I never did consider the matter of academic fairness from that angle. Though I believe that would be more a matter of equity than fairness. I would dare say we must pursue fairness and justice in the classroom, and reward those who put the work in rather than trying for something as drastic as dramatically altering the existing system for something as far-fetched as bailing out the lazy. I wish you all the luck in improving your mathematical prowess, Hannah! I can assure you I myself am the product of hard work more than I am natural talent. I thoroughly believe you can aspire for the same. There is an art to multiplication tables… If I can find the links I will send them to you, but it might take me several days to draft something apropos. I know you are a very visual learner, Hannah, far more so than I am. I’ll have to vet what I send you.

I believe I will be there August 4th specifically., so yes... We should discuss ‘loco’ things to do! Johannes and Jamison will start middle school this year, yes? I would love to see the school they’re going to in person! I believe it was your Father who mentioned the boys will be sent to a different school than you and your elders. A new tech school that opened late last year, if I recall. Tell Johannes and Jamison I wish them the best, always, and that I’ll bring them presents…! Now, to think of presents to bring, heh. I look forward to seeing how they’ve grown! I’m specifically afraid of Johannes’ inevitable greeting tackle, I will admit, genetics seems to have him destined to be a stellar football player should he so desire!

But yes, it was unfortunate we weren’t able to meet since that cross-country trip in 2013. Oh dear, nostalgia hurts. I miss that RV! Does your Father still have it around?

So, so unfortunate we weren’t able to meet last year, but sadly my internship was impossibly busy! Believe me, I would have loved to have had a day of rest and relaxation in Provo… And if you can relay the NYC story, at your leisure! Your Mother did tell me somethings about the amenities of the Westin. It sounds heavenly, but a second opinion is always more than welcome.

Take your time in getting back! As always, there is never any rush, I know you get busy with cheerleading this season. Go Wolves! … I look forward to living there for the next phase of my life, with every fiber of my mortal being! The opportunity to be there for you while you take your grand steps to adulthood… I’m truly grateful. I think it’ll be a grand time. You’ll love high school, believe me.

Love and blessings,
Latanna
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⠀⠀⠀Latanna Beckstead to Hannah Celeste Goodliffe⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Tues, May 5, 2015, at 10:02 PM



And, of course, here’s the links for my skin routine I promised! I do believe specific moisturizers and cleansers aren’t necessary, feel free to experiment with your own.

https://www.amazon.com/Aztec-Secret-Indian-Healing-Cleansing/dp/B0014P8L9W?th=1

A facial mask that I and my favorite therapist at the local spa swear by! For this product you’ll necessarily need to pursue a separate routine from your usual. You’ll use it every three days: cleanse your face and then mix the mask and apply it. I know your Mother uses apple cider vinegar for her own routine, or water will also be sufficient in moderation. Apply for five to fifteen minutes… You stop when you feel the tightening sensation stop. From there you clean it off. Be sure to moisturize after!

https://www.amazon.com/Rose-Water-Toner-Face-Moisturizers/dp/B00IMHN0B4

Toner comes after cleansing and before moisturizing. Pay heed, it may sting a little. Or perhaps leave a chilling sensation. Or perhaps both. Clean it off with water after fifteen to thirty seconds before proceeding with the rest of your routine.

https://www.amazon.com/Buena-Skin-Triple-Vitamin-Antioxidant/dp/B01H4YBHNS

This comes last in your typical routine, after all cleaning and moisturizing. First, drop a small amount into a hand or onto a clean surface. Then, use your finger to distribute it over your face from there! The sensation is quite odd, gummy. But after it fades I think you’ll find yourself glowing radiantly at even a casual mirror glance!

I look forward to your next e-mail! As I always do, of course.

Love and blessings,
Latanna
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⠀⠀⠀Hannah Celeste Goodliffe to you⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wed, May 6, 2015 at 8:37 PM



lala please tell me youre doing alright i just got the news uncle benson called
apparently youre out at a vigil or something but theres no way its sotf right it cant be
i tried t o call your pgone i really did but nobody was picking up i know youre safe since your trip was tuesdya you have to be safe lala im sorry i
sorry
please just contact us as soon as you can your family is worried sick were all are
im here for you lala we are all
some of your best friends were on that trip its horrible absolutely horrible but
but lala youre safe
i dont know
ill talk to you soon okay? okay
i love you lala i know i dont say that enough ill say it more
ill pray for you and your friends
talk to you soon

love you
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⠀⠀⠀Latanna Beckstead to Hannah Celeste Goodliffe⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Wed, May 6, 2015, at 10:04 PM



Dearest Hannah,

I am most definitively alright, and I’m glad my father called. Please allow me to apologize for failing to contact you without prompting. I cannot apologize enough! I allowed myself to be selfish and reprehensible, but rest assured my moment of weakness has passed. The vigil has passed, and I dearly pray along with you that it turns out to have been gratuitously done. I will admit it was an emotional challenge for me… But I am made of sterner stuff, Hannah, I am safe and I am sound and I hope you will not allow yourself to worry to the contrary.

I will also admit that I received your call but was not in the right state of mind to answer at the time. Doubtless we can have meaningful conversation, doubtless we can healthily debrief if we can talk it out. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard your voice… Perhaps we have fallen too readily into the trap of social media. I sent you a text, please do let me know when we can call. I believe we should involve the family as a whole. I believe there is a lot to discuss.

Do not worry about my friends, I must ask you. And I must assure you they will be quite alright. In a time of crisis like this you must allow yourself the benefit of freedom from stress, from worry. The authorities will do their job. We must trust them, I know I do and I know you are willing to do the same. My peers will come home to us soon, I firmly believe.

And I know you love me as I love you, Hannah. I do not blame you for not saying it. It never needed to be said.

We will talk as soon as we are all able, I will schedule an appropriate time with Father. I love you, Hannah. Stay safe. I promise I’ll reciprocate,
Latanna
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⠀⠀⠀Hannah Celeste Goodliffe to you⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Sun, May 10, 2015 at 11:42 AM



I had to miss the call today so so sorry. Baby Johannes had an appointment today and i guess it was my job this time around to take him. Is it like really perverse and wrong that i took some sort of like. I dont necessarily want to call it pleasure but. I dunno. Like its what a grown up feels like maybe or what i imagined it to feel like when i was younger. Like two weeks ago younger. I felt so weird when i had to be responsible totlaly for Baby Johannes because of all these crazy things that are happening. And youre probably going to ask so it was like we just went to a local clinic. One up the street i was actually able to walk and talk with him a bunch. I think hes trying to put on a strong face for his big sister but he seems upset. He always talks a lot about sports and school grades when hes upset specifcially.

Its weird i dunno.

They cancelled the rest of your school and i guess that makes sense doesnt it Lala? After such a horrific tragedy. Well okay i guess we dont want to jump to conclusions yet. Ive take nwhat you said to heart and i have completely full faith that this will all be resolved really soon!

I hear there are counselors avalible to you guys now. Do you think uncle Benson will decide to have you go? I dunno maybe itd be a good idea if you at least spoke to counselors. Its like really weird though. Uh sorry im probably not helping am i? But no because. I think itll be a great idea. You know just to be certain. I guess we dunno what counselors are like but its such a shocking and apalling event. Like maybe. Obviousl i dont want to pressure you Lala.

But yeah ill be in the next call i promise. I think Uncle Jefferson will be involved too this time thats what Daddy said. We all have to come together in a time like this huh? Thats what you think im sure and i definitely agree.

Love you Lala. See you soon and stay safe.
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⠀⠀⠀Latanna Beckstead to Hannah Celeste Goodliffe⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Sun, May 10, 2015, at 6:03 PM



Dearest Hannah,

It is indeed rather unfortunate, you were very much missed! Johannes, of course, takes precedence... I am very glad you took the responsibility onto yourself. In trying times like these we rise to the occasion, as is called of us by higher powers.

And... yes, I do see. Hannah, please do not feel the inclination to look down upon yourself for taking, what I strongly believe, is satisfaction in being a proper older sister. In doing your filial, your civic duties. Though I do not wish to for a moment imply my own arrogance on the matter, I firmly believe what you experienced is indeed the hallmark of adulthood. I have experienced similar myself, in taking on the crisis-es of the community during explosive drug busts, unfortunately timed pop quizzes, so on. Time seems to pass faster than it ought then. I see you've noticed that as well!

I was indeed going to ask that, you preempt me deftly, as always. And oh. Oh dear, poor Johannes. I too noticed when he'd speak over Skype, that his demeanor seems slightly changed. I pray for the both of you, of course. I pray that your lives remain stable, bountiful. I pray his strength stay and that he grow to love this world for it's beauty, rather than hate it for it's potential ugliness. Potential. Mind you. We must continue to stay the course, not jump to rash conclusions. As you said.

But of course I do not want to merely dismiss your concerns. Indeed school has been cancelled, perhaps necessarily, and counseling has been made available for my classmates, and I imagine it will stay in place until this is all resolved and we find our friends and their loved ones safe and sound. Mothers counselor for her anxiety, Dr. Woolsey, was walking around on campus. I noticed him as I passed by.

My opinion is that Kingman's School Board is doing what must be done, though I would strongly argue that completely ending school was thoroughly unnecessary. I strongly believe maintaining morale can go hand in hand with maintaining grades. I would not be one to pass judgement onto my peers, however. Whatever they must do to cope while they await the return of their friends, I wholeheartedly condone, and I am glad you too see the wisdom in the current state of affairs. I believe Father may indeed recommend I attend the counseling sessions. I will do my best to be a good patient, and help them help myself whatever my needs may be.

Please, Hannah. Do not be down on yourself, I beseech you. Your spirit and energy inspire me, as youths during summers in Provo and now, in such a world that we have all been forced to live in. I thank God everyday that you are my cousin, that we share such an immutable bond as blood itself. Surely my world would be a duller, more miserable place without you. Chin up, please! You are not pressuring me, and I hope your fears and insecurities do not blind you or mislead you. As you yourself said, we must all come together. As a family, and as ourselves. Do not turn on yourself in this critical moment, Hannah. You are God's creation and vessel for your own soul, and you must thusly love yourself as you love God.

We shall meet in the next call, tomorrow morning. If I may wax poetic? I believe one day soon we shall look back on these days with the grace of hindsight and wonder how we could ever have worried and threatened to tear ourselves apart.

Love and blessings. I love you,
Latanna
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⠀⠀⠀Latanna Beckstead to Hannah Celeste Goodliffe⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Tues, Jun 2, 2015, at 1:13 AM



Dearest Hannah,

You have doubtless heard the news, and unfortunately there is no further way to spare your beautiful young heart. I have ached every minute of this day, thinking of how your innocence has been destroyed, wishing, wishing to all His grace and glory that it could not be, that it would not be inflicted upon you. But, indeed, it is undeniable. I will not do you disservice or injustice and try to turn to delusion. It is Survival of the Fittest, and it is my classmates, those dear faces I have acquainted myself with over many days of my own once innocent life. I wish I could say otherwise, Hannah, I do with all of my heart. I do not want this, not for the weight it places upon my shoulders, but because it shall burden your own with a weight none of God's children should have to suffer.

But, we must recall... God has a plan, for all of us, does he not? Perhaps it is in times like this that the truth of this statement becomes most apparent. When the darkest of times is upon us we shall all shine brightest.

I know this platitude may not immediately comfort you, Hannah. I have felt every second of today tick by and I have felt the agony you doubtless must feel. It is human, it is right by our compassionate and merciful hearts that we feel suffering on behalf of others who suffer, and you have always had one of the greatest hearts I have ever seen. Hannah, I have sobbed for you today, and I say this not to impress my pain onto you but to impress the magnitude of your pain onto yourself. Do not feed despair unto your despair, do not feel guilt. Even a million however many miles away in Provo my classmates are your classmates to. To feel this, to understand this, that is true piety and fellowship for your fellow man and woman cast in God's image.

Tragedy unimaginable has struck, yes. And we shall both hurt, and grieve for those who suffer in ways neither of us can even imagine in good conscience. If you are haunted by fears, visions of the unimaginable... Please, you have proposed the solution yourself. You claimed you weren't helping, but you definitely were. Professionals are trained to understand the weakness of our mortality, and to assuage it and allow us to stay a righteous path on this Earth. I... yes, I will definitely pay a visit to a therapist, for my own sake, for the sake of my family and community that the burden upon my spirit does not become further burden to those currently enduring the unendurable as their children...

Yes. We know how that sentence ends, so so morbidly.

We must both stay vigilant, Hannah. We may be weak, we may be human, but we must not fall to vice or sin. Those who survive this cruelty, they will be the better for a strong, healthy community welcoming them with open arms when they return. Let us both walk the harrowing path that stretches out before us with this in mind, Hannah. Let us stay strong, and let us stay godly.

it shall be hard. So, so hard. But you and I, Hannah, we have both always been strong, from those days when I first looked into your clear baby eyes and proclaimed that I'd be the best elder I could be for you. You were always hale, healthy, curious and accepting of the world around you. Never let that spirit falter, Hannah.

And please... please respond. As soon as you can. Take the time you need. I will wait, Hannah.

We shall get through this, us and our family. We will be better than the evil that walks this Earth. I promise you, and you know how strongly I take my promises.

I'll see you soon. Very very soon. That too, I promise.
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⠀⠀⠀Hannah Celeste Goodliffe to you⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Fri, Jun 26, 2015, at 10:15 AM



Times passed fast hasnt it?

guess all the family emergency sesions and stuff have finally stopped with all the news calming down and all. I know i havent responded in a while and im so sorry but i just wanted to get my thoughts somwhere written. If you don’t mind. But like it seems like forever since ive really heard from you? I dunno cause obviously youre in all the calls and were still in contact. Like you know that Johannes and Jamison went through some kinda safety orientation at their soccer camp this week. totally unrelated to anything except like, all the terroristy stuff. It’s weird to think that this is going to be their future especially because this his like happened before all the time righr? So like its like each new generation of high school kids gets super messed up by the terrorists then we all forget just in time for them to mess us up again.

I guess that’s part of rising to the occasion and being more mature like you said.

Lala I really do hope youre alright because you seem more quiet as of late. Youve only got a month and a half left until you come out here right? Oh no i bet this is all so stressful for you dealing with the fact that you have to move and all and so soon afte that kind of tragedy like really its too soon isnt it? But no I know youre way stronger than that and thats so admirable but

I guess I hope you feel you can talk to me if you need to say anything. Like you know, secret and private and stuff. To vent. We talk forever and i always bent my problems to you and sometimes its like you dont seem to need to complain and rant to me nearly as much? But now thsi is the kind of time when you know. All the emotions and the fear are bottled up inside real tight and if you dont let them out you might never get closure. I mean I dunno how it all works, I guess I might be too young.

What im trying to say is that i dunno. I just hope youre doing okay.

Sorry for taking so long to respond Lala. Daddy and I are gonna call tomorrow, see you then.
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⠀⠀⠀Hannah Celeste Goodliffe to you⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Sat, Jul 11, 2015 at 5:21 PM -



I guess you still need time and thats okay.

I just wanted to say more stuff or like… its weird because youre talking less and less and when i called yesterday you didnt really say anything you kind of just handed the phoen off to Aunt Josephine after you said a little bit, like hey how are you and all that usual stuff. I think i said that im fine but mayeb im kind of not and youre also kind of not but I dont know i dont want to put words in your mouth Lala.

I wish I knew what else to say.

I guess ive been thinking about the stuff you used to say all the time a bunch. Like all those things about growing up nad becoming stronger and responsible. Not too much time to think about that sort of thing though its kinda funny so i guess not really. Just whenver the house is quiet and stuff, when its dark and the crickets are chirping outside ill just lie in bed for a while and not sleep. And ill wonder if were ever going to be okay again. Especially my poor dear cousin is how that thought often seems to end. I wonder if shell be okay.

I dunno if any of that makes sense. What im trying to say is that i know youre hurtingmore than you let on. Your friends were on that island and now theyre with God. You say that a lot but maybe it doesnt mean as much when youre still not in God’s kingdom. When youre still down here and are mortal. Your friends are gone from like, the realm of your reality and maybe it really hurts and you just dont want to admit it but. I dont know, thats just random stuff i think of when im alone with my thoughts and I’m a bit scared of the things i dont understand.

I just hope it all turns out okay Lala.

I’m gonna give you the biggest hug when you get here.
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⠀⠀⠀Hannah Celeste Goodliffe to you⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Thur, Jul 23, 2015 at 7:03 PM -

Daddy just said youre not coming over anymore and that you dropepd out of brigham.

And that;s okay. I want you to know that I think that’s okay and I dunno. It’s really hard for me to be the one who has to be strong because that was always you. I feel kind of ungrateful and i cant imagine how bad you feel now. Apparently you dont talk at the dinner table anymore accordingto Uncle Benson. it must be so quiet in your house now.

Everyone is goingto try their best to support you while you mourn you know. Yeah you definitely know that. But maybe us being there doesnt change anything or fix anything because the world is still cold and your friends are still dead. You told me about her before, her name was Olivia right? You cared about her so much that you complained to me about her all the time and stuff

You sent me one of the watches she made too and it still works even though i always forget to wear it

Those memories still matter I guess and I cant imagine how broken it feels to know those memories are all you have left. I wish I could say im so sorry and have it mean something but ive said it so many times already and youve also said it so many times. I dont even know why youre saying it you didnt do anything wrong. All youve been doingis your best and I wish you could see that.

I wonder if you see what i see when i look at you. The most amazing cousin there could ever be, who always tried her best to be what others needed her to be. I think…

I dunno.

Even your friends that arent with us anymore would agree. I think I can say that of the dead.

I will always look up to you Lala. Ill allways e that little girl that you taught everything you know, that you touched her forehead of with holy water and welcomed her to life with a big smile. I bet well see that smile again someday. I cant wait for that day. But ill wait for it as long as i have to

I guess I should stop sending these. They’re probably too much for you now. maybe someday

Seeyou Lala.

Hannah
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