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Thanatophobia; Day 3, Afternoon - Open
Topic Started: Nov 12 2016, 08:01 PM (1,282 Views)
Yugikun
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[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
He heard voices.

((Alvaro Vacanti finally came out of the closet))

Silent, at first. He didnít hear them. He wasnít aware. Then they appeared; quiet, with every step making them louder and louder and louder. He had jumped, when he first heard them, because there were people nearby. Who were they? He didnít know. What were they doing? He didnít know. He didnít know what they were planning or what they were going to do and he didnít know if he knew them or if he didnít know them or if they knew him or if they knew what he did and all the possibilities all the things that could happen they all played in his head as he stopped and heard the voices and his hands shook and clutched the gun and he didnít know what to do he didnít know how heíd do this who were they what were they doing he didnít know he just needed to- no.

He shook his head. Clutched the gun harder. Took a couple steps forward. There were people in there. He had a gun. He had to do it.

But could he?

He didnít know.

But no. He had to. He knew that. He killed Barry. They knew that. They were going to make him pay for it. Even though he didnít mean it and even though all he wanted was to just undo what he did and bring him back he knew they wouldnít listen to him. They were going to be like all the people who saw him before. All the people burned into his mind. Min-jae. Scout. Lily. Jonathan. They hated him for what he did. Everyone else did, too, and they going to make him pay for what he did. They were on the right. He was on the left. They were all around him, so he had to act first. That was what he told himself. That was one of the hundreds of things ingrained into his mind and one of the things he knew he had to listen to now. Do. Use the gun again. He had already done it before and failed, and now he knew that he had to succeed with it.

But no, he couldnít. They were people. They were just like him, werenít they? They were scared and they were tired and they had likely fought just like he had.

He shook his head, as he took more steps forward.

They probably were.

But he had to.

He was on the path that he had led himself. He had to see though what he had done. He killed Barry, and he knew that he had to do it over and over again. That was his punishment. That was the only way he could get past, get away from what he did.

He couldnít, but he had to. He just had to be brave. Stand up.

Do what he needed to do.

He was right next to the doorway at this point. The voices were loud and clear now. They were familiar. People from before. Maybe they were his friends. Maybe they were his enemies, from before this happened. He didnít know.

He closed his eyes. Clutched the gun. Opened them, again.

He had to do this.

His body spun, as he stepped into the doorframe. The gun raised. The gun pointed.

The sight of a friend he once knew made the gun quiver.

ď...Jasper?Ē
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Yugikun
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His name was the first word to break the silence.

A laugh. His body tensed. It was different, he knew, but there was still the feeling that it had. The meaning. The idea behind the words. Jasper was friendly. Was. He didnít know now, anything could have happened since he had woken up that could have changed anything and Alvaro knew that and Alvaro didnít help that and he knew that Jasper could have changed and he knew that Jasper had changed just like everyone else but he didnít know. Good or bad? He wanted to believe. The laugh was familiar. The laugh was different from all the others, from the bullies and the jerks who Alvaro knew laughed at him. Used him for what he had. No. Jasper wasnít like that. He was a friend. He was a teammate. The laugh was different. It wasnít at him. It wasÖ

Was it? No, couldnít be. There was nothing to laugh at. There was nothing to laugh with. Why was he laughing, then? What was he laughing at?

He didnít know.

But the silence was once again broken. More words. A smile. It didnít matter. Jasper had laughed at something before, but that memory could leave. It didnít matter. Jasper was here. Jasper was Jasper. He wasnít like Lily. He wasnít like any of the other people he knew who were put on the speakers. He was here. He was him. He didnít know what Jasper had done, he didnít know what had happened to Jasper, but he could believe, he could let down his arms, he could finally find comfort and happiness and rest and peace and maybe things could be okay again maybe he didnít have to play this game be on this island maybe he didnít have to do-

Cold room. Water at his feet.

A friend. Two. In front. Gun pointed.

He could have, they were friends. They were friendly. He could have let his arms down.

A shape, charging towards him. Familiar.

A friend, who knew.

A friend, gone.

A friend, standing in front of him.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.
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Yugikun
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His hands were shaking.

His body was trembling.

Jasperís words hit. His smile - his voice - was felt through Alvaro. Jasper was his friend. He couldnít do this. He couldnít pull the trigger. He knew he had to and he knew that there wasnít any way he couldnít but his finger couldnít move and his body couldnít move and he knew he had to but he couldnít but he knew and they knew and he knew he was on this island and he knew he had to play this game but it was like before. This was Nate. This was the room downstairs all over again. He couldnít do it. He knew he couldnít. He knew that. He knew that he had repeated the fact a billion times in his head but it was the only thing there. It was the only thing he could think of. He knew he had to but he couldnít and as the gun stood in front of him it was the only thing within his mind.

He had to do it.

It was easy.

He had done it before. Twice. Shot once, killed once. He had done it. He knew how. He just had to

But he couldnít. He couldnít do it. Jasper was there. Jasper was smiling. Jasper was speaking to him. He had to shoot he knew he couldnít do anything else he knew that putting it down was pointless but Jasperís voice was right there talking to him telling him that it was going to be okay and he wanted to believe it above all he wanted to be okay not on this island not playing this game but he knew he couldnít and he knew there wasnít any chance of it being okay and he knew that he had to do it. There was no choice. He had to. Even though he didnít want to he knew that it was something necessary.

He had to do it.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

He forced himself to look, before he did it. The finger wasnít pulled. There was still a chance. There was still a time, to look into his eyes. Let Jasper see his. Let Jasper see what he wanted, before he did it.

But there was a sight. Familiar, past Jasper. Someone he had seen before. Someone who he had met before.

Audrey.

Why was she here? Why was she with Jasper? What did she think of him? What did she think of what he had done?

What did she think about what he was about to do?

He didnít know. He didnít know what the answer was and he didnít know what to think and he didnít know what to do and he couldnít he couldnít do it he couldnít fire he couldnít kill Jasper. He knew that now. He knew what he had to do.

And slowly, the gun lowered.
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Yugikun
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Noises.

Movement.

Everything suddenly burst to life and the image of the room changed burst out at him and his body jolted and he couldnít think and he didnít know what was happening what to do and what was happening there were people moving running footsteps echoing across the ground and he didnít know what was happening what they were doing what they were about to do couldnít think couldnít act but he needed to they could hurt him they could do anything and he needed to do something but he couldnít and the gun raised again and the gun pointed again and for a moment he could see for a moment he knew for a moment he had realised

And then the sound of the gun, the force that had sent itself throughout Alvaroís body, took over.

And for a moment, Alvaro was in the hands of the world, as the room began to spin around him again.
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Yugikun
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Everything came back, all at once.

The room stopped spinning. The noise from the gun had faded, the ringing in Alvaroís ears being the only noise had remained. There were people he saw there earlier - shapes he didnít look at, didnít recognise because he didnít look because the only thing he noticed in the room initially was Jasper and he didnít notice them until it was too late - but they were gone now. Audrey was still there, still standing. She was looking at something, Alvaro wasnít sure what. The feeling of dizziness still remained, and the ripples, the shaking of his body from the gun, were still present. She was looking at something. He didnít know what. He looked. There were chairs, in a circle. One gone. Was that what she was looking at? He wasnít sure. Wait, no. He shook his head. There was something past it. A shape, finally coming into focus.

It was Jasper, bullet in his stomach and blood on the floor.

That was when he realised.

He did that.

He fired the gun.

He just killed Jasper.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in breathe out and no no no no no no no

His body stumbled, moved. Forward. Unthinking. His friend was in front of him. Jasperís body was in front of him. He had to get there. Didnít know how, didnít know why, he had to. He had to do something, he had to get there. He killed Jasper. He had to get there and when he did he didnít know what he was going to do but he had to get there he had to make it to Jasper and do something do he didnít know get there move forward do something you killed him you did it again you killed another friend you have to do something you have to move forward get to Jasper do something just get there and-

He was there. He stopped.

Jasper called out his name.

Oh god, he was still alive.
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Yugikun
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ďI-Ē

He didnít know what to say.

Jasper was below him, blood on the floor, and- oh god oh god that was blood. Jasperís. His blood, his- oh god no no no no no, his- he shook his head. His blood was on the floor. Jasper was below him, lying there. Bleeding.

Dying.

And he did that.

He did it again. First Barry, now Jasper. No matter how much he regretted it, no matter how much he said about never doing it again, it had happened. He had done it again. Another friend, another customer, another teammate was dead, by his hands.

But wait.

ďI-Ē

No. No. No they werenít. Jasper was breathing. Jasper was talking. He was still alive, there was a chance-

No. No. No there wasnít. Jasper was bleeding. Jasper was dying. He wasnít going to live. There wasnít a chance. He was going to be another friend struck down by his hands.

And no. No. It wasnít going to be quick. Alvaro knew that. The wound. It was bleeding. Not quickly. Slowly. He knew. Jasper was going to die. There was nothing Alvaro could do about it. He was going to die in pain and in fear and alone and there was nothing Alvaro could do about it because he did it he messed up he shot Jasper he killed Barry he murdered and made everyone hate him and he messed up and he was a failure the kid who owned a cafe who couldnít speak at all who was an easy target and who wouldnít do anything about it and who couldnít do anything about it who messed up who made it so that his friend was going to die in pain and fear without anything that he could do about it and

The gun was in his hands.

His hands were shaking.

ďI-Ē

He could do it. He could stop it. He realised that. He could do it. He could help Jasper. He could stop his pain. He could stop his fear. He could do it. He could do it.

But no, he couldnít, couldnít he? Jasper was there. Jasper was his friend. Jasper was a friend an ally a teammate a person he could always talk to a person he could be friends with a friend a friend a friend no he couldnít he wasnít going to do it again this wasnít going to be like Barry this wasnít going to be like anyone no he couldnít do this. He couldnít shoot Jasper. No. No. No.

But the blood was there. The blood was leaking out. He did that. He shot him. He messed up and-

He could do it. He had to.

But no, he couldnít.

ďIím-Ē

The gun was in his hands.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.
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Yugikun
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ďIím sorry.Ē

He pulled the trigger.
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Yugikun
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The bang sounded through the room. The sound began to ring through his ears again. The room didnít seem to spin - the gun hadnít moved, he didnít lose his balance - and the image stood still. He could see it clearly, now. Jasper - his friend - lying there. Head bleeding. Head partly gone. Dead.

He did that.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

But no he couldnít he couldnít breathe he couldnít think the room span and his mind span and




sorry for the invisitext, everybody who happened to find this, but it'ssteps back. Body moving. Couldnít see it. Didnít see it. Didnít want to see it. His body moved. His body span. Mind span. He didnít know where he was going and what was happening and where he was or anything didnít know didnít know didnít know and




slightly neccecery. Zetaboards isn't letting me start lines in the middle and I need that so... hit the floor. Stop moving. Stop spinning. Nothing was in his hands. He couldnít feel anything. The floor touched his face. His body. It was the only thing he felt. Saw. There was nothing else. This was it.

Wait, no, he had to get up. Anything could happen. He had to do something.

He had to.

But he couldnít.

He wouldnít.

He had killed Jasper. Everything - all that had happened - was his fault. He knew that. Everyone knew that. They were right and he didnít know and he didnít want to and he couldnít move and he wasnít moving and
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Yugikun
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the room stopped spinning.

EverythingÖ was back now. Room. Chairs. Him. He could see. He could think. He could breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. He was here. Somewhere. Didnít know where. He was here. Alone. By himself.

Wait.

Was he?

He didnít know.

There was a gu-

No there wasnít.

And quickly, suddenly, without any hesitation, he stood. Moved. Looked around. Jumping. Jolting. Had to move. Had to run. Had to get the gun and-

He was alone.

Nobody else was in here with him.

Wait.

Where was the gun?

Wait, there it was. Next toÖ

Next toÖ

He took his steps. Left. Breathe in. Right. Breathe out. He could do this. He could do this. He was there, he just needed to-

And there was Jasper.

His corpse.

He had done that.

And no he couldnít look he couldnít see he couldnít do anything he couldnít no he just had to grab the gun do it get out of here he could feel it hand on rubber or metal or he didnít know grab it step away and-

No.

He couldnít stay here.

He knew that now.

So, with one step taken at a time, he ran.

((Alvaro Vacanti, continued elsewhere))
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