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Sunset Boulevard; Private; sorry!
Topic Started: Oct 25 2016, 12:23 PM (634 Views)
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((Alessio Rigano continued from Early Morning in the Garden of Good and Evil))

And Alessio found no direction. He wandered. No direction where to go. No direction where to stay. Alessio was breathing, but his breathing was not making him feel happy. He had hunger. He felt lonely. He was sleepy.

He had missed his chance. He had cowarded out of the group of Noah. Back then he felt scared. Now he felt scared. Back then there was Blair. Now he felt alone.

Wandering through the asylum, he discovered a stair, that led to. Beauty.

And the sun sinking. And Vanessa. The view. It was so beautiful.

His heartbeat. Al could not judge if it was a good heartbeat or a bad one. Did he feel good or bad? He could not tell.

His heart beats. Heartbeats. The song by Jose Gonzales. It was so romantic, yet so quiet, yet so beautiful. Al's heart beat. How did the tabs go? Al could not recall. He had learned them sometimes, it was such a beautiful song. He wanted to recall the tabs of them. Any tabs. He wanted his guitar. He wanted to sing her every song he could play. He wanted to play her all embarrassing songs he had written for her. He wanted to release his soul from it, before the death will take away his songs with him.


He knew the song from Scrubs. The song was touching. The scene was touching. Scrubs was great. Was that fitting because they were in an asylum? He wished, it would have been like Scrubs. Hah. Comedy. Let's laugh.

But sometimes it also was about dying. Like now. Like this week. This situation. He was scared, afraid of losing everything.

He should not be scared. He should man up. Talk to V. But couldn't. Say. A. Word.

Having these kind of songs in his head. Al wanted to cry. But he looked at the beauty instead.

And when she looked back, Al...uh.
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Van's eyes. They were so beautiful, but so scary to look at. Looking at the sun was much more comfortable for him. He stared into the sunset while replying. But it was not helping to think clearly.


What were even the chances to meet Vanessa out of all the people on the island? Was it luck? Desti-no. He got what he wanted. But did he ever express to want to meet her? On this island, probably not. Perhaps, yeah. Last night he felt lonely, all he wanted to have company. He wanted to talk to Vanessa.

"Uhm, if."

A break. Her stare. She was angry at him. Hate him? No. But still, not friendly. In this situation. Yes. People are mistrusting people. When hearing about people killing people were announced this morning. Yes.

He scared her.


She was threatening him with a chair leg...oh. The chair in the room with Serena. He recalled. Vanessa was as smart as he always believed.

He was not dangerous, a misunderstanding. He would not hurt or attack Vanessa. No, if there was a way to protect her from the people who did, he would do that. Even if he was not strong.

Arms up.

"Unarmed. Not dangerous."

How does speaking work again? He needed to talk, wanted to talk his heart out to Vanessa. But he had no clue what to say. Blackout. What topic?

He finally looked at Vanessa again. Then at the floor next to her. She looked so scared, so scared of death. Just like he was. She could relate. But.

To think of her dying is even more terrifying than thinking about himself dying. Van was worth more than 100 lives.


Alessio was speechless what to say.

In the ideal trip he also would have spent the trip talking with her. He also wanted to talk her on the bus, but the sits next to her already were taken. So he had to sit next to someone else. Al assumed even if they had not been abducted, he would have not talked with her. In the museum, he would have hung out with Alvaro or Mia, instead of talking with Vanessa and Cam and the other people she hung out with.

He could have socialised more. Spent more time with Vanessa before she graduated. Now, he felt loneliness. SOTF happened and made him sad. His past were a string of bad decisions of not talking to her.

But even now, he would not have been able to properly speak to Vanessa about anything. Topic. Death? Cats? Band?

"Peyote. Uh, Coyote is great. Are...the other band members alright? Now? Uh."

His hands shook. Conversations were hard. He'd prefer just looking, no speaking. Why did he even say that?
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"No, I have not seen her yet."

Yeah, Vanessa did not want to speak with him. At all. She crossed her arms and looked like his presence was...unwelcome.


He looked at the ground. He had no clue what to say.

"I'm sorry."

Al did not know what he apologised for. Conversation. Something. He pulled out his rubik's cube from his hoodie pocket.

"Uh, I brought this with me."

He wanted to talk to her, spend time with her. Perhaps talk with her about himself, about the rubik's cube. Talk about her. Just anything. The time he currently had was probably heaven in comparison to what he had experienced earlier and will experience in the future of his short life. This was heaven, even if it was an awkward heaven. It felt good being with her.
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The cube. It was not working. It was confusing her, it was making him more awkward than he already was.


His cube. He showed the cube to her.

"It is good for staying sane, keep being busy. You can have it, too, if you want."

But then he put the cube back into his pocket, looking at the floor. Why would she even be interested in such a thing? She was searching for Cam, not searching for passing time.


He wanted to cry. He tried to get tears out. Something, to not let her leave yet. Attention.

He thought of his thoughts he had, repressed. But nothing came out.

Vanessa should not leave him here all by himself. That would be terrible. But Al knew that was going to happen. Like always. Al would do nothing and Van leaves and then he won't see her again. Ever.

Now, it was the moment. Now or never.

Either he will get destroyed, or he will be the happiest person in the world.

Let's make this not more dramatic than it should be.

Be strong, be daring, be brave, couragous. Now or never. Never. Literally never.

He took a deep breath to get rid of the weird feeling he had. It did not work, he still felt cold, his stomache hurt.

Alessio was feeling weird. He wanted to cry, he really wanted to. But he couldn’t.

“I never had the chance to be friends with you.”

Or with anyone else. He sounded as if he’d cry, his voice was not stable.

“I wasted it. I wasted the chance.”

But not a single tear was shed. He felt really scared.

“I wasted the time.”

Ah, there were the first tears.

“I wasted my life.”

Eye contact. Eye contact. Eye contact failed.

"I love..."

What now?

"Please don't leave. Me. Alone. Stay, please. I want to be. With. You."

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Vanessa did not stay. Did not want to stay. Wanted to leave him alone.

She could not even recall his name. She did not know him. Even though Al sometimes...had spoken to her. Or, at least...tried. She knew him, though. Al knew that she at least knew him, met him, at school, eye contact happened, rarely.

And she wants to go. Until some other time. Huh. Whatever that meant. It...meant nothing good for Al.


Heartache. He wanted a hug. He wanted to listen to glass being broken.

What was worse? The tears? The running nose? The weird feeling in his stomach? The fact that she did not even recall his name?

No, the worst was that Al had called her a bitch in his head. He would never do that. The Alessio from yesterday would have killed him for doing such a terrible thing, but yet, 'bitch' was all that he could think of. The anger was the worst.

He could not stare at her anymore, so his eyes focussed on the sunset, ignoring the beauty. Hands in pockets, tears on the ground.
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And Vanessa left. And Al saw her leaving. And he heard her leaving. And he will never see her again. He might hear her again, in the announcements. That was depressing.


And he used his hoodie to wipe his tears and the running nose. And he sat down. And layed down.

Alessio did not hum Wonderwall.

((Alessio Rigano continued in Start Your Day With A Smile))
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