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You Gave Up Being Good When You Declared a State of War; Open
Topic Started: Oct 10 2016, 08:19 PM (1,069 Views)
Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
((Asuka continued from A World of Sadness))

And to the surprise of everyone and no one, a couple universes had already been obliterated. See, Penelope? You gotta go with the forms of rebellion that don't depend on other people, that you know you can pull off yourself. You gotta be pragmatic. Asuka was totally a pragmatist. I mean, it feels good to know that your plan's pragmatic, even if pragmatism wasn't the main or second or even the third reason for going with it, you know? It wasn't Asuka's favorite virtue, but she wasn't against it or anything.

Yeah, something like that.

Jennifer. Gong. Tina. Gong. Isabel. Gong. The list of the dead and the lost cut through the air like the tolling of a bell, each name a punch to the gut.

Take in a deep and calming breath. Exhale shakily. And now-- smile. Because this is the place dreams come true. This was the rabbit hole, this was Fantasia. Fantasia, fantasy. Let's dance to that. Kick open enough doors and you'll find what you're looking for. Or, well, nudge them open. Didn't have the same flair, but truth be told Asuka didn't have much flair. Simple, right?

She'd almost forgotten and gotten her hopes up, hadn't she. But she was addicted. She was addicted, and now she'd never be satisfied again, now she was stuck trying over and over to get her fix even though she knew it wouldn't be the same. That goes double when the idealized state only ever existed in her head. Asuka was short on life and long on craving. She didn't even have a choice in the matter.

Nudge. Nadia and Jerry, deciding to look into the asylum of horrors. Nadia and Jerry, deciding to go Batman. Or maybe Punisher. Either way: technicolor fantasy. She hoped.

"Hey. Not playing. If you're doing what I think you're doing, can I tag along?"

Edited by Zetsumodernista, Oct 13 2016, 01:07 AM.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Asuka froze. She was trying to move, to do or say something, but all that happened was the same phrase, looped over and over in head: Oh, shit, here we go again, and then she went and said it out loud. Stupid.

Because that was a really big fucking pile of meat and muscle yelling at her to knock next time, and she was whispering or maybe it was whimpering sorry because her eyes were starting to sting now and this was oh-so-fucking stupid. You ass. Asuka didn't like to judge people. She didn't give a fuck right now.

Look up. Yes, that's Nadia, and Asuka should've felt reassured because really anybody would've been reassuring to see after some big fucker flipped out and pulled a knife on you, but she didn't. Nadia's eyes weren't exactly inviting and welcoming.

Cool down. Deep breaths. It was a simple question. Problematic, to be sure-- Asuka wasn't really sure what they were doing anymore. She could tell Nadia that she was down for whatever they had in mind. Asuka just wanted a group, so fuck it, whatever is fine. Nadia didn't look like the type who'll be obliging of an answer like that, though.

Well. It was a rather sketchy answer.

"Honestly? I don't really care. I'm here to do hospice. Service with a smile for the dead and dying, unless the smile freaks you out. And don't get your head in the gutter, I don't mean that kind of service. Anyhow, I just figured I'd hop on board cuz I heard you were gonna head to the asylum and run into people there and I thought that maybe like it'd be a meaningful adventure if we did that, y'know? So unless your business is killing, I'd come. You don't have to take me, though."

Asuka hoped that last line guilt-tripped them. Served the bastards right, turning her into a wreck five seconds after she walked in the door. Reject me. I dare you.

Ah, fuck, please don't interpret that as a guilt trip, that would make things so fucking awkward.
Edited by Zetsumodernista, Oct 18 2016, 04:11 PM.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"It wasn't even supposed to be a joke, it just...ah. Forget it."

Lunatics. In the asylum. And they're making fun of Asuka for having a--well, does it really count as a bad joke if she didn't realize it sounded like one until after the fact?

Well. Asuka couldn't really blame them. Their classmates were killing each other. It was dumb and it was stupid and it was funny. What do you do about that?

Asuka laughed. "Come to terms? Do you think I can come to terms with this bullshit that easily?"

Asuka looked from Nadia to Jerry, Jerry to Nadia.

"I can barely accept and function in the real world. I'm not interested in accepting and functioning in this one. This is my offer, so that you'll take me with you if you want. I have a gun. If someone goes after any of us, I'll scare them off with my shaky hands and shitty aim. I probably can't actually bring myself to shoot them when it comes down to it, though, so don't count on that."

Oh. Hi Toby. Now Asuka knew how Jerry must've felt when she came in. Important difference: Asuka was Asuka. Toby was...yeah. She could beat you up. Not that you could much tell the difference between them based on a door creak and a couple of syllables. Asuka was just feeling kinda grumpy about that, was all.

So. Toby. Workaholic. Bet you're really glad you were such a try-hard. Not that Asuka was one to talk, but at least she only tried hard when she liked to. She was qualitatively different. How did she know? She didn't. Bad Asuka. Be nice.

"Well met, I guess. Wish I got to know you better before...you know."

Hey, it's worth a shot. Tell me about yourself.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Nope.







Asuka was on the verge of tears. Not at Jerry's words, though. She'd heard that line too many times to let it get to her. Really. Don't let the tears make you think otherwise. They're tears of rage. Asuka hated that. She hated how every time she got juuuust pissed off enough to unleash a brutal, no-holds-barred verbal beatdown her tongue tied itself into a knot and her tear ducts opened and what the fuck, she was mad, she was supposed to be fucking mad. Her body was a traitor. What's that, body? You're trembling? Fuck you.

Oh, and now they wanted her to hand over her weapon, too, huh? Did--did they actually think she'd do it after--like--all that? Was this real life? Was this just fanta--fuck, she was not gonna finish that thought. Even now, it seems, she's still incapable of keeping her mind from following dumb tangents. But seriously, was she dreaming? How the fuck did these people even exist? Answer her. Please just fucking answer her. No? Well. Okay then.

But first. Address Toby. "Wish I had something of substance to tell you. Good luck." And she meant it.

And now to talk to them. Well, mostly Jerry. Though Nadia wasn't exactly off the hook either.

"Fuck you. Fuck both of you." It was as good a start as any.

"Y'know, I always knew that assholes existed, but this is. Um. Kind of a first. Can you even fucking hear yourselves? Do you also steal food from orphans and kick kittens or something?"

Her voice was following a really weird cadence, alternating between 'coolly analytical' and 'inside-voice screaming'. Asuka hated it. Impossible to take seriously.

"You'd think the realization that the person you're talking to is gonna die soon would make you pause before you go and be a total dick, but nooo. You have to go and--and--like, you're not real asshole. You're the image the shitheads come up with when they make dumb PSA's about bullying. Did that sink in? No? Don't answer, because even if you do get it it's my fucking turn, and if you wanted me to have a different mental image of you then you shouldn't have made yourself look like a dumbass jackass. You're so ridiculously disgusting I can't even accept that you exist."

Jerry and Nadia, platonic ideals of the bully and the bystander. Oh, that was extra pretentious. Lovely.

Still, though, the logic checked out. Jerry was objectively an asshole. Objectivity didn't exist. Ergo, Jerry didn't exist. What, it doesn't check out? Shh, don't tell her that. She's feeling a tad emotional. She's venting. Actually having sound logic wasn't the point.

"Sit on that for a while. I hope I die tomorrow. I hope I fucking die and make you realize that you kinda helped kill me. Don't fool yourself by saying you couldn't have known what would happen. You have to know by now that my odds of making it alone are worse than if I'm in a group. So yeah. Not sure if you'd feel guilt over that. But I hope I die. And I hope you go and fucking win this thing, so that you can go home and realize that all the shitty things you may or may not have pulled but honestly I am so done with being nonjudgmental I'll go ahead and make that assumption BUT ANYWAYS I hope you go and realize that all that shit was way way way shittier than you ever thought it was."

Asuka turned to Nadia. "And I'm not giving this thing"-- she patted her gun-- "to players. Not to assume that y'all are gonna be players. But I pretty much am."

Asuka immediately regretted half the speech. It was too manipulative. Too calculated to hurt. Still, though. The other half? Totally worth it.

"Sayonara."

That's your cue. Apologize. You get one chance.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
((Skipping with permission.))

Asuka was calm now. Really. She'd hit her peak, and now that the throbbing of blood was fading, she didn't really care about any of the shit Jerry was spewing now. They were just words, now. And everyone knows that words never hurt anyone, right? Right.

Asuka shook her head. She was in a room. She was having a shouting match with Jerry. The fucker was pissing her off. He was really pissing her off. So pissed, in fact, that she was. Um.

But it was no good. Already, she felt like an actress dropped into the middle of some hyper-real set, and everyone was looking at her and she couldn't remember her lines. Figuring out what thoughts she should be having right now was just making her dissociate more.

Well. Only one way to change that.

Jerry Fury was a sociopath. Or not. If he wasn't, there'd be hell to pay. If he was...well. Asuka would rather not think about that possibility. She wasn't suicidal. Well, she was, but she wasn't that suicidal. She had her goal and her vision. She wouldn't stake her life like this if she wasn't pretty damn sure he wasn't actually that evil, which was actually a pretty risky bet if you thought about it because c'mon they were just kidnapped by terrorists the other day to play a death game, but anyways--fuck it. She had nothing to lose but her life, and if she was proven wrong then life would've been pretty shit anyways.

Only one way to find out.

"Okay. If that's the game you want to play."

She felt histrionic as fuck. That was okay. What she was doing was histrionic as fuck. Carefully, methodically, she took out the gun, checked if it was loaded. Safety off. Slid it over to Jerry.

"Prove it, then. Blow my brains out. One less person you have to survive longer than. Then you can go skip your merry way and laugh as you gun down everyone else. Or whatever."

Okay, so maybe he wouldn't actually do that. That didn't matter. What mattered was the implication that she actually believed he could be capable of doing that.

Try me.
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"I still have almost all the ammo, you jackass."

Not much point in calling after him at this point. But she needed to undermine that bullshit somehow.

Well. It wasn't like she hadn't anticipated this. Jerry was a fucker. Apparently she'd somehow overestimated him. Bastard couldn't even be a dick properly.

Yeah. Fuck him.

Still, it was worth it. Right? Yeah, except the whole thing where she was getting an emotional high out of this was gone. Were you wondering how she was staying so calm after all that shit? Now you know.

She didn't even have to take deep breaths to calm down. Fuck.

Hey Jerry. Good luck with outliving everyone without killing people. Hope your shiny Nazi gun helps you with that. Who gave him that gun again? Fuck. FuckfuckfuckFUCK. It was all her fault, it was all--

She couldn't even convince herself she was really mad about that. Does she giggle over that?

Nah. Too drained. Too tired.

How about that? Does that merit a giggle? Or maybe the fact that she was creating a really dumb loop? C'mon, something's gotta get a reaction out of her.

She turned to Nadia.

"Hey. Um...I guess I'm supposed to go out and get it back from him or something. But before I go. Um. How the fuck did you put up with him?"

dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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Zetsumodernista
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escaping the real world to face reality
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
"Nice knowing you too."

So it goes. Or something. Thanks for the chair leg and all, it wasn't like she could just get her own. It was sad because she probably actually couldn't.

Asuka trembled, felt her knees stutter. Her body could betray her all it wanted to now. Fall over, collapse against the wall, let the tear ducts open. It's okay. You can cry now.

Asuka's body wouldn't cry. Fuckin' traitor. She really needed a good cry.

"It's okay," she whispered to herself. "You're gonna be okay, kay? Kay."

Ah, here we go. Not much of it. Most of it came out as pathetic sobbing. But. Nevertheless.

And now what? Asuka knew, of course. Jerry had made that easy. She was gonna go after the Nazi and make him drop his Nazi gun. Yes. He was a Nazi. Might as well be. Not in the genocidal bigot kind of way, in the 'has a sign around his neck saying 'I'm the fucking cartoon writers come up with when they're too lazy to write a sympathetic villain'. And that was terrible. Very very terrible. Not the fact that he was an asshole. That part was definitely fine. Definitely. But was it too much to ask for a deep, complex, byronic hero of an asshole? Couldn't he have done Asuka that favor? At least?

Bet he'd give the terrorists exactly the kind of stupid drama they wanted. So stop him, right? Replace him with other drama. Your drama. Artsy, pretentious drama. That's your gig, your game, that's how you feel alive.

Theory. Heh. Asuka was all about theory. Theoretically happy?

Yeah. Something like that.

((Asuka Takahara continued elsewhere))
dear god dear god tinkle tinkle hoy

G056: Asuka Takahara: The one who can out-pretentious them all.
- Memories: 1
- Pregame: 1
- V6: 1-2
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