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Would You Believe? This Isn't Me.; private, day 1 late afternoon
Topic Started: Sep 23 2016, 04:18 AM (840 Views)
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[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
The exhaustion had set in again.

((Alvaro Vacanti continued from you know what not even going to bother copy-pasting this anymore))

It wasn’t as bad as it was earlier, though. He could… breathe. Even with the extra weight on him this time around he could still breathe. In, step, out, step. In, step, out, step. The extra weight was another bag. Barry’s. Or rather the bag that used to be Barry’s. Because Barry was dead. As much as Alvaro wanted to deny it and hide from it and stand in the corner he couldn’t. Barry was dead. He killed Barry. He hated it and he honestly wished that he could take it back and apologize but he knew that he couldn’t say he didn’t do it because he did do it and trying to do so would mean that he’d stay on that forever. No. He had to move. Do… something. Run. From Jonathan. He hadn’t seen Jonathan since he went down the stairs but he knew that he probably followed him and he didn’t want to take any chances.

He breathed. Took another step forward. No. He couldn’t. He was… he was here now. As much as he didn’t want to be on this island, as much as he didn’t want to be in this game, he couldn’t just stand still. He didn’t want to die. He knew that, so he wasn’t going to stand still and let the people like Min-Jae and Michael and Isaac find him.

But he stopped. Looked around. He was at a dead end. A hallway. Three doors on each side. He looked behind him. Nobody. He couldn’t go back, though. Jonathan might still be there, and who knew what he wanted to do? No, he had to go through one of the doors. Hide. He could do that. Stay silent until the coast was clear. He nodded. It was a plan. He didn’t know whether it was the best plan or whether it’d work but he knew he could at least try, so he walked up to the furthest door on the right, and opened it.

Inside was Abby, curled up in a corner, blood covering her arms.



No no no no no no no.

He stepped back. Again. And again. No. He wasn’t looking at this. Abby wasn’t dead. There couldn’t be other people dead. There couldn’t be… there couldn’t be other people killing already, right? No. There couldn’t. It was only him, which meant that…

Oh god.

He stepped back. His breathing was going faster. No. It was Abby. She was friendly. She was nice. She was brave. She couldn’t have killed herself. She just couldn’t.

But if she didn’t, then that meant that there were…

That there were other people like him out there.

No. No. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be on this island. He didn’t want to be playing this game. He took another step back. He was against a wall. Again. No. No. Not again. Anything but again.

His body had slid down the wall, hands on his face covering anything but his eyes.

There was nothing around him but his thoughts. The air against him went unnoticed.

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There was a noise.

Alvaro jumped. What was that? Was it a person? It had to be a person because he didn’t think anything else would be capable of making that noise. He breathed, looked up. It was a person. What did that mean? He knew that it meant that he was likely going to have to talk to another person but would that be a good or a bad confrontation? Would they be like Danny and Audrey or would they be like Min-Jae or Jonathan? He hoped the former. He just… needed the former at this point. He just needed to be with a person who he liked who liked him back and who wouldn’t turn on him. He only wanted that. If he got that, then he wouldn’t really know what would happen then but he knew that he would be happy, at the very least.

He breathed, again. In, out. It was a risk. He knew that.

Was it one he wanted to take?

He paused. Silenced reigned, for a brief moment.

It was.

So he stood up. Moved forward. Opened the door again.

The corpse was still where it was. Curled up in the corner, blood covering her arms.

Alvaro winced. Tried to look away. There was a hallway beyond the room. He thought that that was where he heard the noise from. If he wanted to get through, he was going to have to go past Abby.

He looked at the corpse. Blood. Dead. Either it meant she killed herself or there were killers on this island.

Slowly, he looked away.

He wanted to take this risk.

So slowly, he walked through the room, his shoes crunching against the glass below. His breath was held in. His eyes were unwavering.

And eventually he made it past. He released his breath out, and gave himself the small reward of being able to look around, again. So he checked. He looked.

The person standing at the other end of the hallway was one he knew.

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It was Lily.

Lily was right in front of him.

His mind stopped.

His breathing became heavier.

He stepped forward.

And then Lily told him not to move from where he was and then everything came back to him all at once. He was here, on an island, totally alone. He was in a game where if he wanted to live everyone else had to die, and he had already used his hands to murder someone. Someone he knew. A friend. And now he was going to pay the consequences for it. As much as he wanted to apologize and make up for it he knew that that wasn’t enough. He knew that people would know and he knew that people would go after him for it and he knew that people wouldn’t ever treat him the same after that. Like Lily. Did Lily know? She couldn’t have. Only Jonathan did. Unless he came here to her or she saw or they told everyone without him knowing they wouldn’t. So why was she holding him back? Was this what everyone was going to be like from now on?

Everything had paused, for a couple of seconds. The room was silent. The air cold.

Then she talked again. She said something. He could come closer.

A sense of relief filled his body. This was Lily. Lily was normal. Lily didn’t know. Lily still liked him.

He looked up. At her face. It was the polite thing to do when someone was talking to him. Was there a smile on her face?

No, there wasn’t.

That was okay. She was here. She was letting him stay.

That was good enough.

He stepped forward. Once, twice, a walk. He kept doing this, for a bit. She wanted him to keep his distance, so he stopped, around two metres from where she was. Sat down.

“Um… hi, Lily.”

There wasn’t really much that he could say.
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Lily’s response was not what he expected it to be.

He thought that… he didn’t know. He thought that she’d say hi back. He thought that she would smile. He thought that she would have been the same Lily as before. He would have liked that. He didn’t know. Nothing had worked out for him since he had woken up. He had been beaten up, rendered breathless, put in a situation where he made the worst choice he could have. He hadn’t rested. He hadn’t stopped moving, but now he had. He was safe, in a room, alone except for the girl he loved. Nobody would have found them, and it would have been good. Just a moment between them. Just like how it used to be. For a moment, he could have forgotten that he was here. For a moment, he could have forgotten that he was on this island, and for a moment, he could have forgotten that he was playing this game.

That was what he would have liked. Instead, he got a cold question, and a moral dilemma.

She had rebuked him. She didn’t even say hi back. What she replied to his hope was with another again. A question initially asked in the morning by Audrey now came back, like a verse in the songs that used to play in the cafe when he talked with Lily. What had happened to him? Who had he met? What had they done?

And just like before, he knew that he had to answer this question with a lie. Now though, there was more he had to hide. He didn’t want her to know that he had instigated the fight with Min-Jae. He didn’t want her to know that he had killed Barry. The bag had gone into another room before he came in here so that nobody would be able to guess, but there was no point in doing that if he just told her.

As much as he hated it, he had to lie to someone.


“I woke up in these… buildings. Rooms. I… didn’t know what to do. I freaked out. That was when I found…”

The image of the tall man in black in the doorframe came back. He tried to shake it off.

“Min-jae. He… attacked me. I hit him back, but…”

He paused.

He put his hand on the bridge of his nose, felt nothing there.

He had only just realised.

“Oh god, my glasses.”
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Lily replied to him. She was still cold, even though she tried to hide it. Alvaro appreciated that slightly, though. Even if things had changed for the both of them with the mistake he made at the cafe that night and the situation that was occurring to the both of them right now she still liked him. Maybe not love, but he was okay with that. Honestly, he just liked talking to her. He could just… he didn’t know. Pass the time. When she was in the cafe when he was on waiter shift it just seemed to fly by. Like how that saying went. Time flew back then, because he was having fun. Just as he hoped it would happen now. The night was probably out by now. The skies… if he remembered correctly had no clouds in them.

He was reminded of a musical that his family went to see once. He couldn’t quite remember the lyrics of the song he was thinking of, but they were on the tip of his tongue.

He would have liked to imagine that this was a similar situation, as much as he knew it wasn’t. They were alone, just like the people in the song.

Just him, Lily, and the question he had to answer.

“It was in this building. Somewhere… up above, I think. It was kinda like I was in a jail cell.”
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She had asked him the question.

His hands started shaking.

And then they stopped and then they tensed and he hoped that Lily didn’t see that because even though he didn’t kill Min-jae the question had caught him off guard and he knew that Lily would see that and she would think he was lying no matter what he said and no matter whether he was actually telling the truth or not and she’d call him a murderer and she’d be telling the truth no matter what she believed and she’d get angry and she’d get scared and the thoughts of the musical were gone and now he was back here on the island in the game and the one moment he thought he would be safe he wasn’t and now Lily would be suspicious of him and she was cold and she had changed and he hadn’t answered the question yet this looked even worse he just needed to say no because he was telling the truth and that one word was what it took and he just needed to say something. Something. A simple answer. He just needed to tell her what happened.

He didn’t even need to lie.

“No. I don’t think I did. He was on top of me, hitting him with his… pole… thing. There was a piece of wood on the ground. I took it and I hit him with it and he fell and I got up and then he roared and I couldn’t think and so I ran and-”

He looked at Lily. Tried to see her eyes.

His didn’t reach. His head went down again.

“Sorry, it’s just that… you know.”
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She believed him.

That was good. It meant that he didn’t have to worry as much. Of course he was still here with another person near him so he knew deep down that he couldn’t just not worry, but now he could relax, even if only slightly. Lily believed him. He was in a room, alone, with the person he loved, and now he knew that neither was going to attempt to harm the other. She believed him. She trusted him. He trusted her, in return. All was silent. He looked at her. She wasn’t looking at his way back, but that was okay. He was okay with not talking. He was okay with just looking. It was like back in the cafe. He’d be doing his job at another table and then he’d see her in the corner of his eye and he’d be happy, if only slightly. It wasn’t much, he could live his life the whole way through without it, but she was someone he just… appreciated just being with, if that made sense.

She asked him if anything else had happened. He answered. It’d be weird not to, otherwise.

“I ran, and I found this old storage closet. I met… Danny and Audrey there.”

He didn’t think he would need to say too much in response.

“We talked. They helped me with the bruises I had. We were considering grouping up, but then…”

He shook his head. The memory of his mistake had come back up.

He just needed to move past it.

“I heard the bell ring. I freaked out. Left the group and ran towards it.”

The question was easy, though. The room was quiet. The two were alone. He remembered, back from school. They used to play chess together. She was one of the few people who he could actually beat. It was fun, even in the times when he’d lose. They both liked it, and that was why they did it.

He smiled, as silence began to reign once more. He was alone, with the girl he loved, thinking about the things they had done before with each other.

He hoped that they stayed alone.

He hoped that they stayed together.

He hoped that this moment would last.
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She had asked about the bell tower.

His hands tensed up.

They untensed. He looked down. He was going to have to lie now. He was going to say something about what happened in the bell tower and he knew that saying the truth this time would definitely make it so that Lily couldn’t trust them. Regardless of what he said, he was going to destroy the safety of this place. He’d either tell the truth and say that he killed Barry and then he’d have to bear the consequences because Lily was probably going to start screaming at him like Jonathan did or he could lie to her and she wouldn’t know but he’d know and he wouldn’t ever be able to get over it and he wouldn’t be able to get over lying to her and he didn’t want to make this choice and he didn’t want to be here and he didn’t want to lie and he didn’t want to kill Barry and she was looking at him expecting an answer and if she didn’t then she’d figure it out and he had to lie to her he had to-.

That was it. He had to lie to her.

“It was empty, I think. There was a corpse on the floor and I... “ He paused. Coughed. The breath hadn’t come out properly on his word and it got stuck in his throat and he didn’t want to do this why did he do it why was he doing this why- “I didn’t really know what to do. I ran. Back to the asylum.”

He looked up. The ground was a place where he could just try to ignore what was happening, but he knew that sooner or later he did have to face Lily about what he was saying.

“And that’s when I met you,” he said, sheepishly.

The moment hadn’t lasted.

Silence reigned in the hallway once again, for a couple of seconds.

The moment was gone. He knew that. The one bit of safety and trust that he had felt since waking up was gone. The one real time he could sit down talk to someone, the one time he wasn’t running or trying to breathe or being scared or fighting, the one even small bit of reprieve he had had since waking up was gone. The moment he had alone, safe, with the girl he liked was no longer there.

But he didn’t want that.

Because he didn’t want to be here and he didn’t want to be on this island and he didn’t want to be playing this game and he didn’t want to lie and he didn’t want to kill and he didn’t want to lie not to anyone especially not Lily and he didn’t know why he had to do this and he didn’t know why it had to happen to him or to Lily or to Barry or to Audrey or to Mr Graham or to anyone and he just didn’t want to be here he wanted to be out but there was no way out and the moment was gone and Lily was gone and Alvaro was gone but he didn’t want that because he felt safe he felt comfortable and he liked Lily and he just needed to do something and save the moment and he just had to say something and-

His hands were shaking.

“Listen, uh…”

He just needed to save something.

He just wanted to save this moment.

“Should I… stay here, or something? I… don’t really know what to do.”
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He supposed that was it, then.

He stood up, off the wall.

He didn’t want this. He wanted to be safe. He wanted to be with Lily, but he couldn’t. She didn’t want it.

But maybe there was still something. Maybe the moment was still lasting.

“Listen… uh…” He said, sparing a glance back at her. “If you want me for anything I’ll… be in one of the other rooms here.”

He looked down, as he walked. He didn’t want to say goodbye. He knew that this was probably going to be the last time that they ever saw each other but still… he didn’t know. Maybe there was still a chance. Maybe tomorrow he’d wake up and she’d be near and she’d be warmer and she’d be the Lily he knew and she’d want to be friends with him and they’d group up and there wouldn’t be any fights and there wouldn’t be any lies and there wouldn’t be any death and maybe that moment was still there he knew that he was going to do as he said and stay here for the night and maybe things would change and maybe things would finally turn around for-

He turned around, walked into the room with Abby inside.

Barry’s bag laid in the centre.

And that was when he realised that no, he couldn’t. He couldn’t be with Lily. The moment was over. She’d find out and she’d scream and she’d run from him and then her warmth would never come back and then they wouldn’t be friends anymore. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want her to find out and for her to have that happen, but he knew it would. Eventually she’d see the bag. Even if she didn’t, he knew that she wasn’t going to go to him. He wasn’t going to wake up with her near. It wasn’t going to happen. She had changed. He had changed. She was colder. He had killed. He knew that as much as he wanted it it wasn’t going to happen. She wouldn’t go in a group with him. Even if she did, she’d eventually find out about what he did. And then she wouldn’t want to be in a group anymore. There was a chance, though. If he hid the bag, put it somewhere she wouldn’t see it, then maybe she wouldn’t know. He had lied. He could lie again, and since it was about something important, he knew that he could do it.

And then he remembered. Back to when Mr Graham’s head had been shot off. The man on the stage. He said something. Every day. He’d give an announcement and say who killed and who was dead.

She’d find out, whether he liked it or not.

And when she did, she’d…

He didn’t know.

He didn’t want to know.

So he picked up Barry’s bag off the ground, and walked out of the rooms.

He spared Abby one last glance before he closed the door.

((Alvaro Vacanti, continued elsewhere))
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