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Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools...; Welcome Hannah Kendrickstone everyone! Open.
Topic Started: Aug 18 2016, 08:32 AM (1,464 Views)
Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
((Olivia Fischer continues from Sæglópur))

The few poems Olivia had tried to make since middle school had no beginnings and ends. They had middles, sure. Choice lines, dabbles, fragments taken from the thick of it, of anthologies that only existed in her head. Olivia loved getting straight to the point, to the meat, the soul of her message. But, she could never quite figure out how to introduce her poems. Or how to conclude them.

Fitting, really. It was one of the things she struggled with her entire life. Even this renewed, revamped version of herself that she had molded for middle and high school still had the bugs of little her, these flaws that always caused other people to scrunch their eyebrows at her. She would end conversations five seconds too late, letting the silences become awkward before saying her goodbyes. But at least she ended them herself. Beginnings, she simply left to other people, people better at introducing and talking and socially functioning.

It was why Olivia never liked meeting with strangers, because your first words with them were the most important of beginnings. Your first impressions, the images people constructed in their heads, judged and examined and used as guidelines to see if you were worth it, worth their time. High school didn't have these problems after a while, after freshman year. You simply talked with people you've known for years, people you have images of, and they talk with you, using the images they have of you.

So, what was she to think of her first day on the island, of this new beginning, perhaps, this final beginning?

One of the first goals Olivia had set in mind was to find friends. Familiar faces at least, well-constructed images. No beginnings needed there. The rest, she could think up, deal with later. In a way, she had accomplished this goal almost immediately. A few meters from her was Hannah Kendrickstone. Not some unknown variable. She was an actress. Lesbian. She did yoga. One of the nicer people in Kingman, really.

She noted that there was a camera attached to some nearby rock, also a few meters from herself. It pointed away from Olivia, and at first, she was thankful for that, but why? Why did it not follow her, pester her, invade her like that first camera had?

Now, Hannah was just hyperventilating, panting, but a few seconds earlier, she had been smashing a boat with a plank of wood. Slamming into it, relentlessly. This is who the camera pointed at. The sight was shocking. Chilling. Or was that just her wet skin raising goosebumps in the wind?

In a way, she had immediately achieved her first goal. She found a familiar face. But what was she to do if this familiar face was worn by an unfamiliar being? This being that didn't seem anything like the Hannah she knew, this being already being shaped and tortured by this final beginning, like Olivia, like everyone else on the island. How was she supposed to react?

Well, essentially, this was a new person. A stranger. It's not like Hannah and Olivia were very close, anyways, even back in Cochise. So, here it was. Another beginning.

And Olivia did what she would back in Cochise. She stood there, waiting for Hannah to notice her and begin for her.
Edited by Maraoone, Aug 25 2016, 10:06 AM.
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G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
It wasn't that Olivia disagreed with the sentiment. Waking up on SOTF did not leave one hopeful, yes. She watched the news, she knew what their odds were. She just wanted to ignore it for a moment longer, and Hannah wouldn't let her do that. It's just that Olivia, at that moment, suddenly wanted to step back in that cave, even if the tide came in and swallowed her up, because at least there, no one else in the game would find her first. It's just that her life had been bifurcated very suddenly, between her normal life, and what would likely be the very, very short second act known as SOTF. It's just that she looked at Hannah slamming down wood into wood, performing this primal act, and then going off on her about poor kids and rich kids, drawing lines in the sand even though the Hannah she'd known wouldn't even hurt a fly, Olivia looked at that and realized how much her life had changed, that this would be her life from now on.

Except back in the cave, she could ignore that and go back to sleep, and go back to her normal life because she already had an acceptance letter from Oklahoma State University, and whether her mother liked it or not, she would go there, and that would be her big issue, that would be what she'd lose nights of sleep over, not if she had one hour or one day to live, not if she even had any nights of sleep to lose.

It wasn't that Olivia wanted to make enemies, or get angry. It was just that she could be back in the cave, covering her ears. It was just that she only realized then that she didn't have to talk to anyone, that she'd dealt with isolation for four years of her life back when she was a child, and she could deal with it for four more days as a teenager. Beginnings were hard enough in high school, but this final beginning was near-impossible to deal with, and part of her could not accept that she had no long-term future to think about, no long-term plans, no, not part of her, all of her, she wanted to go back into that cave and Hannah wouldn't let her. It was just that Olivia had only prepared herself to face a camera and walk outside a cave, that she only had the semblance of calmness on her face, only the semblance of a plan in her mind, she had not prepared herself for the island, and Hannah was shoving the island and all its realities in her face.

So, even though Hannah had already finished speaking and was now just tapping wood instead of slamming it, it still felt like she was shouting, prophesying about their deaths, and Olivia was just overwhelmed, and

"Shut the fuck up, please."

and those words had just spilled out of her mouth before she realized it, and she had actually never cursed before. She saw that unfamiliar being that inhabited Hannah in herself too, now. And Olivia's eyes widened at what she said, so she closed her eyes, swallowed, held up her hand as if trying to swallow back her panic, and said, "Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I just..." but she wasn't sure if that would be enough now.
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G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
And it wasn't that Olivia wanted to stay angry, it was just that one second Hannah was shouting and Olivia was shouting, and the next second, Irene comes in and compliments her cursing, and all of a sudden, everything feels better. And now she can pretend that there's no cameras to watch them eat and swear and kill, now she can pretend that she's back in high school and Irene, this person that was no awkward beginning, no unknown variable, just Irene, she's just coming back from skateboarding or jogging or whatever, it sure looked like it from the sweat on her face, but she had just shouted at Hannah and she was still coming off that anger high, that catharsis she would regret in about a minute, but Irene was here, and she was still Irene, and maybe Hannah was just panicking for a bit, but now she was back to normal Hannah, like that, like a switch flipped, and maybe Olivia could manage that too.

And maybe she could calm down. Maybe she could calm down, because everything would be alright. For a second or a minute or an hour, everything would be just fine.

So, she inhaled. Smiled a bright smile, a symmetrical uneven smile. Took in this moment, this happy moment, this normal moment. Did this all in less than a second so people wouldn't ask her if she's still there. And then she said, "Irene!" Awkward giggle, scratched the back of her head. Face blushed. "Thanks, I guess? Sorry, I just, I was just panicking."

And right, she just cursed at Hannah, told her to shut up. She should probably get to that. Didn't look good. Mother always reminded her of manners. And she didn't need enemies, didn't want enemies, didn't want any bad blood. Couldn't stand it. So, she looked at Hannah. "Look, I'm really sorry about that. I just woke up and I, I was stressed, I'm sure 90% of the island is. It was uncalled for." And then she hoped for the best.
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G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
Olivia went up to Irene to try to join in on the friendship hug, but before she could do so, Hannah had already let go, and Olivia found herself in that strange awkward spot where she wasn't quite sure who to go near, her arms spread half-open like she was reaching out for something. For a second or two, her arms were suspended like that, but then she went for the person who asked for the hug in the first place, Irene, and turned towards her. This was another bug from little her, some crick that she'd never learned to fix, some mistake, some screw-up, and this was supposed to be a happy place, a normal moment, an eternal moment. So, she hugged Irene, took in her warmth. And it was made all the better by Hannah accepting her apology, pardoning her. She took it in, sighed in relief.

And then all of a sudden, it felt very cold, very sharp on the side of her stomach. Hard. And after Hannah forgave her, she mentioned that Johnny Three was a gun. She had assumed it was some obscure reference, some inside joke, not, not this.

And all of a sudden, she took back her sigh of relief. Her eyes widen, her breath shook, although neither could see nor probably hear. All of a sudden, she felt the island facing her straight on, all its realities, with her best friends nonchalantly talking about a gun as if it were a Barbie doll, a new skateboard, this normal moment suddenly tainted with this rather unusual remark, and she found the island literally facing her, with the camera that had taken in Hannah's breakdown now taking in every detail of her face, filming her, sketching her, providing everyone with pre-made beginnings to judge her from, and there was Hannah, drawing lines again, and although Olivia liked this talk of grouping up, belonging, she said it'd only be the three of them, maybe a few more, and it couldn't only be the three of them because there was Georgia Lee and Lily and the other Lili and so many other people that couldn't wouldn't fall into the game even though everyone else had every time and she couldn't face this couldn't deal with this couldn't couldn't

Deep breaths, Olivia, quick, deep breaths. Irene would hear them, yes, feel the sharp puffs enter her ear, but deep breaths. Close your eyes.

Help me God.

Please.

She opened her eyes, felt her arms a little too tightly wound around Irene's ribs. She'd probably been there for five seconds, maybe. A bit too long. An awkward bit too long. Remembered again that this was a happy moment. A normal moment. She couldn't screw this up.

Where was she again? Right, groups. She belonged. She let go of Irene, and turned to Hannah with a slight smile, and said, "Yeah, that sounds nice." Nice thoughts, happy thoughts.
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G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
Before then, Olivia hadn't known it was possible to feel both envy and pity for one person at the same time, but somehow, Irene had managed to elicit these feelings.

Of course, now, Olivia had amassed a large enough list of friends, a list of all the people she wanted to live with, all the people whose faces she just wanted to see one more time, whose words she wanted to hear, whose presences she wanted to be in, she had that, a long enough list of that. But the fact of the matter was that Irene's list, bucket list of people, it stretched on and on and on, and was still being enumerated as of now, in fact, and it was and always would be much longer than Olivia's. It was something she could never quite get over, how easily Irene had friends, how her quirks attracted rather than repelled people, how it all came to her so naturally while Olivia had to learn it, earn it bit by bit. It was an envy that was more of a light 'how-to-be-you' style though, not the deadly, sinful version of it.

But that envy, it mixed with but didn't cancel out the pity, or maybe it was sympathy she was thinking of, that she felt for Irene, who was expressing perfectly everything Olivia had just felt a few moments ago. And then Olivia felt another wave of that panic oncoming as the names kept on coming, as she realized that every single one of these people was here on this island, because to form a group on this island, you needed all those people to be physically present, and most, if not all, were present, were here, trapped on this island. She felt herself to be in this stormy sea, really, one much more turbulent than the one they were facing. with wave after wave coming, and she thought she'd weathered it out back in the cave she woke up in, but there were still more coming, but all Olivia had to do to temper the storm was breathe, breathe.

And then Irene was still speaking, and part of Olivia wondered if she was still physically present on the island, or if she was just reciting the class roster at this point. She considered going up to Irene, putting a hand on her shoulder, and telling her that they couldn't make a group that big, couldn't save all those people, but she didn't like to be the bearer of bad news. Also, while most warned against doing this, sometimes, people still ended up shooting the messenger. So, Olivia just looked at Irene, and waited for her to exhaust her list.
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G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
After Irene asked her question, another familiar figment of high school came floating back to Olivia, another familiarity on this alien island, but it was not something she wanted to return to her. What came to her, bubbled up from inside, was this residual guilt, this constant urge to apologize. At first, she thought it came out of nowhere, but then she remembered that she had been looking at Irene when that sad laugh came out, that half-chuckle, that all-too-long stare. She hadn't meant anything by looking at her, she just waited for her to finish speaking. But, something that Mrs. Webber, their English teacher, had told them one, two years ago came back to her.

They were about to write their first draft for a speech plan at the time. It was supposed to be a persuasive speech. Olivia ended up talking about how more women should enter vocational schools, how they should try working in the trades as well. It was some nothing speech that she'd written, spoken, to fulfill a requirement, to pass English. And it didn't matter, this wasn't what Olivia wanted to think about. But, yeah, they were about to write drafts, but before they started, Mrs. Webber started off this spiel about communication, how it was omnipresent. How communication was passive, not active. Even if you never said a single word, even if you failed to make a single gesture, there would still be so many things that you could read in a person. Their eyes, for example. Or how fast or slow their breathing was. Whether they hunched or stood upright. And if all else failed, then even the complete lack of any gestures, complete silence, even that would be a message. A very telling one, even.

Maybe that's what had happened, what Olivia hadn't taken into account. Maybe she had been looking at her a weird way, made Irene feel weird and awkward. Maybe she was making Irene feel like she didn't belong? But no, she didn't even do anything, she didn't do a thing. This was stupid, she was overthinking. Even if she did say sorry, what would she say sorry for? Sorry for looking at you the wrong way? She was making up her own sins, her own problems to worry about. She didn't do a thing, she was innocent, she didn't do a thing.

But why did she still feel guilty? Why did she always feel like she was messing things up?

This was stupid, all of this was stupid.

And then Irene asked what to do next. She knew that there were buildings, that there was this bell tower above them. She knew there would be people there, more people. And, she still couldn't confront everything about the game. Maybe she should look at her weapon first, see what the terrorists stole, what they gave. Maybe then she could prepare herself. Maybe.

She was about to talk of staying here, of hiding from the world a bit longer. Maybe talk about looking at the ocean, this wide, wide expanse of blue, about how they didn't get to see stuff like this that often.

But then two people came. They were, they were like partial variables, like, she knew their names and all, but they ran in different circles. They were mostly blanks. New beginnings. And, these were not beginnings that she wanted to deal with. She felt her blood rushing fasteronetwothreebreatheOliviabreatheand then it slowed down, but not as slow as it was before, and then the guy, Alan, he started talking about messing with the terrorists, and messing up the system, and while Hannah could have phrased it better, Olivia nodded, but that was all she would do, because her heart started beating faster because they were thinking days in advance, days that they might not have. And her hand drifted to her collar as Hannah mentioned the camera, it drifted to this gun to her head, this mini-Johnny Three, and then, she thought of Margaret, her mother. She thought of her and of rebellion, and while she wanted to hope, what could she hold on to with this semblance, this shell of a plan? But maybe she could hold on, maybe she could escape, and maybe she wouldn't have to think about the game, think about all its implications, maybe, maybe, maybe,

She looked at Alan and Kaitlyn, and looked for that foundation she could hold on to. "How?"
V6 Characters:
G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
Olivia looked for a foundation, and all she found was air. Just hot, dense air hanging between each and every word both Alan and Kaitlyn said. She looked for something to hold on to, like a blind man without a cane, and all they gave her was smoke. She looked for hope, and all they gave her was doubt. And she didn't need air or smoke or doubt, she needed this 'maybe' to become a 'definitely', she needed an escape so that she wouldn't have to look in her bag again, so that she wouldn't see that she was girl number 62, that there were at least 61 more girls on this island with her, more Irenes and Hannahs and Kaitlyns and more variables that weren't variables but her classmates, she needed, she needed substance, words with actual meaning.

And instead of telling her what they would do, how she could never face another camera again, they just acted like some other collar, restricting, laying out all their can'ts. You can't go to the bell tower, you can't float out on a boat. She knew that. And so what? What, what does that have to do with escape, what have they thought up, have they thought up a single plan, have they thought at all? She needed them to tell her the what's and when's and how's of this because if they didn't have that, then, then...

What would she do?

So, she held tight to Hannah, whisper-shouted, "Wait." And she shook her head to herself, cause this was stupid, so stupid, like phantom guilt and flipping the bird and hot air, just so stupid, such a stupid plan. But she stayed because she still had a maybe to hold onto, like, maybe there was something of substance beneath all the bluster. She looked at Alan, and said, "But how? How do you expect to get weapons?" And she closed her eyes for a bit because getting weapons meant they would have to- stop it Olivia, breathe- and she inhaled, and said, "And, and what are you going to do about this?"

And she hoped.
V6 Characters:
G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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Maraoone
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COMIN OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOIN JUST FINE
[ *  *  * ]
Olivia shook her head to herself again. 'Ways' wouldn't be enough to get them out. This was hopeless, just stupid, just an elaborate form of suicide. Her eyebrows started furrowing. She felt somewhat disappointed with the two, rather angry, really, because she'd made herself look like an idiot thanks to them. Who knew that someone talking about 'messing up the system' didn't actually have anything close to a plan? And this was supposed to be a happy moment, a normal moment where she'd meet up with Irene and Hannah, talk like they're in the hallways, and just waste time. But then here Alan and Kaitlyn come with their 'plans'. And maybe she'd been hoping for some instant solution, some easy way out presented to her on a platter as soon as she woke up, something to help her ignore this island.

But they had nothing.

And she wasn't quite sure how to say, 'Oh, it's been nice talking with you and all, but the answer will have to be no,' to Alan and Kaitlyn because that was a little too direct, a little too brusque, and she knew she wasn't good at endings, but she didn't want this one to be too harsh because as much as she tried to push it to the back of her mind, this possibility, she knew things escalated all too quickly in this game. And she wasn't quite sure how to get themselves out of this situation because apparently, they were coming with them, as if they'd agreed to this 'plan' of theirs. And she was about to say sorry to Hannah for wasting her and Irene's time when all of a sudden, ice-cold water splashed all over her feet. She gasped, and her eyes widened a bit. Her skin felt covered with goosebumps already.

Then, Hannah asked to leave a second time, and this time, Olivia gave a quick nod. And then Alan imposed himself and Kaitlyn on them, because apparently none of them were good at this whole whispering thing, and Olivia started breathing a bit heavier, but then she stopped because why was it so hard for her to say no, why was that two-letter word so difficult? Well, they'd have to come with them anyways unless they wanted to drown- no, no one's going to die here, don't even think of it, stop- take a swim, so they'd have to deal with them later on. But the water was rather convenient for now, really, and being like, 'Oh I'm sorry, I'd love to talk but this high tide's rather inconvenient, don't you think', sounded much better, much nicer than just saying no. It would buy them a bit of time at the very least. Or maybe they'd stay here, get the signals, the nudges and winks that all added up to, 'Please leave.' Or stay, rather, while they left. Maybe, hopefully, they'd make it much easier for all of them.

So, she said to both Irene and Hannah, just loud enough for the rest to hear, "Yeah, let's just go before it gets too deep."
V6 Characters:
G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.

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