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Manuel Figueroa
Topic Started: Aug 12 2016, 12:45 AM (187 Views)
Slam
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Manuel is DENIED, because he needs a lot more detail and elaboration than what we have here.


Quote:
 
Manuel Figueroa is five feet, seven inches tall and weighs 180 pounds with a medium build


At these numbers, Manuel is not ‘medium’, he is very overweight. You need to change things around with this in mind.

Quote:
 
Manuel Figueroa was born on June 1, 1988


This would make Manuel twenty-six at the time of V6, which is not the age of someone who would still be in high school. Even if you change it to 1998, Manuel would still be sixteen rather than seventeen, so you need to either change his age or change the year of birth to 1997 (in which case he’s a senior, not a junior).

What did Manuel like about baseball?

What did Manuel actually enjoy about folk dancing classes?

Why did Manuel join the Boy Scouts?

Why would Manuel’s parents only be concerned about the effect on their fourth child rather than the three they’ve already raised in the area? For that matter, why would winemakers move to Arizona? They aren’t going to be able to take their business with them and Arizona probably isn’t the most booming place to be in that trade anyway. I need better justification for this move.

Why did Manuel join the football team? What does he actually like about it?

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starting out as a wide receiver on the football team and starting pitcher on the baseball team,


I’d prefer it if you didn’t state he was a starting pitcher, since Cochise’s baseball team already has one established and I don’t want confusion about who was doing what at the time.

What subjects does Manuel actually like in school? What subjects does he dislike? Is he good at those respective subjects?

Why does he get pessimistic about things?

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As of junior year, Manuel has his permit, so he still rides a bike to get places.


Be specific about what type of permit you’re talking about, because without that context this sentence doesn’t make sense. Even then, this information is also quite superfluous considering it doesn’t relate to anything else in the profile, so it can be excised.

Does he actually like drama since joining? Why/Why not? Drama should also be in the hobbies/interests separately from filmmaking.

Why does he want to go into filmmaking as a career?

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Mentally, he is able to be very focused on tasks set before him.


Manuel’s disadvantages are disproportionate to his advantages. Balance them out, please.

There is zero mention of Manuel’s interest in collecting or fishing in his profile. I either need to see these making an appearance and justify what he likes about them, or have them removed from the list.


Post here to let me know when you've made these changes, and I'll give Manuel another look.
V7 Freunde
Hey look I have a relationship thread

V6 Amigos - Spoilers!

Die Slam's Art, Die
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Slam
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler in V7 or in minis upon alterations requested by the staff.
V7 Freunde
Hey look I have a relationship thread

V6 Amigos - Spoilers!

Die Slam's Art, Die
Online Profile Goto Top
 
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