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A Magnet For Trouble
Topic Started: May 12 2016, 06:14 AM (536 Views)
TwelveFourtyFive
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((Darius Van Dyke continued from Can't Get A Break))

A green-haired dude sat on a bench with a smoke behind his ear and an opened pepsi he had from the vending machine. He sticked his pinky in the ear, pulled it out after not having been successful at digging anything out and wondered when he should pierce his ear, if he even would do it and whether it's not just a waste of money he did not have.

Darius yawned and watched how skaters skated or talked, and oh.

A familiar face from his retarded school appeared, so he raised his hand wavingly at him.

"Brendan!"

Oh, Brendan. There's so much wrong with Brendan.
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TwelveFourtyFive
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The brown-haired biker unexpectedly came to the scene to teach Brendan a lesson for just mumbling something to Darius, he could not hear. Damn it, Brendan, you're fired. Did Brendan forget his script? Was his mic broken? Good thing director Michael would teach him how to properly speak to people.

"Yeah, let him have it!", Darius said with a big fat grin. Audible. Not Brendan-style.

Darius remained sitting on the coach, drinking out of the can. He left his popcorn on the couch rest and it was too far away for him to grab it, so he just stared with tension at what was going to happen in the next episode of Michael's magnificant madventure.

Whoo boy. Cochise was Darius' personal television.
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TwelveFourtyFive
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"No use, Michael. I am going to decline the apology."

Darius crossed his arms and looked disapprovingly at Brendan.

lel.

An accepted apology would lead to nothing interesting.

"Why are you always so rude, Brendan? Can't you be just nice, like Michael here?"
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TwelveFourtyFive
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"Oh yeah. Going home is the best excuse for not greeting people. I see."

Darius attempted to look very confused by that statement by raising his eyebrows.

When Michael threatened with violence, however, Darius truly was confused this time, raising his eyebrows for real. Was Michael gonna do it? Was he? Punch him, kick him, give him punches?

Oh, no. He wasn't. He was just fucking with Brendan.

Well, no violence. Lucky Brendan.

"Well...what's there to add? Sucks to be a rude moron. Sucks to suck."

Darius waved his left hand in front of Brendan and spoke in a deep, slow, Patrick-voice.

"Hellooo, Daaariuuus."

Okay, this was silly. This was a really silly reason to mock Brendan. But that made everything just funnier. He switched his hands.

"Heeelloooo, Brenden."

He stopped the waving.

"That's it. That's what people do in Kingman. Easy, no?"
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Darius joined Mike's laughter.

"Maybe he already shat his pants and that's why he has to go. Heh."

Aw, come on. Brendan leaving? That sucked. Darius had an idea, a genius plan. But Brendan just left. What a jerk. Kinda annoyed he took yet another sip of his can.

And then the can was empty, so he placed it on the bench, so he could further reply to Mike.

"Not yet", he started, putting in a break to take his cigarette from his ear and light it with the lighter in his pocket.

"Co-"

Nah, Darius was not going to make a shitty, random The Doors reference.

"Just taking a break from the exhausting day."

He exhaled the smoke into the air and it disappeared like his plan to tell Brendan the tragic backstory of how people who did not greet changed his life into a worse one. People who do not greet have bringed shame upon the Van Dyke family. It was the downfall of a big dynasty. It was something that hurt Darius deep inside. Or something like that. He could have improvised some bullshit. But if he can't fuck with Brendan, he can fuck with Michael, probably. It wouldn't be as funny as trolling Brendan, because Mike is not as dumb as him, but if he's already in the mood to troll? Worth a try.

"Today, Ben gave me a wedgie."

Darius tried to not smirk. Do not laugh, do not smirk. Stare into the abyss. Look as if it was a serious matter. Mo-no-tone pro-nun-ci-a-tion.

"It hurt."
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TwelveFourtyFive
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Mike did not fall for it. Dammit.

"Wow, that hurts."

But he had at least pulled out his fucking sunglasses, which made it harder for Darius to not-laugh. After a quick chuckle, he began to talk serious real talk again.

"It is true, though."

He looked away from Mike.

"It totally is...He was like,"

Darius tried to imitate's Ben's annoying fuckface voice in a deep voice.

"Hey, you! This is the last time you do this kind of thing! And wham, he pulled my pants."

He eyed the skateboarders, oh this might be interesting. Wait, what was the last thing he said? Something about Ben.

"Nevermind Ben."

Darius saw something hilarious in the distance, a skater. He pointed his finger at him, so Mike could see him.

"HAH, look at that fat guy. Why does even skate? He doesn't need a skateboard, he needs a walker. Topkek."
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Michael was a good joke-teller and Darius amused himself by laughing his ass off with all the jokes about the Tony Fork guy.

"Like really, if he's so fat, he should do a different sport than skateboarding."

This was ridiculous to watch. Darius wondered if they saw them, but frankly, he did not give a damn.

"I mean, if you weigh more than fat Bart, you should be worried about your weight. Wait, did I say 'Fat Bart'? Hah, what a pleonasm."

After that, Darius continued to suck the smoke from the cigarette.
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Bart really had a problem. Darius covered his nose with one hand.

"Don't remind me of the smell. My nose already bleeds thinking about Bart...and I don't mean that in an anime way. I mean it in a 'his smell hurts really fucking bad' way."

And meanwhile, Bart's brother (Darius was glad that he was not near enough that fat skater boy to smell him) was a complete loser at everything.

Do a flip. Jesus Christ, that one-liner. Darius had to laugh out loud hard. Do a flip. Do a barrel roll. Do a flip. That was impossible. That guy could never do a flip at this state, weight, whatever.

Darius had a good time having a civil conversation with Mike, laughing at the jokes several times and after like 3 or 4 cigs, Michael intended to leave.

"Yeah, Jon usually works. I met him last week or so." Or was it a week before? Who cares. Darius waved at Michael leaving, and stomped on his last cig before also heading home.

"See ya!"

((Darius Van Dyke, continued in Food's Better with Friends))
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