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David Price
Topic Started: Feb 5 2016, 07:51 PM (226 Views)
MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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Hey there, stranger. I'd first like to say welcome, again, to Survival of the Fittest. I'm MK Kilmarnock, the mod who will be presiding over David.

David is currently DENIED pending the following changes:

Some minor grammar bleeps and bloops. One such example: "although he never really understand all the rules of the game." < Tense mixup. It's tedious to point out all of these, so my suggestion is to just re-read the entire profile, preferably aloud, and catch anything you may have missed. As a quick hint, your sentence structure could really be helped with a few commas here and there but that's just incredibly minor at that point. Also quick note: Apollo Program, not 'Programme'. A programme refers to that leaflet you'd pick up in a theatre. There may be some difference with British English but... hey, the Apollo Program was American. ;)

'Anti-Racism', while a noble pursuit, doesn't get much of a mention aside from him reading some blogs about it, which doesn't seem like it's a high-priority interest. How has learning about racial injustices shaped David's viewpoints? What does he feel about other issues of inequality, such as arguments about sexism and LGBT rights?

Why does David think academic qualifications are irrelevant for his career path when there's clear-cut evidence to contradict this? Also this particular paragraph sees some tonal issues that I'd like weeded out ('having none of it', for instance.)

I actually really like vegetarianism as a disadvantage. I don't see that one too often and it's an interesting angle.

On the other hand, his interest in conspiracy theories and tying to uncovering the motives of his 'competitors' (read: classmates) is a connection much more heavily strained.

Once you've made these changes, post a reply in the thread saying you've done so and I'll take another look.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

Things We Say
Online Profile Goto Top
 
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