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My Friends Are Assholes; [Private/PM for entry]
Topic Started: Dec 30 2015, 07:44 PM (2,313 Views)
MK Kilmarnock
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((Jerry Fury from holy hell when was the last time I actually wrote Jerry Fury))

"HUP!"

Jerry had vaulted onto the top of the picnic table and laid out on top of it, envisioning the stunt as looking really cool in his head. He didn't have anybody to record it for him and play it back but, darn it, he was positive it was cool. Would be nice to double check but he was just going to have to go with it.

Why did Jerry Fury, grade-A badass and easily the most popular kid at Cochise High (if you asked anybody named Jerry Fury and any of various trusted sources, that is) decide to vault upon this particular picnic table and lay across it like an asshat? Why, the answer to that question was simple. Darius wanted the table, had been at the table a minute or so ago when Jerry first caught sight of him, and it looked like Darius was drumming up a few people to come hang out. Jerry hadn't been invited, but he just happened to be walking by with nothing better to do... so sure, why not? By the time the scraggly-haired senior actually caught up Darius had headed off somewhere, but he was on his way back so... cool. Whatever.

Jerry laid flat on his back and turned his head towards Jeremy, the only person who was currently AT the bench at this present point in time. "Yo!" Jerry blurted out. "Choo guys up to? This some sort of homework study group or what?" He flipped his head back (and realized he was making himself just the slightest bit dizzy in doing so), realizing Darius wasn't that far away at all... and he was talking to that stick of a girl, Fee-or-ee or whatever her parents decided to name her. He mostly just knew her because, for a girl, she was pretty damn tall. Like, damn, taller than him. Not that he was the tallest guy in the world.

He got the inkling of an idea that unless Darius was this needlessly uptight about EVERYTHING (and that was a distinct possibility that couldn't entirely be thrown out), this probably wasn't a study group. Nonetheless, the boy sat up and remained seated atop the picnic table with legs crossed and a goofy smile on his face.

Might as well see how this all plays out. He had nothing better to do.
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MK Kilmarnock
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"Goin' good, Fiyori. And how 'bout no, Darius, and take a chill, man. Nobody likes a guy who has no chill."

Jerry craned his neck to make sure Jeremy wasn't about to hit him with a book or stab him in the back or whatever outlandish affronts Jerry's mind could cook up about Jeremy's mind cooking up. Dude was pulling his notebook back towards him and adjusting it or something.

Huh, is that what I was sitting on? I THOUGHT something was jabbing me right in the ass.

"Sorry fam," Jerry threw back quickly and quietly at Jeremy before scooting onto his side, laying as though Leonardo DiCaprio were about to paint him like one of his French girls. "Aaaaaanyway, Dick Van Dyke," Jerry addressed Darius. Did everybody call him that? If not, they really should. It was so easy a nickname, right there dangling in front of their faces. He prayed Darius could do a shitty Cockney accent. "Whatchoo got everybody assembled for? And why wasn't I invited? And why didn't you offer ME any gum, damn it?" Jerry asked, mocking offense.
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MK Kilmarnock
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"Your Nintendo? Like, one of the eighties deals?" Jerry sat up and scooted to the edge of the table, leaning in amused interest. "Or like, a Super Nintendo? Or are you like one of those old people who calls like, 360s 'Nintendos?'" Jerry snickered at his own joke as if it were the funniest thing in the world. Because it was. Wasn't his fault if tightwads like Darius and... Caitlyn? That was her name, right? Well, if they couldn't appreciate it, their loss.

Bradley popped in. Jerry was of the general opinion that Bradley was a grade-A cool dude, so it was a fifty-fifty shot as to whether or not he'd actually been to one of Daria here's fucking Uno-and-Backgammon parties or he was one of the 'uncool' people Darius tried to twist in his bizarro reality. Outwardly, Jerry let that one slide like water off a duck's back, or a punch off Rhonda Rousey's chin. Man, that girl was never gonna lose a fight for as long as he lived. If Darius had the gumption to shit that stick out of his ass, he might find the people around him more likable. Jerry kinda felt sorry for him.

"Braaaadley!" Jerry made it a point to help the man with announcing his arrival, sticking out his tongue and even turning up his left fist in a quick 'devil horns' gesture before returning it to the edge of the table. Around the same time, it looked like... yeah, he was pretty sure it was Caitlyn. Or maybe Jaden, shit. That was the name of Will Smith's kid but it was a unisex name, right? It had 'Jade' right in the name, that's about as girly as it got. Anyway, the girl who was a perfect match for Darius's ass-stick seemed to be turning away.

"Ohthankgodshe'sleaving" Jerry 'whispered as loud as he could to Jeremy before cracking another quick cackle.
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"Question," Jerry chimed in, raising a finger. "What exactly is 'that'? Like, when you say it like that, it's pretty creepy."

He allowed a short pause to let the setup sink in.

"Like... are you like a dog? Did you claim Darius's 3DS by peeing on it?" He tried to prevent it, but a stupid smile was already etching itself into Jerry's cheeks. "I'm startin' to think you pissed on Darius's 3DS. Like a dog." Jerry turned to Jeremy and, just like before, offered a stage whisper.

"See, it's funny because I'm calling her a bitch."
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MK Kilmarnock
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"Eh..."

Jerry had been tucking his hands behind his head and sitting all nonchalant like, but something about this was rubbing him the wrong way. He had two guesses, the first one didn't count, it started with C and ended with however in the holy fuck you spelled Cadullyndingaling's name. Seriously, who NAMES their kid that? Hippies. Hippies and people who read too much 'Gurm' or whatever that fat fucker who wrote Game of Throne's name was.

"Between the nose licking and being all suggestive and shit," Jerry started, his hands now in his lap. "I'm starting to feel a little weirded out here. Like, is anybody with me on this? Am I just crazy?"
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"Bro!"

Jerry leaned forward so far and so hard his butt was practically no longer in contact with the top of the picnic table. For a moment he had all but forgotten the conversation as all of his attention was on Bradley.

"Broooo, did you see that Sheamus came back!?" Jerry asked, jumping the gun.... hell, jumping the armory, and assuming that Bradley must have been just as wrapped up in rough man-cuddling as Jerry himself was. "He was all like 'woah D-Bry, woah Ziggler' and then he fucked 'em up and he's heel again! He hasn't been heel in years!"

Katie... yeah, let's go with Katie, she said something to Jeremy because she was apparently taking Darius's side on this. Something about Darius's Super Nintendo, still? Who brings a Super Nintendo to a party? That shit isn't even mobile. It would make a lot more sense to have like, a 3DS or something laying around a party and it would also make a lot of sense to steal one of those.

Darius was so silly.
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Half of Jerry's smile fell. Maybe Shawn Michaels found the other half and bucked up and stopped being such a goddamn pussy. If so, good for him. So Bradley wasn't into wrestling? Okay, minor setback. Not the hugest of deals. He could work with this.

"I'll take 'stupid questions' for 500, Bradley!" Jerry said, getting his energy back. But he watched, hands folded and fingers steepled like some fancy classy muthafucka, as Kate Plus Eight and 'Jerebear' (guh, that was weird) were doing their thing. Honestly, not stealing something just because you already had one was a pretty bad defense. Jerry'd steal that shit and sell it on eBay. Of course it wasn't him, because he wasn't at Darius's party.

"What do people even do at a Dick Van Dyke party anyway?" Jerry mumbled, mostly to himself, partially to Bradley, reeeeeally mostly to himself. "Parcheesi? Who's in my mouth? The party games have to suck."
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MK Kilmarnock
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Ugh, Jerry and Jeremy WERE similar names. If Jerry didn't hate his full birth name so damned much, he might have contributed that 'Jeremy' and 'Jeremiah' were even MORE similar names. Oh well, sometimes it really was better to keep his goddurned mouth shit. These were... rare occasions.

"Uh, yeah bro," Jerry held up his hands as Jeremy got all weird and flighty. "I'm on your side but I'm not about to beat somebody up on school grounds. My dad would fucking blister my ass." He shot a smirk up at the treeline. "Besides, my hands and feet are trained, deadly weapons. There's like a fighter's code n' some shit."

Yeah, they'd probably buy that.
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MK Kilmarnock
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"Bradley's got a pretty fuggin' weird way of saying it, but..."

Jerry got up off his ass and pushed off the table, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I agree with'm." Man, why doesn't anything INTERESTING happen around here?

((Jerry "Cowpuncher" Fury continued elsewhere))
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