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Bradley Floyd; Everyone likes him.
Topic Started: Dec 30 2015, 06:13 AM (200 Views)
Deamon
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Hey Goose, I'll be taking a look Bradley for you. He's looking good so far and we just have a few small things that need to fixed or tweaked before we should be ready to go.

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To call it a shotgun marriage would be an exaggeration, but not radically incorrect.
This is slightly too casual for a profile.

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Bradley had always aspired to be the class clown, always taken a liking to all manners of humour regardless of how crude or inappropriate they were, and had always been rather emotionally resilient and not exactly sensitive to how others took his barbs and insults.
I just want you to split this sentence into two separate sentences for me.

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As Bradley got older, he has accepted that ending the marriage when they did was probably the best outcome for all involved.
This sentence changes tenses halfway through.

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It’s very difficult to get an apology out of him. He has his lines that he won’t cross, certainly, but they’re just much harder to find than the average person’s.


It's good to see you acknowledge that Bradley will have been called out on his behaviour by his own classmates, but if he's sometimes brought people to tears have teachers ever had to get involved? It seems like it would be something they'd at least be aware of.

Are either of his parents aware of his hard partying? If so are they trying to curb this behaviour at all?

Bradley's entrepreneurial ambition comes out of nowhere and doesn't really link in with any other part of the profile, so I'd like further clarification/detail as to the whys and hows of this.

Just go over those things and then I'll give Bradley another look!
Forrest Quin - At the Zoo
Bret Carter - On a date
Aliya Kimia Nemati - In Training
Arizona - Practicing
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Deamon
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Humans...
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APPROVED
Forrest Quin - At the Zoo
Bret Carter - On a date
Aliya Kimia Nemati - In Training
Arizona - Practicing
V6
V5
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
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