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Daniel Scott
Topic Started: Nov 26 2015, 06:28 PM (545 Views)
MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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I will either spur Ruggahissy to take care of this tonight or I will take over after consuming vast quantities of alcohol. I would like to apologize on behalf of the entire staff team; the holiday season is very busy for all of us and we each have our own lives to lead, but try our hardest to allocate duties so that our members don't get left behind.

I'll be sure this issue is resolved later tonight and will get back to you in staff PM.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

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MK Kilmarnock
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Hey there, PereGriNe. First off, let me apologize again for the massive delays. In light of that, I'll make this as quick and painless as possible.

Here are the fixes Daniel needs before he can be accepted into pregame:

- An exact height and weight in the appearance section
- A birth date (V6 takes place in the late spring/early summer of 2015, so plan accordingly)
- Little tonal issues should be fixed. Of particular note is the description of Daniel's mother Marge which, while entertaining, isn't exactly appropriate for a profile which should be representative of an official document, bored terrorists or not.
- Maybe a bit of an explanation as to where Daniel learned to use a gun (even though said knowledge isn't used again after the burglary incident). If he was taken to the shooting ranges before the incident occurred, the profile should be structured to show that. For that matter, did the robber survive?
- His interest in cars is not mentioned anywhere in the profile. Ditto baseball, soccer and hockey.
- All advantages and disadvantage should be in complete sentences.
- There is a glaring contradiction in Daniel's advantages/disadvantages. His skill with a gun is listed as an advantage 'if he can get around his aversion', where his disadvantage states an aversion that prevents him from touching a gun. I can reason what you meant here, but the powerful aversion really should counter any chances of this being an advantage. Furthermore, if Daniel hasn't so much as touched a gun in 5 years, he's highly unlikely to be any good with one now.
- Why are his hearing and eyesight above average? Has this ever been noted in medical reports? This should probably be in the biography somewhere.
- How did Daniel learn to set up booby traps?
- There are some capitalization errors, particularly 'Ultra-Conservative' and 'Very little Social Skills'. Sweep the profile for little errors such as these. I will be on the look out for them next time.
- Finally, when you can, try to sneak in some supplemental details that could tell us more about Daniel. Particularly, does he have any fondness for his old home that he left behind as a young kid? Does he interact with others better outside of school rather than in it? What courses does he like? Does he find school too easy for him, or is it a decent challenge that he'd focus on rather than socializing? What's his favorite subject, or his least favorite?

Let me know when you've made these changes. I think you'll find me suitably prompt in my response.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
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That rule stands.

Remember not to respond until all requested edits have been made.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

Things We Say
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MK Kilmarnock
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Hate, hate, HATE!!!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
This character biography has had no alterations for more than two weeks and has been put in the abandoned characters forum. This profile is eligible for resubmission by the handler upon alterations requested by the staff.
V6 Tributes

Spoilers, Ricky didn't win V5

Things We Say
Online Profile Goto Top
 
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