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Lucilly Peterson; probably also won't work
Topic Started: Sep 15 2015, 06:16 PM (363 Views)
Cicada Days
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keep running yoshi
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Name: Lucilly Peterson
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Childcare and babysitting, teaching, community service, sewing and embroidery, writing, Mormon teachings and scripture.

Appearance: Lucilly is a light skinned, 5'8" and 170 pounds thickset young Caucasian woman whose weight is distributed more notably around her hips than bust in a classic pear shape profile. She dresses conservatively, preferring to keep her shirts at least to her elbows and her pants and skirts at least knee length. Her tonal preferences are warm hues. She has a variety of looks but she often has some form of baggy sweater incorporated to hide her curves for casual wear in colder months. She reserves her best clothes and dresses for Sundays. She only wears jewelry in the form of sentimental value gifts from various children she has babysit, usually bead bracelets and necklaces and the like.

Lucilly has light brown hair that naturally curls heavily and falls to her shoulder blades, but she often wears it in her preferred style of a messy french twist and she keeps her bangs trimmed clear of her face. Her face is slightly oblong, with a small forehead, prominent cheeks, and a short button nose. Natural flush gives her facial features a natural reddish tint, along with a scattering of light brown freckles over the apples of her cheeks and under her eyes. Her eyes are brown and expressive, with a rounded shape. She often does not wear makeup for non formal occasions, and when she chooses to wear it she wears it light, mostly to even out her splotchy red-tinged complexion. Her left ear is pierced and modestly adorned with a faux gemstone stud.

The day of the kidnapping she is wearing a knee length baby blue jumper dress on top of a white long sleeve cotton rolled up to three-fourths, along with white tights and polished black Mary Janes. She wears a black string necklace with white square beads almost spelling out her name, though it is missing a single 'l', spelling out 'Lucily'.

Biography: Lucilly was born in St. George, Utah on the 21st of February, the third child of Arvin and Annablle Peterson. Their two sons, Markinson and Doman, had been born five and three years prior, respectively. Her father had recently been promoted into a permanent position as presiding bishop in one of the smaller temples in operation in St. George, a position he accepted so his family could live close to his wife's extended family, who had strong roots in the city. Her mother was a primary school teacher in a local elementary school. They were a financially sound family, as Arvin received a salary and compensation in the form of free housing, and the family never encountered financial troubles even if they usually operated in a spartan manner, encouraging saving and charity instead of spending with their children as they aged.

From her formative years Lucilly was extensively shaped by constant familial presence. She never wanted for a cousin or brother to play with, and she received a steady stream of guidance and gifts from her parents and the elder members of the extended family. Technology was kept restricted in the house, with parental enforcement limiting television hours, so Lucilly did not develop any particular love of digital media. Instead she found enjoyment as a youth with more hands-on pursuits. Her brothers were both artistically inclined young boys and with their encouragement she developed an early love for arts and crafts. In particular, Annablle taught her the very basics of needlework when she was four and Lucilly slowly developed the skill whenever she had the free time alongside her mother, developing an eye and dexterity for hand sewing and embellishments. She found it calming even as a child, and rarely uses a sewing machine as the activity is strictly a fun time waster for her, an activity where she can relax and not have to think too much.

She was raised traditionally by parents with lovingly strict and conservative outlooks on child rearing. She drew very little ire in contrast to her rambunctious brothers because she was well-behaved as a child. She was never particularly inquisitive by herself, content to work repetitively at the same limited things she knew at the time like her crafts if not gently encouraged to be more bold and audacious. She had a preference for doing as she was told, and when she started school her teachers noted that Lucilly was very diligent with her work, talkative and social but in non-disruptive manner, handily falling quiet the moment it was expected of the class. She was friendly with peers and enjoyed peaceful Elementary years, never bullied and even the girl to occasionally intervene on behalf of those struggling with negative attention.

When she began the 1st grade at the age of 6 her parents had two more children in the form of twin daughters Sevilla and Victorya, who would have great impact on Lucilly as they matured. Even as her schooling passed without event due to a lack of especial academic brilliance Lucilly found an early inroads into what she began to believe was her divine calling in life. The twin's formative years were as warm and rich as Lucilly's own, and Lucilly had the opportunity to participate in the raising of the girls as well. She found that she delighted in her crude and childish efforts to teach the twins what she knew, to gently scold them when they were being rambunctious. By the time she was eight she had developed an interest in teaching, encouraged by her mother especially given the eldest Peterson woman was a teacher herself.

With this in mind Lucilly proceeded on through the rest of her Elementary school years. Her elder brothers entered a rebellious phase and became distant, brooding strangers living under the same roof as her, but she afforded them precocious tolerance and patience, blithely believing that they would come around before long. Around this time her regular nights of studying the Book of Mormon and it's amendments became a watershed in her life, as her father walked her firmly through her first official temple recommendation, whereupon she was formally inducted into temple life. Her relatively mature demeanor and loyal deference to the tenants of the Book made her a popular young lady in the temple, where her social network expanded further as she found playmates. She started Sunday school quite young, only at the age of ten, due to her advanced knowledge of scripture and well-vouched for moral character.

The dynamic of the household began to definitively shift around this time, as the burnout of a five child household along with the anti-traditionalism of the two boys caused Arvin and Annablle to relent on some fronts, including less mandatory family together time and a relaxing of the technology restrictions. Lucilly still found that she was more amused by the visceral nature of talking to a real friend or reading an age-appropriate paperback instead of television plotlines and stories she couldn't follow as well with her sensibilities. Friends encouraged her to pick up social media of the time like MySpace and she complied with grace, but she would never get as into it as a lot of her peers. Her presence on the internet was no-frills, strictly for communication, pages featureless and devoid of all but name and contact info, in part since the family only had one computer and each member only limited time to use it.

Lucilly graduated Elementary school without any sort of honors or academic distinction, though she was still seen off with happy fanfare by her peers who expected to see her continue on through middle school in a St. George school. The twins were coming up nicely, and Lucilly felt a childish sort of pride that they would be beginning school next year. They both loved her, though they sometimes considered her a bit dull and prone to droning on about boring church affairs and she didn't completely hold their respect.

That summer Lucilly was drafted by a friend's parent into her first babysitting job for a boy around her younger sister's age. Lucilly found that her patience for the idiosyncrasies of children was tried to a far greater degree by strange children as opposed to the ones she was family with. She became permissive, as she was used to being loved by children and found it difficult to stomach otherwise, and she let the child do as he would with only minimal supervision, quietly cleaning up after his messes instead of directly punishing him for them. The method worked, as far as she was concerned, and she found herself called in to babysit for the boy who had come to love his 'auntie Lucilly' a few more times. She found that she loved the attentions of children, and how relatively innocent and uncomplicated they were, and she began to entertain childishly noble thoughts of working with them in the future.

A reshuffling of temple rosters in the Southwest meant that duty now called Arvin to serve as bishop for the LDS temple in Kingman, Arizona. Lucilly in her natural deference to authority easily accepted it and reasoned it would simply be a new opportunity and a new community to find joy and friendships in. Her elder brothers, however, became a rather significant issue. The boys were attending Tuacahn High School for the Performing Arts, Doman as a first year and Markinson already an upperclassman, had friends, prospects due to their natural talents. Combined with their disdain for their family which had only grown stronger since puberty, they became resistant to the idea of moving to a backwater city they'd never heard of. It rapidly became a hot issue for the entire family, and while the overwhelming sentiment was that the boys were out of line it was deemed an acceptable move to keep the boys in St. George for the sake of their education. Thus the family was split in two, something that Lucilly considered horrifically contrary to many of the family-centric doctrines of the Book of Mormon. The boys remained with Annablle's family in St. George, while the parents and their daughters would move to Kingman before that year's fall.

Lucilly needed some reassurance and wisdom from her parents, but she rebounded from the shock of the move quickly and also helped console and reassure her younger sisters, especially in the first month while her parents were busy handling the busywork with the move and their new congregation. Lucilly quickly reintegrated into their new LSD parish, but found that it was a far smaller populace than before. There was friendship to be had and she took full advantage, but for once she was in the minority, another fact it would take her some time to adjust to.

Not long, however, and her move to Kingman taught her to appreciate diversity. Her tendency to be boring and one-minded when talking to others was curbed by the new folks she'd befriend in middle school, a change her sisters appreciated as she could now talk shop with more interesting things like pop culture. In a sense she became more flexible socially, but Lucilly's tendency to be something of a pushover also developed as other people with wildly different opinions from her own developed in St. George often made her feel she had to clam up. This increased sense of social discomfort that she'd never experienced prior meant she was spending more time alone working with her sewing and instead of always expending energy on finding people to talk to and hang out with.

The family also now had an extra computer for the girls to use, and thus they all had more free time to use it for leisure. Lucilly began to tentatively explore the concept of writing, suggested to her by her brothers still back in St. George. She was inspired by both the prose of her scriptures and the generic YA novels she read increasingly in her free time. Her attempts were predictably poor quality for a girl her age, and her artistic senses proved sluggish to develop even if she found writing enjoyable and began to devote herself to it semi-regularly.

Puberty hit her full swing around age 12, in her middle school years. Physically she began to fatten up to her present physique as her diet had never been particularly good with parents who loved ordering out instead of cooking. Her putting on weight attracted some teasing and rude comments by the crueler in her classes. Not extremely as her pleasant if sometimes awkward demeanor won her enough favor to spare her from the worst of the middle school crowd, but she was still taken aback. She kept a positive mentality about it as she was wont, however, and her strong mentality eventually dissuaded further bullying as she wasn't easy to elicit responses from.

It also introduced a long standing internal conflict in the form of her sexuality. She wouldn't be aware of it properly until high school, but Lucilly's sexuality skewed towards members of the same sex. The Book of Mormon has a clear stance on homosexuality, that it is tolerable in concept but not to be practiced. Lucilly's faith, in contrast to her elder brother's, seemed to only grow with time. She became involved in volunteer outreach through her church, assisting teachers in Sunday schools and other appropriate roles for a girl her age. At this age her parents also began to hold mature discussions with her about her future, a formality they felt necessary due to how off the rails it seemed her elder brothers had been. Lucilly knew the LDS weight placed on family, and now understood that it was her duty by God to have a family of her own with a good man, as soon as she felt capable of doing so.

Hence, her sexuality is something she takes issue with. She accepted it with only some reluctance, but determined that she must remain chaste until she can seek guidance on how to properly love a man and bear a family as she identified as a future goal. To work with children, both her own and others, was solidified as her driving goal by the time she entered high school. She strictly disciplines herself to ignore crushes on her female peers. For an outlet she felt was healthy she turned to her writing, her prose and muses taking on a more romantic and mature tone as she began to explore her own troubles with her sexuality through the written word. Her actual work remained flowery and stilted, but she writes solely for herself. She has admitted her sexuality to her immediate family and found relief in their tolerance.

By her high school years she felt as at home in Kingman as she had felt back in St. George. Her younger sisters were also doing well in elementary school, and though they were more impudent that Lucilly would have liked she took it in her stride. Lucilly felt strongly for the future working out, knowing she had plenty of support in friends, family, and the powers that be. In Cochise she sought out clubs that appealed to her interests, though if they didn't exist she didn't have the motivation to found her own. Her sociability was truly passive in nature, she always remained the supportive one, never questioning or trying to interject with her thoughts on a given matter as she had accepted that she was the odd one out, the girl with the weird denomination from a different state. She is confident in her own faith and alright with keeping it to herself, and instead is always looking to engage others on their terms, to let them feel comfortable by dictating the pace of the conversation. She's easily motivated to help others, even those she doesn't know well, if asked, and thus she's made many friends out of friends of friends.

Her academic progress remains less than impressive, but with encouragement and support from friends who are aware of her goal to somehow work with children she gets extra help in the relevant classes like English and Psychology. She also babysits quite often in her free time, still using enabling behaviors to keep her charges content, keeping her misgivings about to herself and assuring herself that she's doing the right thing since everyone likes her. The money she earns from her babysitting she either earmarks for a charity through the Kingman temple or saves to treat her closer friends. In her Sophomore year she took Shop at the recommendation of her brothers and friends, and has rediscovered that love of more physical crafting she had as a little girl. It's become one of her favorite classes, and she's also set aside more time for her sewing hobby, for working with her hands is another avenue for her to express herself and she likes making gifts for others. She's very involved in the community, and has a strong moral interest in various outreach programs for youth in the area which take up large amounts of her free time, volunteering through her church for things like sports and tutoring.

Her relationship with her family remains strong, save for her two brothers back in St. George, who are now both starving artists who refused to go to college, choosing to leave the family compound and room with characters Lucilly considers 'shady'. However, she has no intent to pass judgment on the matter, beyond the regular stream of concerned but supportive e-mails. She helps Sevilla and Victoriya with their school work, and together with parental support has recently started up the family nights of her youth again, which the two more secular younger siblings treat with good-humored ire. They are genuinely taking up sewing under Lucilly's patient guidance, much to Lucilly's delight as she now has partners in the act. They're both becoming fairly liberal and encourage Lucilly to be more true to herself as of late, much to her weary confusion.

Since Lucilly is the first child who intends to be college bound given her ambitions her parents specifically work a lot with her, crafting a plan to put her through the local community college to save the family the money to also give the younger girls the option of higher education. She doesn't have great ambitions for a specific college, having applied primarily on the basis of relative proximity and cost after ensuring the programs she needed were present. Both parents are aware of Lucilly's ambition to teach and both help to the best of their ability. Annablle especially has recently been letting Lucilly help with grading and lesson planning, which Lucilly finds challenging but rewarding.

Advantages: She has a strong patience and relative emotional maturity, assured by her faith, and it is likely that she will be able to endure the mental stresses of the game due to her capacity to adapt and soldier on with confidence. She's very well liked and will probably find it easy to find allies, and her demeanor means she'll be easy to integrate into a group.
Disadvantages: Lucilly's personality inherently makes her more comfortable as a subordinate, receiving support and suggestions, and she often flounders when the initiative is strictly her own. She has issues with conflict-avoidance and speaking her mind which may lead to critical information not being passed on as it should be. She is overweight and out of shape, and will find the physical exertion demanded by the island to be especially taxing. She has a strong moral code and empathy for her fellow man, built into her from birth, and some of the actions that may be necessary for her to survive will be difficult to undertake.
Edited by Cicada Days, Oct 14 2015, 06:33 PM.
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VoltTurtle
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Hey there, Cicada Days! Sorry for the huge delay on this profile being critiqued, most of staff has been hit pretty hard all at once, and things have slowed down tremendously. That said, I'm here now, and I'll be the staffer critiquing Lucilly.

Unfortunately, Lucilly is DENIED pending revisions. My comments are in teal.

Quote:
 
Hobbies and Interests: Childcare and babysitting, teaching, community service, sewing and embroidery, crafts including woodworking, reading YA fiction and romance novels, writing, Mormon teachings and scripture.


So the biggest problem that the profile suffers from is not enough elaboration on Lucilly's hobbies and interests. You give us as readers really great insight into all the inner workings of Lucilly's personality, but as it stands we don't really understand why she likes much of anything that she likes doing.

For most of these (with the exception of Mormon teachings and scripture, you cover that quite well), I want you to go back and add WHY Lucilly likes each of these things in the appropriate paragraphs. In the particular cases of "reading YA fiction and romance novels" and "crafts including woodworking" you need to expand on them greatly, mainly including what she likes about them, because as it stands the both of them are just mentioned and not elaborated on.

Quote:
 
Lucilly is light skinned, 5'8” and 170 pounds, a thickset young Caucasian woman whose weight


This would be worded much better as "Lucilly is a light skinned, 5'8" and 170 pounds thickset young Caucasian woman" for more flow.

Quote:
 
Her face is slightly oblong, small forehead with prominent cheeks and a short button nose, along with a defined chin


This would flow better as: "with a small forehead, prominent cheeks, and a short button nose[...]"

Quote:
 
Her brothers were both artistically inclined young boys and with their encouragement she developed an early love for arts and crafts. In particular, Annablle taught her the very basics of needlework when she was four and Lucilly slowly developed the skill whenever she had the free time alongside her mother, developing the eye and dexterity for hand sewing and embellishments that would become useful to her in later years.


I mentioned this above, but what does she like specifically about sewing and embroidery/crafting things? Really ask yourself what she likes about doing those things for all of her hobbies.

Quote:
 
and Lucilly had the opportunity to participate in the raising of the girls as well. She found that she delighted in her crude and childish efforts to teach the twins what she knew, to gently scold them when they were being rambunctious. By the time she was eight she had developed an interest in teaching, encouraged by her mother especially given the eldest Peterson woman was a teacher herself.


This will be the last time I mention it specifically, but why does Lucilly like caring for the twins/babysitting in general? Why does she like the idea of teaching?

Quote:
 
in part since the family only had once computer


Typo, "one."

Quote:
 
dream. It well, in a sense, though Lucilly found


The wording here is really odd and I'm not sure what was meant by it. Check over it.

Quote:
 
had only grown stronger since their puberty, they


Delete the "their" as it is unnecessary.

Quote:
 
Puberty hit her full swing around age 12, in her middle school years. Physically she began to fatten up to her present physique as her diet had never been particularly good with parents who loved ordering out instead of cooking. Her putting on weight attracted some teasing and rude comments by the crueler in her classes. Not extremely as her pleasant if sometimes awkward demeanor won her enough favor to spare her from the worst of the middle school crowd, but she was still taken aback. She kept a positive mentality about it as she was wont, however, and her strong mentality eventually dissuaded further bullying as she wasn't easy to elicit responses from.


This paragraph should be moved to be with the rest of her middle school years so as to properly be in chronological order.

Quote:
 
Her actual work remained fairly awful by most definitions, overly flowery and stilted


This is a bit too unprofessional sounding for a profile. Perhaps change it to "remained unprofessional in quality" and add a "being" before "overly flowery."

Other than that, Lucilly is good! You did a pretty good job on this profile. Once you have those edits made, post here and I'll be back for round two. :)
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Cicada Days
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keep running yoshi
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Thanks for the critique, Turtle! Take as long as you need, not like anyone's going anywhere. :0

Anyways, for reference:

- All mentioned typos and odd phrasing edited exactly as recommended.
- Other minor wording changes.
- 'This paragraph should be moved to be with the rest of her middle school years so as to properly be in chronological order.' : This particular critique I'm confused about. The paragraph, as far as I can tell, temporally falls between paragraphs that indicate times before and after puberty, so I think it's appropriately located?
- 'reading YA fiction and romance novel' : removed completely, with thought I realize it's not important enough to warrant mention.
- 'crafts including woodworking' : likewise.
- Added some extra elaboration on remaining hobbies.
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VoltTurtle
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I read over it and fair enough regarding my desire to move the paragraph. Well done.

APPROVED

Enjoy!
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