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TROUBLE; open PLZ BE MY FRIEND :-)
Topic Started: Sep 9 2015, 05:32 PM (1,083 Views)
Yugikun
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It was a bright and sunny day in the mystical land of Cochise High School. The sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, there were no butts in sight, and if you looked hard enough you could probably see a couple little kids play with their toys in the background or something. The heat wasn’t too bad, normally the heat here felt so intense that you felt like you’d collapse from dehydration if you stayed outside too long, but there was a decent enough wind which counteracted against the heat and made it possible to go outside. By all standards, this was a pretty good day.

Not that Jeremy would know about that, considering that he was stuck inside.

((Jeremy Frasier continued from For the people all said “Sit down, sit down you’re rocking the boat”))

To be fair, Jeremy liked English. Sure, it wasn’t the easiest class ever, but the stuff they had to study was pretty interesting and he was good enough at bullshitting meaning out of nothing to do good at the class. That helped a lot when studying Hamlet, considering the language barrier between the text and actual english and how there seemed to be nothing in the text. Honestly he hadn’t learned a lot during this unit, except for the fact that revenge apparently isn’t that great of an idea and stuff about the dutch royalty that they covered for an entire lesson.

Class hadn’t actually started yet, for some reason. Mrs Webber had to go outside the classroom to do something teacher related and no work was assigned to them. He checked his watch, it had been a good five minutes since she had left the class. That probably meant that she was going to take a couple minutes more, considering past incidents.

Oh well, that meant less Hamlet, at least. Jeremy reached into his bag, pulling a notepad out. May as well do some writing considering the opportunity.
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Yugikun
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  • okay, so this dude gets shot up for some reason and is left for dead
  • but there's this super cool roboticist dude who repairs his body and replaces part of it with machine parts
  • super cool roboticist turns him into a super fighting robot and the dude decides to fight crime and be like this cowboy vigilante dude
  • plot might be a bit too similar to robocop? note to self: check out the plot of robocop and see if its too similar

Okay, the idea was written down. Now to figure out how he was going to use this. He knew that this was going to be a little bit stylish, something that was willing to be unrealistic (well, as unrealistic a story about a robot vigilante can be) if it made a scene look cool or made a character look badass. An minor issue that'd need tweaking would be the hero's home life, where are his parents during all this? An obvious solution would be to make the hero an orphan but ugh, the hero being an orphan was a cliché that appeared in like every edgy teenage boy YA book and he didn't want his work to be clichéd. At least then it'd be better than that book he read recently, Thirteen, good lord was that book a pile of shit.

Looking at it, though; maybe the story wouldn't fit as well in a written format than at first thought. This was a little bit more of a visual story, something that'd fit better as a TV show or a video game. Something that would have to wait until he became a rich and acclaimed writer. That was another reason to leave here as soon as possible, get out, get rich, and give this story life.

Still, he could use the concept of a vigilante hero and just make it a little less visual oriented and ooh...


  • so there's this cool dude, good student, good circle of friends, his life is generally awesome right now
  • except he secretly kills criminals when it rains at night, being a very well known criminal in the area
  • story follows his day to day life during a certain period of time, his school life, his social life, his vigilante life
  • maybe introduce a serial killer or a debating competition as a complication, can't be too formulaic

Yeah, this would definitely work. It'd be like Death Note if it didn't fall into the problems Death Note had with the uninteresting side characters and the constant mind games. The concept was interesting enough, he could motivate himself enough to write it, although it needed a little bit more fleshing out. If he wanted it to sell well it'd need to seem interesting and if he wanted the story to be good he'd need to not sacrifice anything for it.

He looked up from his notepad from a second to see the class. Still no Mrs Webber. People seemed to be fucking around for the most part, except for Mistress Adelaide who seemed to be studying. He looked down again. What could he do to make the story interesting without sacrificing quality?

He could - ooh, he could make it super deconstructive of edgy teen fiction, that

Holy shit that was a fucking fantastic idea.

He started writing in the notepad again, thoughts quickly being written down so that he could write down this story and make it a good one.
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Yugikun
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It was a dark and stormy night, and you

Ahahahahahaha no. Not happening. This was a deconstruction, and just using the cliches without any irony and meaning to them didn’t make a deconstruction at all. Using them but having a bunch of blood and gore and death didn’t make a deconstruction either; this wasn’t TV Tropes after all. He needed to take the idea and actually make it into something new, then hopefully it’d be good in his and the critics eyes. He wasn’t sure if second person would work either for this scene. Maybe third person would work best for what he was communicating.

Wait, what was he trying to communicate or do here in this scene? Maybe just launching into writing the story without any idea of what the general plot was going to be wasn’t such a good idea after all. It was probably a good idea if he did some minor plotting before he actually went through with the story. He remembered some advice that Gloria Tesch gave in a video: if you’re ever suffering from writer's block, try to plot out your entire story from beginning to end and it’ll likely give you back your inspiration. Gloria Tesch was still an egotistical piece of shit who couldn’t write and only got published because of rich parents who wanted to do a massive shit on every writer’s way of life, but she did have a good idea on that one thing.

So he was going to make a plot outline, starting with this chapter, and oh come on did miss webber seriously just come when I was about to write somethi-

Wait nevermind it was just Jerry Larkin who was late. No real opinion on him, other than that he had the most goddamm awful name in the world which continually confused him when it was called out in class. Other than that he was probably a cool dude and he was going to go back to plotting.

So… how could he make a good beginning? It was kinda hard to go into or read a piece of writing without a good opening line. Call me Ishmael, two households both alike in dignity, it was love at first sight. Most of the good books had something that dragged the reader in, and he needed one too. Hmm…

Maybe he should go through the stormy night angle and do something different with it? Yeah, that could work. Now how to do something with it…

The rain fell down from the sky, each drop bouncing off the concrete of the city, completing the natural cycle that kept the earth living. Darkness reigned, the night stretching its reach all throughout the ci

And then Jerry interrupted him again asking for paper. That was rude. You totally don’t interrupt a maestro when he’s doing his work. Jeremy grinned a bit thinking that. He bagged on Gloria Tesch all the time as a bad writer with an ego the size of the moon but if he actually believed those that he was a maestro of writing or something unironically he’d have an ego the same size of tesch, which wasn’t a goo thing at all.

Jerry still wanted paper though, so it was probably a good idea to help him out. Out of kindness, not to shut him up or anything. He tore a page out of his notebook and gave it to Jerry, bending himself on the chair so that he was looking at Jerry upside down.

“Here you go.”

He went back to sitting position and was about to go back to writing, but for whatever reason the page he was writing on wasn’t there.



Whoops.
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Yugikun
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fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Jerry had the paper with all of Jeremy’s writing on it. That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. A writer never showed their craft to other people, at least, not the very first draft. That was a fundamental part of the writers code. Or at least, the writer’s code that Jeremy had made up just then. It was the first draft of the thing and he hadn't waited two months to even look over it yet. Who knows how bad it could be? He needed to get the piece of paper back from Jerry. At any cost. He would kill if he had to. Wait, no he wouldn't. A couple of sentences wasn't worth killing someone over, even if Jerry ripped the paper up he could just try to write it again, that was no real biggie. He remembered a Stephen King book where there was a dude who legit killed another dude because he wanted to read a book by a Stephen king expy. He had never read the book, but that plot was silly enough to be remembered here and now.

Wait. You’re getting distracted, Jeremy.You can’t get distracted, you have to get the piece of paper back from Jerry.

But how to do so? He would need to smooth talk his way into getting the paper back, probably. Ask “Hey, uh, that piece of paper has some super private stuff on it and I’d appreciate it if you gave it back to me.” But wait, then he would just read it out loud to the class, wasn't that what happened in the movies? Shy teenage girl has this SUPER SECRET SECRET that she has and then the bitchy alpha cheerleader goes and reads it in front of the class and then she gets super depressed and stuff. No, doing that wasn't a good idea. Maybe he just needed to be more subtle about it. Maybe he should say “hey, uh, that has some writing on it, wanna switch with an actual clean note and be super cool bros and stuff?” Yeah, that might work. He would just need to do it in a way that was subtle and nicely acted. Otherwise Jerry would catch on and then become a bitchy alpha cheerleader.

Maybe he needed to- oh Jerry just gave the paper back to him. Okay then.

That was cool. Although it seemed that Jerry read it, which sucked. He kinda had a massively smug look on his face that said that he read it. He also commented on it too, which confirmed Jeremy's suspicions. That evil man. That fucking bitch. He would have to go down to the dungeons and spend the rest of his life RUING the day where he decided to accidently read Jeremy Frasier's work by accident since it was on the paper.

He may as well get some writing critique out of it, though.

“Whoops, gave you the piece of paper with something I was writing on it.” He shrugged, getting another piece of paper from his notebook so he could tear it off, giving it to Jerry as a trade.

"Was it good?"
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Yugikun
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And then everybody suddenly got interested in what Jeremy was writing. And now things were super awkward for him, yayyyyyyy. Jeremy didn’t really like showing things off if they weren’t finished yet, and his writing was definitely not an exception to this. There was something that would just be… lost if there wasn’t a conclusion to the story. There were movies he remembered watching where there outright wasn’t an ending at all. It’d just be in the middle of a scene and then BAM credits. Kinda left him feeling robbed, really.

It was only really a couple of sentences though, and it was only like, scene setting and stuff. He doubted that a reader could gain a connection to the story with just that, so it’d be fine. Wait, no, it wouldn’t. That was probably worse. It was a total lose-lose situation.

Anyway, the two people who Jeremy attracted the attention of were Samuel Howard and Mistress Adelaide. Samuel was a quiet dude, and Jeremy didn’t know what he did. He didn’t seem to be an asshole though, and he was friends with Harold, so he couldn’t be too bad. Adelaide, however, was somebody that Jeremy hated even more the more he had to be near her. Always thought that she was higher than everybody else. He kinda hated his seating arrangement because of that; apparently Miss Webber thought it was a good idea that the two students who openly hated one another should sit next to each other.

Not so great an audience, but an audience nonetheless. He picked up the paper, swinging it around so that they could both see the writing, even though at this range they likely couldn’t see it. “Yeah, writing. Kinda want to be a novelist when I get out of here. Kinda going through several different concepts to see what works, this one here is about a teenage vigilante.”

Oh and it seemed that Jerry wanted something to write with. Did he seriously come to school without bringing anything? Anyway, he might as well try to help to help. He clutched his pocket to see if there was any spares he had. Apparently not.

“Sorry, only brought the one I have here.”
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Yugikun
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And then people wanted more of what he was thinking of, which was a problem since Jeremy didn’t have more of what he was thinking of. Like, come on, he had only come up with the idea literally two minutes ago, it wasn’t like he’d have a whole plot summary of the story by then. He did have an audience though. Admittedly, it could be a better audience. Samuel was an ok dude, but what he was thinking of probably wasn’t refined enough for Adelaide’s tastes. Oh well, he’d just have to convince her. Who knows? Maybe she actually liked the things that a lowly commoner would.

“I kinda literally came up with this idea like, two minutes ago, so I don’t really know anything about the plot so far; but I think I might make it a little deconstruction of the edgy teen novels that make up the mainstream nowadays. I dunno how, but that’s a cool enough road to go down.” How would he do that, though? He’d have to do a little bit of research on the topic to figure out how. He remembered Thirteen, how the main character was treated heroically despite basically being a mass murderer. That was something he could work with. There was also the issue that the author didn’t know how teenagers spoke despite being a school principal, but he couldn’t really twist that into anything good at all.

“Maybe I’ll play with the idea of morality a little bit. The people in the books are considered heroes for killing people, but in the real world they’d be criminals. That’s a direction we could go down.”
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Yugikun
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“Yeah. It’d certainly be nice to actually get something new out there.” Samuel seemed to actually be a little bit more than an ok dude. Still didn’t really know what his hobbies were but they didn’t really need to match hobbies to be friends. So long as someone was pretty cool he could probably become friends with them.

And then another person came through the door. Another late person? Maybe, although- aww man it’s Miss Webber this conversation was actually pretty interesting. He frowned a bit. So much for making a new friend. Why was it that whenever he was getting close to it something had to interrupt him? His parents interrupted him with Ty and now the teacher was interrupting him with Samuel. Jerks. He turned his head back towards Samuel.

“We should probably talk about this after class. If you want to, anyway.”

He turned his head back towards the front of the class, putting his notebook back in his bag to get ready for class. English with Adelaide. Fun.

((Jeremy Frasier continued in Be Like The Bluebird))
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