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Rene Wolfe; The funnywoman
Topic Started: Aug 10 2015, 03:57 AM (294 Views)
Slam
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Hi Aura! I do apologise for the long wait on this critique.

Rene is temporarily DENIED pending a few fixes.


First off, I need some more information in her appearance section. In particular I’d like to know about her skin tone, her hair style and color, and a descriptor of her nose to get the full mental image.

Also, wearing just t-shirts and shorts all year round would get pretty chilly in the winter. What does Rene wear in the colder months, assuming she’s not stubbornly dressing like its summer all the time?

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However, thanks to her doing a lot of work with the theater club and comedy practice, the extra weight doesn’t hinder as much as one would expect.


I assume by this you mean that since these activities aren’t necessarily physically demanding, her weight isn’t an issue, but either way the information is a bit superfluous for the appearance section, so you can excise it. It would be better covered in the biography section (which I’ll come back to in a bit).

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When Rene got old enough to start going to school, she officially graduated from day care resident to latchkey kid, and would spend the couple of hours between the end of the school day and her mother getting off work alone at their house.


Rene being old enough to start school is approximately 5/6 years old. This is a bit young for a latchkey kid, especially if they’re spending hours alone on a regular basis, so I’d like her to either be aged up before she starts getting into this habit (which is the approach I’d recommend), or there to be a good justification for why she’s able to cope with the situation.

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She found a Richard Pryor special playing one day while waiting for her parents to get home, and spent the next hour laughing hysterically as she watched him entertain the crowd.


This is really more of a nit-pick than anything, but given the content of Richard Pryor’s style I find it a bit unlikely that he’d be on afterschool TV. Perhaps she encountered him later on at night, or on the internet?

How does Rene’s comical approach to theatre tend to go over with the rest of the club? Has she ever been at odds with the club due to her focus on comedy? Has it lead to any typecasting?

Also, how does Rene feel about the way students react to her commentary? Does she care if she upsets or irritates anyone?

What subjects at school does Rene generally like or dislike? I’m assuming science from her interest in Arachnology, but how about the other classes?

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She knows that the puns are utterly groan-worthy, but that’s the way she likes to let off steam after a particularly stressful day.


We’re just slipping a little bit into a casual tone that’s not appropriate for the profile here, so if you could reword these parts for me it’d be appreciated.

What caused Rene to get interested in video games in the first place? Is there any reason she's particularly keen on playing League of Legends along with games like TF2, apart from the online chat?

Why is Rene out of shape? Does she have a slow metabolism? A bad diet? What does she think of it? What do her parents think of it? Does she have any interest in losing the weight? I’d just like to see a little elaboration of this aspect of her in the biography.

Speaking of her parents, how is her relationship with them these days? Have they maintained that strong bond from childhood? Did all the independence she had to cope with in her childhood affect their relationship at all? Has it had any notable effects on Rene herself?

What are Rene’s plans for after she graduates, if any?


Post here when you’ve made these changed, and I’ll be happy to give Rene another look. Thanks!
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Why did Rene cross the road?

To get APPROVED on the other side!
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