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Cassandra "Cassie" Venus
Topic Started: Apr 30 2015, 02:20 PM (657 Views)
Ruggahissy
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Howdy! I'm Ruggahissy as you may remember. Cassandra is denied for right now, but we'll work on it til she's un-denied

Hobbies and Interests

"Partying, socializing"

More on these later.

"concerts and festivals"

These are music concerts and festivals. So I'd say these fall under the header of "music"

"art."

Bit vague. I believe the profile says specifically drawing and painting, but it could use more elaboration discussed further below.

Appearance

"Cassie is 5’7” and has a very slim build, weighing only 97 pounds as a result of her eating disorder."

I know that she has an eating disorder, but this is severely underweight and near-skeletal. I'll probably ask about this later with a "why hasn't anyone addressed this?"

- Eye shape?

Biography

- What does her mom teach exactly?

- What does she like or get out of playing the guitar? Is making it big in a band her life ambition or something to do on the side? Does the brother just perform in the band or does he have some day job or degree he's working towards?

- Carefree is one word.

" However, there are some people that find her up-beat, care-free attitude annoying which has caused some people to dislike her."

- Does she notice that some people find her annoying? If she does, how does she feel about that or respond?

"Cassie puts having fun over all other things, "

- So are we to assume that academics are also on the back burner? Are her grades suffering from this life philosophy?

" Over the course of her art lessons,"

Nitpick but these would just be art classes if she's signing up for them at school as an elective, unless she's getting lessons outside of school.

- I'd like to know what she likes to draw or paint or take pictures of. She's not a deep thinker and doesn't like to be introspective. Does she just like making pretty things? Is it another facet of her being superficial? Also on the photography, did she save up and spring for a DSLR?

"such as her friends in the band she joined."

When did that happen? Who's in the band?

"On most occasions though, these opinions were from pupils who didn’t directly know her, and the majority of the time she was able to change people’s impressions of her for the better once she interacts with them."

I'd probably go with "many times" to avoid saying that she's successful most of the time since we don't know how other pre-gamers will react.

"At these parties she was also introduced to drugs and alcohol."

How hard of drugs are we talking here? Pot or like, black tar heroin?

" This was due to the mischief she would end up getting into at the parties, as well as her developing a try anything once attitude."

Mischief like what? Beer pong or four-way on black tar heroin?



- About Cassandra's selective eating disorder. This is something that pretty much affects children. It can last into adulthood, but it won't start there and 14 is very late for it to start. By 14 you would have already tried a large variety of foods and that's pretty much what you'll be eating for the rest of your life. So that's problem 1

Problem 2 is that people with selective eating disorder won't become frighteningly underweight like Cassandra is. If someone will ONLY eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches then they'll eat a ton of them to where their body can sustain itself on that diet.

Problem 3 is that all you've said she won't eat is meat. So she's essentially a vegetarian. My best friend is a vegetarian and is quiet a healthy weight. Most vegetarians are.

Problem 4 is that there is therapy available to people who have selective eating for people who have it into adulthood, which she seems to be getting. You said yourself she's improving, so double on the point she wouldn't be so scarily thin.

- Are her parents cool with her partying ways? You were pretty vague on what "partying" exactly entails, but if she's snorting coke and having group sex and these rumors are widely spread and she acknowledges them to be true I'd imagine there would be some frowny faces from her parents. If there aren't frowny faces, why not?

- Are they also cool with her having poor grades in nearly everything? I mean, one parent is an accountant and one is a teacher. What affect does that have on her home life?

- There's no mention of her future aspirations, goals, hopes or dreams. What does she want to do with her life?


Advantages and Disadvantages

In advantages, her behavior regarding friends shows that she's fairly selfish. She'd rather have a good time than help friends with their problems. This can actually work in her favor. Selfishness and disregarding the feelings of others are assets in this game.

In disadvantages it seems like she's not that smart. Sorry to say, but if she is terrible at every subject and regularly receives C minuses in everything that's not art....that would be the conclusion I would come to. This might be something to elaborate on in the profile.

Also in disadvantages, it mentions in the bio that she doesn't like to deal with unpleasant things and usually just pushes them away and ignores them. How is she going to cope with SOTF which is 100% full throttle unpleasant things ?

Also: students are given calorie rich meal bars to make sure they don't starve. I don't know what sorts of things she won't eat. Right now the only thing that is explicitly stated she won't eat is meat. If she has some problem with tasteless calorie bars, she'll starve, especially at her scarily thin weight.


END NOTES

This could be the fountain for a very dark character. Someone who would rather be a hedonist than actually empathize with people because that brings her down. She's shallow as a puddle, but in a sinister way because she's fiercely protective of her good time to the point where people who harsh her buzz can jump off a bridge. Or at least that's the impression I've got of her.

If that's not the impression you want people to have, maybe change it? If it IS the impression you want people to have, elaborate a little more on those issues.

I think you'd do well to just take out the selective eating disorder since it doesn't add much to the character, but if you'd like to do the additional leg work, that's up to you.


Lemme know when it's posted!
things
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Ruggahissy
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Sorry for the near human lifetime this took. Promise all responses will come within a 24 period from here on out.



- For my sanity please make her 115 pounds. It's just a hair underweight and she'll still be thin as a rail, but more in a healthy weight. This is for both of us, if she's less than this she'll be quick work of the elements and exhaustion.

"Whenever she discovers someone has this opinion of her, she will either try to avoid the person or be as friendly to them as possible in an attempt to sway their opinion."

These are two very different reactions. Which one does she do more or how does she decide when to ignore someone or when to be extra friendly?

"she may refuse to east some of the rations given to her"

Typo. Think you meant "eat"

- I'm still a little iffy on her parents here. So they are cool with her going to "parties"? And are fine with her doing poorly in subjects like math even though one parent is an accountant and one is a teacher? Seems strange. Is there a reason they are so blasé about her going out all the time when she doesn't do well in school?

- Also what she gets out of guitar was never answered.


That's about it. Getting close to the end.
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Ruggahissy
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Almost there.

Last sticking point is going to be the cocaine.

- How often does she use?
- Why cocaine? Why not harder drugs as well?
- How has she managed to hide this from her parents? Earlier it says there are many rumors about her and that she confirms true ones as true and the town isn't terribly big.
- Cocaine is expensive. In my neck of the woods the schools with reputations for wealthy kids did cocaine. So how is this being procured?

"Cassie's parents are okay with her going to parties, however, this is mostly because Cassie never tells them what she gets up to when she is out. "

How late is she staying out? On school nights? How often? If she comes home at 3am four days out of the week one would think her parents would notice and either say something or they have a weird life philosophy that makes them cool with that or they are quite oblivious

- Also should have mentioned earlier but elementary schools don't have specialized teachers for subjects. Mom would not be a geography teacher at the level. She'd just be an all purposes, all subject teacher for a grade.

I think that's the last of it. Didn't quite manage a 24 hour turn around, but faster than before >_>
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