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Cassandra "Cass" Prince; flourish like a fountain
Topic Started: Apr 27 2015, 08:20 PM (416 Views)
dmboogie
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Name: Cass Prince
Gender: Genderfluid (biologically female)
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Painting, drawing, romance stories, biking

Appearance: Cass is a 5’7, 130 lb person of African-American descent. They have black, thick, curly hair, which they keep cropped very short. They have a sharp-looking, angular face, with a cleopatra nose and round, brown eyes. Their body is fairly slim. When they are feeling particularly feminine, they wear a thin layer of makeup. Cass’s ears are pierced, but they very rarely wear earrings, and when they do, they are simple, unobtrusive studs.

In general, Cass tends to dress very androgynously. In warm weather, they usually dress in either artistic-look t-shirts or dark tank tops, along with shorts. In colder times, they typically wear men’s button-down shirts with jeans. For footwear, Cass wears a well-worn pair of black sneakers, finding anything fancier both uncomfortable and impractical. They prefer suits to dresses for formal occasions.

Biography: Zoe and Jake Prince, respectively the principal viola and trombone players of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, first met each other through their work. Soon after, Zoe invited Jason out for drinks, and the two entered a long relationship together, getting married after a few years. On March 16, 1996, Cassandra Prince was born to the couple in a New York hospital, who would remain their only child.

Three years after Cass’s birth, Zoe’s mother Gabrielle fell severely ill. As her husband had passed away several years prior, she was unable to continue living unassisted on her own. To support her, Zoe and Jake moved in with her at her residence in Kingman. When Gabrielle succumbed to her illness after several years, Cass’s parents remained in the area, not wanting to uproot their child and having both found employment as music teachers at local schools.

Cass’s childhood was ordinary, for the most part. When their parents were busy, Cass was often left in the care of Rachel Mason, the next door neighbor and close friend of Zoe and Jake. Rachel’s daughter, Christine, was the same age as Cass, and the two became very close friends, considering themselves to be sisters. Once the two girls were old enough to begin their education, they were enrolled in the same school.

It was during their early education that Cass first discovered their affinity for art. This started when a simple assignment in art class to draw their favorite animal resulted in, to Cass’s eyes, a sprawling epic that depicted the results of introducing a T-Rex into the ecosystem of Kingman. This greatly amused their teacher, whose encouragement prompted Cass to continue drawing on their own time. Their parents were very supportive of them, making sure to always provide them with an equal amount of praise and constructive criticism, to gently nudge them into improving themself.

As a child, Cass often rode their bike around the suburb where they lived, traveling to the nearby stores in order to procure snacks. As they grew older, Cass continued to ride, but more for its own sake. They needed the exercise, and enjoyed the opportunity to get outside and listen to their music. Cass tends to think of it as a form of stress relief, freeing themself of the need to do anything else but concentrate on the road in front of them. Though most of their biking is done in the city, Cass does occasionally travel outside the city to ride on dedicated off-road bike trails, mostly for the change in scenery.

During their last year of middle school, Cass and Christine met and became friends with a new kid in their grade, Marco Korsman. Before too long, Christine and Marco started going out. This continued until their Sophomore year of high school, when the two broke up after a heated fight sparked by Christine accusing Marco of being emotionally distant. Not wanting their two best friends to remain angry at each other, Cass attempted to make peace between the two. Unfortunately for Cass, all this accomplished was turning both of them against them as well.

Though Cass had always been a quiet person, losing their friends caused Cass to retreat even further into themself. Though they remained able to interact with others, Cass developed a crippling aversion to voicing their opinions to others. They became convinced that nothing good would ever come of them trying to persuade others, no longer having the confidence to even attempt to lead others. They have remained this way up to the present day, even after they reconciled with their friends a year later.

Even as a young child, Cass sometimes felt discomfort when describing themself as entirely female, a term that never seemed to exactly fit them. In their first year of high school, Cass signed up for Tumblr in order to more easily share their art, and was introduced for the first time to its LGBT community. Through reading the stories of others in the community, Cass came to the conclusion that they were a transgender male. Though this didn’t sit entirely right with them, either, they assumed it to be the only explanation.

Cass brought the issue up to their parents, and while they were caught off-guard, they ultimately supported their child and suggested seeing a psychologist to allow Cass to fully work out their feelings. Through conversations with the psychologist, Cass came to the realization that they were truly genderfluid, not a transgender male. This diagnosis was even harder for their parents to comprehend, but after discussing it among themselves, they decided that the most important thing was that their child felt comfortable with who they were, daughter or not.

After they had time to fully process what they were feeling, Cassandra requested that others refer to them as “Cass”, and with gender neutral pronouns. However, due to worry of their community's reaction, they are only out to their parents and closest friends. Everyone else knows them only as a girl named Cassandra, thinking “Cass” to be just a nickname. Despite this, Cass has decided to stop wearing their skirts and dresses, instead switching to an androgynous wardrobe that they felt suited them more. The change in the way they present has made Cass feel much more comfortable in their own skin, but it still causes them anguish when others refer to them as “her”.

Cass maintained their interest in art up through high school, continuing to hone their skills. They typically spent several hours a day either drawing or painting, finding both forms to be interesting in their own ways. Although Cass sometimes amused themself by drawing fan art of characters from shows they liked, along with various other random sketches, their true passion was painting scenes that told a story all by themselves, seemingly still frames from a grander work. Cass loved to subtly, painstakingly introduce details into a painting to reveal information about its subjects. They were able to successfully capture both technical details and evoke emotions.

Though Cass identifies as asexual, and has never been in a relationship, they consider themself to be a hopeless romantic. They adore the concept of two human beings meeting and coming to truly understand and love each other, and will tirelessly consume any media that satisfactorily conveys that theme, be it a book, movie, show, or game. They do, however, have very tight standards about what they consider to be a quality romance, detesting media where two characters arbitrarily come together for the sake of having a romance subplot. It is the legitimate chemistry between people they enjoy, not the act of romance in itself.

Throughout high school, Cass consistently got high grades, due to constant study and effort. Socially, they keep a very small and very close circle of friends, often preferring quiet isolation to the company of others. Cass is otherwise still perfectly able to interact with other students, but is usually too anxious to truly express themself, a fact that they despise and spend an unhealthy amount of time lambasting themself over. After graduation, they intend to attend the best-regarded liberal arts college they can get accepted into.

Cass considers themself to be a cynic who is desperately trying to be an optimist. They admire those who see beauty in everything and good in everyone, but in practice, Cass tends to assume the worst of others and has a generally sour outlook. They do make a concentrated effort to think positively, but their anxiety gets in the way more often than not. As exemplified by the level of detail in their art, Cass is very observant of their surroundings, and is an attentive listener. However, this trait, combined with their anxiety, often makes them read too much into the changes in tone or expression of others.

Advantages: Due to their issues with expressing their opinion, Cass would function well in a group, and likely avoid causing any conflicts. They are highly analytical and detail-focused with their art, which has also influenced the way they look at the world. They are healthy and in shape due to years of biking.
Disadvantages: Cass has self-worth issues, and would thus lack the required confidence to be an effective leader. Their withdrawnness would make it difficult for them to forge effective connections on-island. Their romanticism may leave them open for manipulation by others.
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Hey boogywoogy! I'll be the staffer critiquing Cass today.

Apologies for this taking so long, I was having some time constraints and wanted to make sure this was a good critique rather than a rushed one.

Cass is in fairly good shape, but is temporarily DENIED pending some adjustments. My critique is below, and my comments are in teal.

Quote:
 
Name: Cassandra "Cass" Prince
Gender: Genderfluid (biologically female)
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Painting, drawing, romance stories, biking

Appearance: Cass is a 5'7'', 130 lb person of African-American descent. They have black, thick, curly hair, which they keep cropped very short. They have a sharp-looking, angular face, with a cleopatra nose and round, brown eyes. When presenting as female, they wear a thin amount of makeup. (Could you describe their general body shape? Do they have any piercings? What about their complexion?)

In general, Cass tends to dress very androgynously. In warm weather, they usually dress in dark tank tops and shorts. In colder times, they typically wear men's button-down shirts with jeans. For footwear, Cass wears a well-worn pair of black sneakers, finding anything fancier both uncomfortable and impractical. They prefer suits to dresses for formal occasions. When presenting as male, they bind their breasts.

Biography: Zoe and Jake Prince, respectively the principal viola and trombone players of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, first met each other through their work. Soon after, Zoe invited Jason out for drinks, and the two entered a long relationship together, getting married after a few years. On March 16, 1996, Cassandra Prince was born to the couple in a New York hospital. (Did their parents ever have any more kids, or is Cass an only child?)

Three years after Cass's birth, Zoe's mother Gabrielle fell severely ill. As her husband had passed away several years prior, she was unable to continue living unassisted on her own. To support her, Zoe and Jake moved in with her at her residence in Kingman. When Gabrielle succumbed to her illness after several years, Cass’s parents remained in the area, not wanting to uproot their child and having both found employment as music teachers at local schools.

Cass's childhood was ordinary, for the most part. When their parents were busy, Cass was often left in the care of Rachel Mason, the next door neighbor and close friend of Zoe and Jake. Rachel's daughter, Christine, was the same age as Cass, and the two became very close friends, considering themselves to be sisters. Once the two girls were old enough to begin their education, they were enrolled in the same school.

It was during their early education that Cass first discovered their affinity for art. This started when a simple assignment in art class to draw her favorite animal resulted in, to Cass's eyes, a sprawling epic that depicted the results of introducing a T-Rex into the ecosystem of Kingman. To her teacher, it was a crude, inappropriate piece of trash that merited a stern talking-to. (Why would a drawing of a T-Rex destroying Kingman elicit a stern talking-to from the teachers? Unless it depicts graphic violence, I doubt the teacher would need to talk to them about it as small children can be overly imaginative. If it was about the quality of the drawing, elementary school art teachers are supposed to be encouraging rather than overtly critical.)

Cass remained undeterred, and continued to draw on their own time, albeit with a slightly lesser amount of T-Rexes. (Funny and made me smile, but profiles are generally supposed to sound pretty dry.) Their parents were very supportive of them, making sure to always provide them with an equal amount of praise and constructive criticism, to gently nudge them into improving themself. (These last two paragraphs could be combined into one for readability, with a teensy bit of wording change in the first sentence of this paragraph.)

During their last year of middle school, Cass and Christine met and became friends with a new kid in their grade, Marco Korsman. Before too long, Christine and Marco started going out. This continued until their Sophomore year of high school, when the two broke up after a heated fight sparked by Christine accusing Marco of being emotionally distant. Not wanting their two best friends to remain angry at each other, Cass attempting (Typo, attempted) to make peace between the two. Unfortunately for Cass, all this accomplished was turning both of them against them, (No comma here.) as well.

Though Cass had always been a quiet person, losing their friends caused Cass to retreat even further into themself. Though they remained able to interact with others, Cass developed a crippling aversion to voicing their opinions to others. They became convinced that nothing good would ever come of them trying to persuade others, no longer having the confidence to even attempt to lead others. They have remained this way up to the present day, even after they reconciled with their friends a year later.

Even as a young child, Cass sometimes felt discomfort when describing themself as entirely female, a term that never seemed to exactly fit them. It wasn't until their first year of high school that Cass fully realized their genderfluidity, the cause behind their dysphoria. They felt greatly relieved to finally put a name to what they had been feeling for years. (How did they realize they were genderfluid? Right now you mention that they realized it but not so much the way that they did so. Did they talk to their parents about it and were brought to a psychologist? Did they read about it online? Did they accept this immediately or did they feel hesitation?) Cass decided to stop wearing their skirts and dresses, instead switching to an androgynous wardrobe that they felt suited them more. However, due to worry of their community's reaction, they are only out to their parents and closest friends. Everyone else knows them only as a girl named Cassandra, thinking “Cass” to be just a nickname. (How did their parent's react to this? Even supportive parents typically have a difficult time understanding these sorts of things. Were there any difficulties involved? How does Cass feel not being able to be honest about who they are? Is this causing any issues now, even if they are presenting differently? Are they any happier?)

Cass maintained their interest in art up through high school, continuing to hone their skills. They typically spent several hours a day either drawing or painting, finding both forms to be interesting in their own ways. Although Cass sometimes amused themself by drawing fan art of characters from shows they liked, along with various other random sketches, their true passion was painting scenes that told a story all by themselves, seemingly still frames from a grander work. Cass loved to subtly, painstakingly introduce details into a painting to reveal information about its subjects. They were able to successfully capture both technical details and evoke emotions.

Though Cass identifies as asexual, and has never been in a relationship, they consider themself to be a hopeless romantic. They adore the concept of two human beings meeting and coming to truly understand and love each other, and will tirelessly consume any media that satisfactorily conveys that theme, be it a book, movie, show, or game. (This paragraph could use a bit more detail. Perhaps elaborate on what they like about it, or maybe how they tried to write stories of their own. A listed hobby needs more than just two sentences.)

As a child, Cass often rode their bike around the suburb where they lived, traveling to the nearby stores in order to procure snacks. As they grew older, Cass continued to ride, but more for its own sake. They needed the exercise, and enjoyed the opportunity to get outside, listen to their music, and think as they rode. (This paragraph should go earlier in the biography, as profiles are supposed to maintain a sense of chronological order. Additionally, this paragraph could use a bit more detail, just like the one above. Perhaps elaborate more on those things that they like about riding their bike. A listed hobby needs more than just three sentences.)

Throughout high school, Cass consistently got high grades, due to constant study and effort. Socially, they keep a very small and very close circle of friends. Cass is otherwise still perfectly able to interact with other students, but is usually too anxious to truly express themself. After graduation, they intend to apply for the best-regarded liberal arts college they can get accepted into.

Advantages: Due to their issues with expressing their opinion, Cass would function well in a group, and likely avoid causing any conflicts. They are highly analytical and detail-focused with their art, which has also influenced the way they look at the world. They are healthy and in shape due to years of biking.
Disadvantages: Cass has self-worth issues, and would thus lack the required confidence to be an effective leader. Their withdrawnness would make it difficult for them to forge effective connections on-island. (Cass could use another disadvantage here, to help even things out.)


So overall, the big thing that Cass needs in general is more detail to flesh her out. Right now we don't really know much about her other than her personal issues. How does she see the world, for instance? How does she generally behave? Etc.

In any case, post here when you have the edits made and I will help you in round two. :)
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Added the things you asked, yooooooo
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Sorry for the delay, I've run into some issues with school and I had to take some time off of SOTF.

Cass is looking a lot better, but there's still a few more things that need to be addressed before Cass can be approved.

Quote:
 
Name: Cass Prince
Gender: Genderfluid (biologically female)
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Painting, drawing, romance stories, biking

Appearance: Cass is a 5'7, 130 lb person of African-American descent. They have black, thick, curly hair, which they keep cropped very short. They have a sharp-looking, angular face, with a cleopatra nose and round, brown eyes. Their body is fairly slim. When they are feeling particularly feminine, they wear a thin layer of makeup. Cass's ears are pierced, but they very rarely wear earrings, and when they do, they are simple, unobtrusive studs.

In general, Cass tends to dress very androgynously. In warm weather, they usually dress in either artistic-look t-shirts or dark tank tops, along with shorts. In colder times, they typically wear men's button-down shirts with jeans. For footwear, Cass wears a well-worn pair of black sneakers, finding anything fancier both uncomfortable and impractical. They prefer suits to dresses for formal occasions.

Biography: Zoe and Jake Prince, respectively the principal viola and trombone players of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, first met each other through their work. Soon after, Zoe invited Jason out for drinks, and the two entered a long relationship together, getting married after a few years. On March 16, 1996, Cassandra Prince was born to the couple in a New York hospital, who would remain their only child.

Three years after Cass's birth, Zoe's mother Gabrielle fell severely ill. As her husband had passed away several years prior, she was unable to continue living unassisted on her own. To support her, Zoe and Jake moved in with her at her residence in Kingman. When Gabrielle succumbed to her illness after several years, Cass's parents remained in the area, not wanting to uproot their child and having both found employment as music teachers at local schools.

Cass's childhood was ordinary, for the most part. When their parents were busy, Cass was often left in the care of Rachel Mason, the next door neighbor and close friend of Zoe and Jake. Rachel's daughter, Christine, was the same age as Cass, and the two became very close friends, considering themselves to be sisters. Once the two girls were old enough to begin their education, they were enrolled in the same school.

It was during their early education that Cass first discovered their affinity for art. This started when a simple assignment in art class to draw her (Pronoun consistency! Change this to "their".) favorite animal resulted in, to Cass's eyes, a sprawling epic that depicted the results of introducing a T-Rex into the ecosystem of Kingman. This greatly amused their teacher, whose encouragement prompted Cass to continue drawing on their own time. Their parents were very supportive of them, making sure to always provide them with an equal amount of praise and constructive criticism, to gently nudge them into improving themself.

As a child, Cass often rode their bike around the suburb where they lived, traveling to the nearby stores in order to procure snacks. As they grew older, Cass continued to ride, but more for its own sake. They needed the exercise, and enjoyed the opportunity to get outside and listen to their music. Cass tends to think of it as a form of stress relief, freeing themself of the need to do anything else but concentrate on the road in front of them. Though most of their biking is done in the city, Cass does occasionally travel outside the city to ride on dedicated off-road bike trails, mostly for the change in scenery.

During their last year of middle school, Cass and Christine met and became friends with a new kid in their grade, Marco Korsman. Before too long, Christine and Marco started going out. This continued until their Sophomore year of high school, when the two broke up after a heated fight sparked by Christine accusing Marco of being emotionally distant. Not wanting their two best friends to remain angry at each other, Cass attempted to make peace between the two. Unfortunately for Cass, all this accomplished was turning both of them against them as well.

Though Cass had always been a quiet person, losing their friends caused Cass to retreat even further into themself. Though they remained able to interact with others, Cass developed a crippling aversion to voicing their opinions to others. They became convinced that nothing good would ever come of them trying to persuade others, no longer having the confidence to even attempt to lead others. They have remained this way up to the present day, even after they reconciled with their friends a year later.

Even as a young child, Cass sometimes felt discomfort when describing themself as entirely female, a term that never seemed to exactly fit them. In their first year of high school, Cass signed up for Tumblr in order to more easily share their art, and was introduced for the first time to its LGBT community. Through reading the stories of others in the community, Cass came to the conclusion that they were transgender. Though this didn't sit entirely right with them, either, they assumed it to be the only explanation.

Cass brought the issue up to their parents, and while they were caught off-guard, they ultimately supported their child and suggested seeing a psychologist to allow Cass to fully work out their feelings. Through conversations with the psychologist, Cass came to the realization that they were truly genderfluid, not transgender. (Genderfluid is considered to be under the umbrella term of transgender. I think what you were going for is "a transgender male" rather than just "transgender". Make sure to adjust it in the paragraph above this one too.) This diagnosis was even harder for their parents to comprehend, but after discussing it among themselves, they decided that the most important thing was that their child felt comfortable with who they were, daughter or not.

After they had time to fully process what they were feeling, Cassandra requested that others refer to her (Pronoun consistency! Change this to "them".) as "Cass", and with gender neutral pronouns. However, due to worry of their community's reaction, they are only out to their parents and closest friends. Everyone else knows them only as a girl named Cassandra, thinking "Cass" to be just a nickname. Despite this, Cass has decided to stop wearing their skirts and dresses, instead switching to an androgynous wardrobe that they felt suited them more. The change in the way they present has made Cass feel much more comfortable in their own skin, but it still causes them anguish when others refer to them as "her".

Cass maintained their interest in art up through high school, continuing to hone their skills. They typically spent several hours a day either drawing or painting, finding both forms to be interesting in their own ways. Although Cass sometimes amused themself by drawing fan art of characters from shows they liked, along with various other random sketches, their true passion was painting scenes that told a story all by themselves, seemingly still frames from a grander work. Cass loved to subtly, painstakingly introduce details into a painting to reveal information about its subjects. They were able to successfully capture both technical details and evoke emotions.

Though Cass identifies as asexual, and has never been in a relationship, they consider themself to be a hopeless romantic. They adore the concept of two human beings meeting and coming to truly understand and love each other, and will tirelessly consume any media that satisfactorily conveys that theme, be it a book, movie, show, or game. They do, however, have very tight standards about what they consider to be a quality romance, detesting media where two characters arbitrarily come together for the sake of having a romance subplot. It is the legitimate chemistry between people they enjoy, not the act of romance in itself.

Throughout high school, Cass consistently got high grades, due to constant study and effort. Socially, they keep a very small and very close circle of friends, often preferring quiet isolation to the company of others. Cass is otherwise still perfectly able to interact with other students, but is usually too anxious to truly express themself, a fact that they despise and spend an unhealthy amount of time lambasting themself over. After graduation, they intend to attend the best-regarded liberal arts college they can get accepted into.

Advantages: Due to their issues with expressing their opinion, Cass would function well in a group, and likely avoid causing any conflicts. They are highly analytical and detail-focused with their art, which has also influenced the way they look at the world. They are healthy and in shape due to years of biking.
Disadvantages: Cass has self-worth issues, and would thus lack the required confidence to be an effective leader. Their withdrawnness would make it difficult for them to forge effective connections on-island. Their romanticism may leave them open for manipulation by others.

(Something that I mentioned in the previous critique which I think you might have missed is that we don't really know a whole lot about how Cass thinks. Include a paragraph or two about how Cass generally thinks, behaves, and views the world, her philosophy, personality, and all that.)


Finish up this round of edits and I'll be back (and quicker this time!) to help you again.


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