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Barry Banks; Soccer star in the making
Topic Started: Apr 26 2015, 04:44 PM (411 Views)
Aura
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Name: Barry Banks
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Grade: Senior
School: Cochise High School
Hobbies and Interests: Soccer, school functions, classic TV shows, SJ Earthquakes memorabilia, college hunting

Appearance: At a glance, it would be easy for one to assume that Barry is an athlete, standing at 6'2" and weighing in at around 185 pounds, almost all of which is lean muscle. He is African-American, and his athletic build is accentuated by long, powerful legs, perfect for his chosen sport.

Barry has a fairly oval-shaped face thanks to his thin cheekbones and subtle jawline. His eyes are a light brown, almost hazel color. He has dark hair in a very short buzzcut, although he still has to shave it every few months when it grows back. His nose is slightly bent at an angle due to an incident where it was broken by an errant soccer ball.

Barry's usual attire consists of simple T-shirts and shorts, with a jacket added if the weather is cold. He always wears sneakers unless he's on the soccer field, in which case he'll swap them out for cleats. His only real preference in fashion is the color red, which makes up most of his shirts and his favorite jacket.

Biography: Upon discovering that she was pregnant, Jane Banks and her husband Louis were determined to make sure that their child had the best upbringing they could possibly have. They spent most of her pregnancy taking parenting classes and reading many books on the subject, and weighing the good and bad parts of all the information they gathered. In the end, they wound up finding so many conflicting viewpoints and methods that they discarded most of what they had found and decided that they would just do whatever they felt was right for their son.

Barry's early years were quite pleasant. Louis and Jane quickly discovered that they had pretty good instincts when it came to what they should do as parents, and Barry thrived as a result. He learned to read and walk quite quickly, and was an extremely well-mannered child. Everything was going rather well, but there was one thing that would eventually become the biggest influence on Barry's life: his desire to play soccer.

As long as he could remember, the only thing that Barry wanted to do with his life was play soccer. It all began when the family watched a game of the World Cup one afternoon, and little Barry was practically glued to the screen as he watched the players run the ball up and down the field. From there, he was hooked. By the time he was in grade school, he was already talking about how he would go pro and play in the World Cup. Once the MLS season began, he started to watch games on TV, and took a particular liking to the San Jose Clash, despite their less-than-stellar record. He did his best to follow their games, although he missed a couple after their name change to the San Jose Earthquakes, mainly because he did not realize that they were the same team at first. However, his love of the team persisted, and he started a habit of collecting team jerseys and bobbleheads. His most prized possession is a soccer ball that was signed by the team, which he keeps in a glass case in his room.

While his parents were happy that he had set a goal for himself to work towards, they were beginning to worry that he was becoming rather obsessive about it. There would be days at a time where Barry would seemingly talk about nothing but soccer, and they found this to be rather concerning. In order to prevent him from becoming too single-minded, Louis and Jane stepped in and made attempts to make sure that he was a fully well-rounded person. They suggested that he try multiple subjects in school that he hadn't thought of before, such as art and music. Fortunately, this worked, and Barry was able to adapt and become less obsessive about his soccer dreams, although he still did spend a lot of time playing and practicing.

It was around the time Barry entered middle school that his parents shared one of their own pastimes with him: watching vintage television shows. Although the definition of what qualified as vintage had changed since they were young, they still tried to enjoy it with him all the same. As a result, Barry became enchanted with the programs of the eighties and early nineties. From sitcoms like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to cartoons like Thundercats, it was a major new interest in Barry's life, and one that still lingers to the present day. Whenever he has down time or needs to rehab an injury, he usually spends that time tuning in to one of his favorite old shows.

In high school, Barry is still continuing his dreams of becoming a pro soccer player. He joined the Cochise High soccer team in his freshman year and has been a constant fixture ever since. He mostly plays forward due to his speed and kicking power, but he's also played defender on a few occasions. He has yet to miss a single game or even practice session since joining, and has earned the nickname "Iron Man" as a result. He has trained so much that the soles of his cleats have permanent green spots in some places due to constant grass stains. The coaches are appreciative of his enthusiasm for the game, but his teammates find him a tad annoying at times due to his over-the-top devotion to the game. In addition, he has become quite involved in working with school functions such as bake sales and field trip committees. He enjoys this work, and on some days will spend more time volunteering at school than he does at home.

Although Barry is extremely serious about soccer, outside of that he has a very friendly, easygoing personality. Almost nothing seems to anger or even annoy him, and he can laugh off pretty much any unfortunate thing that happens to him. He likes to see the best in people, so he is very open-minded and easy to talk to. However, he tends to be rather gullible as well, and has regularly been targeted by minor pranks from other students. However, since he sees them as only small jokes in the grand scheme of things, he is always able to laugh with them, even if the joke is at his expense.

Academically, Barry does quite well. He knows that he needs good grades to get into college, so he's quite diligent with his schoolwork. Between that and his habit of volunteering regularly around school, he is viewed in a rather favorable light by a good amount of the Cochise High faculty.

Now that Barry is in his senior year, he has begun to search for colleges that have good soccer programs. He gauges the colleges based on not only the quality of their programs, but also the surrounding area and their distance from his home. He finds this to be rather boring work, but if he can make it into a good school and use that to springboard into a pro career, then it will be worth it.

Advantages: Thanks to years of playing soccer, Barry is pretty athletic and has a lot of stamina to boot. His friendly nature could be useful in finding allies, and his ability to keep a cool head could help him avoid making rash decisions. In addition, his lofty ambitions for the future give him a drive to push himself forward, which could help him make it through the exhausting process that is SOTF.
Disadvantages: Barry's gullibility could potentially be his downfall, as he may be unable to realize that someone is planning to backstab him until it is too late. In addition, with his passive personality, he is not likely to fight unless he has already been attacked, which would put him at a disadvantage if such an event were to occur. Also, as a well-known athlete around school, people may see him as a potential threat and try to eliminate him early.
Edited by Aura, Apr 27 2015, 09:00 PM.
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MurderWeasel
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Heya, Aura! Before we give Barry a critique, could you make sure his profile exactly fits the template? Specifically, there's an extra line skipped between Appearance and Biography and between Biography and Advantages. Post when you've got those taken care of, and we'll make sure you get a critique. Thanks!
V7:
Juliette Sargent drawn by Mimi and Ryuki
Alton Gerow drawn by Mimi
Lavender Ripley drawn by Mimi
Phillip Olivares drawn by Ryuki
Library Vee
Misty Browder
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Aura
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Oops. Don't really know how that happened.

Fixed and ready for critique!
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Namira
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[+] Namira Disapproves

Close but no cigar. Barry's almost there, just needs a few adjustments here and there to be shipshape.

Firstly, he needs a numerical weight. While you're at it, a hair colour would be good - I can extrapolate from his ethnicity, but it's always nice to have the detail.

Soccer is huge for him, evidently, but how did he first become interested in soccer? I feel like that's a key missing piece of information, especially for something that became so huge for him so quickly. I think, considering that soccer is so central to his concept, Barry could use a little more detail in it in places. Does he have a favourite team or player? What's his best position? How do the coaches treat his level of dedication? How does he react to less dedicated teammates?

I'd like another interest fleshed out in the profile somewhere, as college hunting is a little bit flimsy as a full time hobby, even if it's something that takes up a lot of Barry's time, and that leaves only three decently-developed interests.

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Almost nothing seems to anger or even annoy him, and he can laugh of pretty much any unfortunate thing that happens to him. H


*laugh off


I would also like another advantage and disadvantage apiece.

Lemme know when you're all fixed up.
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Aura
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Edited and ready for review!
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Namira
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[+] Namira Slightly Disapproves

You've tackled most of the stuff I asked for, but there's still a couple of things unaccounted for from the initial set, so I'm going to have to bump you back again.

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I think, considering that soccer is so central to his concept, Barry could use a little more detail on it in places. Does he have a favourite team or player? What's his best position? How do the coaches treat his level of dedication? How does he react to less dedicated teammates?

I'd like another interest fleshed out in the profile somewhere, as college hunting is a little bit flimsy as a full time hobby, even if it's something that takes up a lot of Barry's time, and that leaves only three decently-developed interests.


Remember to add the other interest to the hobbies and interests section!
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Aura
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All fixed up and ready for another look!
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Namira
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[+] Namira approves


I am, however, going to suggest that you use pregame as an opportunity to develop further his interpersonal relationships (and hence, for the game itself, expand on that section a little bit). What's here is fine, but it's also slightly on the minimal side. Just something to bear in mind for the future.
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