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Min-jae Parker
Topic Started: Apr 26 2015, 01:12 PM (389 Views)
BetaKnight
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In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
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Min-Jae Parker is temporarily DENIED pending revisions.

This is a great start to the character but many different aspects require more detail and fleshing out. Also, the Advantages and Disadvantages do not work together. My questions and concerns are tagged in yellow.

Appearance: "He has three piercings in his right ear, two "spider bite" style piercings in his lower lip, and a tongue piercing."
Under the age of 18, piercings in Arizona require parental consent. Which of his parents took him to get these done? Since a single spider bite piercing consists of two side-by-side piercings, I’m assuming that there is one spider bite piercing on each side of his lower lip. Is this correct? Are all three ear piercings in the lobe or going up the cartilage? Please fix the locations of all of his piercings so that they are more specific.

I'd also like to get a skin tone for Min-Jae since it is never mentioned in the appearance section. The reason being that a lot of Goth aesthetic encourages have a very pale complexion. So I'd like to know if Jae uses pale foundation to achieve this look or if he just is very strenuous about avoiding the sun. The only makeup specifically mentioned that he wears is eyeliner, eyeshadow, and nail polish.

Moving on to his clothes, I have some questions as to where he acquires his wardrobe. Later in the profile, there's mention that his clothes are expensive. Within Goth culture, there's been some backlash against what's been termed "Hot Topic Goths" who are seen as less-legitimate than others due to the store's pop-culture affiliation. Also, it seems like there's a strong push to purchase goth fashions at thrift, second hand, and vintage stores and then re-purpose them to suit the aesthetic. What type of Goth is he? Does he have a more industrial aesthetic? Romantic? Punk? I'd like to see his wardrobe discussed a bit more in the biography portion since it sounds like it was a pretty radical change for him.


Biography: "The first year of Jae's life saw a good bit of financial strain on his parents, as Ethan was still finishing law school and Hye was a recent graduate (Graduate of what since later she works in a law firm? Is she also a lawyer?), and both were working entry-level positions to support themselves.

"It was apparent early on that he was artistically-inclined, and his parents encouraged his creativity."
In what way is he artistically-inclined? Does he sketch, paint, sculpt, build? What did his parents do to encourage this? Was he enrolled in lessons? Taken on enrichment trips? Had one-on-one time with a similarly-interested parent? Needs fleshing out.

"While Jae was happy to have more time with his mom and her illness only affected her severely every few months at the most, he had to learn how to be more self-sufficient during times that Ethan was at work and Hye was experiencing difficulties."
But how does Jae *feel* about his mom's illness? A diagnosis of MS can be a scary thing for a family, especially when a family member is in the middle of an episode and with all the changes it brings. And if both parents had previously been working before Hye's diagnosis, why is Jae having to become "more self-sufficient" now than he was when his mother was home less?

"Additionally, Jae began to show an interest in Buddhism; while Ethan considers himself agnostic, Hye is a practicing Buddhist. Religion is not often brought up among the family, and Jae could be considered a loose follower of Buddhist principles."
If Hye is a practicing Buddhist, why did it take so long for Jae to become involved? What made him chose *now* and continue to practice? How did the tenets of Buddhism affect his behavior? Doe he even attempt to apply them? Since this is not listed in the Hobbies and Interests portion of the profile, does this mean that Jae no longer practices Buddhism?

"He was able to form friendships with kids who shared similar interests, but he also quickly gained a reputation at his new school for being bossy and impulsive, and occasionally downright mean."
What interests did the share? Buddhism and cooking? I think the implication is art but at this point, it has only been explained that Jae is "artistic inclined", not that he has art as a hobby. Also, if Jae is verbally lashing out at people and is bossy, impulsive, and mean, how is he making any friends at all?

"Art had always been Jae's main outlet for stress. Though his behavior began to go downhill in middle school, he continued to work and develop as an artist, experimenting with different styles and mediums."
Why? What about art does Jae like? What is his current favorite style and medium? Does he display his pieces anywhere? Does he have any favorite artists and why is it *that* particular artist? This needs more info.

"His cooking skill also improved, and he began learning to make more elaborate meals and focusing more on traditional Korean cuisine."
What kind of elaborate meals? How often does he make elaborate meals? And what Korean dishes are his favorites? Why is his emphasis on traditional Korean cuisine? What about it appeals to him? Hobby needs more fleshing out.

"In his freshman year of high school, Jae was introduced to goth rock and metal music, and quickly got into the subcultures. He liked the dark tone of the music and the goth fashion, which he began to adopt into his everyday look. Though he had finally found his niche, at the time Jae didn't make many friends that shared his interests and he stuck with the same social circle he'd had before. Additionally, he had begun to drift apart from some of his friends, in part thanks to his continuing issues with needing to be in control of situations and difficulty keeping a handle on his temper."
Okay, wait. I have a couple of questions just about this part. First off, since goth rock and metal are his hobbies, I'm going to need a lot more information about that. What bands does he like? Any particular songs have special meaning for Jae? More details, please.

Second, who introduced him to the subculture? How’d he get involved? It says here that his friends weren't a part of the Goth niche, so I'm a little confused as to who his in was, especially since this section also states that he's drifting away from the few friends he does have.

Third, what did his parents think about this change in their child's appearance? How'd they react?


"During the same year, several instances of disciplinary action in close succession at school forced Jae's parents to acknowledge that his behavior had become an uncontrolled problem."
What instances? Is he fighting with other students? Having verbal outbursts? Please be specific. I'm going to be very honest in saying that at the school I work at, a Goth kid with anger management issues would be under A LOT of scrutiny.

"Jae began to embrace the goth subculture more fully as he went through high school, developing his own fashion sense and incorporating gothic elements into his art."
Such as.....? Provide examples of both his fashion sense and what he's incorporating into his art, please.

"Aside from butting heads over his behavior, Jae has a healthy and close relationship with both his parents. His mother and father do their best to be understanding of the causes behind his anger issues...."
Which are…..what, exactly? Why is this kid so angry? Surely after nearly three years in therapy, he must have some answers. Also, I'd like more details about his close relationship with his parents, please.

"With the help of counseling and just generally maturing, Jae is gradually becoming more laidback and positive, though he can still be quick to lose his temper and is quite sharp-tongued when roused, and he tends to get defensive easily. However, he is learning to recognize when he has crossed the line, and he usually tries to own up and make amends when it happens. He is gentler with people that he is close with than strangers, but his general attitude is a turn-off to some." So which is it? Is he laid back and positive or quick to anger and defensive? Who is he close to? From the profile, it doesn’t sound like he has many friends. Also, these constant outbursts, how often is he “roused”?

"His biggest personal struggle in recent years has been with his sexuality; Jae has never been especially interested in dating, and recently he has begun to consider that it is because he is attracted to men rather than women. He is very conflicted about this and has been making a concentrated effort to be into girls rather than really explore the likely possibility that he is gay."
Okay, boy has been in therapy for four years for anger management issues but doesn’t think this is maybe something he should talk to his therapist about? How many years has this particular issue been a struggle? Since he's so close to his parents, why hasn't he talked to them about this?

"Jae's impulsiveness still sometimes gets him in trouble, and he still has a bit of a reputation as a bully. He sometimes feels as if he is just stuck with the image that others have of him, so he doesn't always make as much of an effort to stay out of altercations as he should. He also talks a lot, especially when he is nervous or anxious, which can annoy some people. If people can get past that, however, Jae is generally pretty friendly and always willing to talk about art or music with those who are interested."
In the previous paragraph of the profile, you stated that Jae is more laid back. How is this more laid back? Isn't this something that should be getting worked on with his therapist? How often is Jae getting into altercations? Have Jae and the therapist not worked on his impulse control issue? Also, these traits don't really combine in a way that says "friendly". You might want to reconsider how this is worded.

"He is considering taking a year off to travel."
Where to? How do his parents, both of whom have degrees and are professionals, feel about his plans?

Advantages/Disadvantages: There is a lot of stuff in this section that contradicts other information in this section. I'll tag the conflicting info in the same colors.

Advantages: Jae is fairly self-sufficient and doesn't suffer from spending time away from others. He may be able to use the anger management techniques he has learned to keep himself calm under stress. He has a control-oriented attitude, which may help him organize allies and assume a leadership role if necessary.
Disadvantages: Jae is impulsive and doesn't always think before jumping into things. He is not very fit or athletic. His anger problems and reputation as a mouthy bully may bias other people against him.

Not being fit or athletic isn't a disadvantage. This section needs to be reworked so that it's not contradicting itself.


I think that about covers it. Thanks for bearing with me. Once you have made the necessary edits to your profile, drop a reply in the thread and I'll give Min-jae another going over.
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